Chapter 6

I was in school when I got a message saying that my father was dead. It was in the afternoon right before lunch time. When I was 10.

I remember the exact conversation the principal had with me:

"Clove…your father, he's-"

"Oh, he's at work in the Nut." I cutted her off. "He's going to retrieve me after school ends."

"No, he won't. Not today, sweetie."

"What do you mean 'he won't'? He does that everday! Because he loves me!" I protested.

"Clove, I'm so sorry…"

I shot my principal a confused look.

"Your father's dead."

"W-what? No! You're lying!"

"Oh, I wish I was Clove. See, there was a drastic incident in the Nut this morning, and…your father was inside when it happened."

I looked down to the floor, tears built up in my eyes. Before she could explain anything further, I ran. I didn't know where to run, but I just had to go somewhere. The tears that were forming in my eyes created a wall of mist, which made my vision blurry. I finally stopped and came across our school restroom.

I went in and shut the door behind me, locking it. I stayed in back of the door, so nobody will be able to come in if someone went looking for me. I leaned my back against the door and slid to the ground. I allowed myself to cry.

It was the first time I realized how loud and how much a person can cry.

I couldn't stop myself from crying. Every time I tried to calm myself down, new tears would be forming and racing down my cheeks when all the good memories I had with my father came popping into my mind.

I felt as if my whole world was crashing down. Like a flood of tears came washing over my heart, filling it with grief, destroying everything in it's path.

This is exactly how I feel now.

I shut the door of my suite in the Capitol train and allow myself to cry.

I run to the bed and lay on my stomach, crying my eyes out into the soft velvet of the blanket.

I hear a knock on the door. "Dinner will be ready in 15 minutes!" It's Galea.

I try to sound as normal as I possibly can. "Okay," I shout through the door.

She leaves the door. I can hear her heels make a click-clack sound as she walks away.

Dinner in 15 minutes? I still have time left.

I calm down, and survey my suite. I've never seen anything like it before. Velvet blanket, crystal chandelier, new television, a drawer with clothes in it, and my own bathroom.

I'm thinking about bathing before dinner. Maybe I should. I walk back to the drawer and pick out some clothes-a brown v-necked shirt and black pants-and walk into the bathroom.

I look around and can't help but let out a "Wow." Tiled floor, marble vanity counter, and gold-colored shower. I look in the shower, and see a bunch of different buttons. Some red, some blue, some green, some yellow.

Once I find the button that actually turns the water on, I step in.

When I'm done rinsing my body, I move to my hair. I move my head under the water and close my eyes.

The water rushing down my face reminds me of the river that Caleb and I used to walk to. We'd take our mother there sometimes, and she'd bring a little bit of food. After my father's death, this was when I was at my most happiest and peaceful.

When I'm done rinsing my hair, I step out of the shower. I catch myself in the mirror and just stare at my naked body. I look at my neck, my collar bone sticks out, and when I inhale the bones inside my neck are visible. I move my eyes down to my stomach, and look at how flat it is. I look down to my legs, and notice how bony it is. I need to get some food in me.

When I'm dressed up, I tie my hair into a ponytail. I look normal again. I put my reaping dress in a hamper and walk out the bathroom door. I give myself one last look in the mirror in my bedroom, and sigh. "Well, this is as good as it's gonna get."

Even though I said that, I'm not really insecure about my body. I think I look absolutely fine, a little bit on the bony side, but only because we get new food once a week in Two.

I walk out of my suite and find that everyone's sitting on the dinner table, except Cato. I walk out of the hallway and hear a door open. I turn around and see Cato behind me. I stop and stare at him, and then his clothes. We're wearing the same exact thing.

Cato notices this too and grins. "Hm, I like your taste in clothing. You sure you didn't spy on me while I was changing?"

I roll my eyes. "Ew! What person in the right mind would do that?" I whine.

He raises his eyebrows and smirks. "Ha! Look who's talking," he says.

I stare at him, confused. He still stands there smirking at me.

Then it hits me, and I realize what he means. I'm not in the right mind. I throw knives, for crying out loud. I don't mind the insult, though. Everybody has a little insanity in them, even Cato. I just haven't seen it yet.

I try to think of a good comeback, but I can't think of anything, because I agree with him.

I look back at him and see him smile. Not just any smile-a devilish kind of smile.

"Huh, that's what I thought." he says with a tone of victory.

I roll my eyes again and turn around to start walking towards the dinner table.