Disclaimer: Anything you recognize from Supernatural is not mine.
A/N: Here is the next chapter! I'm going to add as much as I can. Enjoy! Reviews are awesome and welcome!
Chapter Fifteen: L Is For the Way You Look At Me
They were waiting for me in the waiting room. Jo had done some damage to my elbow and now I needed to take the time to get it repaired. In the end I had won. Just like I knew I would. Only I had to pay for it. They had only numbed the area in order to stitch it up. I was okay with that. Until it started to wear off. There was some minor pain but I didn't want to take the time for them to numb it again. I'd be all right.
"So, how did this happen again?" The doctor asked.
"I got in a fight and she had a weapon." I told him. "It's rather simple really. I don't know why I keep having to repeat myself."
"Sorry." He said and noticed the pain on my face when he put the needle through. "Sorry."
"Don't be sorry. Just be done." I told him.
"You seem like a very angry person." He stated.
"I'm not. Not really." I replied. "I just don't like hospitals."
"I'm not so bad am I?" He grinned.
In truth he wasn't. He was a young attractive doctor who was an intern. He had a buzz cut with brown eyes. Muscular too, I could see his muscles moving underneath his fancy dancy lab coat. Needing to focus on something other then the pain. His name was Dr. Xander Billings. Just got here. His internship hadn't been going quite as planned and now he was here sewing up some random girl.
"No. You're not so bad." I smiled at him.
"I guess this is the only thing I'm good at." He said sadly.
"Dude, you need more confidence. You're not going to get anywhere unless you stop this woe-is-me crap and just do it. Don't be overly pushy but get out there and show them what you can do. Like these stitches here…" I said pointing at my elbow. "These are some damn good quality stitches and I know stitches." I told him and smiled. He just grinned and shook his head. "Look, I'm just some stranger here but sometimes that makes it better. I know what it's like to not feel good enough. But you're good enough. All you have to do is believe it." I smiled.
His brows came together but he was still smiling at me. "Do you do this often?" He asked.
"Do what?" I frowned.
"Give motivational speeches to strangers." He told me.
I laughed and shook my head. "No. I'm not big on the speeches. Well, not with strangers anyway."
"Alright, there we are." He said and pushed his chair back. "All done."
"Really?" I said and looked at it. "Looks good. See, I told you so." I smiled at him.
"This doesn't prove anything." He grinned.
"So, I spose you're going to bandage it and tell me that for at least fourteen days keep it quiet and don't fully extend it until the stitches are out?" I said looking at him.
He nodded and laughed. "Yeah, that's pretty much it. If you fully extend it you may pop a couple of the stitches. So do you have a preference of color?" He asked going to the bandaging cabinet.
"Nah, I'm not too worried about the color. You pick it." I told him.
"All right." He said and came over with hot pink.
"Okay, I lied. If you even try to put that on me I'll punch you." I told him.
He laughed and put it away, bringing back a yellow one with green smileys on it. I frowned and raised my brow at him but he just chuckled and wrapped my arm.
"Do you deal with a lot of kids?" I asked him.
"Not especially." He smiled.
"So this is you being funny?" I asked him.
"I guess so." He grinned.
I didn't spend much more time with him. I was done and as soon as it was wrapped I went to find my fiancé and his brother. Fiancé…the word still sounded weird. Every once in a while I would repeat it over and over again just to get the sound of it in my head. When I found them Sam was watching the news while Dean paged through some swimsuit edition of sports illustrated. I just smiled and went to him. I ran my hand down the back of his head. He looked up at me and tossed the magazine aside. I smiled and bent down kissing him gently. He just smiled and stood, kissing my forehead before taking in my arm.
"That's uh, some nice bandages you got there." He frowned at it.
I laughed and nodded. "Yeah, I got the funny doctor."
He smiled and put his arm across my shoulders. "I guess this means no sex for a while huh?" He asked as we walked out. "Wouldn't want to break you."
"I guess not." I smiled at him.
"Hold on." He said and ran back into the weighting room. I furrowed my brows and looked at Sam. He just shrugged. I looked back at Dean and laughed as he came running back with the swimsuit magazine. I laughed at him, wrapping my good arm around him as we went through the door. He laughed too and tossed it when we got outside but it was a nice break in the seriousness that had been the past several hours.
"I love you." I told him and kissed him deeply as we walked to the car.
"I love you too." He said and kissed my hair.
"You too, Sammy." I said taking his hand.
"Love you too." He said kissing my hair on the other side. "Both of you." He said nudging his brother. Dean just smiled at him.
Our little family reunited, going once again to fight the good fight. I was tired after everything and as soon as we found a motel I was ready for bed. The pain pills just added to my drowsiness and I was asleep in a matter of minutes.
I woke up to a man screaming. I shot awake but Dean was sound asleep next to me and so was Sam. I listened but nothing seemed out of the ordinary. I laid back down and closed my eyes, trying to get back to sleep. I was just hearing things. But as soon as I started to drift off I could hear a male voice whispering. When I opened my eyes the voice stopped. I sat up and ran my fingers through my hair. I got out of bed and went to the window. I opened the blinds and nearly fell back when I saw a very creepy looking man walk past the window. I grabbed my gun from where my pants lay and went out of the room. I looked in the direction it was going but there was nothing there. I took a deep breath and lowered the weapon. I was about to go back inside when I saw it again. It was walking across the parking lot. I ran across the grass, through the patch of trees that stood in the middle of the motel lot. When I saw him again he was leaning against a tree. Just watching me. I got a good look at it this time. It was defiantly some kind of spirit. He was unlike any spirit I had ever seen. He was young and mostly intact. No chunks missing from his face or body parts missing. He had deep purple circles around his eyes and his neck had heavy bruised splotches all over it. His wrists were also purple. There was no way to know how damaged he was underneath his clothes. He flickered and I just frowned as he watched me. I heard a noise and when I looked back he was gone. I frowned and went to turn away but when I turned I was face to face with it.
"Hi." It whispered.
"Hi." I said not knowing how to react to a spirit saying 'hello' to me.
In the next minute he was gone. I stood there and waited but he didn't show himself again. I looked back to the room and I saw the light turn on and soon both of them came flying out of the room. I sighed and called out to them.
"What's going on?" Dean asked as he reached me.
"There's a spirit in town." I told him.
"What?" Sam said looking at me.
"I saw it pass the window. I followed it out and it was watching me. Just watching." I said and frowned. "Then it appeared in front of me and it said 'hi'." I told them.
"'Hi'?" Dean said looking at me.
"Yeah." I said looking at them.
"But it didn't try and hurt you?" Dean asked.
"No." I said shaking my head. "It watched me, said 'hi', and then left."
"Hmph." Sam said looking at me.
"It doesn't mean it's evil right?" I asked. "I mean, the asylum spirits weren't evil. They just wanted to be avenged." I reminded them.
"Maybe." Sam said and got a pensive look on his face.
"You know, let's talk about it in the morning." I told them.
"Come on." Dean said kissing my hair as he led me back to the room.
I was boggled by this newest spirit. Not all were evil but it was still odd enough for one to simply say 'hi' and disappear. I didn't like it. Didn't like it one bit. We hadn't gotten much sleep and now I sat awake researching with Sam while Dean slept. I glanced at him and smiled before looking back at the screen.
"Anything even popping up that looks remotely interesting?" I asked him as I rubbed my eyes. I was getting more tired by the moment.
"Nope." Sam replied.
I groaned in frustration and put my elbows on the table as I put my hands on my face. I folded my arms and looked at Sam. He was trying to rub the sleep from his face but he too looked like he was about ready to fall over.
"How are you doing, Sam?" I asked him.
He frowned at me. "I'm good." He told me.
"Are you really?" I replied.
"Really." He smiled leaning toward me.
"Okay." I smiled back. "Anything you want to talk about?" I asked.
"I don't think so." He replied. "What's with the twenty questions?" He frowned.
"We haven't had a heart to heart talk in a while. I feel like we haven't talked as much as we should. I feel like we're leaving you out and I don't like that." I told him.
"Hey…" He said taking my hand. "You have no idea how happy I am for you and Dean. I know what it feels like and I couldn't be happier that he has finally found someone." He said and kissed my palm.
"But what about you? How have you been with all of this?" I asked him. "I know you're happy for us but what about you?"
"Hey, when this is all over maybe I can go do the same thing." He smiled.
"I don't know about that." I smiled at him. "I don't think I'd be able to let you go."
"Yeah, I don't know if I'd be able to leave either." He smiled back.
I took his hands in mine. "Sam, you are a wonderful person and I will be more then happy to call you my brother."
"Likewise." He winked and leaned back. "Now, did you want to do anything more with this spirit tonight?" He asked.
"I don't think so." I frowned. "I can't think anymore. I'm too tired."
He smiled but then his jaw tightened as he looked behind me. I frowned. "Evy…"
I turned to see the spirit watching me through the window. I rushed to it closing the blinds. I looked at Sam and he quickly went to the door, throwing it open. He looked but came back in and shook his head. I sighed and crossed my arms.
"Awake now?" Sam asked.
"Yup." I told him.
"Wanna go for a walk?" He asked.
"I would love to." I smiled and quickly wrote Dean a note before following Sam out of the room.
I linked my arm with his and enjoyed the evening air. We were a few blocks from the hotel when a familiar figure appeared in front of us.
"Why, if it ain't my two favorite kids." Good old yellow-eyes grinned at us.
Sam tensed and we didn't have a weapon on us. "Stay calm." I told him.
"No, by all means, please attack me. It'll be fun." He said with a smirk.
"What do you want?" I asked him.
"Nothing." He said with a shrug.
"Then why are you here?" Sam shot at him.
"Why not?" He asked. "It's fun just to watch you all squirm." He said with a giddy smile.
I was about to retort in some way but Sam rushed him. I tried to stop him but it was no use. Sam had so much anger toward him and now he was right in front of him. Sam wanted his revenge and I wished more then anything to give that to him but this was going to end in disaster.
"Sam!" I yelled and ran after him.
Azazel was too quick and more skilled then Sam. Sam held his own momentarily but was soon struck down. I ran forward and kicked Azazel in the knee, hearing it snap. He turned and backhanded me. I slammed into a parked car. I hit my head, knocking me out. When I came to the street was quiet. I frowned and slowly opened my eyes. Sam was lying in the street. He wasn't moving.
"Sam?" I asked shakily.
"I didn't want to do it." The demon said as he kicked my abdomen. It sent me rolling and I quickly tried to get up. "He made me do it." He said and kicked me again.
"Stop it!" I yelled as I held tight to my stomach. "Sam!" I yelled. He still wasn't moving. "What did you do to him?" I asked as I got to my feet. He flicked his wrist and I was back on the ground. "Stop it." I told him as I tried getting to my feet. He just looked at me and it felt like I had been hit with a two-by-four, sending me rolling again. I got to my feet and looked at him. He came at me and I was so angry at him. "Stop it!" I told him and he flicked the air, sending pain through my shoulder. "Stop it!" I yelled as he did it again. "STOP IT!" I screamed and went to push his chest. When I made impact it sent him flying. I stood there momentarily before rushing toward Sam. "Sam!" I said skidding to my knees at his side. "Sammy?" I said as I rolled him onto his back. I couldn't see any blood but he wasn't moving. "Sam, open your eyes." I told him, taking his head in my hands.
"He's going to be all right." A male voice told me.
I looked up to see the spirit in front of me. "Get away!" I yelled and attempted to push him away.
"Calm down." He told me. "Just take a deep breath."
"What do you want?" I shot at him.
"I'm a doctor. Just listen to me." He replied.
I just looked at him and nodded, "Okay."
"Now, check his breathing." He told me.
I just looked at him but did as he wanted. "It's shallow." I told him. "But there is no blood."
"Check for any contusions." He told me.
I checked his body but there wasn't anything. "Why won't he wake up?" I asked the spirit as tears ran down my cheeks.
"Call an ambulance." He told me.
I pulled out my phone and dialed. My heart was racing when they showed up. The spirit was with me the entire time but it seemed like I was the only one who could see him. I rode to the hospital with Sam. He remained unconscious the entire time. None of the paramedics would say anything to me.
"He'll be okay." The spirit told me. I hadn't realized he was with me again.
I looked at him but didn't say anything. I didn't want to come off crazy as hell. I rushed out of the ambulance and followed the stretcher through the ER doors. I followed him for as far as I could before they told me I couldn't go any further. I listened and watched through the door window as they wheeled him away. When he was out of site I felt the tears welling and my throat was clenching.
"They'll take good care of him." The spirit said from my side.
I nodded and pulled out my phone, walking to the waiting room. I put it to my ear and waited for Dean to pick up. I filled him in on what I could before he hung up on me. I wasn't able to finish. Sam meant just as much to him as I did. I knew he was going to be panicked and seeing a spirit with me would not help.
"You should go." I told him.
"Sam will be okay." He told me.
"I'll figure this out later." I frowned and looked at my hands.
"You shouldn't be alone." He told me.
"I'll figure this out later." I said louder, looking at him before looking back at my hands.
When I looked up he was gone. A moment later Dean came running through the doors. I got to my feet and rushed to him. I threw my arms around his neck as he gripped me tightly. The tears started before I could say anything to him. I held tight to him until my breath started to steady and snot wasn't pouring out of my nose. I let him go and grabbed a Kleenex from a table. When my face was dry I looked at him. His face was pained. The tears started again and I just shook my head putting my hand to my forehead as I rocked back and forth.
"I'm sorry." I told him mournfully. "This is all my fault."
"No." He said rushing to me. He put his hands on my arms and forced me to look at him. "No. It's not your fault. It's dangerous. We all know that."
"But he wouldn't wake up." I told him as the sobbing started again. "Dean, this is my fault and there is nothing you can say that will make me feel better."
Just then a doctor came toward us. "Evy Connors?" He asked.
"Yes. Is he okay?" I asked him quickly. He sighed and my stomach dropped. "What is it?"
"He hasn't woken up yet. We're not sure exactly what happened. You don't remember anything new, do you?" He asked.
I shook my head. "No. I was unconscious for the fight. He was down before I woke up." I told him.
"Evy?" Dean said looking at me.
"Just tell us about Sam. Is he going to be all right?" I asked the doctor.
"We think so. He has a pretty serious concussion. He's still unconscious but we're not going to worry just yet. We're monitoring him but we'll know more when the rest of his tests come back." He told us.
I nodded and looked at Dean. His jaw was clenched and his hand slowly moved around my waist. He lowered his eyes and I looked back at the doctor. "Thank you. Can we see him?"
"Of course." He smiled and led us to his room.
Dean hung back in the doorway while I rushed to Sam's side. He looked peaceful but I wanted to know what was going on inside of his head. I pushed his hair back form his forehead, placing a gentle kiss onto it. I pulled a chair up and took his hand in mine. Kissing it, leaving it against my mouth. I sighed and closed my eyes trying not to cry. It wouldn't do any good. I placed his hand against my chest and looked at Dean. He'd made it to the end of the bed, staring at his brother. There was more I needed to tell him but I wasn't sure how or when to do it. I would just wait until it came up. Wait for him to show himself again. I laid Sam's hand down on the bed and stood, going to Dean.
"He's going to be okay." I told him. "He'll wake up and he'll be okay."
He nodded and looked at me, his brows furrowed. I kissed his temple before putting my arms around his neck. He wrapped his arms around me, burying his face in my neck. He was worried and I knew that but Sam would pull through. We always did. We even came back from the grave. I took my seat again at Sam's bedside and took his hand in mine. I looked at Sam and ran my fingers through his hair. I felt the tears start to well again but I pushed them aside.
"Tell me what happened." Dean said pulling a chair on the other side of the bed.
"We saw the spirit again. It gave us a little bit of an adrenaline rush so we went for a walk. Yellow-eyes showed up with his taunts. Sam was so angry. He has so much anger toward him." I told him holding tightly to Sam's arm. "He rushed him. But being a demon, he got the upper hand. I tried to help him but it was no use." I said closing my eyes as I shook my head, frowning. I opened my eyes and looked at him. "I wasn't strong enough. I couldn't stop him. Yellow-eyes, Azazel, threw me against a car. He knocked me out. When I came to Sam was on the ground. He wasn't moving. I tried to go to him but Azazel started to kick me. He forced me further and further away from Sam. I couldn't get to him." I said letting the tears fall. "I used whatever power I have against him. I forced him away from me. I went to Sam but he was already unconscious. I called the ambulance and after we got here I called you." I finished. Dean just looked at me and nodded. He rested his elbows on the bed and ran his hand down the length of his face. "There's more." I told him. Wanting to get it all out. He just looked at me. "The spirit was with me for a while. He tried to help me with Sam." I told him. He got a confused look on his face. "He was with me in the ambulance until you got here. He's not evil. I don't know what the deal is but he tried to help me. He tried to help Sam. In my book that gives him a world of credit."
"What do you know about him?" Dean asked.
I shook my head, "Nothing." I ran my fingers through my hair before looking back at Sam. "All I know is that he died by strangulation or hanging. I'd go for the strangling though. His wrists were also bruised. He may have been bound for whatever happened to him." I told him. "I don't want to make this any worse but it's something that we have to deal with. I have no idea who he is but he was trying to help me."
"We'll figure it out." He told me, putting his hand out to me. I took it and gave him the best smile I could.
"Evy?"
I turned toward the voice and saw Dr. Billings come into the room. "Xander, hi." I said standing up.
"Is everything okay?" He asked.
"Kind of an odd question don't you think?" I asked him, crossing my arms.
"Sorry." He said as his face flushed.
"I'll be fine." I told him. "What's up?" I asked.
"Just wanted to say 'hi' since I saw you." He told me.
I felt a shiver go down my spine and the spirit appeared at my side. "You son of a bitch." The demon shot at the doctor.
I looked at him and Dean was getting to his feet. Xander didn't seem to notice the spirit. "Oh God…" I whispered and looked back at Xander.
"I'll let you visit. I'll see you around." Xander told me. I nodded and he left with a small smile.
"He killed you didn't he?" I asked the spirit. He just looked at me. "Who are you?"
"Harrison Billings." He told me.
"He killed his own brother." I stated.
"He took my life. Both literally and metaphorically. I was a doctor. He didn't become one until after I was gone." Harrison told me.
"Why?" I asked him.
"I don't know. But I can't seem to leave him. Wherever he goes I go. It's not something I can control."
"Does he see you?" I asked him.
"Sometimes." He replied.
"Where are you buried?" Dean asked him.
"What? Why?" Harrison asked him.
"So you can move on." Dean told him.
"What?" He asked me.
"If we find your bones we can salt and burn them. By doing so you'll move on. Disappear from this world and move on to the next." I explained.
"In theory that would be a good idea. But I was cremated." He told us.
"What?" I frowned at him before looking at Dean.
"There has to be something of yours that's still around." Dean told him.
I thought a moment before my mind managed to catch up with itself. "You said wherever he goes you go?"
"Yeah?"
"Does he keep something of yours with him?" I asked.
He has a pocket watch that was mine. I had it on me the night I was killed.
"Bingo." Dean said and looked at me.
"I guess I've gotta go get Xander." I told them and turned to the door.
"I'll go." Dead told me. "Just hang back with Sam."
I nodded and smiled at him as he left the room. Sighing, I ran my fingers through my hair before sitting next to Sam again.
"Will it hurt?" Harrison asked me.
"Maybe for a moment." I told him.
"But I'll be okay? I'll move on to heaven?" He asked.
"I hope so." I said giving him a small smile. "I really do."
It seemed to take forever for Dean to return. Harrison say where Dean was as we watched over Sam. It was nearly an hour later when Dean came back. He leaned against the doorway, watching, before I noticed he was there.
"Find him?" I asked.
"He's in the basement. I thought you might want to take care of this one." He replied.
Standing, I followed him as he led me to the shower rooms downstairs. He was already done and out. He was just putting his things in his bag when I grabbed him, slamming him into the lockers.
"Where's the watch?" I demanded.
"What? What watch?" He asked, shocked.
"Don't play games with me." I told him. "Harrison's watch. Where is it?"
He simply glanced at his bag, a common tell. Dean grabbed the bag and started going through his things to find it.
"Why did you kill him?" I demanded.
"It was an accident." He told me. "How do you know?" He asked.
"Because his spirit has been with you since it happened. Didn't you ever notice strange things, voices in the night?" I asked. He didn't respond. "That was your brother who was haunting you because you murdered him." I said and forced him to the ground.
"Evy, you have to believe me, it was an accident." He told me.
"How is strangling your brother an accident?" I asked him. "You wrapped your hands around his throat and chocked him to death. What were you trying to do?"
"I was drunk. We got into a fight. I didn't mean for it to go that far." He told me.
"Then it's time to make amends." I told him and Harrison appeared next to me.
"Harry…" Xander said looking at his brother. "Jesus…"
"Yeah, I look great don't I? I'm sure you're proud of what you've done since I've been gone. A doctor…really…" He said looking at his brother.
"I didn't mean for it to happen." Xander told his brother.
"You took my life!" Harrison yelled at him. "You took everything from me!"
"Harry, I'm sorry." Xander said as his voice cracked.
"I've been waiting for my chance. Waiting to get even. But it doesn't matter anymore." Harrison told him. "It doesn't matter. Which is such a bummer. I've been waiting years and now that I have my chance I don't even care anymore." He told his brother. "I've been watching you. I know you're sorry. I've been resentful and bitter. But you're my brother and I know that it was an accident. Maybe that's why I haven't moved on. I've still got to be the big brother. I've got to watch over you. No matter what happened." He said and stared at his brother.
I listened and watched as they had their reconciliation. It was the oddest thing I'd ever seen. The easiest spirit we've ever dealt with before. I smiled when they both smiled at each other and, shockingly, hugged. I couldn't help but frown at that. It was odd, too odd, for my taste. There was supposed to be violence and anger and instead I got a stupid family reunion. I needed the violence not the happiness. But it was good for them. When they moved apart Harrison disintegrated in the air as he crossed over. Dean was standing in front of a garbage can, flames flicking out of it. I smiled, knowing what it was like on the other side. Xander looked horrified and I went to him, putting my hand on his arm. I told him that it was okay and I walked him back upstairs before parting ways. Harrison leaving had put a smile on my face but as Sam's room came into view my smile disappeared and I felt the need to cry again. I took a deep breath and walked into the room. The tears started nearly instantaneously and I rushed to the bed. I threw my arms around Sam's neck. He had smiled at me but it quickly disappeared.
"Hey, hey, what is it?" He asked gently pulling me away from him.
I kissed his forehead and put my hands on his face. "I am so sorry, Sammy." I cried. "I am so, so sorry."
"What?" He said with a short laugh. "Why are you sorry?"
"Because it's all my fault." I told him, averting my eyes.
He lifted my chin with his finger and smiled at me. "You really have to lay off the self guilt thing you have going on. None of this was your fault. It was my fault. You told me not to but I did it anyway." He told me.
"Yeah, nice going there." Dean frowned at his brother. Sam shrugged at him.
I laughed and kissed his forehead again. "Are you okay?" I asked him.
"Yeah. Just gotta take it easy for a couple of days is all." He replied.
"As long as you're okay. We'll take it easy." I told him, kissing his hand as I held it in mine.
"Don't feel bad." He told me sternly.
"Okay." I told him.
"Evy, please. You have to stop putting all the blame on you. You don't have to. Dean and I can take some of the weight." He said sweetly.
"He's right." Dean said sitting next to me.
"I know you can, but it's just the way I am. I'm the last person I think of." I replied.
"I know." Sam said and smiled. "We'll work on that."
I grinned at him. Things had worked out for the best. Sam was awake and Harrison had moved on. It was simple and yet complicated all at the same time. We sat with Sam until dawn when we were finally able to take him home. He was wide awake but Dean and I were exhausted. It took all of five minutes to change and crawl onto the bed. I looked up at him and he caressed my face before kissing me gently. He didn't have to say anything. All of it was right there in his eyes. I smiled and laid my head on his chest. He held me, running his hand up and down my arm. The TV was on; Sam was flipping through the stations. Only a few minutes passed before Dean and I were asleep. I could only imagine how we looked. We were both a bit of a mess. The sun had barely been up and we were comfortable in bed. A joyous start to the day.