Warning: Angst alert; just remember, I don't do death fics or UNhappy endings. Real life gives us all enough of them as it is.

OM

Chapter 33

Manhattan South Trauma Center

Castle arrived well before visiting hours even though he could come and go as he pleased being deemed 'the significant other' by the hospital staff. He was looking for her surgeon, Dr. Trent. He needed a status report on Kate and wanted to ask some questions about rehab.

He had personal concerns he wanted to try and resolve before Kate plunged back into life and their options became more and more limited.

She wasn't wearing his ring. She wore her dad's watch and he knew that she kept her mom's ring and chain in the drawer of the tray table. But she wasn't wearing his ring and it wasn't with her mom's ring. He'd checked when they took her for some nerve conduction tests.

Castle didn't want to come right out and ask her 'where's your engagement ring' because he was afraid of the answer.

Apparently she'd developed quite a 'crush' on Mike Trent and it seemed like the only time she was like she used to be with him was when she was talking to Mike Trent.

He wasn't really jealous. Concerned, yes, but jealous? No. Of course not. What was there to be jealous about?

He knew from talking with psychiatrists when Alexis had been burned that older children and teens frequently exhibited symptoms and behavior of 'arrested development' when their traumas separate them from their peer group.

In simple terms, Kate Beckett was still 17 in some respects emotionally. She'd never gone through a normal socialization process like her peers had.

And he failed to recognize it. It explained her rapid transitions from like to love. Or what she thought was love.

She'd never been dumped by a boyfriend, never been felt up in the backseat of a car, never gone steady, been to a prom, or gone through the usual rites of passage.

And he, dumbass that he was, failed to recognize it. He thought her declarations of love were from a mature woman not a pseudo-teenager still grappling with first love. His mother, damn her, had been right.

Rick remembered Kate's remarks when Alexis was being examined after the kidnapping when he warned her to stay clear for the sake of her career. She said if she had to choose, he'd win every time.

She must have forgotten it. Or realized that it had been a juvenile attempt to comfort him in an emotional time.

He'd stopped by the Precinct to speak with Esposito about the outcome of the IA investigation but he was on 'paid suspension' until the shooting board could meet. Captain Montgomery said that 'Esposito was cleared, just waiting for the paperwork'.

"I dropped by to see Beckett last night. I was surprised that you weren't camped out there, Rick. She'll be discharged Friday and I have to set up a consultation with the Department psych people before she can be cleared to come back to work. Any idea how long rehab will take?"

She hadn't mentioned it the previous evening when he'd been in to visit her. She hadn't said much of anything and seemed to be uncomfortable with him being there. He asked her if something was bothering her and she'd dismissed his question with a curt 'no'.

The final straw had been when he'd tried to kiss her goodnight and she'd turned her head and muttered something idiot about 'bad breath'. When he asked if he could bring Alexis by she'd asked him not to.

"I don't want her to see me this way, weak, hurt and…no, please. Just tell her I said 'hi' and I'll talk with her when I get out."

And now here he stood like the dumbass he was, bright and early on Friday morning outside Kate's room door, listening to her laughing and talking animatedly with her Dr. Trent. He almost dropped the coffee he'd brought for her when he heard her remind him, as he left, that he had her number and not to forget to call her 'sometime for that drink'.

To his credit, Trent turned red and appeared embarrassed when he saw Rick standing there and turned and walked quickly away as Rick walked into the room.

"Good morning. A little bird told me you were getting out of here today. I brought you some clothes and your chariot awaits your presence."

"Castle! You startled me." She looked unsure of herself and wouldn't make eye contact.

"Sorry. So, Dr. Trent signed your paperwork yet? Ready to head home?" He laid the small sports bag on her bed and handed her the coffee. He saw that her hair was combed out as well as a right-handed Kate could do with her left and that she had on makeup.

"Castle, about that…I want to stay at my apartment. I make a lousy patient and I don't want to be an imposition on anyone. Just drop me off at my apartment. I need to schedule rehab and Montgomery wants me to see the department shrink and I'll just be in and out all the time. It's easier all around if I just stay at my own place."

"What's this really all about,Kate? You've been distant and seem to resent my very presence here. I've been careful not to 'hover' and I've given you space to just be yourself after the attack. Now you want to go 'home' to your apartment."

"Castle, I've had a lot of time to think. I don't think I'm ready to get married. I overreacted to your injury and…"

"Okay, I get it and I half-expected it but why aren't you wearing your engagement ring, Kate?"

"I – I – I don't want to be engaged. I'm not ready for that kind of commitment to a relationship, Castle. I…"

He stood up, almost shaking in anger and despair but determined to leave with some shred of his dignity intact.

"Keep the ring. I have two of my own that are burden enough. I'll have your things sent over to your apartment. You really do need to see a shrink, Beckett. I'm sure Dr. Trent could give you a recommendation when he calls you about that drink."

Her head jerked up and she made eye contact but quickly looked away. The look in his eyes scared her for a moment. She started to say something, to explain how emotionally confused and uncertain she was but realized she was talking to herself. He was gone.

Rick was walking down the corridor to the elevator bank when Trent came up to him. "Mr. Castle, about Kate…"

That was all he got out before Castle grabbed the lapels of his white lab coat and slammed him up against the wall. His toes could barely touch the tile floor.

"I could have your license for this but it wouldn't make things any better. Hurt her and I'll kill you, Trent." He suddenly realized what he was doing very loudly and released the younger man who dropped to the floor in a daze.

Castle looked at the nurses and others who were standing around watching. Christ! He'd made a mess of things! He shook his head in disgust and then walked away. He felt his self-control reassert itself and wondered if maybe he was the one who needed to see a shrink. Maybe another trip to New Orleans and the clinic...

Kate ran out when she heard the yelling in the corridor and asked a short young blonde doctor what was going on? She saw Mike sitting 'in a pile' on the floor looking dazed and Castle getting onto the elevator.

"What's going on? Your boyfriend just taught my ex-boyfriend a long overdue lesson in ethics, that's all. Let me guess…you've been sweet talked and given him your number and now he's going to call you, right? Good luck with that! It's how he operates."

Three weeks later

Office of Naomi Waltz, Psychotherapist

It was Kate's early morning appointment with the psychiatrist and she was nervous. She needed to get signed off so she could get back to work. The last three weeks had been full of…nothing.

Her father had called her every few days to 'check on her' but hadn't come in to the city to see her. When she mentioned getting together, he always begged off for reasons that made no sense. The conversations were rigid and formal and he never asked about Castle and she never brought him up.

Lanie had dropped by one morning shortly after she'd been discharged but only stayed a few minutes. She told her that Esposito had been cleared by the shooting board and was back at work. She didn't mention anything of a personal nature and Kate was certain she'd bring up Castle but she just kept the topic in safe waters.

Finally, she brought it up and was surprised when Lanie told her curtly, "Save your breath, Beckett. I don't want to hear it." She finished her coffee, rinsed out the mug and said "I'll see you around,Detective. Javier and I are going 'apartment hunting'," and left.

A moving company brought over the stuff she'd left at the loft. She was surprised at how much she'd taken over to the loft in the short time she'd been…

She found a man's blue shirt without buttons hanging in plastic wrap with her other clothes. She tore it off the hangar and intended to throw it away but stopped and put her face in it. It still smelled like 'them'. She put it back on the hangar and put it in the back of her closet.

Her mother's portrait had been carefully wrapped in a sturdy carton and when she took it out of the carton there was a note attached to the frame with tape that read 'She belongs with you, not us'. There was no signature but of course she knew it was Castle's note.

He never called. He didn't even let her try to explain herself. He just left. He promised he'd never leave her.

She used that to justify her behavior. He had left her. She was the injured party.

"So, Detective Beckett, are you ready to return to work?"

"Yes! Definitely. I only have a few sessions remaining in rehab and then I'll be ready to get back to being a detective."

"No dreams? No recurring nightmares? No sudden startle responses?" She was reading down a checklist or so it seemed to Kate.

"No, nothing at all like that."

"No sudden changes in relationships with friends, family or loved ones?"

"Nope. Things are fine. I'm fine. I'm talking more to my dad than before. We had an argument about me quitting the force but we're past that."

"And are you 'past' the abrupt end to your relationship with Richard?" Part of the process was to compare 'before and after' situations in the lives of the patients.

"It – I – he left me. He didn't give me a chance to explain…" She pulled her feet up onto the chair and wrapped her arms around her knees, peering out at the doctor from behind her 'barricade'.

"Explain what, Detective?" She'd picked up on her needing to explain something.

"To explain why I wasn't wearing his ring. Why I couldn't marry him. Why I couldn't live with him when I got out of the hospital. All of it. He never gave me a chance to explain. And he was jealous of my friendship with my doctor. We – we talked for hours about things..."

"I see. And that would be Dr. Michael Trent. Was he the reason for your decision to end your relationship with someone you promised to marry?"

Trent no longer had privileges at Manhattan South Trauma Center. Too many complaints from patients and staff. A note in the personnel biography referred to an altercation between him and a patient's fiance that brought the other complaints into focus. The Board acted quickly and pulled his privileges.

"Maybe you didn't hear me, doctor, but Castle left me when he promised he never would. He walked out of my hospital room without giving me a chance to explain…"

"Explain what, exactly, Detective Beckett? Take your time. You have many issues to explore and resolve to my satisfaction before I let you loose on the people of New York. We'll schedule three sessions per week to start. So, let's get started, shall we?"

A/N: The Castle family reaction and adjustments come next as do several therapy sessions with our beloved though batshiit crazy Beckett.