Disclaimer: I do not own iCarly or any of its characters, but I do own Jacob and Isabel.
Freddie crept slowly into the Shay's apartment at the distinct sound of Sam's sniffling. He had only heard her cry once before, when she found out that all the grocery stores in town had run out of ham after a big problem in the shipment. However, even if it was only once, he remembered it still, and believed he would remember it forever. Sam's cry was the most pained cry he had ever heard, and- unfortunately- it was burned into his memory.
He had heard that same cry, but as he walked into the apartment and his eyes connected with Sam's, she showed no signs that she had been crying besides a tissue next to her, which she balled up into her fist and shoved into her back pocket.
"'Sup Fredward? Breaking into your one true love's house at night now? Don't you think you're getting a little stalkerish?" she asked casually, looking away and staring at the television as if there was anything on.
"Oh, shut up Sam. You know we're doing Wake Up Spencer tonight," he said, but she merely shrugged. Instead of insulting him, she shrugged, which scared him more than she could ever imagine. He hated the thought of Sam upset. He hated the thought of anything but a smirk on her face.
He hadn't realized how much he cared for her yet, but it was in the back of his head, negotiating his actions away from insults. He sat next to her as gently as possible, afraid of her in a different way for once. "Sam? I thought...I thought I heard you crying," he drifted off, shrugging like she just had for lack of something to say.
"Well, you must've heard wrong Fredward. I don't cry."
"But I could've sworn I heard-,"
"I don't cry Freddie!" Sam cried out, folding her arms fiercely as she looked at the ceiling, avoiding eye contact at all cost.
"Okay," Freddie said quietly. "Do you want to just...skip Wake Up Spencer tonight? Do it tomorrow?"
"Okay."
"Sam?" he called as he was on the threshold- and he felt like that could be in more than just a literal way.
She grunted to show she was listening, so he continued.
"You can always talk to me. You know that, right?"
"I know Freddie."
"Sam, what's wrong? You can always talk to me. You know that, right?" Freddie asked, and I wanted to cry. I wanted to cry, because I remembered when he said that to me, only a few weeks before he left. I remembered everything clearly: the next day he went to Spencer and that night we woke Spencer up and he said something about, "Freddie asked me about," which made Freddie end the whole show. I remembered that I had spent that entire day with Carly until she fell asleep, and she had asked me what I thought about Freddie, and I had asked her if she liked Jake, and I tried to change her mind about how she thought Freddie was okay now, and I tried to make her like Jake more.
"I know Freddie," I said, which is the same thing I said all those years ago too. Two years ago. Two years and a few weeks ago.
"What's happening Sam? What's been happening? I'm so...why are you here? What happened two years ago? Why did you want to come here? Why did you bring Carly and Jacob and my mom? Why'd you go visit my dad?"
"You ask a lot of questions," I said, because that was all I could think to say. I wasn't ready to answer one specific question.
But if I didn't answer any of his other questions, I knew I wouldn't make any progress. I thought about Carly in there, so worried about me, and I found out that my best friend still gave me the strength she always did- as if there was ever any reason to doubt her.
"I didn't want you to go out with Carly. I told Carly about that, and she broke things off. I...I...Jacob said you thought I wanted you to go, but I didn't Freddie. I mean, you were my best friend," skirting around the truth, again. I wasn't making Carly as proud as I wanted to be at that moment, but I kept on.
"I mean, I said don't go but I was so...shocked...it came out like don't go," I said it in a whisper, miming hoarseness as Freddie stared at me with confused, narrowed eyes. I tried not to focus on that, continuing still. I wasn't going to get anywhere if I didn't continue, right?
"And then like, I was doing good in school 'cause I stopped really...messing around, even though I still copied for a while, but then Carly was all, 'Sam, you've changed! You're not the old Sam!' and we had this little moment on the couch where it was like cue the 'aww,'" I blurted this all out, saying some things in quotations, mimicking Carly's voice, saying things in sarcastic tones. I didn't look at Freddie- I looked past him. I could see Carly watching in the window, and she was gesturing for me to talk to him, and I knew of course what she wanted me to tell him.
I held up a finger and Freddie turned around. We heard a crash inside and I winced, but he didn't move. He looked back to me, waiting for me to say something else. Waiting for me to explain why I was being such a freak.
"And then I just gave up. You know, it's stupid. I could've dated this one guy, Robert, who was actually really nice and all, but I didn't want to date anyone there, so I just gave up on that. I could've tried to keep up friendships, but the only one I really tried with was Carly and Spencer, so I just gave up there too obviously. I didn't care about the way I looked; I didn't even care about ham on some days! Isn't that crazy? I don't know how I went on," I tried to be funny, but I was too afraid to look at Freddie to see if the joke was going well.
I had this fear that when I finally looked at him, he would be gone. I kept staring at his feet to remind myself that he was there. He wasn't leaving.
Yet. I still hadn't told him why it affected me so badly, had I?
"So when I got my driver's license I was like, 'Carly, we're looking for Freddie.' And she was all, 'No! Why should we? He hurt your feelings!' and I was like, 'Oh, calm down,' and then she was like, crying in the car on the way to Jacob's house- and I remembered him from you telling me about him- and then I had to talk to her, and then I talked to this girl Samantha and she told me where he lived, and he was like, 'Oh my god, you're Sam!' and then I found your mom! And then I told them I wanted to go find you and Jacob was all, 'I'm coming!' and then your mom was all 'I'm coming!'"
"Did you know how much of a nutcase your mother is when we're on the road? I swear..." I drifted off, and I heard Freddie's faint chuckle. That one sound, his laughter, was the thing that pressed me to continue.
"And then, I saw Germy, and he was all..." I shuddered. "Germy! It was disgusting, but I talked to him and he basically proved I was completely out of it after you left, you know? He said I actually went to his going away party- and reminded me that I actually went on a date with him!" I had to look at Freddie's face for this, and his jaw dropped. His eyes were huge, and I nodded.
"Exactly! I mean, I didn't choose to, Carly set me up on it, but still! Crazy! And then I asked him if he had talked to you, and he said you asked about me, and I was all, 'Oh my god,' and then he said you moved to your dad's to be with some girl," "Broke up with her." Freddie interrupted me. It was the first time I had heard him in a while, I realized, besides the laugh.
"Why?"
"She didn't like the way I was always...thinking about other people," he said, and I nodded. I would've asked him more...but this was my story, not his.
"Sorry."
"No big. I didn't like her. Just wanted to get to my dad. Get away."
"Anyways, I was like, 'Oh...girl, dad, HE'S AT HIS DAD'S!' And I like...I used deductive reasoning-," "Wait a second!" Freddie said, and I stopped immediately. It still felt bizarre actually having a conversation with him.
"Deductive reasoning?"
"Told you I was doing good in school. Anyways, then I drove towards Belleview, and then Jacob was all, 'Here, you're tired, let's switch around,' and so I got out of the car and so did he and we were in the front of the car and he was all, 'You can't just keep going back' and blah blah and I was all, 'Uhh...' And then he kissed me!"
Freddie started to choke suddenly, and I reached out and pounded his chest with my fist, and he coughed loudly, holding up a hand to signal me to stop. I didn't want to, though. His back was warm, and I couldn't remember the last time I really felt his warmth, the last time I ever touched him before he left. It was so far away...
"I can't believe him! I'll kill him!" he cried out, and I raised an eyebrow.
"It's okay Freddie, 'cause you and Carly could probably do him in together. 'Cause you know, I was all 'What are you doing?' and he was all, 'Sam, chances are Freddie has a new girlfriend, chance are he's happy,' and then all of a sudden BAM!" Freddie jumped and I almost laughed, but I kept it down to just a smile. "Carly shoved him! And she was all, 'You can't just kiss her! You're taking advantage of her!' and then she was all, 'The old Sam would've kicked your ass!' It was great!"
Freddie didn't grin. Actually, he looked sort of sick.
"Do you want to sit down?" I asked, but he shook his head, so I just continued.
"And then me and Carly were telling stories together, and I felt just like my old self, and then I punched him!" Freddie smiled at me, and I kept on going, proud of myself. "In the stomach. But that's not important. Jacob's not important. We got back in the car, drove off, and then we were at your dad's house, and he came out talking to you and I was all, 'OH MY GOD!' and I just jumped out of the car and he looked like he was going to hit me and I was all, 'Ah!' but then he just grabbed me and was all, 'Samantha?' and I was all, 'I need to talk to Freddie!' and then...I talked to you. End of story. The end and blah blah. Here I am. Talking to you. Well, not end of story. Far from the end of the story. More like the beginning, 'cause I still have so much to tell you."
Freddie stared at me, his eyebrows raised. "So you...you got screwed up when I left, and you got your driver's license- congratulations. Happy late birthday," "Thanks!" I nodded, feeling more like the old Sam then I ever thought possible."
"Welcome. Anyways, you drove looking for me, and you drove to Jacob's first, and then you picked up my mom and Jacob, drove all the way over to my dad's, after punching my cousin when he kissed you, you thought my dad was going to hit you but then he actually knew you, and you about attacked him for the phone and now you're here."
"It sounded better when I said it, I think," I said, looking away.
"Well...I have...one more question."
"Well, shoot, Freddie!" I said. I felt on top of the world. I was talking to him. I had told him everything!
Almost everything.
"Sam, why? That's my only question. I mean...I need to know. Why? Why would you do all of this stuff just for me? Why?"
I felt the happiness sinking down, but it seemed easy now. It seemed...bearable. Here I was. There would be no other chances after this. I needed to tell him now.
"Well, Freddie...that's a tough one," I smiled a bit.
Author's Note: If you'll remember from my oneshot, Freddie admitted to Spencer that he liked Sam before he had left, so that's why Sam remembers him going to Spencer the next day, and why that night was so thick in both of their memories. Just clearing things up. :D Also, I know a lot of you are like, 'Why the entire story recap?' But I know I haven't updated fast between, so not only does it remind you guys of everything that happens, but I felt like I couldn't just write: And Sam explained everything that happened to Freddie. I had to get in Sam's thoughts on everything, what she was feeling, thinking, I had to get some of Freddie's reactions to certain things. I knew it wouldn't be as easy as Sam just explained everything. Sam's too upset to just explain everything like that. Okay, I'll try to get the next chapter up fast, too- aren't you all amazed that I got this one up so fast? Haha- and the next one might be the last one, it might not. I'm not too sure. Anyways, sorry for the cliffhanger! Thanks to the readers and the reviewers! Hope you liked this one!