It's short but be glad you're getting anything. Readership is down and so is my interest. Hope all are enjoying a nice holiday. Merry Festivus since we're no longer allowed to say MERRY CHRISTMAS without fear of suit.

She Learned the Truth at 17

Chapter 26

"Good. Let me finish up here and head home. I forgot to bring the pills and this thing is bugging the crap out of me. Where's Natalie?"

"I sent her off with Karpowski to do some observing. They got a body in a dumpster off Lexington and it should really make her day. It's been there a few days so it'll be ripe and she can 'immerse herself' in the experience."

They both laughed and Castle made out his statement and left. He had thinking to do.

Loft

Kate pulled the Ferrari down into the underground parking garage, grabbed her things from the passenger seat and caught the elevator to their floor. She was looking forward to taking care of Rick in the privacy of their own home.

She took the elevator directly to their floor and in the door and in search of her prey. Kate found him sitting, asleep on the couch, notes and printed pages spread out on the coffee table. It was obvious he'd been editing portions of his latest manuscript and the pills had kicked in and he had fallen asleep.

Kate made coffee, went up to their room and put some things she'd brought over from her apartment into drawers and the closet, changed into 'sloppy sweats' and a t-shirt and then went to wake him and talk about the events of the day. She especially wanted to know more about his conversation with Esposito. From the looks on their faces when they got off the elevator, it had been more than just a 'Lanie' conversation.

She sat down beside him, careful not to awaken him, and pulled together his notes and pages of the manuscript. It was the first couple of chapters from a new novel and in it Rook is talking with Ochoa about what Nikki Heat thinks about marriage. Ochoa tells him bluntly that 'cops should marry another cop' since the divorce rate is so high when a cop marries a 'civilian'.

Rook responds that he's 'almost a cop and doesn't that count for anything?' and Ochoa tells him that 'almost' only counts in horseshoes and hand grenades and that it's a bad idea for a cop to even consider marrying 'outside the Blue'.

'Is that what Rick and Esposito were talking about? Is that why Rick's face looked so grave and why he made up a story about Lanie and Esposito? Surely he doesn't think…'

Kate jumped in surprise when Rick's hand touched her back but she leaned back and turned into him and sighed.

"Rick, what you've written here, do you believe it? Do you really believe that cops should only marry other cops or is that fiction and just a part of the story you're conjuring up?"

"Look, don't say anything to Lanie, please? I asked Javier about why he was distancing himself from Lanie. She asked me to do it in return for the stitching job but I wasn't to tell anyone about it."

"That's what you told me in the precinct but I asked you a question, Rick, and you haven't answered me. 'Do you believe that cops should only marry other cops and that marrying a civilian is a ticket to divorce court'? Please answer me."

"Yes, I think that when a police officer marries a civilian that it brings more stress into the relationship than if he'd married another cop. A cop can't talk about the job to a civilian and that creates a problem that 'normal' marriages don't have but..."

Kate got up from the couch and walked over and put on her jacket and grabbed her purse and keys. Rick was caught totally unawares and couldn't figure out why she was leaving.

"Kate, what the hell are you doing? You just got here!" He started walking over to her to stop her but she held up a hand and stopped him.

"I want to marry you but you're so damned afraid of this being some…some damned phase I'm going through, a crush, puppy love, whatever you might want to label it, that you're finding all these reasons why we won't work. Well, I'll give you a great reason – I can't be with someone who thinks it's just a temporary arrangement."

She slammed the door on her way out and almost ran to the elevator. When she got to the lobby she asked the doorman to call her a cab and to give 'Mr. Castle back his keys and ring since I won't be needing them'.

Kate had to wait a few minutes for a cab, and she constantly looked over her shoulder to see if Rick was coming after her. She felt horrible about their argument but she was stubborn. There was no way she would consider marrying him as long – then she had an epiphany of sorts.

'He never gave me the ring! I assumed he was going to and so I just slipped it on my finger and moved on from there. Sure, he talked about marriage and waking up together for the rest of our lives but I was the one who 'set the date'. He wasn't on the same page as I was and now I've pushed when I should have waited.'

She almost told the cabbie to turn around but then she gave him another address, Lanie's, and sat back to think about what she'd done and the consequences, both short and long term.

'I'll need to renew my lease, get one of the boys to pick up my stuff that I left at the loft for me, send Martha and Alexis a note explaining what happened and then explain all this to my dad. And the guys. And Lanie.'

The tears she'd been holding back since leaving the loft erupted when Lanie answered Kate's knock at her apartment door.

Back at the loft, Castle poured himself a cup of coffee and waited to see how long it would take Kate to process what he said and then realize that she'd interrupted him before he could finish. Then she'd return, they'd talk, laugh about the misunderstanding and then, if he was very lucky, enjoy some makeup sex and then go out for dinner.

He decided she wasn't coming back after drinking his second cup of coffee and when the doorman knocked quietly at his door and handed him the keys to the Ferrari and his ring. He was horribly embarrassed for the doorman who looked anywhere but at Rick when he said 'Ms. Beckett said she didn't need them any longer.'

Rick muttered a 'thanks, sorry for the inconvenience' and went into his study. He opened the safe and threw the ring into it and slammed the heavy door in absolute fury.

'Damn her! I should have known she wasn't ready to get married. I should have seen the signs. She'd made a commitment she really wasn't ready to keep – announcing her decision that they would marry as soon as possible when she was obviously emotionally overwrought over his injury.'

He threw the coffee mug against a framed book cover, shattering the protective glass and staining the study wall with coffee. The laptop crashed against the wall and he swept everything off the top of his desk with one sweep of his arm. He looked around for something else to destroy but a cry of 'Daddy, what's wrong?' stopped him dead in his tracks.

He turned to face Alexis who was standing in the doorway, backpack in one hand, and a look of absolute fear on her face.

"Nothing. I'm just – Kate broke off the engagement. I knew she wasn't ready for marriage but I never dreamed she'd use my novel as an excuse…I'm sorry, Pumpkin. I'm just angry and I took it out on whatever I could lay my hands on. I'm okay now, really. So, how was school?"

He ran his fingers through his hair and then hugged his daughter and walked into the living room. Alexis knew that he'd talk when he was ready. She was 14 but knew her father better than most adults.

"How about you get cleaned up and then take me out to dinner? Chinese? There's a new Indian restaurant that Paige's parents say is incredible and…" She stopped and sat down. He wasn't listening anyway, so she just stopped talking and sat down on the couch and started arranging his notes and printed manuscript for something to occupy her mind.

Across town, in Lanie's apartment, things weren't much different. Kate sat on Lanie's couch while Lanie asked questions. She'd sent Esposito to the kitchen to make coffee.

Part of her absolutely hated her best friend at that specific moment in time. Esposito had shown up, unannounced, and said, 'Chica, we have to talk,' and they were just beginning to when Kate banged on her door.

Esposito handed them each a cup of coffee and indicated that he was going to head on home, their planned 'talk' forgotten in the wake of Kate's blubbering confession that she'd ended her engagement because he didn't want to marry a 'sure divorce', that is, a cop.

Esposito turned pale as he deciphered her blubbering confession and Lanie was quick to pick up on his reaction.

"Kate, I need to talk to Esposito for a quick moment and then," she shot him a glare, "and then we'll talk. I'll just be a minute, sweetie. You just sit here and gather your thoughts. I can't believe that Castle would do such a thing. You're engaged, he gave you a ring and – " but then she remembered Kate telling her that she'd put the ring on without benefit of a proposal.

"Javi, come with me for a minute. Kate, drink your coffee and try and calm down a bit. I've never seen you so upset in all the years I've known you. Javi, bedroom!"

In the loft things were less emotional but just as desolate. Alexis had seen Kate's ambivalence when they became engaged but had thought she was past that but she ended up leaving them just like all the others had. There and then 14-year old Alexis Castle made a vow that she'd keep for the remainder of her life: no woman would be allowed to hurt her dad again.