as a note to all, my little sign that I usually use to do the thoughts is being freaky, only making the division sign, so from mow on, all thoughts will be in italics, and all flashbacks and other such things will be bolded and/or underlined. Thank you all for waiting for the update, I'm terribly sorry for the wait.


"tenma, what are you saying now?" ichijou asked, giving me a curious stare.

I sighed. "…all this time….I've told myself it was my fate. 'the half blood' would always be hated by others. No one would ever care. I would always be alone, and that was never going to change…" I quietly explained, clenching my fists. "and the you come out of nowhere! you came and….and…" I paused, taking not of my tightly clenched fists. I could vaguely feel the throbbing pain.

I cautiously looked up at ichijou, and met his eyes. I couldn't understand it….his expression. 'why does he look so pained….?'

"….and?"

I smiled sadly. "….and I was happy…that someone cared about me, even though it hurt…even though I hated it…" I finished, finally unclenching my small hands, and staring at the blood dripping smoothly down my palms.

Ichijou wrapped his hands around mine. "is that true, tenma?" he asked solemnly.

"I…" I choked on my words. No…why can't I answer him?!…. I unconsciously felt new tears well up in my eyes. ….I just can't tell him….

Ichijou sighed and got to his feet. "I'm going to bed, I'll see you at class." he said quietly before walking out.

I slumped back against my bed. I held no restraint on the sobs now, I had no reason to anymore. I was alone…."why can't I just tell him?" I sobbed quietly.

"why?"

-before class (3rd person pov)-

Kilo stood outside tenma's door worriedly, having already knocked several times. how can she still be sleeping?

"ne, kilo-chan, something wrong?" aidou asked playfully, walking up to her. Ichijou was with him this time, he wanted to check up on tenma.

"what? No kain today?" kilo asked, raising a thin eyebrow.

"he's in the foyer, he didn't feel like coming."

"is she still sleeping?" ichijou asked, absentmindedly knocking on the old door.

"what the hell do you want?" a hoarse voice asked from inside.

"tenma? Are you ok in there?" kilo asked worriedly, putting her hand on the door.

"come on! Get your ass up and hurry up!" aidou shouted, crossing his arms.

"I don't feel like dealing with you right now, go jump in a lake aidou."

"you little bitch!" aidou back, the area becoming unusually cold. He grabbed the handle and swung the door open furiously.

Tenma was leaning against the foot of her bed, her knees pulled up to her chest and the head cradled in her arms.

"tenma?" kilo called, her voice so quiet it was nearly non-existent. "it's time to go…."

Tenma sighed. "I'm not going kilo…" tenma replied, keeping her buried behind her short curtain of black violet hair.

"why not?" kilo asked.

"I…couldn't….say…" tenma mumbled in a strained voice.

"couldn't say what?" ichijou cut in.

Tenma visibly stiffened at his question.

Tenma didn't answer and her body never slackened. Her breathing was uneven, but too quiet to catch the other's attention.

Ichijou lowered his gaze to the floor, the reason for tenma's behavior finally forming in his head. what have I done….

"ichi?"

Ichijou's head snapped up and met kilo's worried gaze. He tired to give her a convincing smile. "it's nothing."

"I'm leaving." aidou said icily, walking out the door.

Kilo walked further into the room and noticed a note on the floor. "what's this?" kilo asked, tossing tenma a curious glance.

"give it to him." tenma answered, motioning to the boy by the door.

"kay, I'll see you when classes are over." kilo said, giving tenma a quick hug and walking to the door. "this is for you." she said, giving Ichijou the note. "let's go." kilo added, pulling him out the door.

-class (ichijou's pov)-

I sighed. 'it's last period, I need to quit putting this off….I need to get this over with…' I took the neatly folded paper out of the book I'd stashed it in.

she must be really upset with me if she can't even talk to me herself… I unfolded the note, tenma's welcoming curly script enticing my attention completely.

"Takuma,

I'm really so sorry about earlier….I shouldn't have said those things to you. Please don't misunderstand, I do appreciate you feelings, but it's just not safe for you to be near me. I don't want you to be hurt, I really, truly don't. I've tried to tell you several times before, but every time I try I can't do it. And when I saw your expression, all I could do when you left was curl up and cry. I want you to stay safe, even if I have to make you hate me. But just for you, I love you, and no matter what, that will always be true.

-Tenma

Seijun-"

I just sat there in shock. what the hell have I done?! I shouted at myself, scanning over the neat script once more. As soon as class was dismissed I bolted from the building. My heart pounded in my ears as I ran, recalling my memory of the previous evening; and her behavior before class tonight. I felt like kicking myself, at the very least for my stupidity.

-moon dorm-

I immediately came to a halt in the spacious foyer, searching to see if she'd left her room. But I couldn't sense her in her room….

I darted through the halls, having found her room free of it's occupant. where the hell is she!?

Rounding a sharp corner, I headed towards some of the unoccupied dorms.

I quickly stopped and staring the length of the moon-bathed hallway.

She sat at the opposite end, leaning against one of the floor-length windows. She laid relaxed against the window, almost limp. Asleep.

I quickly closed the gap between us and knelt next to her. I sat close to her and moved her bangs from her face, before resting it against her cheek. "what it really that hard to write that?" I asked quietly. I'd noticed one of her hands clenched over her heart and her hollow expression.

so it was that bad…. I mentally slapped myself. I must have done a lot of damage…

She shifted slightly and lost her balance, falling into me softly, her head resting gently against my shoulder.

My first thought was that she was going to wake, but that thought had never become reality, she merely stayed asleep, resting against me peacefully. I gently wrapped my arms around her slender waist and shifted her slightly, placing her in my lap, and leaning back against the glass instead.

I waited silently for her to come to wake, to be forced away again, but for now that didn't seem to be happening…

But my moment of bliss was over when she shifted again, and raised her head to stare at me curiously. "….ichijou…?" she asked, her voice still quiet and hoarse.

"what is it?" I asked quietly, allowing her to shift away from me.

Tenma shakily reached toward me, her hand brushing my cheek before letting it drop. "I…."

I gently grabbed her hand as it fell. "go on…." I urged, pressing her palm against my cheek.

Tenma opened her mouth, but no words escaped her lips, only a small whimper.

I leaned closer to her and pulled her to me, her head resting in the crook of my neck. "it's ok…I know what you're trying to say…" I murmured softly. I heard her breathing pick up, and she buried her face in my neck. "calm down…." I said softly, feeling the air around use tense as well.

The window cracked.

I quickly pulled the two of us away from the window as it shattered in on itself.

Tenma's thin hands grasped at my shirt, instead burying her face in my chest. "I told you it wasn't safe…"

The other windows followed the first, showering the hall in bright glass. And tenma tensed further in my arms.

"tenma…" I said. "you have to calm down…" I told her, pulling her closer as more shards rained down from the higher windows.

"I can't…"

I racked my brain, trying desperately to think of anything that would be able to fix this. A light bulb went off in my mind. "tenma, look at me." I whispered gently.

Hesitantly she raised her head from my neck, and met my eyes with her vacant gaze.

I slipped my hand behind her head and pulled her lips to mine. please calm down tenma… I tightened my arms around her, pulling her to me more securely, deeper into the kiss. After a moment I hesitantly opened my eyes expecting to see a pair of infuriated violet irises glaring back at me. I got the opposite.

She stared back at me in confusion, but her eyes showed no anger at my actions. The pressure lessened as her eyes closed, and within seconds it had disappeared all together.

I pulled away slightly, but not releasing the woman I held in my arms. "have you calmed down?" I asked finally, stealing a glance at the shattered windows.

She didn't answer.

I mentally stumbled over her silence. Had I done something wrong? Did I really upset her? "I'm sorry ab-"

"arigatou" tenma said suddenly, stopping my thoughts at a dead stand-still.

My eyes widened and my pulse unceremoniously sped as the reality of what she said sank in. did she really just…. I looked down at her, trying to see if I was hearing things right, but her head was lowered, shielding her eyes from my view.

"arigatou" she repeated as she pulled herself away from me, despite my reluctant arms trying to grasp for her again. "for everything." her face lit up with the most beautiful smile I'd ever seen her wear. "I don't know what I've done to deserve someone with such a kind heart…"

"you're being you, and that's all you have to do. Ever." I answered. My body felt cold from the absence of the warmth she held. "you really should consider smiling more…it really does suit you well…"

Tenma chuckled softly, a whispering, carefree sound. "I don't think so…" she said, turning to stare at the shattered stained-glass windows.

"well I do."

"at least someone does…" tenma said, smiling ruefully.

The undertone of her voice held pure anguish, and she turned back to the windows before I could meet her eyes. She was hiding from me, again…. "I'm going back to my room…" tenma said shakily, the unsteadiness of her voice distracted me, worried me. But not as much as her uneven steps towards the end of the hall.

"would you like help?" I asked as I quickly walked up to meet her. Her obvious answer rang clear as a bell in my head, but I ignored it and hoped for the best.

She turned and stared at me defiantly. "no."

My stomach plummeted.

"but you're going to still help regardless of what I say, won't you?"

I couldn't hold back the laughter as she stared at me with a wide grin. of course, leave it to tenma to say something like that…

I gently held one of my arms around her waist, and began guiding her down the hall. "now we depart!" I said with fake enthusiasm, causing her to giggle before pausing to look back towards the windows.

"but what about the windows?" tenma asked worriedly, eying the shattered glass fragments all over the floor. "kaname is so gonna kick my ass…..even if he doesn't usually hit girls…." her eyes filled with dread as the image filled both our minds. Tenma let out a small groan.

I chuckled. "don't worry, you'll be fine." I said reassuringly.

"so you may think."