Author's Notes at the end.
Chapter Five: Kingmaker
Chicago, Now
Steve strode quietly down the dim-lit hall, trying to keep his boots from squeaking on the waxed floor.
Four floors below, in the emergency levels, the queer light from florescent bulbs filled every square foot of space. Seventy years, and they hadn't been able to make florescent light look real. Here, the maternity floor seemed inclined to honor daylight hours. Following the directions of the duty nurse, Steve passed four suites – doors cracked open, rooms dark inside – and took the first left. Second room, then – its door stained light pine, and propped open a hand's width, with a hand-lettered sign that read P. Potts (m) in black marker.
A dim light ran at ankle height around the edge of the room – scant, but enough illumination to show Bruce Banner slumped in a chair at the far wall, unshaven chin in his hand and eyes closed. In the bed, Pepper lay curled toward the door, hand tucked under her cheek and yellow-gold hair spilling over the pillow. Her face was drawn – the lines deeper than they had been a week before, her eyes bruised. But in the dim light, she looked clean, peaceful.
Steve stopped by Bruce's chair, put a hand on the older man's shoulder. No response. He squeezed a bit harder, shook at Bruce's arm, and then gritted his teeth as Bruce's hand clamped down on his wrist. Bones creaked. Steve rode it out. A breath, then another, and the grip eased.
"Sorry," Bruce breathed.
"'S okay," Steve murmured back. "Courier's on the roof, they'll give you a ride back, if you're ready."
Bruce hesitated, looking at Pepper. Steve smiled and nodded, don't worry, I've got them. Bruce nodded back, levered himself out of the chair, and moved quietly to the door, slow and clumsy in his borrowed shoes.
The door snicked closed like a cycling fifty-cal. Steve winced. Pepper opened her eyes and blinked, rolled away to look at the clear-sided plastic box on the other side of the bed, and then back to Steve.
"Hey," she said softly, and shoved herself upright, grimacing as she did. Steve stepped close, pulling the pillow into place so she could sit up.
She murmured thank you, and waved Steve toward the other chair. He settled into it, conscious of the exhaustion in her movements.
He'd caught a nap on the Quinjet courier, both ways, and a ninety-second shower on the Blacktop. It felt like an un-earned indulgence, made him feel like a fraud.
Pepper leaned back with a sigh. "How are you?" she asked, as if they had just met on the street.
"I think I'm supposed to ask you that." Pepper quirked an eyebrow at him. "Fine. I'm fine. How are you? How is the baby?"
She smiled sweetly. "Fine. We're both fine. Thanks to you."
"I didn't do anything," Steve said, and never meant it more in his life.
"Oh, Steve. Do you know how much you're my hero? You were a rock. I couldn't have done that without you. And I couldn't have done it with Tony having hysterics on the other end of an open com line." She swallowed a cough. "Sorry. Tore up my throat. I'm sorry about screaming on you."
"You were fine. You didn't scream that much." She hadn't. She had cried a bit, on and off, and grated out curse after curse through gritted teeth while she held to his forearms, the tendons standing out from her neck. But she hadn't screamed that much, even when the wall had come down around the corner from the basement closet they'd taken refuge in.
That had been early on, though, when Steve was certain that they'd – that he'd – be rescued at any moment; that Tony or Bruce or Natasha – each and all a better choice for a pregnant woman trying to have a baby than one Steve Rogers – would appear, and take Pepper in hand, and make things…better. Easier. Over.
Instead, the crashing of small-arms fire and interior explosions kept going on, and on, with the building shuddering around them, Steve's cell phone cutting in and out, and Pepper's contractions growing closer and closer together, until it seemed to be one long endless scream.
"I thought I'd see Tony here."
"He came with us – when you left with Clint – how is he?" she asked, around a yawn.
"Broken arm, likely needs plating, they'll operate tomorrow."
"Oh, God."
Steve shrugged. "Nat didn't seem too worried. When did you find out about Clint being hurt?"
"Tony told me everything. Well, told me a lot. And after the doctors got done, he was here, and we fed the baby, and he was here when I went to sleep, after they brought the baby back from all the tests. They gave me some very good drugs. If Tony went to buy me something, I think this time I'm going to let him."
"He's not –" here. Steve sighed. Of course not. "He wasn't angry at you, was he?"
"Oh, no, why would he be?"
Steve let out a sigh, and felt some of the day's tension fade. "Just – it felt a lot like lying, not telling him what was going on."
"Oh, Steve." She smiled – fondly and warmly and Steve, darling, you are such a silly man all at once. "For an honest man, you lie brilliantly. No, he's not mad at all." She looked closer at him. "What?"
Steve sat back, looked anywhere but at her. "Just –"
Tony should have been there. It should have been Tony walking escort to Pepper as she wandered through the Chicago Energy Expo, Tony standing attendant on his girl – his woman – now, then, as far gone pregnant as she was. As she had been. It should have been Tony who noticed the trio of strangers, who turned out to be HYDRA, blocking the door. And it should have been Tony there, to protect Pepper and get her to safety, instead of going down the wrong stairwell, and getting them both trapped two levels below the surface. It should have been Tony who was with her for eighteen hours while the SWAT counter-assault got chewed to pieces and SHIELD pulled the helicarrier across the Great Lakes and into position.
It should have been Tony who held Pepper when she'd sworn and sweated, wept and bled. When her flesh finally parted, and the baby – Tony's baby – had slipped out, slid free in a messy gush of fluid and blood, it should have been Tony's hands to catch the little boy. It should have been Tony watching as his son drew his first breath, the flush of pink washing over the baby as he gasped for air and began to live.
Pepper was still looking at him. Steve hesitated, then gave up.
He'd done those things, he'd been there, with Pepper, who'd done all the work. But he could not bring himself to speak of it. Instead he said, "I'm glad Tony wasn't upset."
"There's nothing to be upset over. You were magnificent. The baby's fine. You did a great job – like you'd done that before."
Steve shook his head ruefully. "I wish I had. There were a couple times when the Howling Commandos got into situations with civilians, but Bucky and I, we always managed to be elsewhere. Our medic, Dave Dyson – he delivered babies a couple of times…"
He trailed off, remembering Dyson, and a thin, dark-haired woman in a well-patched dress, holding a baby in one hand, and grasping Dyson with the other, demanding to know, to know Dyson's name…
"Um. So. They said – they said the baby is all right."
Pepper smiled again. "Just perfect. Eight pounds, nine ounces. Ten fingers, ten toes."
If it had been his baby, if it had been a woman that Steve loved, and it had been someone else there, someone else to see that, to understand, at long last, the miracle –
- because it was a miracle – this was how everyone began – everyone…Steve and Pepper and Bucky and Tony and Natasha and his mother and his father and Colonel Phillips and Peggy and even Fury and Hitler and Schmidt – everyone began like that, in a horrible mess of blood and a woman sweating and swearing and afraid and in pain, and that was how everyone was made, that was how everyone became, and it was a miracle, better than any serum or any magic –
- if it had been another person who had held the baby, Steve would have envied them for the rest of his life. As it was, he was half in mourning that he would not ever do that again, for the first time, and half in awe of Pepper, and every woman on the planet, to the point of never being able to speak to one again.
The duty nurse came in then, tapping at the door and calling out good morning. "Time to check for bleeding," she said, and that brought up more memories of the day before, and all the blood Pepper had lost, and from where. Pepper grimaced, evidently remembering as well.
"Out of the way, mister, just be a minute." The nurse nudged Steve out of his chair and tugged the curtain around Pepper's bed.
"I'll – ah, I'll just –" Steve said to the curtain, caught between abashed and who does she think she is?
"No, wait, Steve, just a minute." Pepper's disembodied voice was definitive. There was a quiet murmur of satisfied female voices, then rustling bedclothes. "Good enough," the nurse said, "Good job, for a home birth." Steve felt his jaw tighten at that. But when the curtain snapped back, Pepper looked pleased. Steve held his peace. The nurse went on to the bassinet, began poking at the contents. A thin, pitiful noise rose to fill the room.
"Very good," the nurse said. "Likely hungry now."
Pepper said, "Time to eat." The nurse looked at Steve and asked, "Are you the father?"
He felt himself flushing to the roots of his hair. "No, no. Not me."
The nurse snorted. Pepper laughed outloud. "Steve, it's okay. You've already held him once."
So he held the baby again, three entire steps from the bassinet to Pepper's side, and it wasn't until Pepper had taken the baby and was picking at the string tying her top shut that Steve put two and three together.
"I'll just – I'll be –" But Pepper had slipped one arm out of her gown and maneuvered a pillow under her elbow. "Steve, really, at this point, I don't have much modesty left. You can stay." The nurse snorted again and shut the door as she left.
At that point it would have been rude to jump up and run off. "Have you um. Picked a name?"
"Howard, for Tony's father." Pepper shifted the baby, swapping ends so the baby faced back and up. "We're still talking about a middle name. I like Stephen, but Tony was still fixed on Edison."
Well. Maybe Tony would have his way. "Edison is a good name. Sensible."
The baby twisted its head back and forth, then made a surprised noise in the same moment that Pepper said, "Ow."
Steve drifted back, perched in the seat again. After a while he said, "He's beautiful. Howard."
Pepper's fingers trailed over the translucent skin, traced the raven hair. "Yes, yes he is. Aren't you, baby? And tired. Time to rest up, you've got a whole world before you. A big, beautiful, wonderful world, just waiting for you." She smiled at the baby, pressed a kiss to his forehead.
How long Steve would have gone on watching them, he did not know. When his phone beeped, he started and dug in his pocket. The text was brief. "I'll be going," he said to Pepper. "The courier's on the way back – they want me on the helicarrier. I think it needs to get off the border, back over international water, before we start counter-strikes." Steve came to his feet. "Tony should be back soon." He realized he had no idea what Tony would buy her – a diamond the size of a coconut? An island?
"Steve?"
He stopped, his hand on the door. Pepper's eyes were still on the baby.
"Do you remember what you said? About HYDRA, and the al-Qaida cell, and the rest?"
Pepper's nails had dug into his forearms, and she'd been exhausted, still struggling, sweating and shivering both. He had said a lot of things – mostly meant as encouragement, some just as desperate noise.
I will end them, he'd said – he'd sworn. I will hunt them down, and end them all, and you won't ever have to be afraid like this again, you'll be safe, I promise, you and the baby, you'll be safe, I swear, I will end them.
He'd meant every word of that. It wasn't his baby. Pepper wasn't even his girl. He still meant every syllable.
Now he said, "I remember."
Pepper leaned back, grimacing, and pulled the baby closer. "Good," she said. She wasn't smiling. "I'll hold you to that."
"Yes, ma'am," Steve said, and didn't salute as he turned to leave, to go out and save the world.
[end]
Title: Learning Lilith, Claiming Kali - Chapter Five: Kingmaker
Summary: Biological implications of being a hetero-normative homozygous-X hero – fluff, chocolate, heartache, and blood.
Characters: Pepper Potts. Movieverse canon relationships.
Author's Notes: Set in movieverse, post-Avengers. With thanks to the parents of my nieces and nephews, and the two midwives in my extended family, for background and context. Thanks to Flora and Kernie for beta.
Disclaimer: Not mine; they were broken when I found them.