Chapter Eleven

William and Calder never discussed the spell or anything that happened prior to it—at least in depth. It being William's first real step into the world of magic, he eagerly brought up various aspects of the spell on occasion ("Did you feel the magic flowing through us?" "The knife just…floated there…" "I wonder what the candles do?" "Is there really wind in every spell?"), but neither of them spoke of anything deeper than that; nor was Calder's life in the gang of Greek gods ever mentioned.

Their friendship resumed. It was somewhat awkward for Calder, but the physical pain they had shared-and that it had been completely voluntary on William's part-was enough to tell him that he was welcome back to his old life.

The problem was, it didn't feel like his old life anymore.

Though he and William still visited each other, talked at school, and strolled around town with their other friends, like old times, Calder felt drastically changed. Even after he got over the awkwardness in his relationship with William, Calder still felt that everything had shifted and he didn't know how to put it back—or even if he could. Suddenly, he and William had different experiences and while it felt awkward to acknowledge that difference, it also felt pointless to deny it.

William was still essentially William, albeit more mature than when they had separated, but Calder felt like a stranger in his own mind. The things he'd done and seen weighed on him. He tried ignoring the weight, but it didn't work. He tried mentally working through it, but found he wasn't quite sure how. He tried distracting himself with friends and activities he used to enjoy. That usually worked for a little while, but as soon as the distraction was gone, the weight was back.

Calder found himself watching groups of teens and young adults that reminded him of his former circle, wondering…

Though William's actions had never made him feel so…loved, Calder had also never felt so alone. There was no one he knew that he could, or wanted to, talk to. He wasn't even sure talking would help, but it was the only thing he hadn't done. Of his friends, the only one who would care to hear about Calder's problems was William—and Calder was not about to divulge that part of his life to his only true friend.

Angel had crossed Calder's thoughts as one to talk to, then dismissed just as quickly. Calder had not seen Angel since the night of the spell, refusing William's suggestions of going to visit him under various pretenses of being "busy" or simply "not in the mood." If Calder were in Angel's position, he wouldn't want to listen to a scared, confused 13-year-old who had already dragged him into helping him fix his petty deeds; which involved using an extremely painful spell just to get the stupid kid out of trouble.

That, and Angel still scared him. Calder wasn't about to push his luck with a vampire whom he now knew loved scaring the—swearing was the one thing that still gave Calder a fleeting sense of power and control—shit out of people. No, Angel was not an option. So Calder made it through the next few weeks as he had been: with many distractions and masks to assure the world that he was fine, great, just fantastic; and at night he wrestled his demons alone.

Calder's mood did not slip William. As the only one who came close to knowing Calder's thoughts, William caught the sneaked sighs, false face-brightenings, and glazed looks of his best friend. One fine day in early summer found William and Calder sitting on the swings of one of the playgrounds they frequented as young kids, rocking gently back and forth. As Calder issued one of those barely audible sighs, William surprised Calder by saying,

"You know you can talk about it with me."

Calder stared at William for a moment. William had never been one to take such initiative with a situation—it was always Calder who blurted out those sentences that were direct and out-of-the-blue. Calder looked away.

"What?" Calder asked, though he knew it was of no use.

"You know what."

Calder didn't respond.

"You can tell me whatever you want," William gently pressed.

"No I can't."

"Why?"

"Because you don't understand."

"Do I need to?"

Calder didn't answer right away. Then he said quietly, "I don't want you to."

Silence fell again as they pushed gently against the ground, rocking with the light breeze.

A knock came through the door to Calder's flat a few days later. Calder was playing a game on his Palm, so he thought about shouting at his younger brother to answer the door instead, but decided that the argument might not be worth it. Besides, he was losing. He paused and dropped the game and went to open the door. He was shocked to see Angel standing there.

"Hi," Angel said.

Leaning into the door, Calder let his eyes glance around aimlessly before replying, "Hi."

"Can I come in?" Angel asked. Calder wasn't sure he wanted to let him. The fact that Angel had never been invited to Calder's meant that Calder was still protected. If he really thought about it, he trusted Angel enough not to kill him, but he liked the power he held too much to let it go just yet.

"What do you want?" he asked.

"To talk."

"About what?"

Angel shrugged. "Whatever. I haven't seen you in a while. Why haven't you been by?"

Let's see, Calder thought, you're a sadistic vampire who delights in pain and fear; you thoroughly enjoyed threatening to torture and kill my frie- my ex-friend; your weak punches send people flying into walls; and you don't care about the things I've done because you've done things a hundred times worse!

As these thoughts flew through Calder's head, a frown appeared on Angel's face. He seemed to be studying Calder. Calder's heart quickened—which made him realize it was already thudding a little extra hard—as the thought occurred to him: Can Angel read minds?

"Are you afraid of me, Calder?"

Apparently, he could. Or something equal to it.

"Well..." Calder said. "Yeah!"

Angel raised his eyebrows and chuckled.

"It's not funny!" Calder said indignantly. "You were really scary that night with the torture and death threats and the playing with the knife and…" He hesitated. "…And you have a really creepy laugh." Angel was failing to hide his amusement. "It's not funny," Calder said again.

Still trying not to smile, Angel said, "You're right. I'm sorry, it's not. It's just… Of all things I was expecting, that wasn't it. I was trying to scare your leader, not you." There was a pause. "Look," Angel continued, "if I can't come in, will you come out?"

"Out?"

"Yeah. Let's take a walk."

Calder glanced around again.

"You can go get your stake if it would make you feel safer."

Calder looked at Angel. He wasn't mocking him; he was completely serious.

"Okay," Calder agreed and went to get his stake and jacket. He returned a minute later.

"Ready?" Angel asked.

Calder nodded. "Yeah. And…you can come in."

"Why the invite?"

"Because," Calder said, closing the door behind him and whipping his jacket over his shoulders, "I'm not that scared of you."

Their walk began in silence. They both seemed to be waiting until they were well out of earshot of Calder's flat, as though they required privacy from the eyes and ears of Calder's home. The cool night air stirred. Finally, Angel spoke.

"I'm sorry."

"For what?"

"For scaring you. I should have said something. I forgot you had never seen that side of me before—actually, half the time I forgot you were there."

"That into it, were you?" Calder's tone was somewhat bitter.

"Yes." Angel answered honestly. It surprised Calder. "Calder, I'm not going to pretend I didn't enjoy it. You know there's a demon in me—that I am a demon. Just know that I'd never do anything to hurt you."

"But if I did something like Zeus…"

"I don't kill or torture anymore. The kid just needed a good scare so that he'd never try anything that stupid again." Angel let that digest a moment. "Are we okay?"

Calder nodded. "Yeah."

Silence fell for a moment again before Angel spoke. "Tell me if I'm wrong, but I get the feeling you didn't stop coming over with William just because of me."

Calder didn't respond right away. "It's just…" he paused, "things aren't like they used to be."

"No they're not. Did you expect them to?"

Calder shrugged. "I want them to… I mean, everything else is the same as it was before I…before; and now I can't fit into it anymore. School is still school and Will is still Will and I'm…I'm not me."

"Things aren't the same, Calder. Things are never the same. Things change, people change. You can't fit in to the way things used to be because things aren't the way they used to be. William's is different, too, if you'd take the time to notice."

"How is he different? He didn't go through anything like I did. He didn't become…" Calder took a deep breath, kicked at a broken piece of pavement, and said quietly, "he didn't become a criminal." It was the first time Calder has ever applied that word to himself. But that's what he was, right? Maybe not the kind that got maximum security for life, but he could have definitely spent time in prison if things had gone differently.

"First of all," Angel said, "you're right, William did not share your experience. He went through something very different. But you don't have to go completely over to the dark side to change, you know. I once knew a Seer who…well, let's just say you couldn't find two more different people than the girl she was in high school to the person she became after she got the visions. Second of all: criminal?" Angel looked over at Calder with a raised eyebrow. "No one was hurt and it's all in the past. Don't be so hard on yourself." Angel looked forward again.

"I just keep wondering what will happen if someone finds out…"

"No one's going to find out. The only people who can say anything are you and me."

Calder furrowed his brow. "But what about the rest of the gang? I know you did the whole threatening thing, but they can still go at any minute and-"

"—They can't," Angel interrupted. Calder stared at Angel, confused. Angel sighed. "I…" he started, then began again. "It's not exactly ethical, using magic this way, which is why I didn't tell you, but…I changed the spell we did, a little. You two probably could have done it on your own the way we were supposed to do it, but I added a few things in…"

"What did you do?" Calder asked, a little resentful that Angel had not let them in on it.

Angel glanced sideways at Calder before replying. "I made it so no one in your group can say anything about your involvement with them. If they try…" Angel tried to think of a way to describe it, but couldn't. "Well, trust me: they can't say anything. They can't write it down, either," Angel added. "I could have done it after you left, but it was easier when you were still connected to them. This way I didn't miss anyone."

Calder was silent for a minute, a wave of relief washing through him, mixing with a swell of gratitude for Angel. "And William?" he asked after a minute.

"Doesn't know anything you haven't told him."

"So…you didn't tell him anything about why we had to do the spell?"

"I told him that there was a spell cast on you to bind you to this group, and that you wanted to break it."

"That's it?"

"That's it."

Calder thought for a moment. "Thanks," he said. It was too small a word to express what Calder felt, but it would have to do for the moment.

A crash echoed in an alleyway just ahead of them. Angel broke into a run, Calder close behind.

A quick glance around the corner seemed to be all Angel needed to asses the situation, but Calder needed a bit more time. He stayed at the entrance to the narrow side street while Angel strode down, approaching the figures in the relative darkness. Calder heard whimpering somewhere and some evil-sounding chuckling. He guessed there were four figures down there, not including Angel's, though it was hard to tell because of the fight that had broken out. One of the figures—a young woman—came pelting out of the alley and past Calder without a second look at him.

So, there were three—no, make that two, now—vampires left. At least, Calder assumed they were vampires, based on the way that one fell to dust. It was possibly the strangest thing Calder had seen: a human figure just collapsing into dust. There went another one. Calder had long lost track of where Angel was—the figures were so fast he could barely make anything out. Then suddenly, they stopped.

"Calder," Angel's voice came from the alley. "Come here."

Calder tentatively made his way down the alley. As he got closer, he could see Angel, in normal human face, holding the last vampire, in vampire face, in an impossibly strong grip.

Calder stared at the vampire. He had never seen one in vampire form before. Its teeth looked sharper than he imagined and its eyes were eerily yellow. Though its arms were pinned in a pretzel shape behind his back at no angle that would allow for any kind of force and Angel had it leaning so far back and off balance that it couldn't move its feet, it still struggled to get free in feeble, yet vehement jerks. It growled from somewhere deep inside of it. Calder involuntarily shivered.

"Stake him," Angel said.

Calder jerked slightly. "Huh?"

"You've got a stake. Stake him."

Calder pulled the stake out of his pocket, looked at it, then looked at Angel. "Really?"

Angel nodded. Calder raised the stake somewhat awkwardly. He looked at the point, looked at vampire's heart, and allowed himself a slight smile as he plunged the stake into the vampire's chest. Just like the others, it crumbled into dust in front of his eyes. Angel stepped back out of the way and brushed off what dust fell on his sleeves.

"Good job," Angel said. "Feel better?"

"Yeah," Calder replied. "Actually, I do."