Anko Plus Gennin Equals: Pure Chaos!

by Shashuko the Paisley Maiden

Mitarashi Anko: crazy lady, crazy former pupil of Orochimaru, and now crazy teacher of three crazy kunoichi. What will happen to these girls, who are all very creepy in their own way? Will they become even crazier than Anko herself? Read to find out!

9. Team Four: Karaoke and Chuunin Exams

Me: Here's chappy 9! I had a lotta fun riting this one.

Kiiro: Remember, Kishimoto (and Sasuke) owns Naruto. Kuro-chan is based off a real person, who owns Aki. Shashuko owns me, Banshou, Daidaiiro, Honemashi, Kon-chan, and a Haku voodoo doll. That's it.

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Daidaiiro pulled out a scroll and put his hand over it. Two puppets came out: they looked like a giant rat and a six-foot-tall man with shaggy brown hair. "Welcome to my puppet show! It's the end of the exams for you."

Kon glared at Daidaiiro, but she stood stock-still, waiting for him to make his first move.

"By the way, you never answered my question. Are you a guy or a girl?"

Kon reached into her pouch and threw senbon at Daidaiiro. The giant rat puppet moved to block it.

"Be careful, she-male, Nezumi is the fastest puppet owned by a non-missing-nin."

Kon smirked. "Well, then! Sen'eijashu!" A horde of snakes came out of Kon's arms and slammed Nezumi into the wall. "Since he's so fast, he must be light! And therefore weak!" She swung her arm and the snakes slammed the puppet into the other wall. The force of the impact jarred the arms of the puppet off...

"Hey, isn't that one of Anko-sensei's techniques?" Kiiro pointed out. "The one she always surprised us with in the morning?"

"She must've taught it to Ouji-sama for the exams," Kuroppi reasoned.

Honemashi stared at Kuroppi. "In a week?"

"Well, Ouji-sama here had the best learning ability in our class, so why not?" Kiiro pointed out. "She probably learned it on the trip over! ... Where are they again?"

"They're in Suna, you idiot," Kuroppi said. "That's why a Suna-nin is commentating!"

"... I knew that!"

The other puppet ran at Kon, who raised an eyebrow. It moved to crush her with his fist--

And went right through a basic clone.

"Huh! Where'd she go?" Daidaiiro said, looking around him to find nothing. Kon's voice echoes through the stands.

"A puppeteer is always open... and he controls his puppets with his fingers." Kon shot out of the ground and struck Daidaiiro's left wrist with the back of her hand. The man puppet went flat.

Daidaiiro reached for another scroll, quick as lighting.

Kon was quicker. She grabbed all of Daidaiiro's scrolls, faded out, and reappeared twenty feet away.

The puppet user smiled to himself and used chakra strings to open the scrolls.

"Using chakra strings to open a scroll? I didn't even know that was possible!" Kiiro gasped.

"Daidaiiro's clan, the Akasuna, make the all of the puppets in Suna, too," Haku told Kiiro.

"They have problems," Honemashi added.

Out of the scrolls popped nearly fifty puppets.

"You're dead," Daidaiiro informed Kon softly, yet in a playful tone.

The puppets lunged towards Kon altogether. She began doging.

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Kon swerved around a puppet with swords for arms. 'There's something very strange about this,' she thought. 'They're moving almost as if it's to a rythm...'

She looked at Daidaiiro's hands and saw that his eyes were half-closed and he was humming as she moved his fingers up and down very quickly. He also moved his hands from side to side as he made the finger-twitching movements.

'Like he's playing a piano...' Kon mused to herself. 'WAIT! That's it!'Now, what song is he playing?'

She focused her chakra into her ears and listened as intetly as she could without getting hit by the puppets swinging various light and sharp or heavy and blunt objects at her. She heard these notes:

E, E, F, G, G, F, E, D, C, C, D, E, E, D D;

E, E, F, G, G, F, E, D, C, C, D, E, D, C, C.

"Beethoven's Ninth Symphony, Ode to Joy?" Kon chuckled.

Daidaiiro's eyes widened, and he smirked. "So you've figured me out," he chuckled. "Do you know this one?"

The puppet came at Kon faster and she continues to dodge.

"Judging by the speed of the puppets moving and your finger movements... the 'Pirates of the Carribean' theme?" Kon asked, smirking and shaking her head.

"Yep, you guessed it. Here's one you probably don't know!" Daidaiiro moved his finger faster and faster.

"Flight of the Bumblebee?" Kon asked, continuign to dodge of course.

"Wow, you are good. Oh, well, I'll just have to up the tempo!" The puppets attacking Kuroppi accelated at an alarming rate.

Kon rolled her eyes. "This is getting old. Sen'ei Ta-Jashu!" Snakes came out of her sleeves again, but this time, there were at least ten times more. They moved to create a dome around her, which compacted tightly, the flung out in all directions.

The puppets were all thrown into the rocks surrounding the arena. A good deal of them were smashed and Kon's snakes dissappeared.

Daidaiiro rolled his eyes. "I can still use them when they're cracked you know," he said impatiently.

Kon smirked. "Can you, now?" Daidaiiro narrowed his eyes and tried to move his fingers to pick up his puppets.

His eyes widened. "What the---?" his jaw stiffened and was unmovable. 'I can't move anything!'

"When I threw those senbon, I used some chakra string of my own to send one around that puppet you used to block. I pricked you so quickly you didn't bleed or even feel it," Kon explained, smirking. "My senbon are all coated with a meek paralyzing potion. It'll wear off in half an hour, but if I intended to kill you or to run away, I would find no resistance on your fight. I've won. By the way---"

She disappeared, then appeared behind him and smack him upside the head. He was sent flying ten meters into the air. "--- I'm not a she-male, nor am I male in anyway. I'm a girl."

Daidaiiro came down hard, making a soft 'thud' sound when he hit the sand on the ground.

Kankurou glared at the victor. "THIS MATCH'S VICTOR IS HEBITSUKAI KON!" he boomed into the megaphone he was holding. He turned it off and made a face at Kon.

"I lost my bet," he complained, "How was I supposed to know you'd beat my student?" The cat-boy turned his megaphone back on. "THIS CONCLUDES THIS ROUND OF THE CHUUNIN EXAMS THIRD TRIAL, THE TOURNAMENT! THE NEXT SET OF MATCHES WILL TAKE PLACE IN TWO DAYS' TIME!!!" He smiled at the croud and made a victory or peace sign. "BE SURE TO WATCH!"

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"The v for victory sign..." Kuroppi noted. "The hyperness and the general volume... he reminds me of Kiiro."

"Then she had problems too," Honemashi supplied.

Kiiro chuckled. "Yes, I do. I'm kind of proud of it, actually."

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Orochimaru chuckled and turned off his TV.

"Kukuku... our Kon-chan is becoming quite the prodigy, don't you think?"

Kabuto nodded. "She's brilliant."

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"HAHAHAHA-HA!" laughed a certain pyromaniac blonde. "Of course your cousin would be beaten by someone who so looks like Orochimaru, un. Right, Sasori no Danna?"

Sasori shrugged (or, rather, Hiruko, which he was inside of, shrugged). "Daidaiiro was always an idiot," he said, "Just like you, Deidara."

"HEY, un! Take that back!"

"... No."

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"Ribon wo misunde... waratte mitara

Kawatta watashi ni, ageta ki gashi ta

Chiisana yuuki ga, jishin ni naru--" Kiiro sang into the microphone.

"That... song..." Kuroppi said. "Isn't that that one song you sing to torture Kon-chan?"

"...Why are we here again?" Honemashi asked, sweatdropping.

Aki, Kiiro, Kuroppi, Fuyu, Honemashi, and Haku were in a small room at a Karaoke place.

Kiiro stopped the music player and refrained form singing the song (which made Kon very relieved).

"Well, I vowed I'd show Haku how to have fun! Well, how to get a life, techinically. So, I said, 'Why don't we go to a karaoke bar?' And Aki-sama was all, 'Sure, why not? I know a good place,' and so we all followed her here and payed for a room and then I started singing the-song-I-was-singing-before-I-was-so-rudely-interrupted!" she said the last part more looudly than usual, glaring at Kuroppi.

Kuroppi stared at her. "Okayyy... but does anyone besides you want to sing? Ever think of that?"

"Ummm..." Kiiro looked away, then turned back to Kuroppi and YELLED, "HEY! I was just going first because Aki-sama suggested after everyone kinda just sat here awkwardly for so long!"

"Why do you call me -sama?" Aki asked, sweatdropping.

Kiiro grinned. "Because you saved my life! Don't worry, I won't become your zombie-slave or anything... even if you ask very nicely."

Aki chuckled. "That's good to hear."

"If you want, I can get you a better nickname later, but I can't think of anything right now. Unless you wanna be Akkii... which I doubt, considering the way those gaurdsmen treated you. OH! You could be Acchan," Kiiro offered.

"... I liked Aki-sama better," Aki said.

"Good! Akkii and Acchan are harder to say. After all, a good nickname is a delicate balance if cuteness and easy-to-say-ness, sometimes a dash of humor. For instance, Kuro-chan's brother Kiba is Kibaka, because he's an idiot."

Kuroppi smirked. "He is. He really is."

"Well, I'm NOT singing," Honemashi said.

Kiiro shrugged. "Then who will?"

Silince reigned.

"I know!" Kiiro giggled. "We could dare each other to sing something! Honema-chan, you're singing 'Can't Touch This'."

"I am not," Honemashi said. "I refuse to sing."

Haku spoke. "... If I sing 'Barbie Girl,' will you do it?"

Honemashi stared at Haku, and then, out of the blue, he started laughing.

"HAHAHAHAHAHA! Okay, I'll do it -HAHAHA- after you go," Honemashi said weakly, continuing to guffaw uncontrollably.

"Honema-chan laughing?" Kiiro furrowed her brows. "That's kinda creepy. Probably the creepiest thing I've ever seen."

Kuroppi shook her head. "Have you ever seen Kiba-niisan's teammate Shino laugh?"

"Shino's capable of laughter?" Kiiro asked, astounded. "I thought he was schizophrenic."

Both Konoha-nin laughed as well.

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"OH, Ken! I'm having so much fun!" said Haku in a girly voice.

"Nice job, Haku!" Kiiro applauded with the rest, who were all laughing. "Okay, Honema-chan, he did it, now you have to sing too."

"Still no." Honemashi shook his head.

"Honemashi," Aki said, "You promised you'd sing this time."

"That was three years ago! And I only said I'd do it the next time back then because Hatsuharu threatened to--"

Aki's expression soften and her eyes got big and watery. She was in no way acting. "You'd go against a promise made to Niisan? The request he ever made to anyone?" she gasped.

"AHHH! I didn't mean it that way!" Honemashi mumbled. "Okay, I'll sing."

Kuroppi grinned evilly at Honemashi, then told the karaoke machine to do the song 'Can't Touch This.' Kiiro immediately started singing along to the background music.

Honemashi glared at her. "You're not making this any easier, you know."

The blonde kunoichi nodded smugly. "And that, my dear Honema-chan, is exactly the point of singing the beat in the first place."

Honemashi rolled his eyes.

"Can't touch this," he started.

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"Well sung, Honemashi," Kuroppi said, smirking. "Don't you agree... Aki-chan?"

Aki chuckled. "That was... FUNNY..."

Honemashi blushed and looked away. "My turn to dare someone, right?"

"Yeah..." Haku said. "But since I sang before you, you can't dare me."

Honemashi nodded. "Hmm... Aki?"

"Yes?" Aki asked.

"The Llama Song."

Aki started laughing. "Nooooo!" she said. "... Oh well. Okay."

She took a deep breath. "Here's a llama, there's a llama, and another little llama--"

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"Hahahahahahahaha!" Aki laughed. "It's been so long since I sang that one..."

"Really?" Kiiro asked. "How come?"

"It was Hatsuharu's favorite song," Honemashi explained. "He would sing it with this high-pitched, nasal voice..." he broke down laughing. "Don't even get me started on his version of Numa Numa!"

Kiiro giggled. "Well, I know who to look for next time I die."

Honemashi shook his head. "Hatsuharu was a good kid. Too good, in fact. He became a guardian angel, but I'm not sure where he's working. They won't tell me," he said quietly.

"Wow," Kiiro said. "Not being able to find your friend? Now that really sucks."

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"A-CHOOOO!" cried one Uzumaki Naruto.

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"It does suck," Honemashi agreed, "It really does. Hey, Aki?"

"Yes?" Aki asked, looking at Honemashi. "What is it?"

"Your turn to dare someone."

Aki smiled and Houkou took over. Her face grinned evilly. "Kuroppi-san!"

"Ohhh, great," Kuroppi said, "What is it?"

"You have fanboys in Konoha, correct?"

Kuroppi groaned. "And I hate them SO MUCH!"

"Well, then." Aki's hair faded back to its natural dark color. "Sing 'Fergalicious'."

Kiiro started up the machine, giggling. "Go for it Kuro-chan!"

Kuroppi glared at Kiiro. "You realize you're singing next, right?"

Kiiro grinned and nodded. "And that's your cue. SING! Errr, RAP!"

The Uchiha-turned-Inuzuka contemplated killing Kiiro, again, but thought the better of it because Aki might just bring her back again.

"Fergalicious definition, make them boys go loco.

They want my treasures so they get their pleasures from my photo

You can see me, you can squeeze me I am easy I am sleazy..."

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"Fergalicious," Kuroppi finished.

Kiiro was on the floor, laughing like crazy. "If only Neji could see you now... I need to get a camera."

"And so do I," challenged Kuroppi, "Because you're about to sing 'Wannabe'."

Kiiro shook her head. "That song's a duet."

"I know," Kuroppi said, grinning evilly. "Someone else sang a duet by themself tonight, too..."

"Oh, it's okay then," Kiiro said.

"... SO Haku is going to sing it with you," Kuroppi finished. "Haku?"

Haku laughed. "How can I say no with that evidence against me?"

Aki pressed the button to started the music.

Kiiro turned to Haku.

"YO, I'll tellyouwhatIwant, what I reallyreallywant-"

"-So tell me what you want, what you reallyreallywant," Haku sang back.

"I wanna-- huh! I wanna huh! I wanna huh! I wanna huh! I wanna reallyreallyreallywanna zigazig aaaahh..." Kiiro chose to ignore the implications of this song, since it was pretty obvious to her that Haku didn't like girls.

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Kiiro and Haku bowed at the end of their performance.

"That was... creepy," Honemashi said.

"I'm gonna go get a glass of water," said Aki, getting up and walking towards the door. "Anyone coming with?"

"I'm coming," Honemashi said quickly following her out.

Kuroppi grinned evilly and went after the two.

Kiiro and Haku were alone in the room.

"Well sung!" Kiiro said, holding up her hand for a high-five.

"Yeah..." Haku agreed, "But that was... awkward."

Kiiro shook her head. "I sing that song in the shower sometimes. Why should it be any different singing it in front of four of my friends?"

Haku smiled and nodded. "I suppose you have a point there..." He trailed off, staring at the stucco ceiling.

Silence reigned. Kiiro absentmindedly reached over and ran her hand through Haku's hair, causing Haku to suck in his breath and reasonably stiffen.

"No fair," she mumbled, "How come a guy has better hair then me? Longer too," she added.

"Umm... thank you?" Haku said nervously. "I'm thinking of getting it cut, though."

Kiiro gasped. "Why on earth would you do a thing like that? I'd kill ANYONE to have your hair!"

Haku shrugged. "Girls," he explained. "They think it's weird. After they think I'm one of them."

"Oh..." said Kiiro. "Wait-- GIRLS? I THOUGHT YOU WERE GAY!!!" she yelled.

"That's the other reason..." Haku mumbled.

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"I THOUGHT YOU WERE GAY!!!" Kiiro's voice was audible from inside the girls' bathroom.

"I knew it," Kuroppi said, smirking. "Aki, pay up."

Aki fished inside her pockets and brought out the equivalent of five bucks.

Handing it to Kuroppi, she said, "Poor Haku. Kiiro's awfully clueless."

"So are you," Kuroppi pointed out.

Aki furrowed her eyebrows. "I am?"

Kuroppi nodded. "I feel bad for Honemashi."

"...Me, too," Aki agreed readily.

Kuroppi raised her eyebrows. "You know?"

The houkou jinchuuriki laughed. " How could I not have noticed it by now? It must really stink being stuck as an eight-year-old all your life. It's all my fault too... because I didn't revive him right. Not enogh of Raijuu's lightning."

"That's not what I was referring to," Kuroppi said.

"Really?" Aki asked. "What is it that's bugging him, then? Is it something I can help with?"

Kuroppi broke down laughing.

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Haku and Kiiro were sitting next to each other on the couch.

"So... you're straight? As in liking girls?" Kiiro asked.

Haku sweatdropped. "Yes," he said. "Well... not girls in general. Just one girl in particular."

"Aren't people our age a little young for those kinds of feelings?" Kiiro pointed. "No offense. I mean, I'm twelve, and you can't be much older than I am!" she laughed.

"Actually, I'm fifteen," Haku supplied. "And... I only started thinking about those sorts of things recently. Am I too young?"

Kiiro giggled. "I suppose not then. Yeah, you're old enough..." she made a face. "Saku-sempai and Oni-sempai the Uchihasuke fangirls --err, you don't know them I think, their real names are Sakura and Ino the Uchiha Sasuke fangirls-- they're not. But they're, like, obsessed with their SASUKE-LOVE, or whatever they think it is. But really they're just bratty little teenagers with crushes on the popular kid," she said. "Makes me kinda sick."

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"A-CHOO!" Ino and Sakura sneezed-- right into Nara Shikamaru's food.

"Troublesome," Shikamaru muttered, picking up a peice of snot-covered sushi, shrugging, and eating it anyway.

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"Bye Honema-chan, Aki-sama, Haa-kun!" Kiiro waved frantically as she and Kuroppi walked out through the gates of Kirigakure. "Thanks for saving my life and all that kinda stuff! Write us or I send Ussura after you!"

The small fox following Kiiro nipped at her heels. "Show your summons more respect!" she muttered. Kiiro stuttered her apology to the Kyuubi's descendant.

"Goodbye and good riddance!!!" Honemashi called from atop the Kiri wall.

"Love you too," Kuroppi yelled back at him sarcastically. "Thanks for the scroll, Houkou, Aki!" she held up a summoning scroll so the others could see it. "I'll be sure to give the Inuzuka head your letter, too!"

"The least I can do for someone who shows my daughter such kindness," Houkou's voice floated over their heads. "Don't summon the one called Yukito when Fuyu's in a three-kilometer vincinity of you. You're not the only one with fanboys."

"I'll remember that. Fanboys are evil," Kuroppi said, shivering.

"That's why I find it so funny when they chase you," Fuyu said. "Because they're chasing someone who isn't ME."

"Write us when you get there! Tell us what's up!" Aki yelled after then retreating Konoha-nin.

"We will!" Kiiro yelled back.

"Hey, where did Haku go?" Honemashi asked Aki. "I could've sworn he was here a second ago."

"I have no idea," Aki answered.

"Kiiro! WAIT UP!"

"Haa-kun?" Kiiro turned around to face Haku. "What is it?"

"Just..." Haku blushed. "Err... have a safe journey."

"Oh, stop stalling and ask her out already," laughed a voice from behind him.

Haku froze and his face turned a bright red color that would make Hinata proud. "Who's there?"

It was Banshou. "It's me! I've got a scroll on the subject of the Fifth Kazekage." she said slyly, holding up a scroll.

"They finally named a Godaime?" Kuroppi asked, curious. "Who was it?"

"It's..." Banshou screwed her faced up happily. "... GAARA! GAARA'S GONNA BE KAZEKAGE!"

"I don't know Gaara but--- YAY! Good for you, Ban-chan!" Kiiro ran up and hugged Banshou. "Write me, okay? I gotta go now. No more stiffness!"

Kiiro ran down the road, dragging Kuroppi behind her.

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Me: wow... I really didn't know how to end this chapter.

Haku: she thought I was gay... (sulk)

Kiiro: no, I know better now! remember?

Haku: Right... sniff oh well. I wonder what happens the next chapter.

Me: Say it, Naruto.

Naruto: NO.

Me: Do it or I unlock Sasuke.

Sasuke (in cage): Narutoooo you shall be MINE!

Naruto: Definitely no then.

Sasuke (no longer in cage): (runs and glomps Naruto)

Kuroppi: Next time... I'm related to that weirdo? (points at Sasuke, who is currently harassing a certain blonde jinchuuriki, who might I add is not Yugiito)

Kiiro: Sasuke? Yep. But we won't know how until the next chapter. Next time in Anko Plus Gennin Equals: Pure Chaos! I'll definitely kick some ass!

Kon: (in her own happy little world) ... I beat Daidaiiro... heh. Oh, right! Review.