I walked through the vapid streets of London towards Fleet Street. The trunk I carried was not as heavy as I had expected, and the twittering bird I had in the other hand was starting annoy me exceptionally.
Imagine my surprise when I arrived back to Mrs Lovett's shop. She wasn't in her usual place behind the bar, nor sitting at one of the tables. I went to see if she were in the bake house, and stopped abruptly when I got to her parlour. There she sat, with my daughter in her arms. I did not know whether I should have been elated or furious.
For a few minutes, I stayed silent. Mrs Lovett did not know I had appeared yet, and I was almost sure Johanna was sleeping soundly. After a small while, I cleared my throat, dropping the trunk I held gently onto the floor. Mrs Lovett's head snapped round to look at me, a smile on her face.
"'ello, there, love."
Johanna also became alert. She turned around to look at me, her face suddenly frightened. That look burrowed through my breast and pierced my heart, but I tried not to let it show. I had had fifteen years practise. I raised the arm that held the bird.
"Your cleaning maid told me to give you this when she found out I was the one looking after you."
Within moments, she was kneeling down in front of me, her head level with the cage. Her smile was small, but it was most definitely there. I wished dearly that it was directed at me, but it was instead directed at the little green finch. She then turned to me expectantly, her hand reaching out. I gave her the cage, and was content with the nod I received from such a simple service.
"Yeh did something right there, then," Mrs Lovett murmured, having sidled up to me while this was taking place. I shook my head.
"If I'd done something right, she would have smiled at me rather than the bird."
"She 'asn't seen it Lord knows 'ow long."
"She hasn't seen me in fifteen years," I muttered. A hand lay gently on my shoulder, until I looked at her through the corner of my eye, whereupon she quickly retracted it.
"Johanna's young, love. She'll learn." I sighed lowly, looking at my daughter crouching on the floor, staring at her bird. My lip twitched slightly, yet barely noticeably.
"So," Mrs Lovett said cheerfully, clapping her hands. "Which room are yeh staying in, love?"
I spun around quickly, my face furious. Wasn't it obvious?
"Johanna's staying in my flat." Immediately, Johanna looked up at me.
"There's only one bed," she said, her lips trembling. I shook my head.
"I don't sleep."
"But, you must-"
"I don't sleep," I repeated firmly. She swallowed bravely, and nodded. She took the handle of her bird cage and stood, lowering her chin until it pressed against her breast. Clearing my throat, I took the trunk and put my spare hand on the back of her neck gently. Johanna shuddered clearly, but I ignored it.
"Come, then. It's late." I cringed at my own words. Words I should have been able to say ten years ago, rather than when she was sixteen. I guided her back up to the shop, dropping her trunk on the small bed.
"It's not exactly glamorous, but it'll do," I said, remembering the silken sheets the Judge had given her. She nodded solemnly, looking around her.
"Where will she go?" she asked quietly. It took me a moment to realise she was talking about the bird.
"I'll hang the cage tomorrow." She nodded again, and then became quiet. For a moment, I looked at her, still in awe of the fact that I had managed to bring her to the room quietly. I cleared my throat.
"I'll leave you to change, then."
As she changed, I waited outside the door, leaning over the barrier around the platform. The night was cool, the breeze bitter yet soft. London was still, give or take a few lonely couples around. I was alert, looking around for specific people. I even looked for those I had murdered, but soon enough sense came to me. No, there was only one person I needed to look for.
Anthony.
Even as I entered the flat again, I looked over my shoulder, as if he were following me at that point. I shook the thought from my head, and nodded towards Johanna as I entered. She already sat on the edge of the bed, her knees tucked under her chin. Johanna looked up at me when I entered, then lowered her head again dejectedly.
"There's water in that jug," I said, nodding my head towards the desk. "I'll be locking the door when I leave."
Johanna's head snapped back up again, her eyes wide.
"You mean…you're not-"
"No," I said firmly. For a moment, my heart had leapt, until I saw the small smile on her lips. I turned to the door.
"Then I'll come back at ten o'clock tomorrow morning."
"But, shall I be able to leave the house then?" I stopped, my hand resting on the door handle. The idea went through me head. I shook my head.
"No."
"But, I haven't-"
"I won't risk that so soon, Johanna."
With that, I left her, securely locking the door behind me. I groaned lowly, cursing myself for the blunt words that had just come out of my mouth. For once, I believed Mrs Lovett to be right. My gentlest wasn't what it used to be when I was Benjamin Barker. After that light pause, I moved along back to Mrs Lovett's shop.
"Is she sleeping, Mr T?" asked Mrs Lovett the moment we were together in the same room.
"Perhaps. I wouldn't know." She clucked her tongue and tilted her head sympathetically.
"Like I said, love. She'll come around."
"I did not say she was angry with me," I snapped.
"I just assumed, love."
"Mrs Lovett, that isn't your best trait. Don't assume." She wrinkled her nose.
"If yeh're gonna act civil in front of yeh own daughter, yeh might as well practise with me, Mr T." I shook my head.
"The logic isn't at it's best either, Mrs Lovett."
"All I'm saying is-"
"Don't."
She sighed, and immediately took out two glasses and poured gin into them. I quickly grabbed the one with the most clear liquid, tipping it down my throat as rapidly as possible. Mrs Lovett raised an eyebrow.
"Yeh not taking it too well?"
"Another one, Mrs Lovett," I said roughly, raising the glass. She nodded lightly and filled it obligingly, only to have that light air knocked out of her when I took the whole glass in one mouthful again.
"Listen, love, yeh can't beat yehself up about this."
I swirled the last drop of the gin around the bottom of my glass, watching it out of purely the lack of anything else to watch. Mrs Lovett sighed and snatched the glass from my hand. I glared at her as she placed the glass in the sink behind her bar, then turned to look at me.
"I'm not beating myself over anything."
"Well, I just-"
"Assumed?" She swallowed thickly, and nodded. I looked over her features, seeing terror. I suppose it was easy enough to inspire it, but I sighed and shook my head.
"You should go to bed, Mrs Lovett." She nodded frantically, and scurried towards her parlour quickly, not even asking if I needed anything. I helped myself to another drink, sneering.
"Pathetic," I muttered, taking another gulp.