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Chapter seven

Ste's point of view :)

I went back to the flat; I couldn't go back to the deli not after all that so I rang Barney and got him to cover for me, work was the last thing on my mind right now. I tried to stop thinking about Brendan but it was like he was inside my head. I had to know how he felt once and for all; I had to tell him that I'd never been able to get over him regardless of any mistakes that I may have made. I grabbed my keys and made my way back over to the club in search of some answers. There was no sign of Brendan or Ewan and the club was smashed up. The office door was closed so I went over and knocked on the door. After hearing Brendan tell me to come in I took a deep breath and entered the office.

"Twice in one day Steven aren't I the lucky one"

Luckily for me there was no sign of Ewan, it made all this easier.

"I need to talk to you"

Brendan always had to be sarcastic, making jokes out of everything.

"Haven't ye already done that already steven?"

After the usual banter I had to just make him listen to me, he made everything harder by teasing me the way he did. I shouted out to him, made him shut up.

"I still love you"

His face, I'd never seen him look so shocked, did he really think that I was over him? He must do because the room went quite for what felt like hours, of course it was only a few minutes but it felt like ages. Silence sometimes said more than any amount of words and after another five minutes had passed and he still never said anything I decided that maybe coming here wasn't such a good idea after all, plus he had Ewan so why would he want me. They were still together this morning, maybe they still are now, and maybe he could forgive him but not forgive me. Or maybe he'd beaten the shit out of him like he had the club.

"I'm sorry Brendan, ignore what I said, I should never have told you."

And before he could even reply to me I was running out of the door, feeling lonelier than I had done for a while. Everyone I had ever loved had left me so why would he be any different; it was hard not to feel sorry for myself. I went back to the flat and slumped myself down on the couch; I lay there and wondered what was so special about Brendan Brady anyway? How can one person have such an effect on you, I didn't know it was possible to feel the way he makes me feel, i can't believe I just made a fool of myself again. At least I told him, I will never live with regrets so that's something I suppose. I'm not going to sit alone in this flat all day; Barney's good fun maybe going to work would take my mind off him, after all work was all I had left.

Brendan's point of view

Why does my life always have to be such a mess, all I can say is that it must be punishment for all the bad things I'd done, all the hurt I'd caused. Still it was time to begin a new chapter in my life, Ewan was gone and Steven didn't want me. I had to start by taking back control of my life, by looking after number one and by staying away from Steven Hay. After trashing the club I went in to the office and calmed down, I even scared myself sometimes. When I heard the door knock I didn't think for a minute that it would be Steven but it was. I made the usual jokes with him, kept it light hearted, even though I could tell he was dying to get something big off his chest, I enjoyed making fun of him, but the he shouted out to me.

"I still love you"

What was he saying? I couldn't speak, I couldn't move, I wanted to, I wanted to go over to him take him in my arms and tell him I loved him too but I didn't. I just sat and stared at him, showing no emotion at all. Maybe I was in shock, why else would I just sit there after hearing what I'd wanted to hear for a year, this was everything i'd wanted.

I could see that he was starting to doubt himself; he was expecting me to at least say something. I often wondered why he loved me; sometimes I didn't even think that I was worth loving, Brendan brandy=unlovable. That's one of the things I love about Steven, he could see the good in me, even when I doubted myself. The room stayed silent for about ten minutes and then he said sorry for telling me and left.

Why didn't I just tell him I felt the same? I had to play games even when he comes to me telling me he still loves me, but i never expected him to come here, to still love me, I had given up all hope, until now. I need to go to him, every part of me wants him but first I better get cleaned up in here before chez sees it, I really don't need her on my back. I had waited so long for this day; I could wait a little while longer.

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