Chapter six
Ste's point of view
He was smiling, why was he smiling? Did he really find it funny? I'd just confessed to sleeping with Ewan and this is the response I get, a great big eerie smile from Brendan. Ewan on the other hand was not smiling but then neither would I be if I was in his shoes.
"Yeah ye did and?"
"And what Brendan"
"Did ye enjoy it steven?"
I couldn't believe what I was hearing, by the sound of it he didn't even care.
"I don't even remember it Brendan, why are you being so calm?"
"Because im not bothered Steven, ye are free and single and really so am i"
"But I thought…"
"What ye thought what?"
"Nothing it doesn't matter, I just thought you should know"
"You're all heart steven"
"I'll get off then"
"Yeah see ye"
That was so odd, why was he acting this way? I thought that he would at least shout, be angry but as usual Brendan Brady showed no emotion what so ever, am I even surprised? I thought that we still had a connection together obviously I was wrong. I usually am wrong when it comes to him. I left the club feeling less guilty but I still wanted to talk to him, his calmness about me and Ewan just didn't make any sense, i know him he wouldn't be okay with it not really not deep down. I had to know if he still thought about me, if he still had feelings for me. After all this time he still plays games with me, he still entices me back time and time again. Maybe I should just take the hint, he didn't seem fussed about me today, why should I lay my heart on the line again just for him to break it?
He's only been back a few days and already my world has been turned upside down, he's just no good for me and I don't want to feel this way anymore. I made the wrong choice when I picked Doug a year ago but I've paid for that; im still paying for it every single day. When im without him it just feels so bad but I learnt to live with it, until he came back that is. Now he's here I just wanna be with him but by sleeping with Ewan I kinda messed it all up, how could I be so stupid. We never get it right Brendan and me; we never feel the same things at the same time. I thought we were meant to be together at one time and when I couldn't get over him I thought it even more. He is not interested now and when he looked at me earlier with that cold stare, I could tell he was empty inside, he'd never looked at me that way before. I regret not being with him, I regret sleeping with Ewan but what's done is done and I can't take it back. If only I could undo the past year.
Brendan's point of view
I had to show him I was okay about everything I couldn't let him see how weak he'd made me, how devastated I was that Ewan had been with him and that he'd had his hands all over him. So I thought my biggest grin seemed like the best thing to do. I couldn't give two fucks for Ewan; I could hear him muttering in the background but my eyes were only on Steven as usual.
"Yeah ye did and?"
Jesus what did he expect me to do, trash the club? Beat up Ewan? Believe me I wanted to but then he'd know I cared. It took me so long to get over him and im not putting myself through it all again. I asked him if he enjoyed it, what kind of man was i? I didn't even care at this point, I just wanted him out of the club, I needed to release all this aggression that I had building up inside me. I was cold, abrupt with him, told him I didn't care; of course it was all lies. I hadn't stopped caring not really I'd just blocked him out of my head, I used Ewan as a substitute, knowing all along he could never come close to Steven, no one ever could. After he left I turned my attention to Ewan, my eyes wide.
"So you and Steven"
"Brendan im sorry, I never meant for it to happen, we both had too …"
Before he even had time to finish his sentence I had him pinned to the wall.
"Ye dare put your hands on Steven again, I'll kill ye, do ye understand?"
Ewan just shook his head.
"Now get ye stuff and get out of my life"
I couldn't have him anywhere near me; there was only one I wanted to be with, even if he no longer wanted to be a part of my life I still loved him. I thought it was because of Doug back then but he's on his own now and he still doesn't want me.
"Brendan please"
"Just go Ewan NOW!"
Did he really think I'd still want him around? As soon as he left I lost it and again it was the club I took it out on. I'd only been back a few days and I was already regretting coming back here. Steven didn't want me then and he doesn't want me now, why am I even bothering to till carry around all these feelings? They just make you less of a man. Steven has held me back for long enough it's not time to get my life back and no one is going to stand in my way.
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