I feel as if time has frozen or has gone into super slow Mo version as I ran as fast as I can through Ridgeway. My legs can't run fast enough for me.
I come to a stop when I reach the door that leads down to the basement, Gibby's. I realize my hand is shaking as I reach for the door knob. I curse myself; I seem like the little frightened boy I was when I was thirteen. Sam is different now, nothing to be afraid of, even though she just slammed me into a coffee table. I shake my head, trying to forget about it, and walk down the stairs.
I freeze in my spot as I see Sam sitting under the counter with her legs pulled up to her chest. She doesn't look like the mean, rude, obnoxious blonde right now, she looks like the opposite, broken. Her shoulders are hunched over and her head in her hands, her blonde curls flowing everywhere.
My throat tightens as I witness this, how could I have done this to her? I force my legs to keep moving, I owe her the truth, at the least.
"Sam," I ask, walking towards her. Usually, Sam would whip around and act like she wasn't just broken, but now she does nothing. At first, I think that she didn't hear me but she responds,
"Don't come any closer," Sam whispers to me, as I stand right behind her. I stop automatically. This isn't going half the way I thought it would. I thought I would try to explain but then Sam would pound me to pulp. It seems better now watching me suffer than her.
"I owe you an explanation," I tell her sitting down beside her, but far enough away she won't feel uncomfortable, not that she feels comfy now. She is quiet for a while and her head is still hidden.
"Go away."
"I just want to tell you the truth and then I will leave."
"Just go away," Sam exclaims showing her face to me. I'm stunned at first, even though she has obviously been crying; she still looks so pretty to me. Her blue eyes stare at me blazing with fury; I feel my heart fall to my stomach but keep my emotions in check.
"Please let me explain," I say, trying one more time. If she shuts me down again I won't have the strength to stay. I'm waiting for her to yell at me again, but she nods her head at me and puts her head on her legs facing me. I don't waste a second as I realize I'm being offered a chance to redeem myself.
"Sam, I'm sorry, you don't know how sorry I am, you probably don't care. When we broke up that night, in the elevator, I meant every word I said," I say pausing letting her take it in. I see her stiffen as I bring it up. "After we broke up, we went back to the way things were before, teasing each other, acting as if it never happened. I don't know about you, but that's what hurt me the most, acting as if it never happened, we never happened, when it did."
I stop and look at her but her eyes are closed as if she's trying not to remember something. I sigh but continue on.
"After experiencing you as my girlfriend, having the best times of my life with you, and then having it all taken away and forgotten I couldn't deal with it."
This catches Sam's attention because she opens up her eyes and gaze into mine, but there is still a guarded expression in her face, it's as if she wants to believe me but doesn't.
"When you and Gibby opened this up," I say gesturing to her with my hands, "I got jealous which is no excuse for what I did. That's why I started hanging out with Carly again, not to get you jealous, but to try to get over you."
Again, Sam's expression is still unreadable; I can't tell if I'm saying the right thing or the wrong thing. She really is the master of the poker face.
"But after spending just a couple of weeks with Carly, it's made me realize how I will never be able to love Carly the way that I love you."
I keep my eyes locked on hers as I say the last part, she has to know that I'm telling the truth and not lying about any of this. Her clear, crystal, blue eyes bore into mine and I can't help but feel myself lean towards her a little.
"Sam, you have to believe me, please, you don't have to return the feelings but you have to believe me," I say pleadingly. When Sam's eyes leave mine and look at her hand on her lap, I instinctively grab her hand in mine. Surprisingly, Sam doesn't pull her hand away but looks at our hands twisted together as if they are a puzzle and she has to figure it out.
"You know, the happiest I've felt since we broke up was whenever I was at Gibby's," Sam says kind of more to herself than to me. It's as if she's just realizing this. "Being here was an escape from you and Carly, I couldn't stand you two, still can't now that we're being honest."
"There's nothing going on between Carly and I." She ignores me and continues looking at our hands like it's a mystery to her.
"I don't think I can handle you or Carly anymore," Sam says out of nowhere. I tighten my grip on her small hand.
"What are you talking about?"
"I'm talking about being friends with you two. Don't act so shocked Benson; I know you have felt it too. Ever since we have dated things have been all over the place. I can't bring myself to talk to Carly about anything anymore; you and I are barely friends. So who do I have left? Spencer? The only person I feel I can trust is Gibby, and he's not even a real person!"
"You don't want to be friends with Carly and I anymore? What about iCarly? Sam, there is nothing going on between Carly and I," I yell back. Is Sam crazy? She can't leave us, without her there is no iCarly! I feel my body go numb, Sam must be joking about this.
"Honestly Fredlumps, I don't want to be friends with you and Carly anymore. It was fun when we were young, but now it's over, everything, our friendship, and more importantly, us." I sit there in my spot as Sam tears her hand out of mine and starts walking up the stairs.
"No, Sam, wait!" I start running towards her as she slips out the door. I catch up to her when we are by her locker. "Please don't go," I say putting myself between Sam and the door, my chest presses up against hers.
"Let me go Benson, I'm done with you," Sam tells me, trying to push me back but I stay in my place easily. I take her hands in mine and pin them against the wall above her head.
"I'm not done with you Sam! Please, give me another chance. Not at our relationship but to become friends again, best friends," I pause when she stops struggling against me. She keeps her eyes down, away from mine. I know what my eyes do to her; she told me once when we were dating. "Don't you want that Sam, to finally become friends? We wouldn't hate each other, we wouldn't date, and we would be best friends first."
I free one of her arms and use my hand to lift her eyes to me. "Be honest with me Sam."
"I don't want to be hurt anymore, that's what I want Freddie."
When Sam sees that my grip on her is too loose she takes the opportunity and runs away.
This time, I don't try to stop her.
Weeks have gone by, weeks and weeks. I could tell you the exact amount of weeks that went by but then I would have to think and it takes too much out of me now.
"Hey Freddie," Carly says smiling to me as I walk up to her locker. I try to smile back and wonder how Carly gets out of bed every day not having Sam in her life.
"Hey Carly,"
"Ready for the Chemistry test today," she asks, just like it's a normal day, except that it's not, Sam still isn't talking to us and iCarly has been a wreck without her. I shrug trying not to look at Sam's locker.
"I didn't really study."
"And why is that?"
I sigh, I can't tell Carly that the reason I haven't studied for a test in weeks, is because of Sam. That she has been in every thought of mine since I let her get away that night at school.
"Just didn't feel like it," I say nonchalantly but Carly catches this and attacks.
"Freddie, just because Sam is not talking to us, that doesn't mean,"
"It doesn't mean what Carls," Sam asks in a vicious voice coming around us, opening up her locker and pulling out ham, same old same old. I still can't get used to how mean Sam sounds, it really sounds like genuine dislike.
"Oh, hi Sam, I didn't see you there," Carly says back just as mean. For Sam to sound mean is a lot more natural than hearing Carly get vicious. It still sends shivers down my spine. Sam slams her locker shut giving Carly a cold smile.
"Oh, it's okay, I'll get out of here so you and Fredbag can continue your day together," Sam laughs at our shocked expressions, "Are you two going out yet by the way," Sam asks sneering at us with that evil smile of hers on her face. She waves to us and starts to walk away.
"Hey Gibby, hold up," Sam yells at him as they walk to their class together. I watch as Gibby smiles at her and hands her some ribs. I look away in disgust as a look of pure joy bounces on her face.
How can she be happy?
"Let's just get to class Freddie," Carly says touching my arm. I pull away and walk to Chemistry as fast as I can.
LATER IN THE DAY
As I walk into History class with Carly I go to my seat and beg for the teacher to start teaching so I can get out of this class as soon as possible. This is the only class that Carly, Sam, Gibby, and I have together.
I hate it, to say the least.
"Dude, did you see his face as he opened his locker," Sam asks laughing and smiling with Gibby as they walk into class.
"Sure did! I can't believe that you actually put a live squid in his locker!"
Sam beams at Gibby and laughs, sitting down to the desk across from mine. I really wish the seats weren't alphabetical order, because I have Sam across from me and Gibby behind me. It really couldn't get any worse.
"What can I say, Gib? Momma loves seeing freshman get squirt in the face by a squid," Sam jokes with her famous smirk on her face. I try not to look grossed out as they knuckle touch. Thankfully, Ms. Briggs comes and starts yelling at us to tell us all to shut up.
Half way between class Carly shoots me a text.
I cannot stand Sam and Gibby! Get them to shut up!
I sigh as I read this, so Carly can hear them too? I'm surprised Ms. Briggs hasn't yelled at them yet, they have been whispering to each other for almost the whole class time. Anger rushes through me as Sam giggles at something Gibby said.
I'll try, I text back nodding at Carly as she meets my eyes giving me a small smile.
"Sam, could you be quiet, I'm trying to listen to Ms. Briggs," I whisper shout at her. She looks at me like she can't believe I just interrupted her little giggle fest with Gibby. After all, this isn't the first time she and Gibby have done this.
"You would rather listen to Ms. Briggs than Gibby and I," Sam shoots back giving me a dirty look. She does have a point.
"Isn't it obvious?"
Sam looks at me for a while and eventually I look at her and everything changes. When I look into her eyes it seems as if nothing has changed. We still talk to each other and we still do iCarly.
"Puckett! Benson!"
Then everything changes again.
At the same time Sam and I jump away from each other and up at Ms. Briggs.
"What's up Ms. Briggs," Sam asks in her chilled way putting her feet up on her desk, acting as if nothing happened.
"Nice try, Samantha. You and Fredward have detention with me after school," Ms. Briggs yells at us. Sam shrugs and closes her eyes as if to go to sleep.
"Ms. Briggs, this is all a big misunderstanding. I was trying to tell Sam and Gibby to be quiet," I exclaim innocently.
"What? Don't drag me into this Benson," Gibby yells at me.
"Quiet!" Ms. Briggs yells. "Sam and Freddie you have detention with me after school, end of discussion."
Realizing I won't be able to get out of this I look at Carly and she shrugs at me before turning towards the front of the room. I breathe out a gush of air that I was holding inside and force myself to look at Sam. She still has her eyes closed with her blonde curls wrapping around her face.
I have detention with Sam after school.
I can't decide if I'm excited or terrified of this. I look at Sam again and see a small smile slip on her pink, soft lips.
Then I know that deep down I can't wait until detention.