A/N: To protect your sensitivities, no boobs. You'll probably have to be somewhat of an adult to really appreciate this chapter. If you're a father, you'll appreciate both Jim and Castle's predicaments and perspectives. Don't blame me for Beckett's behavior. It's who she is.
OM
She Learned the Truth at 17 By Oldest Man
Chapter 10
He seemed oblivious to her scars and in fact seemed to spend more time kissing and nibbling at them than the other side. She asked him about it and he seemed surprised and rolled over and thought about it. His answer surprised her.
"I'm right handed but favor my left for caressing and since we generally lie on our sides, me on my right and you on your left, the right side of you is more available. Why? Does it bother you? I'll stop. I didn't think about it."
Her response had been to crawl onto him and attack him with kisses and her own caresses. She loved touching him and the feel of his shaft in her hand and his response to her touch empowered her.
Beckett's Apartment
At exactly 9:58 Beckett's cell began chiming and she ran into the kitchen to find it. She'd left it behind and had never given it a thought when she returned to her apartment.
"Hey, Rick, are you running late?" It was Castle on the phone.
"No, just wondering – can you drive a standard shift, Kate?"
"Yeah, why? Oh, your knee. I forgot. Hey, why are you driving? I thought you said you'd use a car service."
"I wanted to share something special with you this morning – any morning really – and I didn't think to ask. Can you?"
"Yes, Richard. I can drive a standard."
"Good. Then come down and drive my car. It's killing my leg to shift and I don't want to be popping painkillers around your dad. It might give him the wrong idea."
"Okay, be right down." She put her cell on the charger and grabbed her purse, a gift for her dad and locked up. She walked through the lobby and pushed open her apartment door and stopped – astonished.
Castle was nonchalantly leaning across the roof of a Ferrari 458 Italia – red with a black hardtop – and grinning. A set of keys dangled from his fingertips.
"C'mon. I figure you'll want to go the 'long way' but I don't want to be late, Kate. We can drive back by way of Canada on the way home."
"R-R-Rick – oh, my…" She opened the door and slid into the driver's seat and the smell of leather and Castle's cologne enveloped her.
Kate reached for the ignition key but Rick stopped her. "Nuh uh – seat belt. The seat adjustment's on the left, the radio and other stuff is on the smart stick. Not too intimidating for you, is it, Beckett?"
She buckled up, adjusted her mirror, started the big engine, revved it to get the feel of the power surging around and then peeled out leaving a few hundred mile's worth of rubber back in front of her apartment.
Long Island Expressway
Rick loved the look of pure pleasure on her face. She drove the same way she approached any task, head on and without hesitation. He watched her double-clutch and downshift when a semi pulled on in front of her and laughed at her 'Shit!' when he didn't hit 90mph within seconds and she had to decelerate.
He leaned his seat back a bit and smiled and closed his eyes. He loved the look on her face and loved putting it there. If she thought this was something – wait until she got a gander at the bi-plane out at Easthampton Aviation he'd bought and learned to fly as 'research'.
Neither one said a word during the drive out to Beckett's dad's place out on the Island. He just relaxed and thought about all the things that could go wrong in the short time he'd spend with her father.
She reveled in the power, speed and sheer pleasure of driving a car she could only someday dream of owning, let alone actually drive. She glanced over at Rick and smiled at his contented smile and drowsy eyes.
She thought about her father and his probable reaction to her boyfriend – a term she never thought she'd ever use except in reference to someone else's, never hers.
After Johanna's death, her father grown despondent and verbally abusive to Kate and she'd finally moved out, quit college and entered the Police Academy.
Two years after his wife's death, Jim Beckett sold their apartment and moved out of the city. There were just too many memories and too many bars and liquor stores. His new place was bigger than he needed but the price had been right and the location ideal and so he'd moved, gotten into AA and was living the rest of his life as he wanted.
The rest was history, some of it good but most of it unremarkable.
Jim Beckett's Home
Port Washington, Long Island
When Kate pulled up into the long gravel drive and parked, she asked Rick to be patient with her dad.
"He's bitter and sarcastic sometimes. He hates that I'm a cop and makes every effort to convince me to go back to school and 'make something of myself'. He quit teaching and he writes the occasional article but other than that and AA meetings, I'm all he's got. Be patient, please?"
"If he starts in on you, I'll just walk out of the room but Kate, I understand something of what he feels. You're all he's got left and every single time the phone rings he's afraid it's someone telling him his daughter's been hurt or killed. I'd feel the same way if Alexis were a cop. I feel that way about you."
"Maybe if he knew Rick Rogers was my shadow…" She smiled at him, letting the remainder of her sentence go unsaid but understood by both.
"Instead of Richard Castle, playboy and 'scarred snake fucker'?"
She momentarily forgot to breathe. He knew her better than anyone except perhaps for her father and his comment was double-edged. She reached for his hand but he stepped away.
"Kate, he doesn't know about me, just what he saw on TV and probably has read in the newspapers. I don't think knowing that I'm going to shadow you is going to make much difference to him."
"It does to me. And I can't apologize enough for what I said that first day in the alley. It was cruel and thoughtless but I didn't know you and then all I saw was hurt in your eyes and I wanted to take it back but you were gone."
"I know that, Kate. It's history. I'm looking at it from a father's perspective, that's all. This is the first time he's had to deal with this situation and he's just as uncertain as I am. He loves you and he wants to protect you from all the men out there who might prey upon you. He won't accept that I love you just by hearing it. He'll have to see it demonstrated over time, Kate."
"Well, c'mon. He's probably watching from the living room window and asking himself what's going on. Let me handle the hard parts, honey, all right?"
"I thought we were a couple. We should do things together and that includes stuff like this. Okay, but I reserve the right to jump in if it gets ugly, fair enough?"
"It won't get ugly as long as you just be yourself. If I love you, he'll have to accept it." She spoke with such certainty that he didn't have the heart to tell her that as a father, what shefelt didn't count. She would always be daddy's little girl.
Dinner was simple fare and Rick found the conversation between father and daughter hard to follow at times and difficult to listen to at others.
There were a lot of things that only needed to be 'half spoken' to be understood between father and daughter leaving Rick in the dark but satisfied that blood hadn't been shed – yet.
"Rick, what do you think? Shouldn't Katie be thinking about her future? I think she needs to go back to school, even if it's just at night, and finish up those few courses she needs for her degree. What do you think?"
"Daddy – " Her look made Rick want to hold her and tell her everything would be okay if she just trusted him.
"No, Katie. I want to know what Rick thinks. Rick?"
"I think your daughter's got a mind of her own. I've seen what happens first-hand when she's crossed," he tried making light of it but saw from Jim's frown that he couldn't, "but whatever she wants to do in life, I'll support her decision and help her anyway I can. I know that's not what you want to hear, but it's how I feel."
"I see. So you think this business of putting her life on the line everyday for people who don't care is okay? You're okay with her risking her life to bring justice to people who are dead and are beyond caring?"
"Dad! That's enough. I didn't bring Rick here to be interrogated like one of your mock trials. He's not on trial here. I am. Every time I come up here it's the same thing and you wonder why my visits are few and far, far between."
"Kate, let me answer."
"No, Rick. This isn't fair to either of us – " but he interrupted her and continued with his answer.
"I can't think of a nobler calling than what she does. She brings closure and comfort to people who have suffered an agonizing loss and she wants, more than anything in the world, to answer their unspoken question, 'Why? Why my son, daughter, brother, friend or you fill in the blank'. I know it's trite sounding, but she speaks for those who can't."
"So did her mother and you see how that worked out?"
"Dad!" Kate left the table then, almost knocking over her chair in her haste to put distance between her and her father. She ran upstairs to 'her' room and threw herself on the bed.
"I – I just don't want to have to identify another piece of me on some morgue slab. You're a father, Rick, surely you understand – "
"I understand that if you want your daughter in your life you have to accept her choices and live with them. I know it's not the same, how I feel about her and how you feel, but I'm scared shitless that I'll get a call in the middle of the night, the day, hell, anytime, that she's gone. But it's part of what makes Kate, Kate. I have to accept it if I want to be part of her life."
They talked for almost an hour while Jim washed the dishes and Rick dried. Mostly about kids, hopes and dreams, carefully avoiding any mention of Kate's mother.
Kate was walking down the stairs thinking about how hard it was to be around her father. She'd spent almost half an hour crying in her old bed that her dad had moved with him but she'd calmed down and was going to join them. Her ears perked up when she heard her father drop a bomb on her boyfriend.
"So, you love my Katie, huh? Until something new comes along? You've got quite the reputation, Rick Castle." He'd deliberately caught him off guard and that's the way he'd planned it.
"I'll love her for the rest of my life. The 'Rick Castle' in the gossip columns is the creation of my agent and publisher. I don't date and haven't in 4 years. I spend all my time writing or with my daughter. Now, how long will Kate stay with me? That's the question."
Rick looked at Jim and then out the window at the melting snow. He didn't want to have this conversation at all, especially not with Kate's father, but he'd opened his mouth and it was too late to put the cat back into the bag.
"She's not a cheater, Rick. Not my Katie."
"I know that, but I'm not naive enough to think for one minute that I'm the last guy she'll ever love. I'm just her first. Look, I'm older than she is. She'll find someone younger, better looking, someone she has more in common with and she'll try not to but she'll fall in love and then she'll leave me."
"You make I sound like it's inevitable."
"Been married twice, divorced twice, both found others that filled their career or personal needs that I couldn't and I don't doubt for one minute that someday she'll leave, too. I don't want to lose her but I'll step aside if it makes her happy."
He stared at her father, as if daring him to doubt him. In a small voice, almost talking to himself he said, "I just want her to be happy, that's all."
Kate sat down on the riser and put her hands in her face and sighed. He loved her, that much was plain, but he didn't believe he'd be her last, just her first, and that just wasn't true. Somehow, some way, she had to convince him of her sincerity.
Kate walked into the kitchen and put her arm around Rick's waist and slipped under his arm.
"Rick, it's getting late, honey, and I've got a full day tomorrow. Dad, Rick's mom wants you to come down between Christmas and New Years for dinner and to meet the rest of the family. Please come?"
"Sure. Give us a couple of minutes, will you, Rick?"
Castle walked out onto the porch and pulled his suit coat around him. It had gotten decidedly colder now that the sun was down. He walked out to the car and started it and then got into the passenger seat and waited.
Kate opened the door and climbed in, shivering from the cold. She noted the warmth of the seat and looked over at him and he just smiled. "Electrically heated seats. Can't have you freezing your butt off, can I?"
Kate turned on the radio and drove back to the city.
Both were uncharacteristically quiet, especially Castle, whose mind was turning over the conversation with Kate's Dad. They were just a few blocks from her apartment where she was going to spend the night since she had work and he had a meeting with Gina and Paula.
"Well, did I behave?" He looked over at her profile. She wasn't smiling and he figured they'd have an argument sooner or later, just not this soon.
"Yeah, you were…perfect. He said you were perfect for me and that I'd have to work really, really hard to screw this up because…"
"Because?" She had his full attention now.
"Because the only way you'll ever leave me is if I drive you away." Her remarks were unexpected.
"Oh. Well, that's true, Kate."
"I heard what you said in the kitchen. I was walking down the back stairs and I heard him ask you if you loved me and I heard your answer."
"I told you I wouldn't lie to him if he asked me a direct question and your dad sure asks some direct questions."
"Rick, why don't you think we'll last? Yes, this is the first relationship I've ever been in but it's got to be the best thing for both of us. We're up front with one another, you're brutally honest with me and I'm the one whose love is in question."
"I don't doubt that you love me, Kate. I just don't think I'm the only man you'll ever love. I'm not creating a self-fulfilling prophecy here, babe. I'm in this forever. I've done my comparison shopping and you're the only woman I've loved and been in love with. See the difference?"
He glanced over and saw her eyes shining with unshed tears and how she was gnawing on her lower lip.
"Kate, please, let's just live life as it comes. You'll never have to worry about me cheating, straying, whatever you want to call it. I've never felt this way about any other woman. Let's not argue about semantics."
"It's not semantics, it's about trust. You don't trust my commitment."
"I wish I'd just kept my mouth shut. I told the truth to your father in response to a direct question. I don't lie, Beckett."
"Castle, I'm not saying that. I'm saying that deep down inside, where you've hidden Rick Rogers, you don't see us being together for the rest of our lives. Is that the correct interpretation?"
Her voice was getting colder and colder as the conversation went on and he was just digging himself a deeper hole with each sentence so he went on the offensive.
"You overheard something. You eavesdropped. You violated my trust. It was between your father and I, Beckett. If you hadn't interrupted us you just might have heard that I was going to tell him that I intended to buy an engagement ring for Valentine's Day – that's how committed I was."
"Was?" She was on the verge of tears now.
"Am. Semantics. Tense. Jesus, why are you making such a big thing out of this? Yes, I'm afraid that some day you'll leave me. Yes. I'm afraid. But I refuse to let my fear dictate my life."
She pulled up in front of her apartment building and shifted into neutral and set the parking brake but sat there, not moving.
"Don't take this the wrong way but I don't want you to come in to the precinct until we settle some things. I'm tired and I'm going to put my foot in my mouth and say something stupid that I'll regret for the rest of my life so just give me some time to come to grips with all of this."
"Call me when you figure things out." He got out and walked around to her side and opened the door. He started to walk her to her apartment but she pulled her arm out of his grasp and stopped him.
"No, that's okay. I'm a big girl. I can find my own way," and walked away and up the short flight of steps to the lobby without looking back.
Castle watched her walk away and then got into his car and drove slowly back to his loft.
Kate's Apartment
She could hear her cell ringing as she fumbled with the keys to open the door. She was crying and could hardly see to fit the key into the door.
"Beckett" She willed herself to stop crying. Crying served no purpose. She'd just hurt the man she loved and walked away, exactly like he said she'd do some day. Stupid!
"Kate, where the hell you been? Is Castle with you?" It was Lanie Parrish and she sounded really exasperated and excited and tense.
"He just dropped me off. He's on his way back to his place." She waited for the inevitable rush of questions but instead heard her talking to someone in the background. 'Send a patrol car to Beckett's place.She's there.'
"A uniform will be there to pick you up and bring you here. Captain Montgomery is on site and so are the Feds including your old friend Agent Shaw. It's really bad, Kate, and Castle's going to need our support."
"Wait! Where is 'here' and why are the Feds involved?" She didn't want to know anything else. The knot in her stomach begged her not to ask.
"The White Eagle killer is back. He left a calling card at Castle's apartment. Martha's refused to go to the hospital until Rick returned and she's been lightly sedated. He's not answering his cell and we were afraid he'd been taken, too."
"Too?" The knot was so tight she couldn't breathe.
"His daughter, Alexis. The killer took her. He wants Castle. He wants revenge."
"But Dalton Jefferson's dead! We saw it all. He's dead." She couldn't breathe. Alexis taken. She had an image of Rick holding his dead daughter and it was all too much for her. She ran to her bathroom and vomited.
Loft Building
A uniformed police officer stopped Castle from turning into the parking garage. He asked Rick business and when he identified himself, the officer spoke into his shoulder microphone and said, "It's Castle. I'm sending him into the parking garage." And then to Castle he said, "Drive down into the garage. An Agent will meet you and explain the situation."
Rick parked the Ferrari and got out and a man he vaguely recognized from Port Elizabeth and the motel met him and took him to the elevator.
"What's going on, Agent?"
"Agent Shaw is in charge and can explain everything to you, Mr. Castle. We're doing everything in our power to bring her back safely. Shaw needs your input and help. The kidnapper has been calling every 15 minutes and will only talk with you and she's getting impatient."
"Tough shit. Shaw needs to cool her jets. What kidnapper?" The elevator reached the 21st floor and the agent hustled him down to his door. The hall way was full of uniformed police and neighbors were being questioned. It was bedlam.
"Castle! Thank God you're here." Lanie rushed up to him and hugged him. "Why didn't you answer your damned cell phone?"
"I turned it off. We were – that's not important. Where are my mother and Alexis?" He peeled Lanie off him and looked for Shaw. She was sitting on a chair pulled over near the couch where Martha was lying, covered with a blanket. Her eyes were bandaged.
Shaw saw him and took him into his study.
"Castle, she's asleep. She got sprayed with Mace and the bandages are just to keep her from rubbing them raw. Look, here's the situation. Someone came up, knocked on the door and Mrs. Rogers answered it and someone sprayed her eyes and then she heard Alexis scream and your mother called 911."
"What else, Jordan. Don't parse out information like I'm some idiot off the streets."
Jordan pulled a towel off a large plastic evidence bag. Inside were two right hands. Another evidence bag held a letter and Jordan opened it carefully and put it flat on the desk for Castle to read it.
It was signed Alexaya. Rick sat down in his desk chair, ignoring the grisly bag of hands and reread the letter. She was dead. The entire back of her head was gone and her eyes were open and he remembered the dull brown instead of the lively eyes that he'd fallen in love with. He remembered finding a shovel and burying her in the village graveyard.
"Talk to me, Castle. What does it mean?" She had watched his face lose all color and he had sat down and read the letter again and again. She watched him run his fingertips over the signature.
"Agent Shaw, the kidnapper's on the phone again."
"Bring it in here. Have it traced. Tell her he's here but momentarily overcome. Buy us a few more seconds for a trace."
The agent returned and handed Shaw the cheap cell phone that had been left behind for Castle.
"Rick, keep her on the line as long as possible for a trace." She handed him the phone and he saw 'Alexis' in called ID.
"This is Richard Castle. Let me speak with my daughter. No proof of life and I hang up."
'Richard Rogers, I have your daughter. You took someone precious from me and now I will take something precious from you.'
"You're not Alexaya. She's dead. Who are you?" He was buying time for a trace. Agents were monitoring the conversation as was Shaw through her earpiece.
Shaw grimaced at his cold and demanding tone and started to say something when Castle continued.
"Call me back when she's awake, or better yet, I propose an exchange – me for her. It's me you want to hurt. Why bother with Alexis when you can have me to exact your revenge?"
'Alexis? So you did love my sister after all. Interesting. She's been through a lot, your daughter. How was she burned?'
"Her mother – there was an accident – boiling water. Where are you? I'll come alone and you can have me and let her go."
Shaw was vigorously shaking her head 'no' but Castle ignored her and kept talking.
'You have paper? There are brownstones that are being torn down…'
Castle felt a hand creep into his and he glanced up and saw Kate standing beside him. He ignored her and concentrated on the call.
"I'll be there, Ludmilla. I always hoped that somehow you made it out alive."
He disconnected the phone and pulled out the trailing wires and stood up. He pulled his hand from Kate's and walked over to a picture hanging on the wall and jerked it off and threw it aside revealing a wall safe.
He keyed in the combination and opened it. He took out two knives in sheaths and said to Shaw, "I want wired up just like last time. It's Alexaya's sister, Ludmilla. She'd be…30 or so. I wondered how Dalton got so close to his victims – he used her to lure them into a trap. Makes sense now, doesn't it, Beckett?"
Richard Castle had left the room. Richard Rogers was back.