Chapter Twenty-five: Love and Hate

The sun had been set for quite some time. I stood at the window of the motel room, staring out into the rain. It had been raining for three days straight now. Flood warnings were everywhere but we were stuck here in New Orleans to take care of a string of vengeful spirits. It seemed just when we finished one another one appeared. We thought that it could have been due to the disturbance of several graveyards in the area. The flooding had caused several coffins and mausoleums to rise or float off. It was getting ridiculous but it was our job. I ran my fingers through my hair, hearing someone shift behind me. I turned to see Sam swinging his legs out of bed. I looked at him only a moment before returning my eyes to the rain. He stood and joined me at the window. He rubbed his face, clearing his throat as he looked out the window.

"Can't sleep?" He asked.

"Obviously not." I told him unfeelingly. He frowned down at me. I sighed and shook my head. "I just have a lot on my mind. I don't like all this rain either."

"Yeah, it's been falling for a while now." He told me. I remained silent. "Listen, I know you're not very happy with me right now. I know that, but I'm going to do better. Listen to you and Dean."

I looked at him, softening a little. "I understand why you feel the need to save everyone. I know what your dad was afraid of. So I understand and I'm afraid too. Whatever he thought would happen to you is going to happen to me too. I'm almost positive of that. It makes sense." I told him.

"You're stronger then I am." He told me sadly.

"Maybe, but we're in this together." I replied reassuringly. "All three of us."

"Yeah." Sam said pulling me against him.

"I love you, Sammy." I told him sadly. "I don't want to fight."

"Me neither. I love you too." He said kissing my hair.

I closed my eyes and hugged him tighter. He did the same only then I felt his body tense. I frowned and opened my eyes. I looked up at him but he was staring out the window. I followed his gaze. Out in the rain was a man. A man with distinct yellow eyes.

"Sammy?" I said as I stared at the demon.

"Yeah?" He replied.

"Should we move?" I asked.

"No." He replied and quickly pulled the shades.

The rain had yet to subside and we were stuck in the room. So far we were job free and the rain seemed to be keeping the crazies at bay. Sam and I were preoccupied. We hadn't told Dean yet but he was clearly suspicious. He hadn't brought it up yet but Sam and I didn't want to change that by arguing about the demon that had caused all this trouble to begin with. Not only that but in my opinion Dean wasn't yet a hundred percent. If the final battle between us and him was getting closer then he would need his strength. We all would.

"So are you two going to tell me what's going on?" Dean finally asked when the silence became unbearable.

"It's nothing." I told him with a small smile.

"You're lying." He frowned with a concerned voice.

Thunder cracked overhead and the lights flickered. I wasn't worried per say, but I was definitely sick of the rain.

"You'd never tell it was midday." Sam stated as he looked out the window.

"You're avoiding the question." Dean replied hotly. "Since when am I the sheltered one?" He frowned.

"Since you don't have the power of premonition." I stated softly.

"What's going on?" He asked me, concern drenching his words.

"Yellow-eyes is back. We saw him last night." I told him. His jaw tightened and he was about to say something but I stopped him. "We didn't talk. There was no contact. He was standing a few yards from the room just watching us. We closed the blinds and that was it." I told him. "That's all of it. We're not hiding anything."

"But you didn't want to tell me." He stated.

"No." I said setting aside my notebook. "I don't want to worry you. All we do is worry and this is one thing more along with everything else that you can't control." I told him as gently as I could. "This is something Sam and I have to do. As much as I've been putting the blame on Sam, as much as I wish it was all on him, it's not. It's on me too. I have the same gift that he does."

"But you two are different." He said even though it wasn't very convincing.

"Yes, we're different. I'm me and he's him. But that doesn't mean we're different enough. I see things. Sam sees things. He's moved things before and so have I. The demon is behind his power and he's behind mine too. We are the same. As much as you don't want to believe it. Whatever your dad was afraid of. Whatever he thought might take over Sam. There is a good reason to believe that the same thing could happen to me." I told him.

"No." Dean said standing. I could hear the pain in his voice. I knew he didn't want to hear it but he needed to. "Don't talk like that." He said leaning against the back of a chair.

I sighed and stood, going to him. I made him face me. "Hey, I know that this is hard. I know that none of this makes sense. But I love you and if anything should happen I know that you will come through. You are my lover and my best friend. I love you so much. I'm tethered to you now and forever. As long as I'm with you nothing will happen to me. Nothing will happen to Sam while you're looking out for him." I said putting my hand on his cheek. "You're the heart of our little unit." I said smiling. He just gave me a small smile and shook his head. "Yeah, you may be tough but what I said is true." I smiled and kissed him gently.

The smile left his face and he looked at me sadly. "You're wrong." He told me. I frowned at him. "Everything happens to you when you're with me. We lost our baby because you were with me. I cause you pain. Maybe because I love you too much." He said taking a strand of my hair in his fingers.

"That's not possible." I told him, running my fingers down his face. He just looked at me sadly. "And you don't cause me pain. Life is pain. What we do causes pain. It has nothing to do with you. If my memory is right I've caused you just as much pain."

"You never have without good reason." He told me.

"You're justifying." I stated.

"Yeah I am." He said with a small smile.

"Stop justifying, you don't need to. We've all been blaming ourselves and each other far too much. Sam, will you agree to lay low just for a few weeks? If we hear anything big we'll take care of it but I really feel the need to take a step back. We're not cowards but we're not stupid either. We need to be cautious." I told him. "Azazel isn't playing any games anymore. We're in the fight for our lives." I said and looked at Dean. He simply nodded. "Sam?" I asked looking at him.

He just looked at me for several moments before nodding, "Fine."

"Good." I said and sat on the edge of the bed.

I fell backward, closing my eyes. The bed shifted as Dean laid next to me. He rested his head on my stomach. I put one arm around him, running my fingers through his hair with the other. Marissa's threat stood out in my mind and this was putting me far too much on edge. I kept my eyes closed my mind working though the options. Marissa had said that he wouldn't seek us out, yet here he was. He was after something. He was here for a reason and that terrified me.

"What is it?" Dean asked me.

"Hm?" I said looking at him.

"Your pulse is racing." He replied.

"It's nothing." I said closing my eyes again.

He moved up and ran his fingers through my hair, turning my face toward him. I opened my eyes, meeting his. "It's not nothing."

"It's just yellow-eyes. He's got me on edge." I told him.

"You know we're going to beat him, right?" He asked with a frown.

I nodded, kissing him gently. "But sometimes it feels like it'll be our last fight."

"No, not for us." He told me.

"What about Sam?" I whispered to him. He frowned and looked down. I kissed his forehead. "I'm sorry. We're all going to be fine."

"I hope so." He said and forced a smile for me.

I kissed him deeply and was about to forget our worries for the night when a child crying caught my ears. I stopped and turned my head toward the door. It had stopped. "Did you hear that?" I asked him.

"Hear what?" He frowned at me.

I got up and walked toward the door. I looked through the peep whole but couldn't see anything. "It was a child crying." I said turning to Dean.

"What?" He asked moving next to me. Sam looked out the window.

"I heard a child crying." I said crossing my arms.

"Are you sure?" Dean asked.

I frowned at him. "Yes I'm –" I was cut off when the crying started again. I looked at the door. "Can't you hear it?" I asked softly.

"Yeah I can." Dean said stepping next to me.

"There's a little boy." Sam said going to the door.

I already had it open. I rushed out into the rain. The little boy was maybe three. He was crying at the top of his lungs even though the rain was nearly overpowering him. I ran to him, scooping him up into my arms. I quickly looked him over while Dean and Sam watched. He was only in a diaper. His skin was cold.

"Are you okay?" I asked him. His crying diminished slightly as he wrapped his arms around me. "Come on, let's get him inside." I said and went toward the room. "Okay…" I said brining him into the bathroom. He was drenched. I took a warm rag and wiped him clean. "Come on, let's get you warm." I told him as I took him to the bed. I wrapped him in a blanket and gently rubbed him.

"Who would just leave him there?" Dean asked disgust in his voice.

"I don't know." I told him. "We don't know what happened. Maybe his parents are looking for him because he wandered off."

"You don't believe that." He frowned at me.

I kept my eyes on the boy answering, "No." Dean and Sam paced while I sat with the boy on the bed. "We should get him something to eat." I said looking at Dean.

"I'll be back." Dean nodded and quickly left the room.

Sam stood at the window while I watched the boy scribble on paper with a pen. He had calmed down but every once in a while he would look at me and the sadness I could see in his eyes were like nothing I had ever seen before. I never left his side, my hand caressing his back while he drew. I gently pulled my fingers through his long, blond, baby locks and felt the tears well in my eyes. My hand found my stomach and my sadness returned. Not for this boy but for mine. I was longing for my lost baby. Knowing that this could have been mine and Dean's child, not one found in the pouring rain. When Dean returned I tried putting on my brave face but he seemed to know the second our eyes met. He just stared at me for a moment. Our eyes meeting. We didn't have to say anything. It was all already there. Sam was looking at us with a worried expression. Dean broke eye contact and set the paper bag on the table.

"Uh, I didn't know what to get so I got a lot of things. I'm no good at judging size so I guessed on the diapers." He said starting to unpack the bag.

I ran my hand down the back of the child's head before standing and going to Dean. I grinned at him as he kept pulling things out of the bag. He handed me an outfit that he had bought. A blue plaid shirt with a pair of adorable jeans, socks, and the cutest little tennis shoes I'd ever seen. Smiling at him, I kissed him deeply before putting the clothes on the boy, before turning back to Dean.

"I got applesauce. Kids like applesauce right?" He asked me with a worried expression.

I smiled at him, "Yes."

"Okay, good." He said and kept going. "So I've got diapers, some cans of baby food to go with the applesauce. I grabbed a coloring book and crayons. I have a few toys that looked like fun. There's a blanket and a stuffed animal. Kids like bears don't they?" He said the worried look still on his face.

I smiled and kissed him deeply. "You're perfect you know that?" He just gave me his wonderful crooked smile. "You would have made an excellent father." He smiled sadly and kissed me. "You did real good."

"I hope so." He said and brought the teddy bear over to the boy. "Hey, do you like bears?" He asked him softly. The little boy took the bear and held it against him. "There you go." Dean smiled. He stepped back to me and ran his fingers through his hair. "Do we take him in?" He asked.

I took a deep breath and looked back at the boy. "Yeah, we probably should. We'll wait till morning." I said and looked at him. He nodded. "I love you." I told him putting my hand on his cheek.

"Love you too." He said and kissed me gently.

He put his arms around me. I moved in front of him. He put his chin over my shoulder, pulling me against him, my back meeting his body. Together we watched the boy. Sam had given him the coloring book and he was much happier with the crayons. The bear was still clutched in one of his hands. I sighed and rested my head against Dean's. Sam moved from the boy to the window. He had a frown on his face.

"Sam?" I asked looking at him.

"What's that noise?" He asked quietly.

I frowned and went to his side at the window. I looked out, seeing nothing. I turned to see Dean step up to the boy. He just stood and watched him color. Telling him that he was doing a good job. I heard an odd noise and turned back to the window. Sam's breathing had picked up and mine caught as I looked at a wall of water coming toward us.

"Oh God…" I said and turned. "Get into the bathroom!" I yelled at Dean as I grabbed the boy. Sam was right behind me.

"What is it?" Dean asked.

"Go!" I yelled pushing him.

We ran into the bathroom. I handed the boy to Dean as I closed and locked the door. There was a small window that would have to be big enough to get us out. It faced the opposite direction as the coming water. I went to it, breaking the glass. I pushed the screen out and put a towel over the sill to keep us from being cut.

"Sam, go." I told him.

"You first." He replied.

"Don't argue with me just do it!" I yelled at him.

"All right." He said and clambered through the window.

"Now you." I told Dean.

"No, Evy, you go." He told me.

"Go." I told him sternly as I took the boy from his arms. "Please." I said when he didn't move.

He kissed me as he went to the window. The water had hit the hotel. We heard it break through the window and it was slowly coming underneath the door. I turned in time to see Dean slip through the window. I slowly put the boy through, holding him by his arm until Dean told me to let go. I looked at the rising water a moment longer before scrambling to get out the window. The water was already past the tub. I was just about free when my shirt caught on a shard of glass. I struggled against it but it wasn't tearing. Dean was with me a moment later. The water was nearly to his waist and he was looking up at me. Sam had the boy and was moving to higher ground.

"Dean…" I said as my panic grew.

"It's all right. Just stay calm." He told me.

"I don't like drowning." I told him and even I could hear the hysteria creeping into my voice. I yanked on my shirt but it still wouldn't give and I didn't have enough room to pull hard enough. "Son of a bitch." I said and slipped back into the room.

"No! Evy! Don't go back in!" Dean yelled at me.

"I'm fine!" I yelled to him.

My shirt came loose when I went back in and I quickly broke the shard that had caught me and I scrambled out of the window again. I fell out of the window, landing on top of Dean. We fell into the water before finding our footing. Sam was making for a roof top, climbing on top of cars. Dean and I quickly followed. When we made it to the roof Sam had claimed sanctuary, I took the boy from his arms, holding him against me. He wasn't crying. He seemed too much at ease with what was going on. He looked up at me and smiled. I smiled back, thinking that it was gratefulness. Just then there was a crack and a branch came tumbling toward us. We moved to get out of the way but it took out my legs as I went to move away and I found myself sliding down the roof, the boy still in my arms. I felt my pants snag on the branch and I was pulled under. The boy had been forced from my arms when we hit the water but he was still with me. He was still smiling at me. It hadn't occurred to me once before now but it was clear as to what he was. He had lured us in and now I was paying for it. I quickly ignored the child and pulled myself down to my foot, trying to unhook myself. It wasn't working and my lungs were beginning to burn. A moment later Dean was there and he quickly cut me free. He turned in search of the boy but I grabbed him and we swam to the surface. The air was delicious when I took it in. Dean grabbed me and helped me back up onto the roof. Sam pulled me away from the edge before helping his brother. Dean took me in his arms.

"You know you're not supposed to do that." He told me with a smile.

I smiled and kissed him. "Sorry." I told him before getting serious. "He's a water spirit." I told him.

"What?" He frowned.

"The boy is a water spirit. He has to be. He kept smiling at me and when we were in the water he was still smiling at me. He hovered in the water and continued to breath. He is definitely a water spirit." I explained.

"Great." He told me.

"It can be looked at as a death omen or of something that is going to come to pass. Telling us that one of us is going to drown tonight."

"Where's the boy?" Sam asked.

"He's the bad guy." Dean said looking at him.

Sam just looked at us. I shrugged and nodded. "Figures, huh?" I smiled at him.

He just smiled and shook his head. "Let's keep moving." He told us.

I looked at Dean and he nodded. I sighed and moved behind Sam as we made our way over the nearest rooftops.

The rain seemed to have picked up when we lost the boy. We sat crouched underneath the biggest tree we could find, still atop a roof. We sat huddled, Dean's arms around me. Night had fallen and with only the moon as light we could start to see things floating in the water. First it was cars and trees. Then it was bodies and possessions. The water was still rising every minute. The boy was causing it but we were pretty sure he wouldn't show himself again unless he was coming for one of us.

"I am so sick of the rain." I groaned.

"Well get used to it, baby. This is all we get until we figure out how to get rid of the spirit." Dean told me.

"That was very comforting." I frowned at him. He smiled and kissed me deeply. "But I think I might have a theory about how to get rid of him."

"How?" Sam asked.

"I actually read something in Dad's journal about things like this." I told them.

"And?" Dean said with raised brows.

"And, with women in white, to get rid of them you avenge their death. Or, with you two, bring them back to their greatest moment of pain. Or whatever." I told them. "But in Dad's journal he mentioned a water spirit by the name of Rusalka. They can appear as children whose mothers had killed them, some by drowning."

"So he's just seeking revenge." Sam stated.

"Then why did he pick us?" Dean asked.

"Maybe he thinks it's my fault our baby was killed. Demons tend to know what's happened whether they're actually told or not." I replied.

Dean shook his head as he ran his fingers through my hair. "No, it wasn't your fault." He said softly.

"But he's a child. He's doesn't understand that." I told him.

"Do you remember how to get rid of it?" Sam asked.

"Just give me a few minutes and I'll be able to think of it." I told him putting my head in my hands. I closed my eyes and attempted to go through John's words in my head. I could see the page. I could see the words and slowly it was coming back to me. It was right on the tip of my tongue when the wind started to pick up. I opened my eyes and looked at the sky. The wind started to send the water swirling into the air. "Guys…" I said watching the water. "I think it's time to move." I said and ran across the spine of the rooftop, launching myself onto the one next door. The men were two steps behind me. But the water was following us. I looked over my shoulder to see the water moving toward us. It was getting closer when the memory I needed came to me. I stopped and turned. "Sam! Do you have a rosary on you?" I asked him.

"What?" He replied.

"And do you know the incantation to make Holy water?" I asked. "Because I don't remember."

They were just looking at me. I was frowning at them when cracking was heard as lighting struck the tree next to us. I covered my head but heard my name called. A moment later I was being pushed before there was rolling and water. When I opened my eyes I couldn't tell which way was up or down. I tried to see which way looked lighter but there was nothing. The current was moving quickly and my side hit the mirror of a car that was caught under the water. I used it to push myself up and then I broke the surface. I looked around but Dean and Sam weren't there. Panic immediately coursed through me.

"Dean!" I yelled. "Dean, where are you?" But there was nothing. "Sammy?"

The current was moving me. I tried fighting against it. I tried to stay where I was. They were here somewhere. I didn't feel Dean or Sam fall with me. They could still be on a nearby rooftop. The wind and rain would overpower any call that was made but I would find them. They would be all right. I swam to the nearest house and tried to pull myself up onto it. It was futile. Instead I started to climb the branches of a nearby tree. I jumped to the roof once I was high enough and searched the water. I couldn't see them. Tears were threatening. I was about to let them fall when I heard a small laughter. I turned to see the child standing just a matter of feet in front of me. He looked pleased with himself. I walked toward him and was just about there when he was grabbed from behind. It was Sam. I smiled and ran forward. Sam threw the boy at me. I caught him, holding him tightly against me. Sam quickly pulled out a rosary and spoke Latin before dropping it into the water.

"Here…" He said reaching for the boy.

"Do you know what you're doing?" I asked him.

"You told me how so let me do it." He said and took the boy. "Trust me." He said looking at me before he slid into the water.

"Sam!" I screamed as I watched him disappear underneath the surface. "Sam!"

"Evy!" I heard my name being called.

I froze and listened. My name was called again and I looked up to see Dean on the roof across the road. "Dean!" I yelled over to him.

"Where's Sam?" He asked.

"In the water!" I called back.

"What?" Dean said but I could barely hear him.

"Get over here!" I called.

"How?" He said holding out his arms.

I shook my head as tears started to flow. I bowed my head and tried to push it all away. I looked into the water and for a moment Sam broke the surface. I slid down to the rain gutter, ready to grab him. He reached up for me but was pulled down before we touched. I yelled his name. I did the only thing I could think of. He had done it for me once. I dropped from the roof, willingly submerging myself in the water. I swam down; if he was dragged he'd be there. Only instead of Sam, I found the boy. His eyes were shut and he was simply floating in the water. I just looked at him a moment before he seemed to disintegrate. His body fading, being taken away with the current. With it the current slowed. I broke the surface. The wind had subsided and the first rays of sun shown through. I looked for Dean on the roof but he was gone. I went back under but Sam still wasn't there. I broke the surface and watched as Dean appeared on a beat up pontoon.

"Did you find him?" Dean asked.

I shook my head, "No." The tears were about to return when something caught my eye. "Oh God…" I said and swam as fast as I could. His hand was barely visible among the branches and debris that was covering him. "Sam!" I yelled pulling him free of the debris. I pulled him against me and turned back to the boat. Dean was watching in horror. His eyes locked on his brother. Dean took him from my arms and pulled him up onto the boat. I pulled myself up and quickly crawled to Sam's side.

"Evy, he's not breathing." Dean told me.

"I know." I said without looking at him. I bent forward and gave Sam two breaths, giving him two more before looking at Dean. "Baby, you need to do compressions for me." I told him quickly. His eyes remained locked on Sam's face. I bent and gave him two breaths. "Dean, you need to focus." I told him. I gave Sam two more breaths before I started to compress his chest. I breathed into him before, once again, compressing his chest. "Dean!" I yelled taking his face in my hand. He jerked and looked at me. "Help me." I told him sternly and gave Sam two more breaths.

Dean nodded and put his hands on his brother's chest. I breathed while Dean compressed. I had never had to do this so long before. It was something I had never wanted to do again. But we weren't going to let Sam go. No matter what he did or what happened. He was our Sammy…he was Dean's Sammy. He would be okay.