A/n: Well here is chapter nine and it would be amazing if you could comment and tell me how you think I'm doing, this chapter kind of had a mind of it's own while I was writing it so I hope you enjoy it and that you haven't lost faith in me since my long break though I do plan to do a LOT more writing since winter break is coming up in a few days.

As always italics are dreams, texts, thoughts, music, memories, writing, reading, when someone is saying written things out loud, and of course just to add emphasis on certin things.

I know there are some spelling mistakes but I couldn't find a few that I knew i messed up on so PLEASE PLEASE bear with me on this and let me know what you think about this story so far in general.

Disclaimer: I only own this story idea but not degrassi in any way.

Chapter 9: If This Doesn't Matter, Nothing Ever Will

Tyler's POV

"So how are things going Tyler?" Dr. Nichols looked at me picking up his blue pen with his right hand.

"Umm, good I guess." I shrugged.

"And things with Liam? How is that?" I just shrugged again; I wasn't really sure what to say I mean he just got back yesterday how was I supposed to know? "Have you been writing in the journal I gave you?" I nodded handing it over.

He flipped through the filled up pages while shaking his head. That confused me, he wanted me to write what I was feeling in my journal and now that I was writing in it more regularly he was upset? You can't ever please a doctor that's for sure. When he came to the last written on page he stopped setting it in his lap reading what I hade wrote.

October 12, 2011

Liam's home which is great, I should be feeling great about this. I do, I do feel good about him being home I missed him so much over the past two years. All the holidays and important things we missed out on that we can never get back is a hard thing to process. But, I can't help but feeling that it's going to be a challenge with everything for a while. The trials coming up, I don't know how to explain to Liam that mom and dad are dead if he doesn't know. Then I start to wonder about other things like the fact that he was gone for two whole years and that he should be in school now. So did that awful bastard teach him anything, or send him to school? What does Liam know, and what do I have to teach him?

Speaking of that disgust of a human being, what the hell did he do to Liam for two whole fucking years? I can only imagine the worst and hope for the best.

Dr. Nichols closed the book setting it down on the low coffee table that sat between us. "Those are all good, common, questions to be asking yourself Tyler." I stared down at the book, I knew that already but he was my therapist shouldn't he be making me feel better instead of telling me things I already knew while running circles around me? Picking up on the hint, he said, "Eventually everything's going to be better and all these worries you have are going to get sorted out; some quicker then others. It might take some time though until you know what you need to be dealing with."

Ding. The kitchen timer went off signaling that our section was over for the day. Snatching my book off of the table and jamming it into my bag as quickly as I could I made my way to the door. "Check the time for your next appointment with Vivia at the front desk!" He shouted after me as I left.

I didn't need to talk to Vivia about my next session I knew when it would be same time as always. Every odd day at four o'clock sharp. It wasn't that hard to remember, but I went over to the front desk anyways. The desk top printer spit out a small card before shutting its self back off. Viva reached over double checking it before handing it to me. "Have a nice day." I turned rolling my eyes at poor Vivia. She had been working here for ten years according to her name tag so it made me smile that she still told the people that walked into here to have a nice day. I found it slightly ironic.

Stepping outside into the crisp fall air I took in a deep breath holding it in my lungs for a few seconds before letting it all go in one big puff. Looking up and down the street I noticed Eli's car wasn't anywhere in site. Sighing I realized he had forgotten about me again. It couldn't be that hard I mean same time every other day, how hard can that be? Taking out my phone I looked at the clock to see what time it was, 5:05. I debated with myself if it would be worth it to wait for Eli to get here. On one hand if I called him now he'd be here in about twenty minutes, and if I waited for him I could be here for a few hours. Either way I'd have to wait on an open bench. The sky opened up with a loud bang of thunder, spilling all of the rain in one burst. No way was I waiting for Eli now, at least not outside. Jogging across the dissertated street I found refuge in a book store with a little coffee shop in the back.

Shaking out my wet auburn hair I slipped out of my coat, hanging it up on one of the many wooden stands scattered around the front entrance. I made my way to the back where a sign on the wall said horror. Twisting through isles of people talking and laughing I finally was able to get to the back were the section I was looking for was at. Tracing the spines of familiar horror stories with my index finger I smiled. So many of the books I recognized, ones that some how helped me through the past two years alone. The Black Cat By: Edgar Allen Poe, Under the Stairs By: Jessica A. Weiss, Dracula By: Bram Stoker, The Monkey's Paw by: W.W. Jacobs, and Frankenstein by: Mary Shelley. All great books, everything you could want from a scary story, monsters, ghosts, death, mystery, how could you not get scared.

That's what I loved about books, how they could make you feel a certain way about something or some event even though you've never experienced anything like it before in your life and probably never would. Books helped me forget what was going on around me, I could tune everything else around me out as long as I had a good book in front of me; preferably a horror book. For at least a little while I was able to get away from it all, be someone else, be somewhere else, it's what helped me through the toughest parts of the last two years.

Stopping on a book I had never seen before I pulled it out of its slot putting my other finger in between the two books holding its place. At the Mountains of Madness by: H.P. Lovecraft, flipping it over to look at the back I discovered this book was about a geologist named William Dyer, a professor at Miskatonic University who wants to go on an expedition to Antarctica. On a previous expedition there, a group of students from the university, led by Dyer, discovered fantastic and odd ruins. The group discovered and crossed the mountains finding the remains of fourteen ancient life forms; completely unknown to science and unidentifiable as either plants or animals. Six of the specimens are badly damaged and the others uncannily pristine with evolved features. Their location puts them at a place where it is too early for such features to have naturally evolved yet. Removing my finger from the slot I continued down the isle with the book in my hand.

I was looking for somewhere to sit so I could read but I couldn't find any seats in the back of the store, and I most defiantly did not want to be reading up in the front with the annoying want to be Hipster group that had suddenly filled most of the available chairs. I was about to give up hope when I saw a set of stairs. Hoping that they could lead me to someplace that was more private I followed the narrow path towards them. When I finally reached them I had to look around for any sing that said 'Employees Only' but I couldn't find one, so taking a glance behind me to see if anybody was watching and when I was sure that no one was I climbed up the dark stairs.

Once I got to the top I was surprised at what I saw. I thought it would be dusty and dark with random stacks of books four to six feet tall, but that wasn't what I saw at all. All around me were mahogany colored tables and matching chairs, it looked like a study area for students at a college. Going up the few stairs that were left I found myself to be in the middle of the room, spreading away from me in all directions. There weren't very many people up here, and the ones that were didn't seem to take any notice of my presence. I followed the strong source of light to a wall of ceiling to floor windows right above the front doors of the store below.

The view was amazing, you could see almost all of downtown from here and all of the little shops with people underneath umbrellas walking quickly from store to store taking cover under the stores awnings. The rain that was still pouring down in buckets made it look even more beautiful and I was tempted to pull out my phone and take a picture or video but thought it better not to. The gray skies, along with the rain made it perfect for reading a horror story, getting comfortable in my seat I opened the book and started to read.

'I am forced into speech because men of science have refused to follow my advice without knowing why. It is altogether against my will that I tell my reasons for opposing this contemplated invasion of that Antarctic - with its vast fossil hunt and its wholesale boring and melting of the ancient ice caps. And I am the more reluctant because my warning may be in vain. …'

Almost half way through the book my phone buzzed in my pocket. Pulling it out and looking at the screen it read: Incoming Call: CeCe. Flipping it open I answered hello in a hushed tone.

"Tyler did Eli forget to pick you up again? Are you okay, where are you at honey?" I smiled, only my aunt could make concern sound so amusing.

"I'm fine Aunt CeCe and yeah Eli forgot about me again, of course." I placed a bookmark on the page I was on closing the book.

"Oh that boy, sometimes I swear…" her voice trailed off. "Well I'm about a block away from the office are you still there?"

"No," I shook my head as I said this but I had no idea why, "I'm across the street at the book store. I'll watch for you through the window."

"Okay see you in a while." click.

Putting my phone inside my bag I pulled out my wallet and made my way down the stairs to the rows of check out counters. Stepping in line behind an older man in isle nine I made sure I had enough to pay for the book, luckily I did. While writing his check the man looked up at me, his wrinkling face and bright blue eye's took me by surprise. "Do you have the date?" he asked.

I nodded while answering, "The thirteenth of October."

"Wow, my how the time flies. Thank you miss." he smiled while looking back down at his check.

Paying for my book I walked over to the double doors to wait for CeCe. I glanced down at the recite at the top in thick black ink it said it was 6:37 PM. My eyes widened in surprise I didn't think it was that late, I had planned on calling Eli or someone at home to come and get me after I got upstairs. I just got so lost in the book, I lost track of time.

Apologizing to CeCe as I got into the car we drove home where I was greeted by a very excited Liam.

Eli's POV

Liam went running from the couch to the front door when he heard the car pull up. I heard laughing coming from the hall as I made my way over to them. Tyler smiled at me, as her and Liam walked back into the living room. I was so happy to see her smile like that; I hadn't seen an actual full, real smile from her in what seemed like ages. Following them into the living room, Liam sat between Ty and me on the couch.

Scrowling through the endless supply of movies and shows we had on Netflix until Liam in the most innocent of voices asked if we could watch Where the Wild Things Are a movie I had just passed. Nodding I went back to it clicking select on the remote control setting it down on the coffee table in front of us. Rising from my spot I went to the kitchen to make popcorn while the previews were going.

I found the air popper under the microwave in the cabinet setting it on the counter I walked over to the fridge to get the popcorn kernels. Pouring them into the machine I plugged it in, turning it on and waited for the popcorn to start popping. Filling up three large plastic bowls for each of us I made my way back to the living room balancing the bowls in my arms.

I heard Liam ask a muffled question and a long pause was followed from Tyler who was probably trying to figure out the best way to answer it.

"TyTy are mommy and daddy dead?" MY heart stopped for a second and I wished I could see Tyler's face right now. I wanted to know if she was okay, but instead of going in and changing the focus in the room I side-stepped so I was next to the archway, my back pressed tight against the blue stripped wallpaper.

"Liam…" Tyler sighed; she was probably putting her arm around his shoulders or turning to face him straight on.

"They are aren't they?" Liam's voice broke as he started to cry.

"Shhh, it's all going to be alright Liam I promise you that things are going to get better. I promise, I'm never going to let anyone, anyone hurt you again Lee." her voice cracked some at the end, as she tried her best to comfort him. I was hoping that Liam wouldn't ask about it, that he had forgotten that his mom and dad weren't being talked about in all of the day's excitement but I was wrong he remembered. Of course he did, they were his parents after all, and I'd been stupid to believe otherwise. I could hear Liam's loud cries as Ty whispered soothing things in his ear trying to get him to relax. Eventually he stopped crying and I heard him sniff.

Taking this chance I walked in through the room saying with the best fake smile I could muster, "The popcorns ready!"

Adam's POV

Tyler called me again that night crying on the other end. It was hard to understand through all the tears but it sounded like her brother asked about their parents and now he knew that they were dead. I felt so horrible for her, it broke my heart to hear her cry especially now after things had started to look up for her. I wished that I could have been over there, holding her, comforting her, anything to try and make her feel better.

At the moment I was sitting at my desk making a list on my laptop of possible ways to bring up the subject of me liking Tyler to Tyler herself. So far all I had was 'Dear Tyler,' could I be anymore generic? I started to type the first thing that came to my head, It has come to my attention that- no that isn't right delete, delete, delete. Okay round two, I know a lot has been going on in both of our lives right now but- nope still pretty stupid. Maybe we should- not a chance. Once I use to think- what is this, an essay for school? One more try, Tyler, I don't know how to tell you this face to face so I'm writing you this letter- throwing my hands up in defeat I saved the draft where I was at and shut down the laptop, and closed the lid.

This was turning into a disaster, I couldn't even write a simple letter. These were the kind of times that I wish I had Eli's way with words; sure I was in Advanced English with him but I couldn't even compare to his skills. He was like Shakespeare and I was Dr. Seuss.

Tyler's POV

Lying in bed I stared at the ceiling fearing sleep. Instead I opted out for the far less dangerous choice of counting cracks in the ceiling. My brain wasn't functioning right, after what happened with Liam today on the couch my head and heart both hurt. Clenching and unclenching my fists around the edges of my sheets the memory played over and over like it was on repeat in my head.

"TyTy where are mom and dad, why aren't they here? Don't they miss me? Don't they want to see me?" I froze and the smile vanished from my face, I knew eventually Liam would start asking about mom and dad but I just didn't think it would be so soon.

I sat there in stunned silence next to my little brother who stared helplessly up at me with his chocolaty brown eyes. What could I say that would cause him the least amount of pain? Before I even had the chance to think of a reply he answered for me with a question, "TyTy are mommy and daddy dead?" my eyes started to water but I looked straight ahead at the television screen not processing anything that was happening on It.

"Liam…" I said in a weak voice.

"They're dead aren't they?" his voice broke as he started to cry. He threw himself into my side burying his head into my ribs, tears falling from his eyes making the right side of my shirt damp. My arms hung in the air for a minute unsure of what to do, until they slowly wrapped around my brother trying to sooth him in any way possible.

Rocking him slightly from side to side I said, "Shhh, it's all going to be alright Liam I promise you that things are going to get better. I promise, I'm never going to let anyone, anyone hurt you again Lee." my voice faltered near the end giving away some of the fear that I was feeling. I meant every word I said though and I'm positive that he knew that. I didn't know how and I didn't know when but I was going to make things right for my brother no matter what got in my way.

After a long ten minutes of slowly rocking him back and forth, back and forth, back and forth, while whispering soothing words in his ear did he take a big sniff and stopped crying. Rubbing his runny nose with his shirt sleeve he moved back over to his side of the couch. Shaking his head he moved back over to where I was and leaned up against me.

It took every ounce of strength in my body not to shed a single tear in front of him.

Now that he wasn't here to see me I bawled like a child tears staining my pillow and making my face wet. I didn't stop until I fell into a deep, uncomfortable sleep.

I was running, I didn't know where or why but I kept running for fear that I would die. I didn't know why I thought I was going to be killed but somewhere deep down inside my soul I knew that if I stopped what ever the reason may be, that I would surely, without a doubt die.

I didn't stop running till I reached the end of a long, darkly lit hallway. It finally hit me; I knew where I was. I don't know why I didn't realize it before but I was at home - my old home where I used to live before all the bad things started to happen. I shook my head at my own stupidity and swung open the door to what would be my parent's room.

What I saw left me paralyzed. The walls were covered in blood smears and hand prints that looked like whoever was being attacked was trying, desperately, to get away. To my left the dresser was turned at an angle like someone had pushed it while the mirror that was attached to the top was cracked and broken. Tiny fragments of glass from the mirror were scattered about all along the edges of the room. Glancing to my right I saw blood splatter covering the door that lead to the on-suite bathroom that my parents shared. Here and there were dark almost black splotches of some material unknown to me that seemed to be mixing with the blood itself. But none of this was what had gotten to me, not what left my feet frozen to the floor at the door's threshold. There, lying almost peacefully in a heart-breaking kind of way were my parents as dead as could be on the bed.

I tried to take a step forward to maybe check their pulse, to see if they were truly dead but I couldn't move. It was like my feet were cemented to the ground. I starred down at them to see that in fact, they weren't. My heart leapt out of my chest and not in that lovey-dovey way it does when you see someone who makes you smile whenever your together, but in a tragic, breath-getting-caught-in-your-own-throat kind of way, it was torture; pure agony head-to-toe. My parents were covered in each other's blood along with their own, with small cuts and scrapes all over the visible parts of their bodies. My eye's scanning over them I noticed that my mother's neck had been sliced and a chunk of her slick, blonde hair was missing. My father on the other hand looked relatively normal for a murder victim, if you ignored the torn clothing he just looked like he was in a light sleep. I wished that he was, even though I knew now that it wasn't true. Inspecting him closer - even though I was still standing in the doorway - I noticed at least ten tiny bullet holes in the chest of his dark blue pull-over.

The only thing that gave me the slightest peace of mind was the smallest detail that could be easily missed if you weren't paying much attention was my parents holding onto each others hands. They died knowing the other one was there; that even though they had to die like this, they weren't alone.

I was shook violently awake by my cousin Eli, at first I didn't know where I was, the images from my nightmare still fresh in my mind. Looking around quickly I realized I was in my room, safe. "It was just a dream…" I whispered to myself. Eli slowly let go of my shoulders, setting down on the edge of my bed.

"Tyler is everything okay?" I wasn't sure how to respond, but my body beat my mind to it as tear started to roll down my porcelain cheeks. Eli pulled me to him in a tight loving hug; I wrapped my arms loosely around his neck continuing to cry into the crook of his neck. "Tyler, Shhh, its okay Ty it was just a dream. It was just a dream none of it was real. Your okay now, I've got you…your fine Tyler, everything's going to be fine." He rocked me slowly as I cried my tears subsiding.

"Th-thank you Eli." I tried to smile apologetically at him but I don't think that it worked out well.

Hugging him tightly, I looked over his shoulder to see a very terrified Liam standing in my doorway clutching the end of his nightshirt in his hand.

I hope you enjoyed it (: I think I have some great ideas for the next chapter though I don't know how I'm going to work them all thgether yet, any help would be greatly appreciated. :D