Disclaimer: I do not own iCarly or any of the characters on it. I do own Jacob, though! Oh, (important to read) and the -- in the letter from Freddie means that word was crossed out! Don't want you to get confused. Oh, and I don't know if Belleview is a real town, I just know it's the name of Drake and Josh's high school haha.
Dear Sam,
I don't even know why I'm writing you- shouldn't I be writing Carly? Then again, you're the one I've been thinking about the most lately. Why? Because - -- -- --. Whoa, that's sort of weird to say, isn't it? Nah, never mind that. Stupid thought.
I guess I shouldn't have been so angry at you for messing with me and Carly, but I still don't understand why you would do that! Do you really hate me so much you don't even want me to date your friend? I mean, I guess I didn't really like Carly, but still...she was perfect. I mean, -- -- --. Whoa, let me back up...you know, you're never going to even get this letter, so I don't know why I'm even bothering to cross this stuff out. I didn't mean to write it, anyways. At least, I don't think I do.
Anyways, I like it here, but I miss hanging out with you and Carly and doing iCarly. I've been watching all the episodes still, you know? No, you probably don't know, and you probably don't care, do you? I think I'm going to go with my dad...he lives in Arizona, but I doubt you would care about that either, would you?
I don't know why I'm writing you. Okay, so - --. –'- -- - -- --. Whoa, I don't know why I'm writing all this stuff. I mean, I like Carly. I like Carly a lot. Okay, so I don't like Carly, but I'm moving on completely with my life. I'm glad I moved away- but I wonder if you'll ever wonder about me.
If you ever read this, I bet you'd say I was being stupid. I bet you'd say, "I'd never wonder about you, Fredloser!" And I bet that would be true.
Freddie
It was so hard to read the letter- there were water smudges along the page, and it looked like he had smeared his led all over it as well. It was mangled up from being in the trash can. But, none of these things were the reason why the letter was so hard for me to read.
He didn't think I cared about him! He didn't think I wondered about him! The idiot had never even realized that I loved him. Liked him. Loved him. Who knows? I haven't seen the boy in years; I can't be sure until I see him. If I see him. When I see him.
Of course I knew his father lived in Arizona! I remembered perfectly the day he had shown me his scrapbook and pictures of his family.
"That's my father!" Freddie Benson said in a strangely mangled attempt at enthusiasm as he jabbed his finger down onto a random picture. The man was tall with dark eyes and pale skin, with dark curly hair. Sam cocked her head to the side and one eyebrow up, surprised.
"Where's he live?" she asked, being able to sense when not to make fun of someone- and this was definitely one of those times. She wouldn't pick on Freddie when he seemed this upset- besides; this was the time when she was going through the horrible process of admitting to herself that she liked him. She didn't make fun of him much at all during that time.
Freddie made a face, and then answered quietly, "This one small town in Arizona...Belleview. He lives there with his new fiancée. I mean, not that I care. He left years ago, after all!" he exclaimed loudly, and the determination in his voice was nearly heart breaking. Sam patted his shoulder, but he moved away from her and then turned five pages past.
"There's Jacob again," he pointed, and Sam didn't say anything. Her hand seemed to sting from the spot where he had shrugged it off, and it took all she had in her not to show it.
"You okay?" Jacob asked me nervously, appearing again- I hadn't even noticed what he'd been doing these past few moments, but he was suddenly next to me again. I guess I shouldn't be surprised due to my 'time out' that I only then noticed the hot tears trickling down my cheeks. I hadn't cried back then- it was bound to have come out anyways, right? This letter only made it worse, anyways.
"I'm so stupid- I shouldn't have shown you the letter- I think you should head back to Seattle," he said, yanking a tissue from a giant box on the floor next to his bed (a present from Mrs. Benson, I bet) and wiped my tears away quickly. He used strong, swift motions that stung my cheeks, but I didn't protest. It was taking everything I had in me to still not blubber away. I had tuned that memory out for a long time, and with it and the letter...it was all just too much.
"No!" I almost screamed, and he clapped a hand over my mouth. Jokingly, I licked it, and he gave me a weak, almost nervous smile, and pulled it away. "Sorry," he apologized quickly, and I just shrugged. Carly had covered my mouth so many times by now I was totally used to it. Of course, I couldn't remember the last time she was that freaked out of me just saying something...
Jacob watched me nervously still, wiping his hand once on his jeans so he could pass me another tissue. I took it, but just blew my nose. Other people could wipe my tears, but I never had. I would wish them to just flow right back up. I would wish them to wash themselves away. Tears were a sign of weakness, and Sam Puckett is not weak.
"We've got to go to Belleview," I said, jumping up, and Jacob leaped up as well, trying to pull me away from his door as I tried to go out. I easily shook him off, but he kept getting another grip. It was tiring- I finally just stood still and allowed him to pull me away from the door.
"Sam, I don't think we need to go traipsing around the US looking for Freddie. If he wanted to be found, he'd be found," he protested, and I had to stop myself from laughing. Freddie, the high tech geek, would not be putting himself out to be found. If anything, he would be trying not to be found just to see who would try to find him. I found myself doing that a lot lately- pushing people away just to see if they'll keep coming back to me.
"We do. Jacob, I'm sorry, but we've got to go," I protested as well, yanking out of his grip and pushing him away. I opened the door and prepared to walk out when his hands locked around my wrist with surprising strength. I had forgotten he was so athletically...talented.
I turned around to yell at him, but he had a small grin on his face as he released me. That grin gave me hope for something- I wasn't sure what. I was just being overly hopeful at the moment. I tried to bring myself down with pessimism, but it didn't work. Jacob had had an idea. That much was obvious.
"We can go with you. Mrs. Benson and I, I mean. She'll be able to help with Freddie, and I think I want to find him too. If that's okay with you and Carly, it is your car after all...we'd chip in with gas money..." he drifted off, grinning at me excitedly.
At first, I wanted to punch him and tell him to stop bugging me. The old Sam would've said, "Oh, whatever. I can find Fredweiner all on my own, fyi." But now the idea seemed pretty interesting to the shell of old Sam. It seemed like an interesting idea, keeping Jacob- who helped me more than I ever thought possible- and Mrs. Benson- who seemed to bring me closer to Freddie, and would know a lot about him- along with us.
I tossed my arms around his neck so I could let a tear slide down my cheek without being noticed. I just wiped it on his shirt, and shivered a bit when his hands touched my waist. I couldn't remember really speaking to a boy- besides Spencer and Jake, of course- in quite a while. Back when I hung out with Freddie, I had long conversations with him, Gibby, Germy, his other loserish friends...and now it was just Spencer and Jake. And you couldn't call the conversations I had with Jake real conversations, and the few dates I went on always included terrible conversations. The old Sam would return briefly enough for me to sneak out of the bathroom window, of course.
"How was your date with Reuben?" Carly smirked at Sam when she came panting into the apartment. Spencer immediately set a plate of ham and a smoothie on the counter for her when he saw her, ignoring the quick way her fingers swiftly slammed and locked every part of the door shut.
"It's times like these I miss Fr-...Mrs. Benson. She always had a bunch of extra locks, pepper spray, hammers, this little invention to make you see the person outside of the door better..." Sam drifted off with a half hearted grin as she started to rip the ham to shreds in quick, tiny bites.
Carly rolled her eyes, but looked suspicious. "Does that mean the date went good or bad?" she asked finally, and Sam almost spit her ham out, shaking her head furiously.
"I never shoulda given that boy another shot- he's still psycho! When I snuck out the girl's bathroom window he was waiting outside, and he kept following me telling me all these random sayings. It was so weird- at one point he started babbling about you and Fr...other people, but I have no idea what he was saying anyways. I finally just ran all the way here- I don't think he followed me, but you never know with that boy..." she drifted off, and Carly burst into the laughter.
"I can't believe he was waiting outside! That boy is a fr-," she stopped at a loud thumping on the door, and Spencer turned on the radio.
Dramatic music pounded out at top blast, and he immediately turned it off as Sam ran to the door and slammed herself against it, staring out of the peep hole for at least two minutes before she rolled her eyes and opened the door.
"It's just Socko," she snickered, and she and Carly spent the rest of the night laughing at Socko's new inventions and mocking Reuben, but Sam seemed out of it- as always.
"You'll really come along? Like it won't bug you to follow us around and go with us on my bizarre attempts at finding Freddie?" I questioned, and Jacob just laughed and shook his head.
"I don't mind at all. I just think it's a little weird that you're so into finding him. You would be better off not...messing with yourself like this," he chose his words carefully as we broke apart and started walking towards me and Carly's room.
I ignored him, and walked into the room and closed the door behind me.
The next morning (after a healthy breakfast with Freddie's mom) we were all crammed in a car together.
Author's Note: I got the idea of people coming along from Nature9000's review, so I'd like to thank that person now. It was a suggestion to just travel across the states looking with everyone, and so it dawned on me that it would be a good idea for them to come along as well- I didn't want it to get boring with just Carly and Sam constantly. So, now Jacob and Mrs. Benson are coming along and they're heading to Belleview, Arizona. Thanks for reading this chapter, and thanks to all the reviewers I've had so far!