Chapter three

Ste's point of view

I had to get out of there, get away from him…them. I wondered if Ewan knew about our past, I mean he looked just as uncomfortable as me. I can see what Brendan sees in him, his young, good looking and probably easy to control. I don't even know what I was thinking coming back here.

"Just tell Cheryl I came by yeah. Nice meeting you Ewan."

And I left as quickly as I possibly could. My head was battered, all over the place and my heart was broken once again. I'd managed to get just outside the club before I heard him.

"Steven, wait…..please"

I wanted to keep on walking, I really did. Maybe it was the way he asked, or the effect his voice had on me, either way I waited.

"What Brendan"

I was angry but how could I be angry with him, it's been a year; I've got no right to expect anything from him.

"It's good to see ye. So why did you call me steven?"

Yeah it was more than good to see him, but I didn't wanna tell him. Why give him the satisfaction when he has clearly moved on.

"Because…i…wanted…to…um oh it doesn't matter now"

I could feel my face go red, stuttering never was my best quality.

"Wanted to what steven?"

But I couldn't bring myself to tell him to only face rejection.

"I'll see you around Brendan"

I didn't want to go; I wanted to just be with him. Tell him that I thought of him every day, that I'd never forgotten him, and that I love him still but he has Ewan now. When he left Chester I'd always wondered about us and our love for each other, I thought it was real, but now I know I was just another game to him. I'm just like Vinnie, Macca and more than likely Ewan. I turned back to look at him and he was still looking at me, staring intently, maybe he did still have feelings for me. Nothing had really been over for us before; he always used to say it wasn't over till he said it was. The thing is he has never told me it's over, not ever.

I went back to the deli and tried really hard not to think about him, but it wasn't that easy, nothing ever is when it comes to him. The afternoon had been slow and I needed to take my mind off things so when I finished closing up I went straight to the dog for a few drinks. I kinda missed Doug at times like this, I hate being all alone. We used to be the best of mates, before it all went wrong, before Brendan screwed it all up for me. I was sat minding my own business when he approached me.

"Mind if I join you?"

I looked up to see Ewan standing infront of me.

"Steven isn't it?"

There was only one who called me that.

"No its Ste"

I didn't really want him to join me but he did anyway. There really was no escaping Brendan or his new bloke now that he had come home. It felt like all of a sudden i was going backwards in my life again, instead of moving forward. How can I ever be free of him? I don't think I can I love him too much. I thought that once upon a time he felt the same, instead it was just more games and lies, and now here I am sat in my local with his new bit on the side. I wanted to be anywhere else but here and then he asked me the one question I knew he would

"So then Ste…how do you know Brendan?"

Brendan's point of view

Seeing him again hit me like deep down I knew it would. I'd wanted him, craved him for so long, how could feelings like that just die? I thought they could but now looking at him I know I'm not over him. I had Ewan now though and he helped me when I was out of my mind, pining for Steven, although I never told Ewan anything about him. Could I really be that heartless and tell him that I'm in love with someone else. Ewan knows what I'm like; he knew when he got involved with me what he was getting himself in to. I don't owe him anything. As for Steven he really is the love of my life. When he left he didn't even look at me, do I mean that little to him now? But he did call me yesterday, I needed to know why.

"Ewan, make yourself a drink I just need a word with Steven"

I could tell he wasn't happy but I didn't care, Steven and I had a past together, one I thought I wanted to forget until now. I went after him and shouted at him to wait, I was so glad when he did.

"What Brendan"

Did he really always have to speak to me so bad? It had been a year and he was still angry with me. I asked him why he called me but he couldn't answer me, he just stood there stuttering like an idiot. He must know I still care, I came after him, and I know he still cares for me as its written all over his face. He is struggling with his feelings, like I am with mine. He wouldn't tell me why he called but that was okay I would find out. He can't be with Douglas all the time. After he left I went back to club, Ewan was not happy and started asking questions about Steven. I told him that it was none of his business but he kept on.

"Look he used to work for me, were old friends, that's all ye need to know"

That's one thing I hate doing, explaining myself. I told Ewan to go and look around the village, I needed a breather. With thoughts of Steven heavily on my mind, I poured myself a drink and called chez.

I needed to speak to her about him, she knew how much I loved him, she would understand. I asked her how he'd been, how he was with Douglas, I wanted to know everything he'd been doing for the past year. Chez was reluctant to tell me but she did.

I couldn't believe that he wasn't with Douglas anymore and that she didn't tell me sooner. I know we'd decided not to talk about him but I would have come home sooner if I had known. I could have made it work between us. Everything else she said wasn't important to me; he was single that was all i heard. Now to decide what to do about it.

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