Disclaimer: I do not own iCarly or any of the characters on it, but I own Jason and Jacob! Oh, and the song lyrics featured are to Realize by Colbie Callait.
There I was, right outside of Freddie's apartment. Carly, Jacob and Ms. Benson stared at me, waiting for me to signal for them to get out of the car. I kept it running, since Ms. Benson said you should never get out of a car that was moving...actually, that's on her list of twenty rules and she enforces it. When I jumped out of the car to run to the restroom when Carly was driving for a short time, I got lectured in front of everyone around us for it. Nobody was about to break that rule and be that embarrassed.
But that was insignificant. Everyone in the car was waiting to talk to Freddie. We all wanted to see him and be with him. I may think my situation is bad, but if I put myself in Freddie's mom's shoes...she lost the one thing most important to her. Or, if I'm in Jacob's shoes: his cousin moves in with him, and he can't seem to make him happy, causing him to run to a man he once hated. And then Carly's shoes: she wants her best friends back, and not just a replacement Sam.
"Sam?" Carly whispered from her side of the bed one night. Occasionally she talked Sam into just sharing the bed with her, because when Sam was tired she was way more likely to spill her guts.
Sam rolled her eyes and sat up, propping herself up on Carly's giraffe. "You're hurting Mr. Cuddles!" she shouted, interrupting Sam's, "What, cupcake?" and invoking a wide eyed stare from Sam when Carly shoved her and whipped 'Mr. Cuddles' out from under her elbow.
Then, they were laughing hysterically. "Mr. Cuddles!" Sam choked out every once in a while, which would just start it over again. Occasionally Carly would repeat her panicked scream, and they would laugh again. They laughed for a long time.
Outside the door, Spencer listened silently. When he realized they were laughing, he smiled- because it was rare to hear Carly and Sam laughing this hard anymore. He was about to walk away when he heard it dying down, but then he heard Sam's quiet whisper, "What were you going to say, anyways?"
Checking around as if there were someone in his own house to see his wrongdoing, he pressed his ear to the door to listen into their conversation. There was no answer for a while, but then Carly mumbled back, "Sam, I'm sorry I'm not a good friend...I know I don't help you as much as I should..."
Spencer wanted to run in there to comfort her, and he wanted to be her protective older brother, but he knew he didn't need to. Even if Sam wasn't acting herself lately, he expected her response: "Carls, you're my best friend. That alone is enough, but besides that you take care of me and you let me eat all your food, and you buy me bacon, beef jerky and ham. I think you've done enough."
"Aww. Who needs a hug?" Carly's too innocent voice cooed, and then there was a loud, "Hey!" followed by pillow meeting skin, followed by an, "Ow!" from Carly, and then the laughing started again as Spencer smiled to himself and walked downstairs.
"Are you ready, Sam?" Carly asked me finally, daring to break the awkward silence of the car. I stared at her for a long time, breathing deeply every few minutes- but this is what I wanted. I wanted Freddie. I wanted to talk to him, see him, and smile at him. I wanted it all.
"He said anytime today...I hope it's not a bad time right now," Ms. Benson fretted in the backseat. She had been on edge ever since speaking to her ex husband and hearing of what a horrible condition Freddie had been in when he had arrived and when he had left. Of course, all she told us when we had asked about it was, "He just said it wasn't pretty."
Thank God I listened in on the conversation she had with him! My life would be so boring if I wasn't still a bit of a delinquent.
"Come on, Sam!" Carly sighed, kicking the car a bit. Ms. Benson leaped up, ready to start lecturing about how it is dangerous to kick cars (Rule Number 14: Never kick a car. If a huge gust of wind is already heading that way, you could topple it over!)
I stopped the car quickly for her sake and leapt out, pulling her along with me as Jake and Ms. Benson dived out and followed us.
His apartment was on the bottom floor- that was how we had been so close to it. It had a screen door before his main door, and the main door hung open with the locked screen door the only thing between us. I could see his dark figure in the corner of his room, listening to the radio.
Freddie sat on the Shay's couch, watching a Wake Up Spencer segment as he waited for Carly and Spencer to return from grocery shopping. In the video Spencer had just twitched, and Sam whispered in his ear- loud enough that the camera would catch it- "You better stay still, Freddie. I hear Spencer can sense a nerd's motions."
Sam, behind the couch, waiting to scare the living hell out of him, expected him to make that 'Tsk!' noise. She expected him to roll his eyes- she was so close behind him that she could see his face reflected in the television screen. She expected him to maybe even click onto a segment of his beloved Carly instead.
Surprisingly enough, he smiled when the camera turned to her, and then laughed as Sam nodded, smirking. Sam was fully prepared to launch at him and scream and shout now, while he was bizarrely content with her- but then her phone rang, of course.
If you just realize what I just realized, then we'd be perfect for each other and we'd never find another...
"Whoa, Sam!" Freddie shouted as Sam clicked her phone off immediately. What would she say later when Carly asked why she had hung up on her? 'I wanted to talk to Freddie?' She didn't worry about that then, though.
"You like that song?" Freddie asked, sniggering a bit. It was pretty strange, Sam would admit, for her- the tough girl, the mean girl- to be listening to such a mellow song.
She didn't pause to explain anything, she just snapped, "No, I hate it!" And that night she spent hours thinking about the song, thinking about the lyrics, and wondering why she had been so embarrassed that those lyrics had been played for Freddie to hear.
Ironically enough, I could hear Colbie Callait's mellow voice coming out as she sang along to Realize- of course, now it was probably being played as an 'older hit.'
I stared at Freddie for a long time. More than anything, I wanted to break down the door, run to him, and hold onto him. I wanted to be with him, and feel him, and touch him, and listen to him, and smile at him, and I wanted to tell him how much I cared about.
But I had to act mature. The shell of Sam commanded me to do the things I once never would have. I needed to grow up...I already had grown up. It would be useless to backtrack all of these years and pretend that I was the same girl Freddie had known. I changed. He changed me. Carly changed me.
I have a theory that even people you meet for just a second change you. Come on, Gibby changed me. Jake changed me. Jason changed me, and Jacob's mother changed me, and that girl Samantha changed me. They've all shaped me up to be the person I am today, no matter how pitiful or how great of a person that is- though I would point to the first. But nobody, I repeat, nobody has changed me the way Freddie has.
"Freddie?" Carly called softly to his figure, and I winced and made a strange noise, as if she had been teasing me. She might as well have been dangling beef jerky in my face and then pulling it away.
Only this time, the beef jerky was getting up and heading towards the door. Or, well, you know what I mean.
"Wow. Sam Puckett," Freddie said when he opened the door, and he didn't say it the slow, joking way most people did when seeing an old friend. He said it in a whisper/gasp/sound of shock. He looked me up and down in a non disturbing way- he looked afraid. He looked scared. I turned to Carly, raising one eyebrow, and she leaned in and whispered to me, "You look really different, Sam."
Did I? I could see myself in the mirror behind Freddie. I had such pale skin now, and I was wearing sweats and a t shirt with my hair pulled back in a messy ponytail that revealed my weirdly narrow cheekbones. My eyes were...dark? My eyes were...locked tight again emotions. They were mirrors. They used to be...windows.
I looked back at Freddie, but this time I really looked at him. I looked at the polished black jeans and the dark blue t shirt. I looked at the attractively messy hair, and the tight lips, and the confused eyes. They were windows. Not windows that let me see very far into him, but I could see that he was confused.
He was better off than me, and that hurt me. It was the first step to the line of hurt. If he was doing okay right now...
I shuddered, and Jacob and Carly both put their hands on my shoulder, and then seemed to stare each other down. Carly didn't attempt to hide her hatred for Jacob now. She openly showed it, and now she nudged his hand painfully off my shoulder as he glared at her. I watched this all, but I didn't really see it. I saw it play through Freddie's eyes. The confusion grew on his face as he watched the weird way Carly and Jacob watched me, like I was glass. As if...as if I were about to fall apart.
"You look great, Freddie," I murmured, and it was the honest truth. He looked great, while I looked like I had lived the past few years in heart ache. If my side was true...he probably was great too.
"Oh, Freddie," Ms. Benson sobbed dryly behind me. I spun around, surprised at how I felt towards the woman I used to think belonged in a straitjacket. In these past few minutes, it hadn't appealed to me that she was in immense pain. But now, it was so real.
Freddie went to her immediately, his eyes aching for his mother and her eyes aching for her son in a deep family bond that I would never understand. If anyone asked me, my family was Spencer and Carly.
He broke apart with her quickly though, leaving his mother a sniffling mess as Jacob, Carly and I watched her timidly. And they thought I was glass? She was cracking already, fully prepared to just completely break apart. She was hurt, in pain, her heart was breaking...and they all turned back to me like I was about to stagger to my knees like I had been shot.
"Hey Freddie," Jacob attempted a grin and happy conversation, and he and Freddie did some sort of handshake. It almost made me laugh when Freddie's attempt at it basically fell flat. Almost.
"Hi Freddie," Carly said in her innocent voice, but she just put her hand back on my shoulder, and the force behind it was shocking. She was keeping me standing up straight, as if I had been teetering forward. I was fine. I wanted to scream it out. I was fine.
"Hey Carly," Freddie's voice melted me. It was clear, calm. It wasn't excited, and it wasn't sad. It was neutral, and a bit struggled. It was polite, and yet it was curt. It was...his voice. His real voice. It wasn't a crackle over the phone, and it wasn't my name whispered. It was his voice, and I tried to take a step towards him and found I couldn't move. I just stood there, with a look of what I can only describe as horror on my face.
Freddie turned back to me. "Are you okay Sam?" he asked, but before he even finished saying my name, another figure walked into the doorway.
She was wearing a short pink skirt and a long sleeved pink shirt- an outfit that Carly had, if I remember correctly. She had long platinum blonde hair that hung to her waist, and bright blue eyes- they were a little bit like my eyes, actually. She was tall, and was wearing high heels that made me feel like a midget.
At least, I would feel like a midget if I could feel anything but sudden and total dejection.
"Freddie? Who are they?" her soft, melodic voice floated, and Carly stepped to my side at the same time Jacob did, holding me up.
Author's Note: Ugh, I hated to do that, but it had to be done. Don't worry though! Put the pitchforks away! There are still a couple more chapters left. I greatly appreciate the reviewers I've had, and I greatly appreciate the fact that you even read this chapter! :D I'm still thinking about turning these chapters into songfics afterwards, by the way, but I'm just not sure. xD Thanks again, everyone, and don't worry! I'll get the next chapter up soon, and this time I actually MEAN soon haha.