Author's Notes at the end
Chapter Three: Corporate Benefits
International Airspace, Now
To: director at shieldbasenet
From: surgeonsenior at shieldbasenet
Subject: Subordinate Overdue for Mandatory Appointment (Hill, M)
Dear Supervisor:
You are listed as the immediate reporting official for AGENT HILL MARIA. This is to notify you that your subordinate AGENT HILL MARIA is deficient in medical readiness in the following areas:
ANNUAL PELVIC EXAM
ANTHRAX VACCINE BOOSTER
Previous attempts to resolve this deficiency and return your subordinate to full medical readiness have been unsuccessful. Please take appropriate steps to ensure your subordinate completes the required steps to resolve the issue.
If your subordinate has already resolved this issue, please disregard. If your subordinate reports that this message was transmitted in error, AGENT HILL MARIA should contact this office to discuss faulty reporting. If you are no longer the immediate reporting official for AGENT HILL MARIA, contact personnel division, database maintenance, to update reporting official information. Please be aware that this may take up to three weeks to update in all records.
Sincerely
I.D. Sanchez-Ramos
Deputy Surgeon, SHIELD
To: deputydirector at helicshieldnet
From: director at shieldbasenet
Subject: FW: Subordinate Overdue for Mandatory Appointment (Hill, M)
Agent Hill –
This is information I did not need to know. Take whatever steps you need (short of bodily or mainframe damage) to ensure I go on not knowing this.
N. Fury
PS – Quit ducking the medics and get your damn booster shots.
To: director at shieldbasenet
From: deputydirector at helicshieldnet
Subject: RE: Subordinate Overdue for Mandatory Appointment (Hill, M)
Sir – Roger. Won't happen again.
Hill
To: surgeonsenior at shieldbasenet
From: deputydirector at helicshieldnet
Subject: FW: Subordinate Overdue for Mandatory Appointment (Hill, M)
IZZIE. WHAT THE HELL. This went to FURY, for God's sake. (I think he went blind in his other eye.)
DON'T SEND THIS TO HIM AGAIN.
M
To: deputydirector at helicshieldnet
From: surgeonsenior at shieldbasenet
Subject: RE: The medical readiness subroutine you approved last quarter
Remember the hissy fit you threw over the lousy compliance with the flu vaccination? I told you supervisor notifications was over-reaction.
Best –
IZ
To: surgeonsenior at shieldbasenet
From: deputydirector at helicshieldnet
Subject: RE: The medical readiness subroutine you approved last quarter
Okay, you were right. (Be sure you print out this email.) Just don't send another note like that to Fury. My face is still scarlet and I haven't looked him in the eye for two days.
M
To: deputydirector at helicshieldnet
From: surgeonsenior at shieldbasenet
Subject: RE: The medical readiness subroutine you approved last quarter
You want Fury off this email chain? Let me lay out the options.
Get a new first line supervisor (if you're looking for options, I need a new medical transcriber who understands medical Mandarin to work with Wu. I think you'd be very useful there.)
Disable the supervisor notifications (fair warning – MED will non-concur with this COA – we're up to 97 percent on H1N2 vaccinations, and as soon as I have you and Fury updated, we'll be 100 on anthrax.)
Get a hysterectomy. (Of course, you'll be on medical leave for two weeks. I hear Drews is eager for a chance to run the helm, he'd be glad to take over in your absence.)
QUIT BLOWING OFF APPOINTMENTS AND GET YOUR ANNUAL EXAM.
Your choice.
To: surgeonsenior at shieldbasenet
From: deputydirector at helicshieldnet
Subject: RE: Medical Readiness
Iz. This is ridiculous. I don't have time for this. Get me off the list.
To: deputydirector at helicshieldnet
From: surgeonsenior at shieldbasenet
Subject: RE: Medical Readiness
Maria –
As the deputy director, you don't have the ability to step away from your desk for a half hour appointment? And yet I supposedly have time to personally hand-carry three thousand personnel to their vaccine appointments.
Get real. Quit welching out of appointments.
To: surgeonsenior at shieldbasenet
From: deputydirector at helicshieldnet
Subject: RE: Medical Readiness
Izz. I'm begging you. I hate those exams.
To: deputydirector at helicshieldnet
From: surgeonsenior at shieldbasenet
Subject:RE: Medical Readiness
Quit whining. You're worse than Agent Romanoff. It's not like I'm using hot irons on you. Put on your big girl pants and deal.
To: director at shieldbasenet
From: surgeonsenior at shieldbasenet
Subject: Subordinate Readiness Review
This email is notification that according to medical section records, all SEVENTEEN of your immediate reporting subordinates are currently GREEN on medical readiness.
To: deputydirector at helicshieldnet
From: director at shieldbasenet
Subject: Re: Subordinate Readiness Review
Good job.
NF
To: ISCCHAIR at shieldbasenet
From: surgeonsenior at shieldbasenet
Subject: Subordinate Overdue for Mandatory Appointment (Fury, N)
Dear Supervisor:
You are listed as the immediate reporting official for DIRECTOR FURY NICHOLAS. This is to notify you that your subordinate DIRECTOR FURY NICHOLAS is deficient in medical readiness in the following areas:
ANNUAL DIGITAL PROSTATE EXAM
ANTHRAX VACCINE BOOSTER
Previous attempts to resolve this deficiency and return your subordinate to full medical readiness have been unsuccessful. Please take appropriate steps to ensure your subordinate completes the required steps to resolve the issue…
[end]
Title: Learning Lilith, Claiming Kali - Chapter Three: Corporate Benefits
Summary: Biological implications of being a hetero-normative homozygous-X hero – fluff, chocolate, heartache, and blood.
Characters: Maria Hill. Movieverse canon relationships.
Author's Notes: Set in movieverse, post-The Avengers. For anyone who has been involved in a similar email exchange - thank you for your service. For those who have not: one might consider this a preview of universal preventative healthcare. Thanks to Flora and Kernie for beta.
Disclaimer: Not mine; they were broken when I found them.