A/N Okay….so….here's the new chapter. I wasn't really sure about this one but two of my favorite critics convinced me to upload it so here it is.
If you like it review and say thank you to Marijana and Antonija…love you girls *kisses*
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By the time the final period was over Kurt and Blaine were worried out of their minds, Nick was curious and also a bit taken aback by the little blondes behavior, but nobody felt as bad as Shane. He was worried, scared and sorry (just because he had no idea what he had done wrong didn't mean he wasn't sorry for doing/saying it).
He went to the rest of his classes because Blaine ordered him to, but he was feeling slightly sick and was extremely happy the school day was over. He was determined to find Blaine and get him to help find Reed to see if he was ok and possibly apologize to him. He left his classroom and went to find his brother.
On the other side of the building Blaine was standing with Kurt, talking silently. He had waited for the small painter after every one of his classes but failed to find him. It seemed like Reed never showed up to any of them. He met up with his boyfriend after his failed attempts and they concluded that Reed was most likely in his room.
"What do you think we should do? I mean would it be too much if we just showed up at his door?"- Blaine looked up a bit to see the look on Kurt's face while he contemplated this idea.
He was fairly sure Reed had nothing against him or Blaine so on that account it should be ok for them to check up on him. He reacted poorly only when Shane showed up and Kurt just couldn't wrap his mind around it. Shane was a goofball and sometimes his personality was too much to deal with, but he was possibly one of the nicest guys Kurt had ever met and was a really good friend to everyone. However he tried to spin it he just couldn't explain it to himself.
"I'm not sure how he will react, to be honest, but I think we should go and try to talk to him. We could maybe just knock and tell him that it's okay if he doesn't want to talk or see us, but that he should know he could find us if he needs us y'know. Just so he knows he's not alone."- Kurt looked at Blaine and ran a hand down his boyfriends arm. He could tell Blaine felt somehow responsible for the tiny boy they met just that morning. Being a house prefect just accented Blaine's need of taking care of everyone and making sure people around him were happy. He liked that about his curly haired boyfriend but sometimes Kurt wished Blaine was different just so he wouldn't worry and feel guilty about a lot of things.
"How are you so smart? I think that's a good idea. I have Reeds room number so we can just go there now ok?"- Blaine said taking Kurt's and in his and pulling him towards the door.
Just as they were about to get out a shout of Blaine's name stopped them and they turned around to find an exhausted looking dancer with messed up hair and what seemed like tear stains on his cheeks.
Shane looked like a wreck.
"Blaine I know you're the prefect so you must know where Bambi is. Please tell me, I have to find him and tell him I'm sorry."- he shook his brother while saying this making the older boy feel dizzy and confused.
"Who the hell is Bambi, and what did you do to him?"- Kurt said squinting his eyes at Shane feeling like he had missed something, because he had no idea what the tall teen was talking about.
"Kurt did you happen to see something strange going on during lunch? Something like…oh I don't know, A BOY RUNNING AWAY FROM ME LIKE I'M A MASS MURDERER ON FBI'S "MOST WANTED" LIST?"- Shane gripped his brothers shoulders, yelling at Kurt, felling completely frustrated by the thought that the other boy has already forgotten about something that was bothering him so much.
Honestly, he always thought his goofy brother scored a jack-pot by getting Kurt to be his boyfriend, but sometimes he just hated the little Diva he was.
"Oh my God….you mean Reed? How was I supposed to know you had a nickname for him ALREADY? Stalker!"- Kurt didn't appreciate people screaming at him, at least not in public, but Shane's eyes were so sad he just couldn't bring himself to be angry at him.
"M'not a stalker. I just…"- he trailed off lamely thinking about an excuse for his obvious creepy behavior ("and his name is Reed, Shane….that's the prettiest name in the history of…well…ever")
"You just what?"- Blaine finally decided to join the conversation and keep his brother and his boyfriend from fighting, but one look at Kurt told him he had nothing to worry about, Kurt understood Shane and was being really nice to him, despite the yelling and the biting sarcasm. He gently pushed Shanes hand off his shoulders and looked at him waiting for his answer.
"I saw him this morning and I thought he looked like a cute little lamb and I've kind of…umm…been calling him that in my head…a bit…"- he was now looking at the floor with such intensity Kurt half expected for the tiles to just explode.
"Why would you even need to call him something in your head Shane?"- Kurt asked teasingly, in an attempt to lighten up the mood just a little bit.
"I dunno!"- Shane muttered now tracing patterns on the floor with his toes.
Kurt exchanged a knowing glance with his boyfriend and then turned to look at the blushing dancer in front of him.
"Shane….do you like him?"- Kurt proceeded after getting a small nod from Blaine as a permission to ask that question.
"WHAT? NOIDON'T!"- he recited in one breath and then sighed deeply because he realized that his way of talking gave him up completely. Well God dammit!
"Shaaaane?"- Blaine smiled a bit at his brother dragging the A in his name impossibly long annoying the shit out of the younger boy.
"Ugh…yes…well it's not like I know him or something. I saw him this morning and I thought he's cute….."
"Cute…right…"
"Fine I thought he was kind of pretty…"
"Uh-uh…kind of…"
"You two are so annoying….okay so I thought he was so beautiful that I probably just died and went to heaven and he was one of those angels you always see in the paintings, with little white wings, and pink cheeks and halos and those tiny harps and stuff….."- he blushed when he realized he just rambled all of that in front of a person who will never stop teasing him about it. He was just about to get all defensive, but when he looked at the couple in front of him they were smiling softly at him seeming to understand what he was talking about. But then something else came to his mind again….something quite unwelcomed.
"But guys that's not the point now. I just need to see him and find out if he's okay."
This snapped Kurt out of his trans where he was already picturing double dates and weddings (he was always one for romance and blowing things out of proportions…and he was very happy when given the chance to do both things at once).
"I…Shane I know you're worried about Reed but…I just…..look don't get mad or something but…I think something about you scared him…and until we know what it was I don't think it's a good idea for you to go and talk to him…you might scare him even more"- Kurt said feeling really bad for having to do so. He relaxed a bit when Blaine took his hand and gave it a reassuring squeeze.
"I have to agree on this one little bro. Kurt and I will talk to him and maybe when he's calm enough or we know a bit more about what happened we could let you know so you can talk to him or just introduce yourself or something. Sorry"- Blaine felt really sorry for his brother. Shane was quite emotional and he would be eating himself alive until he set things straight with Reed.
"M'kay"- Shane said with a trembling voice, not happy he had to stay away but trying to convince himself it was for Bambi's…wait….Reed's sake. So he could deal with that just fine.
"Okay so we're gonna go find him now. Talk to you later ok?"- Kurt pulled on Blaine's hand he was still holding but his boyfriend had something more to say to his very sad looking brother.
"And Shane…you did nothing wrong ok? Whatever that was I think it has more to do with Reed than with you. So don't beat yourself up. I'll see you later."- after receiving a small nod from Shane he turned around and exited the building with Kurt.
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After fleeing the cafeteria Reed thought he would never stop crying and he just knew he had to because he couldn't really see where he was going so he was tripping all over the place. He doubled over, leaning on his knees trying to catch his breath and steady the thrumming of his heart long enough to reach his room.
He wiped his tears with the sleeve of his blazer, not even caring he just ruined it, and crossed the last hallway to his room holding his breath to stop himself from sobbing.
He entered the room and immediately curled himself into a ball on the soft armchair in the corner. He took the blanket that was thrown over it and covered himself with it, shutting out the rest of the world as his tears came back, his hands still shaking and the insides of his palms still bleeding from all the scratching.
He had no idea what to do. He was so scared he thought he would never be able to leave from under his blanket. He kept eyes wide opened as if to prevent someone creeping up on him, as he swayed gently back and forth, falling into some kind of trans he knew he had to fight to stay out of like his therapist taught him, but he just didn't have the strength to do so.
He spent an hour in that same position not moving a muscle except for the barely noticeable swaying.
After an hour he felt like his chest was loosening up a bit and he took a huge gulp of air just to make sure his lungs are still working properly after being so constricted for a long time. Making sure he was really able to breathe again took him another 10 minutes but Reed was unaware of the time.
Then he concentrated on willing his hands to uncurl from around his knees and he stretched his fingers feeling sharp pain radiating from his bloody palms. He stretched his legs, placing his feet on the ground and sitting up straight in his chair causing the blanket to fall from his face and pool around his waist.
He was still taking deep breaths but his heart slowed down somewhat and the pain in his chest subdued a little bit.
He stood up from the chair and wobbled over to his nightstand to take his emergency cell phone.
Hilde and his therapist decided that it would be a good idea for him to have a phone that will be used only to talk to his therapist and not regularly but when Reed felt the need to talk to the older man.
Mr. Gray has been Reeds therapist since the incident and Reed trusted him enough to know he wouldn't laugh at him for calling.
He was holding the phone in his hand feeling like a failure because he was at his new school for exactly 18 hours and he was already falling apart.
But the image of those eyes, and the hair, and his voice….oh God his voice…his hands started to shake again and Reed clutched the phone so hard he was sure it would break in half.
"There's no way he's here Reed. Just…he can't be.."-he told himself as he dialed the number.
He had to know for sure.
"Hello?"- a soft voice brought Reed back from his thoughts and he cleared his throat before speaking.
"D-doctor Gray? It's Reed."
"Reed? Is everything okay?"- the therapist sounded calm because he had to appear that way to his patients. But he was worried about the little boy.
"I…it's just…."- and as he tried to explain it all came back to him and he started to cry again, walking backwards until his back hit the wall behind his bed, and he sank onto the floor bringing his knees to his chest again. He cried into his phone for what seemed like days before his therapist heard him calming down.
"Are you feeling calm enough to tell me what happened? Or I could wait for you to go to the bathroom and drink a glass of water and calm down some more so you can talk to me."- he gave the boy options and soon enough he could hear the faint sound of water running, and then footsteps, and then there was a small voice, hoarse from crying, speaking to him.
"H-he was here…"-was all he said.
"Who was there, Reed?"- the therapist had an idea who this was about. But he knew Reed was wrong and he needed him to address his fears in order to deal with them properly.
"He was l-looking at me…and s-smiled…he w-wanted to do it again"-the boy was speaking so quietly he was barely audible.
"Reed I need to know who is it that you saw?"- the doctor was patient. He knew Reed will answer his questions at his own pace.
There was a sound of hard breathing and a quiet sob and then….
"M-Marcus…"
The doctor was shocked to hear that name. As far as he knew Marcus was locked away waiting for the trial to begin and there was no way he could have been at Dalton, talking to Reed.
"Reed, Marcus is not there okay? I went to see him and talk to him just yesterday. He's still in a psychiatric ward and he doesn't know where you are. Can you try to think of who exactly did you see?"- the doctor knew his little patient went through hell, and there was no way he was going to be ok with it after just two months. In his opinion Reed was doing better that expected. But things like nightmares, flashbacks and mild hallucinations were normal in these kinds of situations.
"Reed just take a deep breath, close your eyes and go back to this morning an tell me what happened."
"I…okay…well I woke up, I met with Blaine, my mentor, he showed me around the school a bit, he invited me to have lunch with his boyfriend and him, I said yes, went to classes, Blaine waited for me and took me to lunch, both him and Kurt were really nice to me….we were talking and then…they said hi to someone, and then that someone said hi back and he had the same voice…"- he started shaking again so he held the phone tighter to his ear "…and I turned around to see who it was and there were his eyes, and his hair…and he was just as tall and…and I got so scared….and I ran away."
"I know this is not easy for you but did you take a good look at that boy who scared you?"- the therapist instructed Reed to try to remember.
"Y-yes I did."
"And he looked like Marcus?"
"Yes….I….um I think he did."
"Okay try to picture him in your head. You said he had the same voice, eyes, and hair. What was different about him?"-the doctor asked and then gave the boy time to think about it.
Reed concentrated, against his will, on the image of the tall boy he saw and he remembered seeing freckles on his nose, and pearly teeth that were completely straight and even, he remembered how his smile was wide and seemed genuine, and his body was lean and looked strong.
He summoned the complete image of the unknown boy and gasped as he realized that he made a fool of himself running away like that from someone just because he had the same eye color as somebody he hated and feared.
"I…it….it wasn't him. It wasn't Marcus."-he let out a breathy, surprised voice.
"Tell me what was different about him?"- dr. Gray persisted because it was better if Reed said it out loud. It will help him believe that easier and deal with it.
"He had freckles, and his teeth were completely straight, and he was a bit taller and skinnier I think. It wasn't Marcus."
"No Reed, it wasn't. And I have to say I'm proud with you for handling it so well."- the therapist said hearing the calmer tone in the boys voice now "Are you feeling better now?"
"Yes dr. Gray. Thank you."- Reed said feeling like all the panic he was feeling the past few hours had left his tiny body.
"You're welcome. You know you can call whenever you need me. Just remember, they put Marcus away and he can't hurt you ever again. And Reed, there are still nice people in the world. So if they want to be your friends, don't run away. Let them get to know you okay"
"Okay dr. Gray. Thanks again. Bye."
He heard the doctor's faint goodbye before placing the phone back in the nightstand drawer. He ran a hand through his hair and sat on his bead feeling the pain in his knees from uncomfortable sitting for so long.
A soft knock on his door brought him back from his thoughts and he crossed his room to open them and find a very worried looking prefect and his fascionista boyfriend standing there, smiling when they saw him.
"Reed, hi! We're sorry to disturb you but we just wanted to see if you were okay. You…um…kind of left quickly and we were worried about you."- Blaine said with that warm, friendly smile gracing his face and Reed felt just a bit safer with the two of them around.
"I-I'm okay. I just…"- however safe he felt, he didn't think he wanted them to know about what happened to him, at least not yet "…I forgot I had to make an important phone call so I had to leave to make it in time."
"Oh…okay then. Good. As long as you're good."- Kurt answered knowing that the boy was lying but also remembering himself after his bullying and the need to do this his own way and at his own time. He could understand that. And so could Blaine.
"Well we don't want to bother you, so we'll see you tomorrow. Lunch again?"-the prefect asked and the blonde boy just nodded as he started to close his door.
"Oh and Reed, Shane said he's sorry if he did something to make you leave. He didn't mean to."- Blaine added and took Kurt's hand as they left down the hallway.
Reed sat back onto his bed and closed his eyes.
His name was Shane.
He's not Marcus.
Reed understood all of that.
So why was he so afraid of ever seeing Shane again?
He flopped down on his bead dreading the next school day.