A/N Okay…a few things before you read this. First, sorry I'm a bit late with this one but I had a thousand of things to do and I just couldn't find the time to finish it.
Second, I had a hard time writing this. It's awful to put my Bambi through all of that and it made me really sad.
Third, a warning, this chapter does contain some really bad things (nothing explicit but still there) so if you think it's too much for you maybe you shouldn't read it.
Aaaaaaaaand….yeah I think that should be it. Next chapter will be up soon because it's almost done so give me some love, review and make Reed's nightmares go away.

I own nothing -.-
flashbacks

From: Reed (21: 17)
Kurt help!

Kurt read the text he got and suddenly overwhelmed with worry fled the room slamming the door behind him.

"You know your boy is crazy right? Hot…but crazy."- Shane informed his brother who was wearing the expression that was now tightly connected to the never ending weirdness of Kurt Hummel.

"I'm afraid I'm well aware of that."- Blaine sighed and threw himself back on the bed looking at his younger brother who still had the same blissful smile on his face. He got curious.

"Wanna tell me why are you so happy?"

Shane rolled over from his back to his stomach, resting his head on his hands and looked at Blaine with hearts in his eyes.

"I've got a date with Reed tomorrow."
-

"You've got a date with Shane tomorrow?"- Kurt practically leaped from the bed and did this really stupid looking version of a happy dance (and if anybody ever asked about it he will deny it till the end of the world).

"It's not a date Kurt. Please don't say that."- Reed cried out feeling more and more sure that he should just suddenly catch a flu or jump out the window or something.
"He asked you to go get coffee with him?"

"Yes but…"
"And you two are going alone?"
"Yes but he didn't…"
"AND he held your hand while you were walking from the art hall?"
"Just because it was dark and…"

Kurt realized that thinking about it scared Reed. But he could also tell that he liked Shane even if he still couldn't admit that to himself. He just needed a push in the right direction.

"Reed, honey, listen to me. I know you're not comfortable telling me what happened to you and I respect that. But I also know that, whatever it was, it left you afraid and reluctant to trust someone. I can tell because I was just like that once. Blaine made things better for me. And I know you probably failed to notice but…and he is going to kill me if he finds out that I told you this…Shane likes you. He kind of fell for you that first day when he saw you. So the way I see it the only thing you need to do right now is decide if you like him back. It's all up to you."

Reed stood in the middle of his room listening to his friend and struggling to accept what he was saying. Shane liked him? HIM? Of all the boys in this school that obviously wanted the tall dancer, he saw something in the damaged, broken and completely not interesting Reed Van Kamp. Yeah right.

"Kurt he doesn't like me. He's just being nice because I'm still new here and stuff…and besides Jared is…"- the artist started awkwardly and then decided to shut up because finishing that sentence would actually mean admitting to Kurt that he was afraid to go out with Shane because he wasn't good enough.

And the thought about the younger dancer and his longing looks in Shane's directions told Reed that he wanted him. And Reed was absolutely sure that Jared was better than he was in every possible way.

He was flirty and bold, handsome and had a pretty face, strong and coordinated. Reed was…well he was obviously none of those things. So what in the world would someone like Shane see in him to choose to like him over Jared?

Kurt saw the pained look in the smaller boys eyes as he mentioned Jared. He instinctively rolled his eyes because he hated that boy. Well maybe not hate, it's too strong of an emotion, but he definitely disliked him. Sure he was relatively good looking. But he annoyed the crap out of everyone. Especially Shane but he was just way to nice to show it.

Kurt knew that Jared liked Shane, and apparently Reed saw that too. And from the look in his eyes he figured Shane belonged with someone like that. He scoffed at the thought and stood up to walk to his friend and pull him to sit at the edge of his bed with him.

"Reed what does Jared have to do with this?"- he asked him. He knew exactly what he had to do with it but he kind of wanted Reed to say it out lout so he could help him understand that he was wrong.
"He…um…I mean I think he likes Shane."- Reed answered eyes still firmly on the carpet.

"Well I'm not gonna go and deny that. He does like Shane. So what?"- Kurt looked at him waiting for an answer. He expected some kind of dodging the question. He also expected a small, timid answer and a scared looking Reed trying and failing to convince Kurt and himself that he felt nothing for Shane.

What he didn't expect is for Reed to practically jump of the bed and start to talk like it was the last thing he will ever be allowed to say in his life.

"I don't know Kurt ok? I just…I don't even know how I feel and I don't think I can go and get my hopes up and have him figure out that he's wasting his time with someone who has a panic attack every time he touches him without a letter of warning, and who is not even close to being good enough for someone like him and I…I'm actually honest when I say I don't know how I feel. I've never been with someone and I've never even liked someone or fell in love so how should I know right?"- he finished and then slumped into the chair in the corner wide eyed and unable to believe he just said all of that and made himself vulnerable in front of his friend. He trusted Kurt but he wasn't sure if he wanted him to know all that. But it was too late now.

Kurt stood up from the bed and walked over to Reed. He understood perfectly the responsibility he had now that the younger boy shared all of that with him and decided that talking about it would be the best way to make thing easier. Shane was right for him. Kurt was sure of it.

"Okay, Reed let's do it this way. I can tell that you're confused so do you think it would be easier for you to figure it all out if I ask you some questions and you answer them honestly. And whatever you say to me I swear it will stay between you and me. Is that ok with you?"

"Um…I guess…yeah."
"Right…well then question number one. Do you like Shane?"
"I…I don't know Kurt. I really don't."
"Well what do you think about him? How do you feel when he's around?"

"It's so confusing Kurt. He…I just…how can you be afraid of someone and at the same time feel so incredibly safe around the same person. I guess I kept this from you when I told you about the art hall. I kind of tripped…and shut up Kurt don't laugh at me…and he kind of caught me before I had the time to hit the ground. Nobody ever did that. And then he just kind of held me for a while and…I' don't know…I…"

"You felt protected?"- Kurt asked knowing exactly how Reed felt as he remembered the first time Blaine held him in his arms while he was having a nightmare.

"How did you…"

"I told you already. Blaine. The Anderson brothers really have a way of getting under your skin. You can't fight it. And Reed, I don't think you should."

Reed shot him a look that held so much pain that Kurt flinched and looked away.
The small artist almost gave in and listened to Kurt. But he couldn't do that. Not because he was afraid, even if he was. But because Shane deserved more than a broken, lost and defiled boy like him. Shane deserved someone pure and intact. Reed wasn't that. Not anymore. Everything was taken away from him and he had nothing to offer to the beautiful dancer. So maybe it would be better to just finish it all right away then to do it later when it was going to hurt even more than it does now.

"Kurt he can't like me. He shouldn't. There are a lot of other boys at this school who would die to be with him. I'm not…"

"You're not what Reed?"-Kurt asked looking at the blond boy in front of him wanting nothing more than to know what had happened to him. He respected his reluctance to share that with him but he just wanted to help. His heart broke a little when he saw the small boy shaking a bit and he realized Reed was silently crying. The next time he spoke his voice was shaking and barely audible.

"I'm not good enough for anyone to like me."

With that his wall came crumbling down as his sobs shook him violently. Through the mist and the noise he felt Kurt reaching out for him and pulling him closer as he rocked back and forth not really aware of what was going on and why any of it was happening. Five minutes ago he was fine and now he was literally falling apart.

But deep down Reed knew that he wasn't ok. He stopped being ok months ago. He just learned how to tame the panic and hide the pain. And it only worked because there was no one around him to see he was faking it.

But now he had Kurt who called him his best friend. He had Blaine who cared for him. He had Wes and David and Thad to act like older brothers and tease him. He had Trent and Cam to keep him entertained and involved in the group dynamics. He had Nick to talk real seriously to about stuff. He had Jeff to annoy the living hell out of him for messing with his hair.

And he had Shane. Who protected him. Kept him safe. Made him blush and feel cute and important.
But even through his tears he knew he didn't HAVE Shane. Because someone like him didn't deserve Shane.

No, Reed wasn't ok. And Kurt could tell. And as the older boy held him gently Reed knew that right then and there is where Kurt will find out everything.

He untangled himself from his friends embrace and locked his eyes with his.

"Kurt…if…if I told you what made me like this…would you promise me never to tell anyone?"

"Reed of course I would never tell. And you don't have to tell me either if you don't want to." Kurt said taking his hand gently. Yes, he wanted to know so he could help. But he wasn't gonna push Reed into anything.

"And…could you maybe tell…Shane that I don't really feel well and cancel tomorrow?"- Kurt's brow furrowed and he decided against it. Reed needed Shane.

"Reed…how about we talk first and then, when all this is sorted out, I can tell Shane that ok?"
The artist just nodded as the shiver went through his tiny body. Kurt just gave his hand a gentle squeeze and the boy began to talk.

"Okay…um…I just…I don't even know where to begin. I guess it started when I started high school. I was not like this before. I mean I was never really popular or confident. But I was liked well enough. Had a group of friends. Painted, talked a lot more than I do now. I was happy.

And then I kind of realized I liked boys more than I did girls. I never thought I could be gay and I never really wondered because I've never felt something more than just friendship for anyone so it didn't really matter to me. I came out to my mom and she was fine with it. I guess being in fashion kind of makes you immune to that. She was okay with that but she was kind of worried about me going to public high school. We talked about it and she decided to pay for private school. Her friend's son was already going there and he had no problems with bullying, he's bisexual. So my mom kind of asked him, M-Marcus, to look after me until I get used to the school and stuff.

So I started the school year. He waited for me after every class, we kind of started hanging out and before I knew it we became really good friends. I didn't know he was a hockey player. He was one of the most popular guys in than school. The girls were practically drooling over him and his friends.
And somehow I found myself being a part of the "IT" crowd. It was nice.

Almost the entire freshman year was a great experience for me. And then…it just wasn't that great anymore."- his voice cracked a little bit and the tears starter running down his pale cheeks again, smudging the still present paint.

"Reed we can stop now. You don't have to do this you know?"- Kurt asked gently knowing that the happy part of the story is over and that whatever he heard next will be terrible.

"No…I… to be honest my therapist said it would be good to let someone in. I trust you the most and in the past months I realized I need you to know. If it's ok with you? You don't need to listen to this of course."

"Don't be ridiculous. I want to be there for you and help you any way I can. So I'll just sit here and listen to whatever you're ready to tell me. And when you're done we'll talk about it and try to sort it out…together. Ok?"- he briefly hugged the small boy as he nodded and took a deep breath to continue his story.

"Close to the end of the school year Marcus sent me a text to meet him in front of the school because he needed to talk to me…"

"Hey Reed! Thanks for meeting me. And sorry I'm late, the guys were just being assholes as usual."-Marcus said as he tilted his head down to kiss the smaller boys cheek.

"No it's fine. I just got here too. Long history lessons not finishing with the bell and all that."- he smiled at his friend brushing his curls away from his face- "so what's up. You said you wanted to talk. Everything ok?"

"Everything's fine I just… I kind of wanted to ask you something for a while now."- Marcus looked at Reed and slowly took his hand.

"Marc you're kind of freaking me out here."- Reed said feeling more than just a bit confused with the older boy's behavior.

"Reed I was wondering if you would go out with me. Like on a date."- the tall boy was looking at the smaller one with bright golden eyes and Reed felt like he was gonna die. But it wouldn't be the happy kind of death. He liked Marcus well enough to be his friend. But that was all.

Reed always thought that at the age of 15 he wasn't really ready to have a boyfriend and he kind of didn't want one. And even if he did want one he was kind of sure it wouldn't be Marcus.

He was his best friend. He looked after him. And he was nice. To Reed anyway. But to everyone else he was a regular jackass and Reed didn't really like that.

"Marc..I…um…I don't really think that's a good idea. I mean we're friends and I really love you as a friend but…that's it. I love you as a friend."- he took in his friend's horrified expression and flinched a little when he felt the athlete squeeze his hand so hard it started to hurt- " Hey please don't be mad at me. I'm just being honest. I don't want to lose you as a friend. I was serious when I said I loved you."

"Yeah well obviously you don't love me enough. Well whatever. It's not like I care. I was only asking you because I thought it was time for the little virgin queen to learn how to really enjoy being gay. Your loss my faggy little friend, your fucking loss."

With that he pushed past Reed showing him to the ground as the smaller boy just sat on the floor not quite believing what had just happened.

Kurt still sat next to him holding his hand. He nudged him with his shoulder to encourage him to just let go.

"After that things got weird. Not one of the guys in our group would talk to me or even say hi, the people at school started to pick on me. And just like that I figured out the secret of my own school. They weren't really okay with me being gay. They were tolerating me because Marcus told them to. I was under his protection and no one was allowed to touch me. But now I was an open target. And trust me they used it in every way possible. Locker shows, name calling, occasional pushing down the stairs. In a matter of weeks I ended up in a hospital at least 5 times. And the funny part is that they all knew I was a klutz even before so nobody really paid any attention to my bruises and cuts.

And it went on like that until the last week before summer break when this guy pushed me so hard I hit my head on the door knob and ended up with 14 stitches. I saw Marcus that day and he looked at me with sorry eyes. Like he was regretting everything he did and said to me. So I wasn't really surprised when I got a text from him the first week into the summer break asking me to meet him in the park in between his and my house. We went there almost every day when we were still friends. I didn't really want to go, but he was my best friend and I guess I just thought that we could maybe go back to that and be friends again. He was at the park before I got there. "

"H-hi Marc."- Reed said to his friend taking a seat next to him on the small wooden bench.
"Reed I…God I'm so sorry for what I said and did to you. I was hurt you said no to me and I guess I wasn't used to that at all. I got mad and…I know it's not an excuse and I'm not looking for one just please…forgive me."- he said sadly, tears pooling in his eyes as he turned his body to face the smaller boy next to him.

"Marc I believe that you're sorry and I get that you were mad too, but what you said…and what I went through because of it…it's gonna take time to get us back to where we were. But…I guess I am willing to give it a try if you still want to be my friend."- the painter smiled at his friend who just gave him a small nod and then they just sat there together, both looking happy and just a bit relieved that they still had each other.

"Things soon got back to being normal for us. We would go to the movies, walks, sat in our park and just talk about stuff. But somehow, after a month and a half, it still felt like that bond we used to have was gone. We had awkward silences that we never used to have, we struggled to understand each other's jokes when before we would laugh like idiots for hours. It just didn't feel the same. And then came the middle of July. He called me early in the morning saying to be ready at noon and we were going swimming at his cousin's house. He picked me up and we drove for nearly two hours before finally getting to Sean's house. When we got in to the house all of his hockey teammates were there. He said it was a party and that he didn't tell me because he knew I would say no. I got mad but soon we were talking with everyone and having fun. They all drank but nobody got really drunk so they were just acting crazy and laughing. We were actually having a great time. Marc called me to go with him upstairs and help him bring some more snacks and juice. "

"Sean said he put it all in the guest room. I think it's this one."- Marc said opening the door and entering the room. Reed went in after him and just as he was about to ask where the snacks were he felt a pair of muscular arms lift him from the ground and toss him onto the empty bed.
He thought Marcus was joking but he was standing right in front of him.

He turned around to see three of Marc's friends entering the room and locking it, placing the key in their pocket.

"Guys what are you doing?"- he asked as his gut twisted as if he felt something was very wrong.
"Did you really think we wanted to be friends with you again Princess? Are you really that stupid?"- one of them stepped forward and knelt onto the bed next to Reed threading his hand through his curls and pulling hard. Reed screamed in pain ad he felt something warm crawling on his skull. He felt it often enough to know he was bleeding.

"Aww is the baby gonna cry? God you're so pathetic!"- the other jock said pulling a gag from his pocket and pushing it into his mouth making a knot on his neck to keep it in place.

Reed was scared and he was now crying, looking at Marcus and silently begging him to let him go.
The tall boy just smirked at him and came closer.

"You know why we're doing this Reed?"- he cupped his cheek stroking it almost gently as he pushed him on his stomach on the bed.

"Because nobody says no to me."
With that he felt three pairs of hands holding him in place, he heard the zipper opening, he felt the warm air on his bare skin, hands between his legs, and then not just hands…

Reed was now crying into Kurt's shoulder clutching his shirt and shaking violently.

Kurt was holding him close whispering comforts in his ear but he knew nothing he said will ever make it better. After a few more minutes the boy calmed down enough to finish the story although there really wasn't much to say.

"I don't really remember the rest. I have these flashes. I know that there was a moment when they weren't really paying attention and I tried to run away through the second doorthey forgot to lock. I remember hiding somewhere while they were calling me and saying that I can't run away and that I don't have to pretend that I didn't like what they were doing to me. They found me eventually and I blacked out after that. I woke up three days later in a hospital. They told me Sean, Marc's cousin, found me and he tried to wake me up but the doctors said I was too beat up and in shock so he couldn't. I guess he saw the blood and the b-bite marks and scratches and he figured it all out. He called the police and told them what Marc did. They found them all at Marc's playing video games as if nothing had happened. They are all in jail now. Despite being minors at the time the judge decided to send them to trial as adults for what they did. I was actually surprised by that until I found out that…I…I wasn't the first. When I came clean two other boys said they did the same thing to them although not so brutally as they did with me. They are waiting for trial now. I think they will call me to testify. And I still have nightmares almost every night. So…I guess now you know."- he said tiredly still holding on to Kurt like he was his life line.

"God Reed I'm so so sorry. You have no idea how much. And…thank you for trusting me enough to tell me all that."- Kurt said wiping away his own tears. He didn't realize it but half way through Reed's confession he started to cry too.

"I actually feel better now that you know. I guess Doctor Gray was right. I did need this."- Reed said finally gathering enough strength to pull himself away from Kurt and sit on his bed. He was so exhausted he felt like he was going to faint.

"Why don't you get ready for bed? I know I said we will talk it through but I could come in as soon as you rest and we can do it then ok? You need it."- Kurt said pushing the small boy towards the bathroom.

Reed quickly took a shower and got ready for bed. Clad in his pajamas he crawled into his bed feeling like he was running for a year, and he snuggled down into his comforter.
Kurt tucked him in and stood up to leave when he felt a small hand grab his wrist.

"Um…could you…stay until I fall asleep?" - he asked feeling embarrassed he had to ask such a childish thing.

Kurt just smiled at him and settled himself on top of the covers facing his friend who was already drifting to sleep a small smile grazing his tired face as he heard Kurt softly singing to him.

Kurt watched him sleep for a while before getting up and going back into his own room. He closed the door and slid on the floor next to them crying out all of the anger and regret for everything the little angel he knew had to go through.

He wanted to help him so badly but he didn't know what to do. He knew one thing.
Shane could heal him. He could love him till he's brand new. And Kurt was determined to make Reed see that and let himself shine again.