Ste began to engage in the locking up routine. It was like an automatic process for him nowadays. Wipe down the bar and tables, put glasses in dishwasher, turn off lights and lock the doors. It was taking him longer and longer to complete nowadays though as he found himself lost in thought all too often. Most of the time it was unwanted thoughts, thoughts of Rae and her death illuminated by harsh laughter and sickening images of what could have happened.

That's what was so very bad about this whole situation, no one knew exactly what happened, so that left his mind to pick up the broken pieces of a murderous puzzle and try and stick them together. It invaded his dreams at night, he could visualise it so clearly, her face, her big eyes so full of fear, hands on her-

He'd often wake up in tears, traces of death lingering just behind his eyes, just out of reach. It was a wonder Amy never heard him, but then she was busy with Lee and New York to really take notice, as long as he paid her a smile of reassurance, she bought the mask. He tended to stay in his room most of the time when he was at home except for the odd time when he had to feed the kids or pay them a bit of attention; he could forget them, no matter how bad he felt. The other half of him time was occupied by work where he tried to keep to himself and avoided getting in Warren's way mainly so he didn't have to endure his boss going off about the situation the bar was now in, not to mention the sniggering and snipes he vented Ste's way concerning his ex.

Ste didn't even want to address that issue.

He didn't even want to think about that man.

Suppressing memories of this time last year was proving harder than he thought It would be, but then again deep inside of him he knew he would never be able to forget. He spent hours 'not' thinking about Brendan and how he was coping inside. Ste having been there could only imagine. He longed to speak to him again, Had almost gone to visit him before he realise how foolish he was being.

He didn't want to address the issue.

Of what Brendan could have done.

He didn't even want to dwell on the idea that his ex lover was capable of killing all those girls, but he did dwell. Long in to the night and day. He wouldn't, would he? How well did he actually know his former boss? He thought of all the times they'd been together, what had Brendan been doing before or after?

Ste now walked through the innocent village, it had never wanted any of this, it was only the people who people who thrived amongst the buildings that wanted this. Like the evening now encasing the village, hatred shadowed this place. As he passed through the skate park a memory jumped out of the darkness to him – One encounter around this time last year

"Stephen you know me better that anyone,"

Ste didn't want to believe the truth in that statement, but it was screaming at him like someone's life depended on it, maybe it did.

All those days and all those nights Ste got to know Brendan, past all the macho falseness to the core of the man he once loved…..

He learnt through body language more than anything, mainly because Brendan revealed more about him through his body language than his actual words. He had learned that when Brendan gets confused, Brendan feels threatened and beats up the first person he could lay his hands on – mostly Ste.

The scariest thing about this all was Ste knew Brendan was capable of killing, killed for Ste but the more he thought about it the more he slowly let himself see the colours of truth, his resolve to stay blind to the facts he just didn't want to deal with, dissolved. Brendan hadn't meant to kill that night, but something in him snapped when he knew Ste was in trouble, Ste knew it was so very wrong but he couldn't shake the feeling of love he once that spiked when he thought of it.

But didn't love Brendan anymore…

So many things that he didn't want to admit to himself or anyone, all tied together with a flash of that smile. He passed Relish and started to doubt himself again, this was always the case, he'd work himself up and come to an conclusion, but then he'd see something or read something that would bring him back to square one.

Next thing he knew he was standing in front of Rae's memorial in the park, how he got that was a mystery and it only made things worse. He wished she was still here, she'd help him sort out this mess, or slap him hard for being so pathetic.

It was all Brendan's fault – if Ste had never met him none of this would have happened. Ste could also blame himself, if he hadn't gotten himself involved with Brendan Rae would never of gotten on Brendan's bad side.

Ste was so wrapped up in his own thoughts he didn't hear the footsteps.