Disclaimer: Anything from Supernatural is not mine.
A/N: Here is the next chapter. I hope you'll enjoy it. It's exciting to have moved on to the next season. I really do hope you'll all enjoy this progression of this one. Happy reading! Reviews are awesome! =]
Chapter Two: Left Behind
The sun had set some time ago but he still stared out the window. She wasn't coming back, but there was something inside of him that kept waiting for it. Waiting for her to walk from the shadows and return to him. He pinched the bridge of his nose as his weariness started to set in. Soon he heard footsteps and Sam appeared at his side. He sighed but didn't look at his brother.
"You need to get some sleep." Sam told his brother.
"I'm fine." Dean told him.
"You're not fine." Sam stated.
"Sure I am, Sammy." Dean replied blinking as he shifted his weight.
"You're angry. I get that." Sam told him.
"Sam." Dean said raising his voice. "I don't want to talk about it."
"Dean, you need to talk about it." Sam said sympathetically.
"No, I don't." Dean said shortly.
"You're not the only one who lost something." Sam told him, no longer sympathetic.
"Just leave me alone, Sam." Dean told him.
"Damn it, Dean!" He said grabbing his arm, forcing him to look at him. "She's gone! She's gone and she's never coming back! Do you understand that? I know it sucks. You lost your dad and your girlfriend. It's not supposed to be okay but you can't get lost in all of this. We still have a job to do."
"I know she's gone, Sam." Dean replied. His voice was shaky and his eyes were wet. "It just hurts to do anything. I can't sleep because all I see is her. But being awake is just as hard." He said and looked at the floor. "I can't handle this right now. Not from you." He said walking away from his brother.
"Dean, we need to talk. Remember what you told me after Jess died? How it wasn't my fault. How I couldn't do anything about it. Just remember what you told me and believe it yourself. You need to talk about it or you'll never move on." Sam told him.
"I don't want to move on!" Dean yelled at him. "Moving on means that she's really gone. She can't be gone. I just got her back." He said with a small smile. Sam just frowned at him with a sad expression. Dean's smile disappeared and he quickly left the room.
There was little that could be said or done. He wasn't good at grieving. They had saved nearly everyone they had ever helped. There was a limited list of people he ever truly cared about. The list was quickly dwindling down. It seemed like everyone he cared about kept dying. He stared at the ground as he walked. He heard a bark and stopped, something seemed familiar about it. He listened as it came closer and then a mutt of a stray trotted across the road, avoiding him as it watched him nervously. Dean sighed and kept walking, thinking about Evy. Trying to remember everything about her. It had been over a month since she had died. Sam had her buried before he had woken from his near death experience. There was one thing he just couldn't seem to shake. He had seen her. If he had known any better he would swear that he had touched her, felt her skin against his. He remembered it vividly, maybe too vividly. She still felt alive to him; even though his mind told him that she was gone. He remembered what she had told him. You need to live. I need you to live. So he lived. He was alive and well while she lay dead and buried. She would be reunited with Jim. He wondered if that meant anything or not. If they were happy together in heaven. He pushed the thought away. He knew that she wouldn't betray him. Even in the afterlife. Or so he had convinced himself of. He kept walking until the sun was a line on the horizon. When he returned to the room his brother was sitting on the edge of the bed, staring at the floor. He didn't even look up when Dean closed the door.
"Hi." Dean said softly.
"Dean, I miss her too. I miss her just as much as you do." Sam told him. "I miss dad. I don't know what we're going to do without him. It hurts every day." He said finally looking at his brother. "I know it hurts, Dean. But I need you. I need you to get the job done. We need to save people. We need to hunt. We need to find this demon and kill the son of a bitch once and for all. For both dad and Evy."
"We will." Dean told him.
"I know, but in order to do that I need you. I need my brother." Sam replied.
"It just hurts so bad, you know?" Dean said sitting on the other bed. "I miss her every minute of every day. I close my eyes and all I see is her. All I can smell is her. I see her everywhere. I even think I hear that damn dog of hers. It just…" He said and put his head in his hands. "I wanted to share my life with her. It took her dying for me to really see it, but now that I can't have her I know that I would have married that girl." He told his brother and laughed. "Well, maybe someday. Though I never thought I'd even think those words." He admitted. "Marriage…" He said and grinned as his brother. "But I would have if it was her. If I could have anyone, it would have been her."
"I know, Dean." Sam said with wet eyes. "I know."
Dean suddenly felt guilty. "I'm sorry, Sammy." He whispered.
"Its okay, Dean." Sam told him. "It's going to be hard for a while. But we're going to be okay."
"If you say so." Dean smiled sadly.
Dean wiped the sweat from his forehead as he continued the tedious work on his car. It still sat in Bobby Singer's junk yard. He'd been putting all of his energy into raising his car from the mess the semi had put it in. It helped pass the time and take his mind off of things. It was focused work and even though he still didn't want to talk, Sam continuously brought beer and some brotherly advice. Dean wasn't up for any of it and in the end it only added more grease to the fire that was burning in his veins. He didn't want to talk about the death of his girlfriend. He didn't want to talk about the death of his father. He didn't want to talk. He didn't understand why they couldn't just leave him alone. He would grieve in his own way. He didn't need to talk to them in order to move on. But like he had told Sam. He didn't want to move on.
Not only did he have his car but they'd killed a few things, letting Dean get out some of his pent up aggression on the demons that roamed the earth. From vampires to killer clowns. Their life was never boring and these days that was exactly the way they liked it. Only every once in a while things just weren't happening and now was one of those times. Things hadn't been going very fast and they had no more on yellow-eyes then they had before. The colt was gone which left them powerless against him. They sat at Harvelle's Roadhouse, waiting for the atypical Ash to come up with something. They were running out of leads leaving them to resort to the man genius. Dean was reading through a string of obits when Jo, the pretty blond, sat across from him.
"Finding anything?" She asked.
"Nope." Dean told her without looking up.
"Need help?" She asked, trying again.
"Nope." Dean repeated.
"Jo?" Ellen, her mother, called. Jo looked back at her. "Will you go get another case of beer for me?"
"Sure." Jo said as she stood.
Soon a different person sat in front of him. He sighed and looked up to see Ellen staring at him. "Can I help you with somethin'?" Dean asked.
"Can I ask you a question?" Ellen replied.
"Why not?" Dean said with a sarcastic edge to his voice.
"Sam and I had a little chat." She told him.
"And?" He replied.
"He told me about Evy." She said softly.
"He had no right to do that." Dean shot at her, leaning back in the chair.
"He had every right to do it." Ellen frowned at him.
"So what exactly is it that you want to say?" Dean asked.
"I know what you're going through." Ellen told him. "I lost my husband and I know the pain that's eating away at you."
"You're point?" Dean asked.
"You're brother's worried about you, Dean." She told him angrily. "You two come and go and fight but you are still as closed off as ever."
"I don't understand what this has to do with you." He told her. "You don't even know her."
"Didn't." She corrected.
"What?" He asked leaning toward her, his eyebrows raised.
"I didn't know her. She's not coming back, Dean. No matter how much you want her to."
"I don't need this from you." He said quickly getting to his feet.
"You need it from someone." Ellen said doing the same. "Your brother tried but nothing is changing." She told him.
"Please…" Dean said looking at her.
"What's wrong?" Jo asked when she returned with the case.
"Nothing." Ellen told her daughter.
"Dean looks awful upset for it to be nothing." Jo smirked.
"We're talking about my dead girlfriend." Dean said his eyes still on Ellen.
"What?" Jo asked.
"Thanks for the talk." Dean told Ellen before leaving the Roadhouse.
"Dean?" Sam said following him.
"Not now Sammy." Dean replied.
"Just wait." Sam said stopping him. "I'm sorry. I shouldn't have told Ellen about Evy but I needed to talk about it."
"You could've talked to me." Dean told him.
"No I couldn't." Sam told him. "Every time I mention her all you do is pull further away from me. I'm trying to put on a good façade for you but sometimes I need to talk."
"It's fine Sam." He told his brother.
"Are you sure?" Sam asked.
"I'm sure." Dean smiled. "I'm just dealing with it my own way. A woman who we haven't known very long isn't going to help me."
"I thought the woman's perspective might help a little." Sam admitted with a smile.
Dean smiled back. "It's fine." He repeated. "I'm still just not up for talking about it."
"And that's okay." Sam replied.
"No, it's not. Ellen was right." Dean told him. "I'll try and be better. About both of them."
"No one is asking you to be all cheery about it but you do need to deal with it." Sam told him. "Just think about Evy when Jim died. She didn't deal with it and it ate at her until she ended up leaving us."
Dean nodded and looked at his brother. "It'll get better."
"I know." Sam told him. "I know."
Dean ran with Sam right behind him. She was coming and they needed to get her where they needed her. When she appeared she knocked Sam down and attempted to end him. Dean distracted her and she took after him. He stopped next to her grave and shot her sending her falling backward into her coffin. He grabbed the silver sword and plunged it into her, pinning her to the bottom. She soon fell still and was once again dead. They had come through nearly unscathed. They reburied her and left the cemetery.
"I think she broke my hand." Sam told his brother.
"We'll get it looked at in the morning." Dean told him.
Sam nodded and they headed back to the room. The next morning Dean sat in the waiting room while Sam had his hand looked at. He tried to stay focused but his mind went to the same thing it always did. His hands moved into his pockets, his fingers touching something that wasn't there before. He pulled it out and held it up. It was Evy's necklace. The pentagram that he had given her. He stared at it before he started to shake. He had given it to her. Why was it in his pocket? Why wasn't she buried with it? There was only one person that could have taken it off of her. He would have had to see her in order to remove it. Why would he take it off of her? The questions kept moving through his head over and over again until his brother came out. He frowned at Sam and his brother immediately knew that something was wrong, and then his eyes fell on the pentagram. He frowned and then knew that this was going to be something they needed to talk about. Sam nodded and Dean followed him from the hospital. Dean didn't say anything until they were in the car.
"Why was this in my pocket?" Dean asked his brother.
"I thought you might want it." Sam said softly. "Something of hers."
"I gave it to her." Dean said coldly. "Why didn't you bury her with it? It's for protection. Maybe she needs it where she is." Dean told him.
"I'm sorry, Dean." Sam told him. "I was just thinking of you."
"When did you take it off of her?" Dean asked.
"When I saw her at the morgue." He replied. Dean winced at the word and closed his eyes. "You and dad weren't awake yet and I had to deal with it. I had to pick out an outfit. I had to make the arrangements. They couldn't wait for you wake up. We weren't sure if you were going to wake up."
"How did she look?" Dean asked. He hadn't had the nerve to ask till now.
"She looked okay." Sam replied and stopped.
"Just tell me." Dean said quickly.
Sam took a deep breath before going on. "A shard of glass had cut through her side. She bled out from both inside and out. There was a deep laceration to her head but they could cover it up with her hair." Sam recalled. "She was pale…cold."
"Stop it." Dean whispered with his eyes closed his brows furrowed.
"But…" Sam said looking at him. "She was still beautiful."
Dean looked at him. "She was?"
"Yeah." Sam replied.
Dean gave him a small smile. "Thanks, Sammy."
"You're welcome." Sam smiled back.
There was a long pause before Dean asked, "Did you know she was adding to dad's journal?"
"No." Sam replied.
"Look." Dean said and handed it to Sam. "She wrote a bunch of entries and attempted to add some maps and stuff to it."
"Wow. I'm going to miss her organizational skills." Sam replied.
"I didn't realize she had any." Dean laughed. "Remember when she searched for that one piece of paper with that one fact on? Only she found it in some random spot she wasn't even looking in. And the fact wasn't even the one she was actually looking for?"
Sam laughed and nodded. "Or how she argued with me about some file on her computer that she just needed to have, only to realize that she deleted it and really didn't need it."
"She tried to be organized but it didn't work very well." Dean stated. "I think she was getting better though. This proves it." He said taking the journal back. His fingers traced her handwriting.
"It'll get better." Sam told him. "It's already getting better."
"Some moments aren't so bad and some moments are completely unbearable." Dean told his brother. "I guess we'll just have to take it one step at a time. Let's go find something to kill." He smiled and the impala roared to life.