SheLearnedtheTruthat17 by Oldest Man
"Half of what I say is meaningless, but I say it so that the other half may reach you". Khalil Gibran, "Sand and Foam" (1926)
'I am so screwed. He reads minds. He knows what I think and he's always there with a solution. How does he know about Christmas Eve? He reads minds!'
If she could have seen the look of relief on her father's face she would have felt a lot better about her 'no prisoners' approach. He'd actually opened the Bourbon bottle and had a glass with melting ice in front of him. This year had been a particularly trying one and this anniversary had almost broken him. He'd been sober for 5 years and he'd almost pissed it away in self-pity and grief.
Kate had unwittingly saved him again.
Chapter 19 - There is a clearly marked 'M' section that someone 'ghosted' for me. Read the warning, kiddies, and skip the few paragraphs she wrote for me.
I had cataract surgery on only ONE eye instead of both. If you see a old phart walking around in wrap-around dark glasses it's likely to be me.
Rick wished that he somehow could have convinced Kate to talk with her father without him being in the same house. It was time for a father-daughter conversation and he knew from experience that such talks should be done in relative privacy.
He sat out on the porch swing trying not to succumb to the elements. It was almost 4pm but the sky was dark with snow-bearing clouds and the wind was whipping through the bare tree limbs with an almost keening howl.
He pulled his bomber jacket more tightly around him and closed his eyes and tried to imagine a warm beach. He had a superbly creative imagination and when he imagined Kate rolling over on top of him, her bikini top falling away from her breasts and pillowing against his chest, his smile belied the cold.
"Rick? Wake up and come inside. I appreciate your attempt to give Dad and I some 'space' but this is above and beyond. I made cocoa and yours is getting cold."
"Everything okay between you two?" He knew Kate worried about her dad but she'd admitted that this was the first 'anniversary' she'd spent with him.
"Yeah, great. I think we're going to visit Mom together next time. I asked Dad about looking at some of Mom's notes, case files and diaries and calendars. He's upstairs getting them. He kept them, Rick, all these years and when I asked him why, do you know what he said?"
"No, Kate, but I'll venture a guess that he was saving them for you."
'God, he really can read my mind!'
"Exactly what he said. 'I was saving them for you'. He doesn't want me looking for things that might not be there. He says he's lost one person he loved already and doesn't want to lose me but he understands what drives me. He just doesn't agree with it."
"Kate, if he thinks it's dangerous for you, maybe you should ask him what heknows. I mean, if they had a relationship anywhere as loving as it appears, he had to have had some idea what she was involving herself in, right? So ask him right out. Find out now and it may save us time in the future."
'It might save you', Rick thought to himself.
"I will, sweetheart, but not today. I think we're both stressed enough. How about an early dinner and then you can show me this 'summer house' Alexis raved about."
Subject closed. He knew enough not to press. He'd let his thoughts be known and that was the end of it. He knew enough about Kate's 'boundaries' not to cross them.
They had dinner at a small restaurant that was pretty much a 'locals-only' place. It didn't advertise and there was no large sign indicating that the place was anything other than a plain-faced building without specific purpose. The interior, however, was anything but plain.
Old leather-topped tables and captain's chairs were spaced haphazardly throughout the room that was floored with uneven, weathered planking. The hostess knew Rick and took them to a table overlooking the fishing docks and took their drink orders and left them with menus.
The conversation started out on a sour note. Jim Beckett asked Rick bluntly about when the couple planned to marry. "I'm not getting any younger and I'd like a grandchild or two to spoil rotten. Have you and Katie talked about a date?"
"Um, well, not really. We're still learning about each other and there are things in each of our lives that need to be taken care of before we can move on to marriage."
It was a good and truthful answer but not what Jim Beckett wanted to hear so he redirected his question to his daughter. He'd been an excellent prosecutor and he approached his daughter as he would a 'hostile witness'.
"Katie, what sort of things do you have to resolve before letting me walk you down the aisle?" Blue eyes bored into green eyes just as they had when young Katie would offer excuses for why she'd broken curfew or been drinking.
"Dad, most of them are professional. I'd like to make Lieutenant or maybe Captain some day and so most of my attention right now is focused on my career." She hoped it sounded sufficiently ambitious that he'd set aside this line of questioning. Her mother had been twenty-five when she had Katie. She was thirty.
"'Most'?" Damn him! Just once she wished he'd respect her wishes and decisions.
"Ah, Jim, I think I'm probably to blame for any delays. My travel schedule is heating up what with two new books coming out and my contractual obligations to both Black Pawn and the HeatWave production units. We really haven't discussed a date yet."
Castle's statement seemed to mollify Jim's curiosity and Kate sent him a 'thank you' with her eyes. It had been both an honest and dishonest answer. She had an agenda, not Rick.
Jim drove them back to his house and they said their goodbyes and Rick threw Kate the Ferrari keys and smiled as her face lit up. She loved the Ferrari and he thought more than once about signing it over to her. He could imagine how crime scenes would unfold as Kate pulled up in her Ferrari, stepped out clad in a leather cat suit and announced, 'Beckett, NYPD, what do we have?'
"Rick, what are you thinking? The look on your face…"
"Nothing, nothing. Just thinking…" He knew she'd pop him in the arm if he shared his image of 'sexy Kate' at a crime scene. He wondered if he could somehow insert the Ferrari into Nikki Heat's world? Veritas would be a problem but he could work his way around the hound.
He made a mental note to talk with the writers about 'the male demographic' and Natalie and a similar scene. Maybe they'd get off his back for being 'prudish and out of touch'. Maybe. He would pen a few car chases in the Ferrari for Nikki and Rook.
"Riiiiiick? I know that look…" She wanted to know if the sudden excitement in his eyes had to do with her or something else.
"Kate, if I gave you the Ferrari as a late Christmas present or engagement gift, paying the insurance, of course, would the Department let you drive it to crime scenes?"
Her mouth dropped open and her eyes glazed over as she imagined pulling up to a crime scene in a frikkin' Ferrari!
"That's what I was thinking when you asked me about my 'look'. Ask the Captain, and if he says 'yes', happy Ferrari Day, my love."
A/N: If you've seen 'Revenge' on TV, the rented beach house is how I envision Castle's place in this fic.
'Summer House'
Easthampton, Long Island
Kate turned off the main highway onto a secondary road that was in dire need of plowing, and slowed down considerably, much to Castle's relief. "It takes a sharp turn to the left and then follows the shore line for about 500 yards. The track to the beach house is difficult to find in broad daylight, Kate, so slow down so we don't miss it."
She downshifted into 3rd gear and then into 2nd and the innocent beach front road turned treacherous and they fishtailed a few times before she felt comfortable and then Rick said, "slow down, it's on the right across from the mailbox."
Kate turned onto the sandy track and finally pulled up behind a rectangular beach house that hadn't been painted in years. "Low maintenance initiative, Rick?" She laughed at his frown.
"It's bare wood, grayed by the sun and painted every six months with linseed oil to protect the wood. I debated putting cedar shakes on the weather side but decided against it. I suppose you'd paint it 'pumpkin yellow' or some equally yucky color like my neighbors'?"
"Nah, I like it just like it is. It reminds me of you, sweetie – ruggedly handsome, if somewhat old…"
He grunted, carried their luggage up onto the circular porch and then fumbled for the keys. Once they got inside and out of the weather, he started flipping light switches and the large kitchen and informal dining area were both illuminated with soft light from recessed fixtures in the low-beamed ceiling. Appliances covered one wall, another had a granite countertop and sink while the outside wall was covered in pine paneling.
"Fridge is stocked and there are canned goods in the pantry. Leave the bags and I'll give you a tour. We have a propane generator that keeps the juice on when storms take down a line so everything in the fridge is fresh."
She took it all in and then grabbed his hand and followed him into a large living/family room that fronted on the covered porch with a view of the ocean. One entire wall was a fireplace, wood rack and bookshelves while another contained a large projection TV and entertainment center.
"Rick, can we build a fire? I love sitting in front of a fire. Can we, please?" She was like a little girl sometimes and Castle could deny her nothing.
"Good idea." He pulled newspaper out of a wicker basket beside the fireplace and crumpled up several sheets and pushed them under the fire grate and lit them with a long match from a glass jar. Once the paper was burning, he turned a large key in the side of the chimney and a gas lighter ignited, starling Kate.
"Be warm as toast in a few minutes. Now, m'lady, I'll show you the boudoir, the master bath with it's orgy-ready hot tub and the rest of the place."
After the tour, Rick took the bags back to their bedroom and Kate changed into sweats and a hoodie while Rick slipped on jeans and a sweater. Neither bothered with shoes since Rick pulled out heavy woolen socks and slipped them on Kate's feet.
"It gets drafty in the family room, especially with the fire drawing air in from every little crack in the place. This way you'll never feel it."
"Can we pull the couch over in front of the fireplace? If you have an extra blanket, we can neck like horny teenagers on the couch." She looked at him in wide-eyed innocence and he was undone. He started to snicker and then laugh and finally he flopped on the bed gasping for breath.
"What's so damned funny, Castle? I think that sounds really romantic…"
"We are couple of horny teenagers, Kate. I mean, we act like them. Seriously, babe, I think that's a great idea. Take the blanket off the spare bed and I'll crack open a nice bottle of wine."
They moved the rattan couch with it's decorative plump pillows over in front of the fire and Kate disappeared for a few minutes and Rick unfolded a fleece blanket that had been folded over the back. Figuring Kate would want to face the fire with him spooned against her back, he maneuvered the blanket against the back of the couch.
Kate walked through the room extinguishing the lights one by one. She was wrapped in a blanket she'd taken from the spare bed and grinned when she saw the set up. Perfect.
She turned out the last light and then stood between him and the fire and opened the blanket. The fire backlit her silhouette. His breath caught for a second and then he patted the cushion in front of him. She quickly lay with her back against him, her blanket thrown over them.
Rick pillowed her head on his left upper arm and snaked a hand around her waist and the sound he made was unlike any sound he'd made before – a blend of whimper, moan and chuckle. Instead of sweat pants and a hoodie, he felt warm, soft, naked Kate.
"K-Kate, you're naked!" For a man who made a living stringing words together, he seemed suddenly tongue-tied.
Kate giggled and rolled over and buried her face in his sweater, "I'm not naked, silly man. I'm still wearing those warm socks you put on me."
She heard the rumble of his chuckle through his sweater. Today had been very stressful and she was on edge and needed him more today than ever before.
"Get naked, Rick. I need to feel your warm skin on mine. Hurry!" she whispered in an almost desperate tone. His compliance was immediate although he deviated from her instructions to throw a few larger logs on the fire.
He started to slip back behind her but she stopped him. "No, honey, on your back." He lay down on the suddenly cool fabric and hissed at the cold and gestured for her to lie down. "You're gonna freeze your butt off, Kate."
This part is M rated. Don't read it if you're underage or don't like somewhat graphic couplings (per Mrs. July).
"Rick, thank you for being with me today. If I didn't stress how much it meant to me, I am now. Tonight I'm going to be selfish. Tonight I need you for me."
Kate straddled him and pulled the blanket over them. Her lips found his in a gentle kiss and then she sat up and took him hands and pressed them to her breasts, squeezing them as she wished him to do. His thumbs rubbed slow circles around her aureoles finally teasing her nipples into hard nubs. Kate slid her nether lips along his firming length, shuddering slightly when she reached the head.
"Kate…" He didn't know what to do but he wanted to fulfill her needs, whatever they might be but he had no idea what they were.
"Shhh. Just – just be here for me...promise me…"
"I promise, Kate." It was important to her so of course he promised.
Kate could feel his heart beating under the palms of her hands and she reached up and pulled his hands from her breasts and placed them on her hips. She changed the angle of her pelvis and rocked back and repeated her journey along his throbbing length.
She gave a little whimper each time she reached the head and finally raised herself up, reached down and guided him between her moist and swollen lips. Kate rose up even higher and then plunged down on him, taking in his full length.
Rick gasped when the blanket that was tenting them slipped a little and he could see her face. She was in pain, whether emotional or physical, he didn't know.
"Kate, stop! You're hurting yourself. Please stop."
"Y-you promised!" She rose up on her knees and repeated her actions, impaling herself and leaning forward slightly as she rose up on her knees and almost violently buried his length in her again and again. Rick watched her face as she began to cry and make a keening sound that made the hair on his arms stand up.
He had to do something so he used his grip on her hips to slow her plunge and she grabbed his wrists and jerked them away from her and leaned on them to keep him from touching her.
"Kate, please, Kate. I'm afraid you'll…" Kate hissed at him to 'shut up'. He had a sudden insight and it frightened him. She was fucking him, using him to punish herself for being alive while her mother was dead. He felt himself soften in response to his feelings of guilt and remorse.
"No! No, you promised me…you promised!" She reached between her legs and grabbed him but he grabbed her shoulders and twisted his body until they were on their sides, her back to the couch.
He whispered that he loved her and wouldn't hurt her and that's what she was making him do. "I promised never to hurt you or leave you, Kate. That promise is everlasting." The pain in his face matched the sudden pain in her heart.
End 'M'
Kate felt ashamed. She'd hurt the one person in her life she knew would always love her unconditionally. She could see the love in his eyes but felt it was undeserved.
Rick could see her internal conflict mirrored on her face. He leaned in and whispered that he would always love her and that together they'd work through this because that's what couples did, worked through their problems together.
He kissed her but she didn't respond at all. He sighed and rolled over and sat up. She was a linear thinker, going from A to B to C to D and so on. It was why she was so effective at handling cases with a myriad of details.
"Kate, I'm not asking you not to love your mom or to not feel badly when her anniversary rolls around. I am asking you to ask yourself this – 'would your mother want to see you hurting yourself because you feel guilty about being alive'?"
She knew he was right and she knew that her mother would be devastated if she thought for even one moment that the painful guilt her daughter felt and acted on was because of her.
She sat up and swung her legs on either side of him and leaned forward against his back, resting her cheek against his skin and wrapping her arms around him.
"I hate her sometimes, Rick. Isn't that horrible? I'm scarred because she stuck her nose where it didn't belong. I hate her because she felt that getting to the truth was more important than – than seeing what her digging had done to me. I hate her because she kept on digging and then someone killed her."
"Kate, you don't hate your mother. You love her and miss her. Yeah, you might blame her for ignoring the warnings and robbing you and your father of her love but that doesn't mean you hate her or should punish yourself for it."
She was quiet for few minutes. Her mind was turning over everything he'd said and she recognized the truth in it.
"How can you love such a messed up woman, Richard Castle?"
"How can I not? You're beautiful, funny, loving and caring and you have a nice ass, Kate." While that last was true, he said it more to dilute the syrupy drivel that seemed to spew from his mouth around her.
She sniggered against his back and let her hands wandered further down his body but he grabbed her wrists and said, "No, Kate. Not until we get some things settled between us."
"Okay. But turn around and let's snuggle up and talk." She felt liberated after such an intense experience.
Once again she was on her side facing the fire with Rick snuggled up behind her running his fingertips lightly over her arm and shoulder, sometimes following the intricate patterns of the Keloid scars on her neck and shoulder with a fingertip.
Before she met him she was certain that no man would ever want to see, let alone touch the scars. Kate never objected when he did it, although she was terribly self-conscious the first time he'd done it. It was very comforting and she loved that he found even her scars worth kissing and caressing.
It had been a long and emotional day and between his gentle caresses and the hypnotic flickering of the flames, she fell asleep just as he'd hoped.