Simpsons vs. Harry Potter Survivor
Episode 12
Brian: We have six days remaining here in Egypt, and we are only episode away from the finale. The pressure has started to get to some of our survivors, including Hermione, who has been reluctant to discuss strategy or voting.
For the reward challenge, the survivors had to climb up trees in the palm tree forest and retrieve one of three golden coconuts. Bart was the first to grab a coconut and escape the forest, and was allowed a cell phone call home, which he used as another opportunity to prank call Moe's Tavern in Springfield.
In the immunity challenge, the six castaways had to balance on a wooden beam for long as possible. Despite Harry trying to persuade otherwise, Lisa Simpson, the resident know-it-all of Springfield, was the last one standing on the platform and claimed the immunity necklace.
The tribal council was geared up to be another Bart vs. Harry showdown, and that's exactly what it was. It was a close vote, but thanks to Bart and Lisa being on the same page and Neville's surprising vote for Hermione, the Boy Who Lived did not live in Egypt long enough to see the end of this game and was eliminated by a 3-2-1 vote. Can Hermione cope without her boyfriend? Will Neville explain why he voted for Hermione? With five survivors left, which one will be left out of the final episode? The answer to these questions and much more….right now!
Day 34
(Hermione is the first to wake up in the Sphinx Tribe shelter. She steps out, careful not to wake the others and goes to the spring to swim and relax.)
Hermione: Last night was my roughest night ever here in Egypt. It was very lonely without Harry beside me, and I'll admit to crying on more than one occasion. Fortunately, I think all the sadness is out of my system now and I can get back to the task of winning the money.
(Hermione is soon joined in the spring by Lisa.)
Lisa: Hey, how are you holding up?
Hermione: (smiles) A far sight better than I was right after tribal council.
Lisa: I'm sorry about voting for Harry, but…
Hermione: (interrupting) You don't have to apologize Lisa. You were just playing the game and sticking up for your brother. In fact, I'm a bit more concerned about the vote that I got last night. It must have been either Crabbe or Neville who cast that vote because Harry and I voted for your brother and I'm sure you and Bart voted for Harry, right? (Lisa nods)
Neville: So, you all are probably wondering why I voted for Hermione. I don't have anything against her, but it was just a consequence of circumstances. It started after the immunity challenge when Crabbe kept badgering me to vote for Harry, which I would never do. Harry has been a friend of mine at Hogwarts since first year. However, Crabbe did make a very convincing argument for joining Bart's side, so I found it hard to get myself to vote for Bart. I had earlier promised Crabbe that we would stick together, so he wasn't an option, and I couldn't vote for Lisa because she had immunity. Therefore, by process of elimination, that left Hermione. Sadly, by avoiding the whole Bart vs. Harry vote, I inadvertently sealed Harry's fate. I feel guilty about voting for Hermione, but it would certainly be to my benefit not to confess the truth to her. The only person that knows what I did is Crabbe, and it's going to stay that way.
(Crabbe is out fishing by the Nile River when Bart pats him on the back and joins him.)
Bart: (casting his line) Good vote last night. Everything went according to plan.
Crabbe: Who do we go after next?
Bart: I was thinking Hermione (pauses), but then again you might have already done that.
Crabbe: (shakes head) I promised not to say this, but it was Neville who voted for Hermione.
Bart: (puzzled) I wonder what compelled him to do that.
Crabbe: It might have been indecisiveness. I tried to persuade him to vote for Harry, but he refused to budge.
Bart: No offense, but I'm kind of surprised you know the word 'indecisiveness.'
Crabbe: (smirks) Trust me, you're not the first person I've surprised with my intellect. I've actually passed all of my OWLs at Hogwarts fairly easily, but for some reason people still think I'm as dumb as a fencepost. I mean, I'm not among the smartest in my year at Hogwarts, but I can hold my own in class. (Bart nods, the conversation ends and they both go back to fishing)
Day 35: Reward Challenge
Brian: Today's reward challenge will be the last one of the competition for our survivors. In store for our five remaining castaways is a thorough test of their survival skills. A pleasant surprise awaits whoever emerges from this challenge victorious. It looks like our five castaways are about to arrive.
(Hermione, Crabbe, Neville, Bart and Lisa arrive at challenge site.)
Brian: Castaways, today's reward is your last one, and it also arguably the most difficult one. You all must perform a gauntlet of tasks necessary to surviving in the wild. First, you will build a shelter to accommodate yourself. Then, you must gather enough food to fill your bucket (points to five decent-sized buckets in the corner); finally, you must build a fire. Once the fire is done, you will race over to those five flags (points to flags slightly downshore from challenge site) and grab the one with your name it. The first tribe member to grab the flag and place it in the sand in front of his or her shelter wins the reward. You want to know what that reward is?
Bart: Duh…of course we do!
Brian: Fine, no need to be such a prick about it. (walks towards the forest a bit) COME ON OUT EVERYONE! (The five castaways are amazed to see all the survivors who were previously voted off: Ralph Wiggum, Gregory Goyle, Milhouse van Houten, Ned Flanders, Luna Lovegood, Ron Weasley, Homer Simpson, Draco Malfoy, Moe Syzlak, Nelson Muntz and Harry Potter. Hermione is particularly shocked to see Luna, who has made a remarkable recovery from the snake attack on Day 15.)
Brian: In case you haven't figured it out already, the winner of the challenge gets to spend the rest of the day with one of the previously eliminated contestants. Furthermore, the five of you may choose two of the previously eliminated survivors to help you with this challenge. Your assistants can help you with everything except getting the flag and placing it in the sand. You will pick your two castaways in the order that you finished the last immunity challenge. Lisa, since you won that challenge, you may choose your assistants first.
(Lisa rubs her chin, pondering who she wants to pick.)
Lisa: I'll go with Milhouse and Flanders. (Bart seems a little perturbed that Lisa beat him to Milhouse. Lisa responds by sticking her tongue out in typical younger sibling fashion.)
Brian: Bart, your turn to pick.
Bart: Moe and Nelson (the members of Bart's former alliance join him by his side.)
Brian: Next to choose is…Hermione.
Hermione: (smiles) Brian, I think it's pretty obvious who I want to help me, but for formality's sake, I'll say their names anyway. Harry and Ron. (Harry and Ron, grinning ear to ear, rush over to join Hermione. The three share a hug.)
Ron: The Golden Trio rides again!
Brian: Neville Longbottom, your turn to pick assistants. You have Ralph, Goyle, Luna, Homer and Draco.
Neville: This is a tough decision, but I'll have to go with Luna and Ralph. (Luna joins Neville, albeit with some hesitation. Ralph is busy picking his nose, but eventually joins them as well.)
Ralph: I snorted this white powder once, and it made me see pink elephants. (Neville and Luna exchange bewildered looks.)
Neville: (shakes his head) I'm doomed.
Brian: Crabbe, pick your assistants so we can get started.
Crabbe: Goyle and Homer. (Goyle and Homer stand by Crabbe, leaving Malfoy alone with Brian.)
Brian: Alright, now that everything's set and everyone knows the rules, SURVIVORS READY….GO!
[The challenge officially begins on Brian's signal, but it doesn't seem like it as the five survivors and their teams spend the first few minutes strategizing about how they will approach the challenge.]
Hermione: Okay, so the shelter is definitely going to be the most difficult part of the challenge, so we'll work on that together. Then, I'll get the fire going while you two gather the food. Sounds good?
Harry: Sounds brilliant! [The Golden Trio then set about gathering the materials for their shelter. However, not all of the teams are starting as smoothly.]
Neville: Well, first things first, Luna, I deeply apologize for attacking you with the snake and…
Luna: You don't need to apologize Neville. Harry and Ron told me everything about Malfoy controlling you with the Imperius Curse.
Neville: Really? Oh man, what a relief! Anyway, we should probably get started with….(looks around) where the hec is that Ralph kid?
Ralph: (standing next to Brian) I have a dog that looks just like you. Say "Woof Woof"
Brian: Kid, you should probably get back to helping Neville with the challenge.
Ralph: (expression changes from innocent to angry) Say "Woof Woof" or I'll sick the leprechaun on you.
Brian: (eyes wide as saucers) Woof Woof! Woof Woof! Woof Woof! You happy now?
Ralph: (claps hands) Yeah!
[Back at the challenge, the teams of Bart, Lisa and Hermione are about neck and neck in building their shelters. The teams of Crabbe and Neville fall way behind as Homer has fallen asleep and Ralph is now buring himself in the sand, leaving both teams a man down. By a small margin, Hermione's team finish the shelter first. As planned, Hermione begins to gather firewood for the fire while Harry grabs a fishing pole and Ron goes into the forest to gather edible plants. The teams of Lisa and Bart finish their shelter at about the same time. Crabbe and Goyle finish up the shelter fourth, and Neville and Luna bring up the rear. With her vast knowledge of the local flora, Lisa is able to obtain edible plants quickly and her team eventually passes Hermione's for the lead. Harry, however, comes through with his fishing to keep Hermione's team close while Bart's team is still very much in the hunt. The three teams fill up their buckets of food at roughly the same time. Unfortunately for Lisa, her team has some trouble with the fire and fall behind. As she did in an earlier reward challenge, Hermione is first to get the fire going and dashes off for the flag. Just a few moments later, Bart sparks his fire and sprints furiously to catch up with Hermione. Hermione gets her flag first and starts running back to her shelter. Bart grabs his flag quickly, striving to catch up to Hermione, but he can't quite catch up. Hermione raises her flag and claims her second individual reward challenge win. Harry and Ron embrace her once she is done raising the flag and the Golden Trio jump up and down in jubilation.]
Brian: Congratulations Hermione! As promised, you get to pick one of the eleven eliminated castaways to spend time with for the rest of the day. I'm going to go out on a limb here and say you're going to pick Harry.
(Harry, Ron and Hermione converse briefly before Hermione makes her decision.)
Hermione: Actually Brian, I believe there is someone who deserves this above everyone else, and that person is Luna. She is one of the sweetest people I know. She's been through a lot recovering from her injuries, not to mention that she was never actually voted off the competition. So, assuming Luna wants to…
Luna: (pleasantly surprised) Oh Hermione, of course I would.
Brian: Alright then, Luna gets to spend the rest of the day with Hermione. Castaways, back to camp. Everyone else, out of here!
(Before leaving, Hermione hugs Ron and kisses Harry.)
Hermione: See you guys soon.
Ron: Not too soon Hermione. (Hermione nods in understanding before turning around and heading back to camp with Luna.)
Night 35
Lisa: It's so great to see Luna fully recovered from her injuries! It was a very nice and selfless decision by Hermione to pick her to spend the day with us over Harry and Ron. It must have been a hard decision as well given how much she misses both Harry and Ron every day.
Hermione: I couldn't bring myself to pick Harry or Ron to accompany me back to camp. They would have to leave in the morning and I would have to go through the whole cycle of sadness that I just endured a couple of days ago. Besides, it has been great to catch up with Luna, especially after that snake attack.
(Darkness reigns over the Nile River. Everyone is circled around the camp fire at the Sphinx Tribe campsite and taking turns telling stories.)
Crabbe: …and so one minute I was eating a floating cupcake, and the next Goyle and I were locked in a closet butt naked. It was one of the most bizarre moments of my life. That was the last time I stayed in the Great Hall past nine o'clock.
Hermione: You know, I can kind of explain what happened. It's a long story involving me, Harry, Ron and some polyjuice potion.
Crabbe: (chuckles) Ha, I had a gut feeling you three were involved in it somehow.
Hermione: Actually, it was just Harry and Ron. I accidentally grabbed some cat hair off a Slytherin girl's robes and ended up turning into a cat. I was coughing up hairballs for weeks. (everyone laughs)
Neville: Oh, so that's why you were in the hospital wing for a month. (more laughter) Enough about that though…what's going on with you Luna?
Luna: Not that much really. I was released from the hospital just a few days ago, and all I've been doing is recovering at home while helping Dad with the latest issue of the Quibbler. (blushes slightly) Well, that and I've been spending plenty of time with Ron. He visited me in the hospital nearly every day, and having him around really helped speed up my recovery.
Hermione: Awwww…it's so nice to hear that you two are getting along so well.
Luna: That's not all. Ron was also able to talk my dad into letting me try out for Ravenclaw's Quidditch team this upcoming school year, probably as a Chaser.
Hermione: Brilliant! I really hope you make the team.
Neville: (jokingly) Just don't do too well against Gryffindor, okay? I don't think your boyfriend would appreciate you scoring so many goals on him. (Neville, Hermione and Luna laugh)
Bart: Hey, Lisa and I got a great story for you guys. It's about the time Homer nearly doomed Springfield by polluting the lake. We then got chased out of town and ended up moving to Alaska. However, we came back to Springfield later just as the government was about to blow up the town in its giant glass dome. Then, Homer and I manage to save the town by throwing the bomb just outside the glass dome. It took us nearly a year to rebuild the whole town after that debacle.
Luna: How come there were never any news stories about this?
Lisa: Let's just say the US government is very good at keeping secrets.
Hermione: Sounds just like the Ministry of Magic.
Bart: Yep…if there's one thing Muggles and wizards share, it's a distrust of the government. (more laughter as the six of them continue to talk well into the night before hitting the hay.)
Day 36: Immunity Challenge
Brian: (on his laptop) I will never understand how Instagram became so popular. I mean, it just takes your photos and makes them look like they were taken in the 1950s.
Cameraman: For once Brian, I agree with you. By the way, we need to start the immunity challenge.
Brian: (looks in the distance and sees the castaways coming) Oh wow, it is that time again, isn't it? (Brian walks over to what appears to be a card table you would find in a casino) Over here, Sphinx Tribe! (Brian, Crabbe, Neville, Bart, Lisa and Hermione take a seat at the table with Brian alone on one side of the table) Now, how many of you have been to Vegas before?
Crabbe: Where?
Bart: Well, my dad went there once with Flanders. They both got crazy drunk and married some hookers.
Hermione: (snorts) Sounds like a charming town…
Bart: WHAT?
Hermione: I was being sarcastic.
Brian: Okay, so you all are probably unfamiliar with today's immunity challenge. Since our producers have run out of ideas for Survivor-esque challenges, today we're going to play a round of blackjack. In front of you lies $500 cash. Before each hand of blackjack, you will bet some or all of your $500 on you to win the hand. You win a hand of blackjack by getting 21 or being the closet to 21 without going over 21. You will each be given two cards initially, with 1-10 equaling the face value, jacks, queens, and kings are 10 each and aces can count as one point or eleven points. You may ask for an additional card if you wish to increase your score. However, if you go over 21, that is a bust and you are out for that hand. The survivor who has all the money at the end wins immunity. Is everyone clear on the rules?
Neville: Okay, so explain how the number 21 is so important again?
Brian: (looks at watch) Look, I've scheduled to play 18 holes of golf with Jeff Probst in an hour, so we got to get this show on the road. I'll just remind you of the rules as we go along. Place your bets for the first hand. [Hermione and Lisa bet $50, Bart bets $250, Crabbe bets $300 and Neville bets $100] All bets are off. Here come your cards.
[Fast forward a few hands. Crabbe and Bart have both been eliminated early on. Hermione is down to her last $25, Lisa is down to $100, and Neville has the rest of the money. Hermione and Lisa both go all in while Neville only bets $50. Brian distributes the cards. Hermione has a 9 and a 6, Lisa a 10 and an 8, and Neville a 7 and a 4. Hermione asks for another card, but it's a king, so she is eliminated. Lisa decides to stay put with her 18. Neville has no choice but to request another card, and that card is….a queen, giving Neville 21, thus eliminating Lisa.]
Brian: Good job Neville! You win immunity and you are guaranteed a spot in the final four! (hands immunity necklace to Neville, who puts it around neck.]
Later that Day at Camp
(Neville is lying down and relaxing in the shelter when he is suddenly poked hard in the ribs. He wakes up and looks to see a rather peeved Hermione.)
Hermione: Neville, why in the bloody hell did you vote for me?
Neville: (sits up with a confused look on his face) I think the better question is how on earth did you find out?
Hermione: I heard it from Lisa, who apparently heard it from Bart, who found out about it while fishing with Crabbe who was told about it by you.
Neville: (still confused) Well….wait what?
Hermione: I heard about it from Lisa, who heard it from Bart….please don't ask me to say it again. It's not important how I found out. I just want to know why you did it.
Neville: I'm sorry Hermione. It's just…I couldn't decide between Harry and Bart, Lisa had immunity and Crabbe and I were in an alliance, so
Hermione: (rolls her eyes) Oh my gosh…ENOUGH WITH THE DAMN SECRET ALLIANCES! (Neville is taken aback by Hermione's display of anger and sits back down on the shelter. Hermione's eyes widen in shock.) Oh wow…I'm sorry about getting so worked up over one measly vote Neville. It's just that I wish everyone's votes were determined more by merit rather than alliances.
Neville: (nods) Yeah, I see where you're coming from Hermione. Besides, you're not the one I'm upset with anyway.
Tribal Council
(The five members of the Sphinx Tribe enter the hut with their torches and take their seats. Brian, as always, enters through the side door.)
Brian: Now let's bring in our jury, which is now officially bigger than the Sphinx Tribe with six members. (Ron, Homer, Draco, Moe, Nelson and Harry enter through side door and take their seats beside Brian.)
Well, well, well…This has got to be the most important tribal council vote yet. I was just informed by our producers a few minutes ago that not only will the person eliminated tonight miss out on the final four, but he or she will also miss out on the cash payments that the top four survivors will receive. (Excitement is clear on the faces of the five survivors.) In addition to the one million dollar payoff for winning, second place will receive $100,000, third place gets $50,000 and fourth place $25,000. So Neville, assuming you…
Neville: (interrupting) Duh, of course I'm keeping immunity.
Brian: As I was saying, this means Neville, as the winner of today's immunity, you are guaranteed a cash payoff. You also get to lead off the voting, which will begin…NOW!
[Neville walks up to the voting booth, grabs a piece of paper, writes down his vote and reveals it to the camera: CRABBE.] You promised not to tell anyone I voted for Hermione. You may have changed for the better, but deep down you're still a bit of a rotten git. [folds up vote and puts it in bucket.]
[Shot of Hermione voting, Lisa voting, Crabbe voting, then Bart writes down his vote and reveals it: HERMIONE.] Hermione, you're one of the nicest, smartest, most honest people I've ever met. Unfortunately, you are also my primary competition for the million dollars. Nothing personal…just playing the game. [folds up vote, puts it in the bucket and heads back to his seat. Brian then enters the voting booth to tally the votes, returning a short while later with the bucket.]
Harry: (whispering to Ron) I get the feeling Hermione might be in trouble here.
Ron: (shakes his head) No way mate…I made a promise to Luna that either me, you or Hermione was going to win this. It can't possibly end like this.
Brian: You could the tension in this hut with a knife right now. I'll now read the votes. (grabs first vote out of bucket.) First vote…Hermione…second vote…is another one for Hermione. (Hermione is so nervous she looks down at the floor.) Next vote….Crabbe….fourth vote…another for Crabbe…that makes two for Crabbe and two for Hermione with one vote left…and that one vote is for…Crabbe! I'm sorry man, but I'm going to need your torch.
(Crabbe is given a round of applause from both the tribe members and the jury as he walks up to Brian with his torch.)
Brian: Before I snuff your torch, I have to commend you on your performance in this competition Crabbe. Even though you came up short, you went way further than a lot of people expected you to go.
Draco: Certainly further than I expected you to go. (Crabbe glares angrily at Draco.)
Brian: By the way, you have my permission to beat the living snot out of him on your way out. Vincent Crabbe, the tribe has spoken. (extinguishes torch) It's time for you to go. (Crabbe leaves, but not before knocking Draco out with a punch right to the face. He gets a high-five from Ron as he walks out via the side door.) To the rest of you, congratulations on making it to the final four! You may now head back to camp and celebrate. (Bart, Lisa, Hermione and Neville grab their torches and head back to camp. Brian and the jury leave through the side door, except for Draco, who is dragged out the door by an unlucky intern.)
END OF EPISODE TWELVE
Tribal Council #12 Voting
Candidate (# of votes)
Crabbe (3)
Hermione
Neville
Lisa
Hermione (2)
Bart
Crabbe
Who will take home the million dollars? Tune in to the final episode of Simpsons vs. Harry Potter Survivor to find out.