Disclaimer: Nothing you recognize from Supernatural is mine.
A/N: Well, here is the next chapter. I'm not sure who all is still reading this but I'll still be posting chapters for those who do read it. I'm still in love with the show and still in love with writing this fan fiction. I'm already into season 4 on my own and am just waiting to get all of the chapters posted for this story and then the next. I hope you all don't hate me for this chapter and reviews are always welcome.
Chapter Twenty-three: Life is Pain
The days grew long, the nights even longer. We were still without Sam but Indiana was close. We would find him soon enough. He would have to worry about his personal safety. The longer we were without Sam the harder Dean seemed to become. He was so angry at his brother. I couldn't blame him. I wasn't any happier with Sam then he was but I felt like I needed to mediate the situation. Dean needed to be calmed while Sam needed to be controlled. There was so much going on that it was hard to concentrate on any given thing. I had a case of nausea that set us back a little. I spent quite a bit of time praising the porcelain God. Part of it was my pregnancy but part of it was worry. I was hungry all the time and antsy. It felt like Dean was getting annoyed with me but he never said a word. He'd just nod and pull over if I needed him to. He was being perfect, even with our latest predicament.
"How are you doing?" I asked Dean just a few hours out of Lafayette.
"Anxious." He replied.
"I love you." I told him softly. "Everything will be okay." I said and smiled when he looked at me.
"I love you too." He smiled back, taking my hand in his. "I'm just worried about Sam. If anything happens to him I'll kill him."
I smiled and squeezed his hand. "I know. I'll help you."
When we reached town it didn't take too long to track Sam down. We did a little asking around and found him at a hotel called The Blue Rose. We parked the car, seeing Sam through the window.
"Thank God you're okay." Dean said looking at him. I let out a sigh of relief. Then I noticed the grin on his face. "You're better then okay. Sammy, you sly dog."
I looked over his shoulder to see a woman behind Sam. I frowned and hit him. "You have no idea what's going on in there." I told him.
"No, but I'm going to find out." He said about to get out of the car.
"No, just give him a few minutes. We don't know what's going on and it looks like they're in the middle of something." I told him.
"Fine." Dean said but his eyes remained on his brother.
"He's safe. Relax a little." I said tugging on his arm. "Just stop watching him."
"Evy, I'm supposed to be watching out for him. That means I watch him." He said without looking at me.
"Baby, look at me." I said softly. He finally did. "I know you're worried about him. I know that your dad put the idea in your head that you might have to kill your brother. But it's Sam we're talking about. There is nothing but goodness in him. He is wonderful and whatever answers he's looking for he needs to find for himself. You can't protect him forever."
"I can try." He said putting his hand on my cheek.
"Yes you can. So can I, but something is bound to happen. It always does." I told him.
"Yeah." Dean said and kissed me sweetly.
He kissed me harder. I kissed him back, really getting into it, when a gun shot rang. We pulled apart and turned to see that the gunfire was aiming at Sam. My hands immediately moved around my baby.
"Stay here." Dean said and got out of the car.
"No! Dean, wait!" I called after him but stayed in the car.
Panic immediately went through me. Dean disappeared and gunfire was still being heard. I couldn't see Sam or the woman. I was just about to get out of the car when the gunfire stopped and Sam and the woman came out of the room. I smiled and got out of the car. I was about to rush to him when I was grabbed from behind. My mouth was covered with a cloth. I struggled but was no match for the man that held me. Soon I felt groggy and passed out.
When I came to I was in an old broken down home, tied to a bed. My head felt foggy as I heard voices in the other room. My mouth was gagged and when I tried to call out my head seared with pain. Then my mind immediately went to my baby. Panic was in me once again as I waited to feel him move. I felt better as soon as he kicked me. I took a deep breath and then the door opened. A black man entered, it was obvious that he was unstable. I just looked at him.
"You're finally awake." He told me barely above a whisper. "Dean woke up a little while ago. We've been talking. I thought I'd let you into the loop. I hope you were on good terms with Sam the last time you saw him." My eyes grew wide as I began to understand what he was saying. "He'll be here soon and I'm sorry, but Sam has to die." The tears were starting to fall at the corners of my eyes. I stared at the ceiling. I couldn't say or do anything. "He's fair game. Like I was telling Dean." He told me. I didn't know why he was talking so low. He stepped up to me, putting his mouth next to my ear. "But he's not the only one, is he?" He whispered. "You're just like him." My body started to shake. "And this…" He said putting his hand on my stomach. "This is an abomination." I tried to yell but it was muffled and inaudible. "Sam and you are one of the same. I know you have visions too. I know that you are just like him. That makes you just as dangerous and just as fair game as he is. Two birds with one stone." He stopped and then turned his head toward the door. "He'll be here soon." He told me. "Sam first, then you." He stood and left the room.
I started to cry. The sobs were unheard in the other room. Dean was in there. I didn't know if he had been hurt. I didn't know what the man had planned for him. I didn't know anything other then that he was planning on killing Sam and me. He wanted to kill my baby. Just the thought made me sick. I needed this baby. I needed to be with Dean and to live a long happy life with my family. This wasn't the way it was supposed to turn out. We'd been in scrapes before but this wasn't looking good. My fear grew as I heard an explosion. I struggled against my bindings but they wouldn't give. Then another explosion went off. I stopped and listened. I could hear something quiet in the other room. It could only have been Dean. The tears came faster and hotter. Then there was the sound of fighting. I listened as best I could but didn't know who was fighting who or who was winning. When the fighting stopped there wasn't any talking. For a moment I couldn't breathe, but then I heard Dean's voice. Sam was alive and he was okay. I tried to call out but it seemed like they were already leaving the house. Didn't they think to look for me? But neither of them knew I was here. Wouldn't they think to check? I was starting to feel panicked again. I listened but nothing was there. I tried breaking the ropes again but they wouldn't give. It's what he wanted. Whoever the black man was. I was ready to wait it out but the next thing I knew the black man burst through the door. He cut the ropes and started to drag me from the room. He had a gun in his hands and as soon as we were going through the front door he was shooting at the brothers. My gag was still in place and the man had my arms pinned against me. The bothers ran, darting over an embankment on the side of the road. Then he stopped in the middle of the road.
"Oh, Dean!" He called drawing out his name. "I've got something that belongs to you!" I couldn't see them anywhere. "Fine." He said and pulled the gag out of my mouth. "Call to him." He told me. I stayed silent. "Call to him!" He hollered.
"Dean!" I called his name, my voice breaking.
"You son of a bitch!" Dean said darting out. The gunfire started and Dean scrambled back over the bank. "If you hurt her, Gordon, I swear to God I will make you suffer!" Dean hollered.
"Dean, I'm okay!" I yelled to him.
"I don't think so." Gordon told me.
I watched as he slid a knife out. "Oh, God." I said as he raised it. "DEAN!" I screamed as he slipped the knife into my stomach. I screamed in pain, feeling the blade hit what he was aiming for. In that moment I knew that there was no hope for Dean and my son. Gordon had completed one objective. He had killed the baby that had been growing inside of me. Just then cops came rolling in from all directions possible. Gordon let me go. I fell to the ground, my hands on my stomach. "Dean!" I cried but he wasn't coming. An officer was at my side a second later while others took down Gordon. "My baby! Please, my baby!" I cried as the officer picked me up into his arms.
He put me in the back of his cruiser before squealing his tires as he sped away from the house. The blood was flowing freely and I had no way of knowing if my baby was okay, though I knew what the outcome would be. I still had a grain of hope left that somehow he would be strong enough to survive. The officer drove as fast as he could. That I was grateful for. He called it into the hospital. When we got there doctors were waiting for me at the door with a gurney. I was rushed into an exam room. Everything was happening so fast and I was feeling so tired. I tried to follow what was going on but there was too much red and I couldn't understand what they were saying. It was all doctor talk and all of it terrified me. An ultrasound was brought in and I franticly watched the screen as the probe was moved over my stomach while my wound was taken care of.
"Tell me what's going on." I told the doctor.
"I can't tell you a lot right now. We're going to get you into surgery and we're going to do everything we can for you and your baby." She told me.
"Can I make a call?" I asked her.
"There's no time." She said just as a group of people came into the room.
I was helped into a gown and before I could convince them to just give me two minutes to make a call I was being rolled into surgery. I counted backward and soon was too deep in sleep to think about anything.
Voices were in the room. Everything was muffled but I wasn't sure who they were. My eyes felt very heavy and I knew that I wasn't going to be able to open them. I felt someone take my hand and I knew it was Dean. I tried to react to him but I couldn't. I heard a sniffle and I was filled with pain. I tried to open my eyes but nothing happened. I was so tired. I drifted back to sleep, unable to control it.
I sat in the park. Small children playing on the playground in front of me. I watched myself walk to the slide catching a toddler as he came down. I scooped him up into my arms, both of us laughing. He turned and seemed to see me. I stayed where I was looking at the little boy in my arms. A moment later Dean came and wrapped his arms around me. I kissed him before he placed a kiss on his son's head. We started to walk from the park, smiling and happy, when the child disappeared from my arms. Dean and I looked depressed as we stepped past a tree. I watched as the scene switched and we stood in a cemetery, looking down at a headstone, a blue blanket in my hands.
When the dream was over I managed to open my eyes. Dean immediately was hovering over me. Tears immediately came to my eyes. It didn't help that Dean's face was tear stained.
"He's gone." I said as the sobs started. I could feel it. Our baby was gone. "He's gone isn't he? Our baby is gone."
Dean started to cry as he laid next to me, pulling me into his arms. "I am so sorry, baby. I am so sorry." He cried.
I sobbed into him, unable to hold it back. I couldn't stop, not even when my throat was soar and my voice raspy. He cried with me, holding me tight. It was unbelievable. How could he be dead? How could this have happened? What had I done to deserve this? We were supposed to be happy. This baby was supposed to be the beginning for us. We were getting married and we were going to start a family. Now our baby was gone. Where do we go from here?
It was only a few minutes later when the doctor came in. "How are you feeling?" He asked softly. I just shook my head at him. "I know this is hard but…" He said and paused.
"What is it?" Dean asked him.
"Would you like to see your son?" He asked.
I nodded before I even looked at Dean. He nodded at a nurse in the doorway and another stepped inside with a little blue bundle. The tears were streaming again as they placed him in my arms. He looked like he was sleeping. He was premature but still beautiful. He had Dean's lips and the shape of my eyes. He was so tiny and I wanted him so badly. I needed this small person to be here with me. I cradled him against me. Dean gently took his small hand from underneath the blanket and held it gently in his fingers. He kissed my hair. I could feel his own silent sobs against me as I cried against his chest. But despite the agony I felt, I couldn't help but smile at him. He was such a beautiful baby. I had had plans for us. For this little person and me. For us and his father. I had made plans and now they had been torn away from me. Placing a kiss on my baby's forehead, I held him against my chest as I leaned as far into Dean as I could. To feel…for just a moment…that we were together.
They let us hold him for as long as we wanted. Dean sat with him, staring at him. I watched as he rocked his son in his arms, whispering to him, placing kisses on top of his head every so often. Even as the tears flowed, I smiled at him. Loving the site of Dean with a baby in his arms. We both held so much love for our child that at times it seemed almost unreal.
Hours had gone by before I finally had the nurse take him from my arms. It was the hardest thing I had ever done. She smiled at me sympathetically before taking him from my sight. As soon as he was gone my sobs were renewed and Dean held me against him.
I cried myself to sleep. Dean cradling me against his chest. I had a dreamless sleep. My body trying to protect itself from what I didn't want to face. Dean was ever at my side but he was hurting just as much as I was. How we were going to deal with this, I didn't know, but we would. We would be okay. We would survive this and we would try again.
"How is she?" I heard Sam's voice. I felt Dean shake his head. "How are you?" I felt him shake his head again. "Man, I am so sorry." Sam said sympathetically.
"We should have done something." Dean whispered. "We shouldn't have just stayed hidden."
"You would have been shot." Sam told him.
"I don't care. It wasn't worth the price." He replied.
"Do you think Evy would see it that way?" Sam asked him. "I think she'd rather have you then to have your baby and you be dead." He told him.
"Maybe." Dean said and kissed my hair.
"Not maybe." I whispered.
"Hey." Dean said, his tone immediately changing.
"I'm okay. We're going to be okay." I told him, holding him tighter. I wasn't ready to look at him yet. "Sam's right."
"Well the good news is, is that you're going to be okay. No permanent damage was done. It'll be a while before you can conceive again but it's possible." Sam told me as cheerfully as he could.
"Okay." I said with my eyes closed.
"I love you." Dean whispered softly to me. "I love you so much. I should have done something. I wanted to go to you but…" He said and stopped.
"It's okay, baby." I said furrowing my brows. "I understand. It was already done. You couldn't have done anything." I told him. "You're here now."
"You need to look at me." He told me, pain in his voice.
"I can't." I said as the tears started.
"Evy, you have to." Dean told me as his finger found my chin.
He lifted my chin with his finger and when he stopped I opened my eyes. In his face I could see the child in my dream. The tears started again and I wrapped my arm around his neck as I sobbed into him yet again. I felt detached. All I needed was Dean. He was all I needed but I had been halfway there, that was the rub. I was halfway through my pregnancy and things had been going so well. I was able to survive more then one attack and both of us were healthy. We were healthy and ready. I had barely got a hold of myself when the doctor came in. I wiped my eyes, putting my hair behind my ears. Dean held me tighter as the doctor pulled a chair next to my bed.
"How are you feeling, Evy?" He asked me. A few tears fell as I shook my head. He nodded. "I am so sorry for your loss. I wish there was something I could say to make it better but there isn't." He told me sadly. "But you are going to be all right. We fixed everything the stab wound hurt. You'll be able to conceive again. I'm sorry this happened. I'd like to keep you at least a few days to make sure nothing goes wrong. You'll have recovered enough by then."
I nodded and tried to find my voice. "Okay." I said trying to be interactive. It took a lot of energy.
"Okay." He smiled and gently patted my leg before leaving the room.
I let out the breath I had been holding. I looked up at Dean, running my fingers down his face. He gave me a small smile, kissing me gently. I kissed him deeper before resting my head on his chest. I listened to his heart beat as I felt his chest rise and fall with every breath. He started to hum. I looked at Sam who smiled and nodded before he left the room, closing the door behind him. I closed my eyes gripping him tighter as he started to sing to me.
Hey Jude, don't make it bad
Take a sad song and make it better
Remember to let her into your heart
Then you can start to make it better
Hey Jude, don't be afraid
You were made to go out and get her
The minute you let her under your skin
Then you begin to make it better
And anytime you feel the pain, hey Jude, refrain
Don't carry the world upon your shoulders
For well you know that it's a fool who plays it cool
By making his world a little colder
Hey Jude, don't let me down
You have found her, now go and get her
Remember to let her into your heart
Then you can start to make it better
So let it out and let it in, hey Jude, begin
You're waiting for someone to perform with
And don't you know that it's just you? Hey Jude, you'll do
The movement you need is on your shoulder
By the end of his singing I was once again asleep, only I was much more comforted. He had calmed me down. Made the pain dull because even though we had just lost our baby we still had each other. As long as I had Dean I would be able to take anything. It would be hard at times and painful but with him I would be able to take it. I would take it in and we would survive anything they threw at as.
Hey Jude, don't make it bad
Take a sad song and make it better
Remember to let her under your skin
Then you begin to make it better…