Pls read XavierWheels' Waiting for the End. Truly good.
She Learned the Truth at 17 By Oldest Man
"Lex, when you're older, you'll understand. I've hurt him badly so many times. This whole relationship thing is new to me and when I saw him kissing that woman – "
"She kissed him. He told me he wasn't interested. We both jumped to conclusions and now we're screwed."
"He'll forgive you. Just give him time, sweetie."
You could always just do the adult thing, Kate. Go find him and apologize or go pack and leave."
Chapter 13
"Will you be all right alone for a while? We can talk if you think it will help, Alexis." Kate was looking for any excuse not to leave the crime scene she'd created.
"I'll be fine. I learned a lesson today although I think I've always known it and I just ignored it."
"What's that?"
"My Dad's love is unconditional. A woman's love is full of conditions, catches, and is situational."
Kate held back the tears that Alexis' comment brought forth. Was it true? Was her 'love' conditional? Did love depend on the situation?
"I'm going to wash my face. I feel dirty. I'll be a few minutes." Kate got to her feet and saw a business card on the desk beside Defense Exhibit #1, the laptop. She picked the card up and turned it over. There was a name and telephone number written on the back of the card: 'Dr. Cynthia Forrestal, MD, PhD' and a phone number.
She carefully placed the card back where it had lain and straightened it up in relation to the laptop. It was something she did at her own desk and she always did it to buy time.
Kate walked up the steps and into their bedroom. Castle's clothes were thrown everywhere as if he couldn't wait to get them off. She picked up the suit jacket and put it on a hangar and put it in his closet. She carefully folded the pants and hung them up. She picked up his shirt and buried her face in it, inhaling his scent.
She noticed the two small jewelers' boxes, one blue velvet and the other white. She picked up the blue one and opened it. Inside were two unmatched diamond pendant earrings. Kate realized that they were matched but that one was smaller than the other. He knew she couldn't wear earrings on her right ear and so he figured she could wear both in her left eat. He remembered everything about her, even the littlest things.
Kate closed the box and set it back on the comforter exactly where it had been and nervously picked up the white one and opened it. It was a beautiful diamond engagement ring set in white platinum and she couldn't resist trying it on just one time. Of course it was a perfect fit. Somehow he'd either guessed or knew her ring size.
'It's perfect. Not too gaudy, not too ostentatious, beautifully cut and set and the platinum is perfect for my skin tone. It's perfect.'
Perfect. Without flaws. It described his approach to her, in a strange way.
She closed her eyes and imagined a future without this incredibly caring and aggravating man but she couldn't. Not now. Not ever.
Kate started to slip the ring off but stopped.
Why not? Why couldn't she have the future she wanted with the man whom she wanted and seemed totally dedicated to wanting her? It was stupid to let her fear of rejection stand in her way. It was stupid to be jealous of a woman who threw him and his little girl away for a career. He was so honest about his feelings and she'd dumped on him just like all the rest.
She took a deep breath and looked at the ring again, imagining another one nestled against it. Yeah, why not?
Kate bounced down the stairs, walked proudly back into the study where Alexis still sat and announced in a strong voice, "I love your father and I love you. I want what I want when I want it. That's another truism you should put in your little book of truths. I want him, no matter how badly I screwed this up and I'm going to have him!"
"The gym's in the basement. Turn left off the elevator. He'll be in the far corner beating the stuffing out of the heavy bag. Don't sneak up on him or you'll regret it. When he's down there, he's really somewhere else, someplace dark and scary. Don't startle him."
Alexis wondered which of her friends she could con into letting her spend the night. The walls weren't all that soundproof and she figured they'd want some privacy this evening.
She took out her cell and started calling her contacts.
The Gym
The heavy bag was his mortal enemy. All his frustrations, thwarted desires, an entire lifetime of rejections from publishers and people, all were inside the canvas and leather monolith that swung mockingly from its ceiling chain tether. Today he'd added another one to the bag. They welcomed her with open arms and knowing smiles. They felt safe mocking him from their fortress.
Umph! Another right to the short ribs. Ooof! A spinning back fist wipes the smirk from it's EVERLAST face but still it mocked him and so he unleashed another barrage of punishing punches and kicks and still the damned thing refused to go down.
He bounced back but his feet weren't positioned correctly and so his next punch wasn't effective at all. Castle danced around the heavy bag peppering it with jabs and body blows but his opponent refused to falter, remained upright and still mockingly swayed as if saying 'Is that all ya got, Ricky?'
"Fuck you!" It was his war cry and he unconsciously launched into a pre-programmed routine he called 'Castle's Kata', a series of moves, counters and kicks that ended up with a muscle-burning flurry of punches to the ribcage. It was cleansing and he often lost himself in the mindless routine of punches, kicks, an occasional forearm across the face, and finally the grand finale, a series of punches to his opponent's ribs that invariably brought them to their knees.
But not this time.
He wrapped his arms around the heavy bag and slipped to his knees in defeat, all vestiges of hate, love and fear purged from him, if only for a little while. His breath came in gulping sobs and he was robbed of even this little bit of 'not-ness' by a quiet voice breaking through the haze.
"Castle, I'm sorry."
She slipped quietly into the gym and found him exactly where his daughter said he'd be, in the far corner, punishing a heavy bag with punches and kicks. She winced in sympathy for the bag when he smashed a fist into imaginary ribs with such force that it pushed the breath from him.
A spinning back fist cratered the imaginary face of his opponent and she knew from experience that any human sparring partner would be lying unconscious on the mats.
Kate watched as Rick circled his opponent and then flinched when he screamed 'Fuck you!' and launched into a punishing ballet of elbow smashes, kicks and punches that seemed to flow effortlessly one into the other.
It ended when Castle wrapped his arms around the bag and sank to his knees, gulping deep breaths and using his grip on the bag to remain upright.
She crossed the 20 feet of polished wood flooring and stood behind him and almost whispered, "Castle, I'm sorry."
Rick had a flash of an image of himself hugging the bag on his knees and it sickened him. He struggleed to stand and shook off her attempt to help him. The last thing he needed was false concern.
"What are you doing here?" The gifted and talented best selling author is ever so creatively articulate and that really pissed him off.
"Alexis told me where you were and – okay, this is hard for me. I'm not used to – "
"You've apologized, Kate. I accept your apology. There's nothing more to say."
"Hold it right there, Castle! This is my apology and I'll decide when it's said and done, not you. Jesus, you are so stubborn sometimes." She stopped and thought about what she'd just said and said softly, "Okay, I'm stubborn, too. Look, I can't talk to the back of your head. I need to see your face, your eyes, so turn around."
When he turned she could see the unshed tears in his eyes and knew it was both frustration with her and the situation in general that put them there.
"I went up to our," she hesitated on the word, praying it wouldn't change, "room to pack and leave but I saw the mess you'd left and I hung up your suit and put the shirt in the hamper and then I saw those two little jeweler's boxes and…"
His eyes narrowed and his lips compressed into a bloodless line across his face and for a moment she was afraid, but only for a moment. He looked away and removed the 5 ounce boxing gloves he wore.
"…and I opened the earrings and figured out immediately that you'd remembered my two studs and that I couldn't wear one in what's left of my right. They're beautiful and they're perfect."
"Take them when you leave, Kate. I don't look good in diamonds." It wasn't humor, just a statement of fact. Her face paled a little but she drove on in the face of his intransigence.
"And then I opened up the other one. It's a perfect fit and I realized that I couldn't imagine a life from that very second on unless you were in it with me. I made some dumb moves, Castle, and I'm really sorry. I just – this whole relationship thing is new to me. I don't know what to do and I'm afraid that any moment you'll wake up and realize that I'm as scarred inside as out and that you'll leave – "
She never got to finish her sentence. Soft lips covered hers and anything she might have thought to say was lost as a wave of love and passion swept over her like a crowning forest fire.
"I'll never leave you, Kate Beckett, you dumb ass. Even if you somehow manage to drive me off, I'll just lick my wounds and plot. I'll find a way to slip back in, slither past your defenses and always be by your side. Scars? I have them, too. Yours accentuate the beauty both within and without. Don't ever say such a thing again or I'll make you very sorry."
"Is that a threat, Castle?" She had a small smile on here face and a glint in her eye.
He held up her left hand so she could see the ring and growled, "It's like this ring. A promise. I'm your elder, Beckett, and like I warned Alexis just the other night, 'you're not too old to spank, little girl'."
"You wouldn't dare!" She rolled her eyes and smirked at him. She liked it when they teased each other. He, unfortunately for her, wasn't teasing one bit.
Kate shrieked when he threw her over his shoulder and walked out of the gym. Every few steps his palm connected with her buttocks and soon they were warm and tingly. He hadn't really hurt her but she got the message that there were some things he wouldn't tolerate and her comment about 'being scarred inside and out' was one of them.
"Okay, Rick, I'm sorry. Please put me down. I'll be good, I promise."
"Oh, you'll be good, I can guarantee that. I have an old fraternity paddle upstairs someplace and…"
Her shrieks and laughter in the elevator were mostly ignored by the other residents. The building residents had a strict 'live and let live' policy. It worked for them.