My back was pressed against the wall firmly as I watched the scene before me. Anthony beat at Johanna's breast, pausing only a few times to place his lips on hers, breathing into her rapidly.
"Please!" I shouted, unable to control himself. "Please, you can't! No, you can't!"
I looked about the room, determined to lay my eyes on anything but that in front of me. Mrs Lovett had left the moment that Johanna had closed her eyes, carrying my granddaughter with her while Toby followed, carrying my grandson.
Five minutes had gone by continuously where Anthony desperately tried to bring my child to life again. I myself knew it was quite impossible, but did not wish to say it, just simply because I hoped that if he carried out the action long enough, it might be that she would live again.
At last, he saw the hopelessness as well, and collapsed in despair. He still clung onto Johanna's form, shaking with the tears of it.
It was a sight that even I was not prepared to see.
Slowly, I found my feet and came towards the pair, my trembling hands reaching out to what was once my daughter. As if sensing it, Anthony beat my hand away, almost snarling like a beast.
"You weren't even holding her hand!" he cried out, tears of rage in his eyes. "You were cowering in a corner like a child- not even that! Even Toby could stand to be here! You couldn't even hold her hand before she-"
Uttering a furious sob, he embraced his dead wife, shaking.
I refused to move from the bedside, looking now only at Johanna's face. It seemed as if she could easily be resting. Her skin was pale, and her lips were starting to turn blue, but all in all it was still my daughter's face.
My hand reached out and stroked her cheek gently. It was colder than I had imagined. I winced, having only ever felt the warm blood of the dead, never once feeling the coldness that came upon them afterwards.
Unable to take it any more, I quickly rushed from the room, clutching my chest. Yes, it was true. I could feel my heart breaking in two. I stumbled through the hallway, not quite able to see where I was going.
To my misfortune, the first room I came to was the parlour, where Mrs Lovett had taken my grandchildren. The word seemed alien to me, although it meant very little. I could not concentrate on family when the last of it I knew was gone.
Mrs Lovett sat with the girl in her arms, rocking gently. I watched silently through the crack of the door, surveying her. I could not help but be soothed. It was a more peaceful scene than I had been used to.
"By the sea, you and me, that's the life I covet," she sang gently, her tone as sweet as she could sing. "By the sea, you and me, oh I know you'd love it."
Toby sat on the opposing chair, staring down at the young boy he had on his own lap, who squirmed ever so slightly more than his sister. It was easy to see who would be favoured. I sighed to myself, leaving the scene. I retreated out to the platform that looked out to the sea. The one Mrs Lovett had always gibbered about.
It seemed to be the only place I could find peace of mind.
At last, I could think without the small voice in my mind that told me to see Johanna again. To look her once more before I was sure she would no longer look like my Johanna. Yet, even though I ignored the voice, the voice did not ignore me. Her face appeared to me, flashing through my mind, disallowing me the peace that had been there when I first came outside.
As the images came to me, I concentrated on the ocean, trying desperately to distract myself. It would have been possible had I not loved her so dearly.
Slowly, the sun began to set, and it seemed as if a cool breeze had come to remind me of what lay indoors. I had not counted how long I had simply been standing there, but wished not to concentrate on it. No one called for me, and I was glad enough of it. I could not help but wonder if Anthony still held onto Johanna.
The air became chilly to the point where I could no longer stand it, and with clenched fists I turned back to the house. Not a sound emitted, and no other sense could be satisfied as far as I knew. No smell- no once could have found the courage to eat. No sight- everyone had locked themselves away.
Upon closer inspection of the house, I saw Mrs Lovett had long become weary and lay asleep on a sofa in the parlour, Toby sleeping alongside her. The two children had been wrapped tightly in blankets and placed together in a bassinette that had been bought a while ago.
My footsteps almost echoed, making the scenes before me even more desolate.
All of a sudden, a noise could be heard. It was not a usual noise, not one of a voice or of footsteps indicating life. It was a crunching sound, that of soil and mud, nestled in the wind. The sound did not come from inside the house, but instead from outside, from the grassy land we had in front of our door.
I ventured towards the sound, desperate for the distraction of whatever I could be given.
Suddenly, the spark lit up in my head. I heard the sound of the metal digging into the ground, but tried not to think about the obvious event taking place. I almost flew through the door, my speed as fast as my breath. When the door had opened and the scene was revealed to me, I clutched my chest again, feeling the wall behind me so as to stand straight.
There, Anthony stood with a shovel, digging at the ground solemnly, his back turned on the figure lain on the ground with a large blanket above her form. Even I could see the tears that rolled down his cheeks, but my anger was too pure to see such a sadness.
"What do you think your doing?" I hissed, still leaning against the wall for support.
"She deserves a proper burial," he informed me, his voice breaking. I stumbled across to him, attempting to grab the shovel from his hands. I was so weak he only needed to move away, leaving me to fall to my knees beside the body.
"It isn't time," I said through gritted teeth.
"She wouldn't have wanted us to dwell," Anthony said, his voice feigning a confidence.
"What she would have wanted is of no importance if she can not be here to say it!"
Before I could gain my boundaries, Anthony spun around and with a sickening thud, the wooden end of the shovel crashed upon my back, leaving me sprawled across the floor. I looked up, seeing Anthony shaking and crying with rage.
"If she were here, would she have it any different?! No, she is not here, but I can not allow her to simply rot here in my presence!"
"Better than to quickly be buried and forgotten!"
Again, the wood came crashing across me again, and Anthony howled in fury as if he were a beast again.
"Forgotten? Forgotten! The man claims she can be forgotten! How foolish are you? My wife, your daughter, the mother of my child and your grandchildren! How can she be forgotten by anything as silly as soil?"
I opened my mouth to speak, but closed it, looking towards my daughter's body. My fists gripped a few blades of grass in each hand and tore them from the ground.
"I only meant that-"
"I think it wise you say nothing else, Mr Todd."
Finally, Anthony seemed content enough with the depth of the hole he had dug, and moved towards Johanna. At this, I straightened up, pushing Anthony away lightly.
"No," I said firmly, and before he could argue, I continued: "If you so wish this, I shall be the one to carry it out."
Anthony paused, watching me, then nodded, biting his bottom lip in fear of weeping aloud. I gently took hold of the form, making sure it was still covered by the blanket. At least, her face should have been. I could not bear to look at her face again, to see those pale cheeks and blue lips.
Before her body was placed in the grave, my lips brushed the blanket softly where it lay over her forehead. It was the very least I could do to say goodbye.
And then, as quickly as all that, Johanna had been placed in the grave, and Anthony quickly started to fill it. I do not know whether he had already said goodbye to her- perhaps the tears beforehand had been enough to show his grief to say goodbye.
I backed away again, turning my eyes from the scene. I only looked towards them again the sound of the shovel being thrown to the ground confirmed that the deed was finish. Anthony's cheeks had gone pale, a sweat upon his brow making the fact more prominent.
"What have you in store for me now?" he whispered, the question clear, though.
"I had my plan, you needn't worry about that."
He turned to look at me, his eyes dull and more soulless than I had seen them before.
"Do not mock me, sir. I only wish to know what there is left for me now."
"You have your children."
"Please," he said, laughing darkly. "You would never allow me them."
"You are right," I replied, sighing. "I should think I would not let you touch my grandchildren."
"Then you are going to kill me? Send me to prison?"
"I had never planned to kill you. You saved my life once, boy, and that I shall never forget. And I could never send anyone to prison. Such has been done to me before, and I had lost everything until you brought it back to me."
Anthony stared, confused. I must say, I myself was confused.
"Mr Todd…"
"I planned to run away from you," I continued. "When the child was born- in this case, children- I would take Johanna, Mrs Lovett, Toby, the children and we would be gone from you in the middle of the night. As I was, you would be left with nothing. It was the least you deserved."
"Then why tell me now? Why prepare me for my downfall?" Anthony's voice quivered as he asked me, causing me to smile slightly.
"Because, Anthony, tonight I am instead going to die."
There was silence now. Only the wind broke this silence, and even that hushed for us.
"Die?"
"I had never planned to see Johanna again," I said, my voice morose. "When I had killed the Judge- dear God, it seems such a long time since I have had to think of the man- my taste for vengeance would be satisfied, and with nothing left, I would have died."
"You mean to say…this was all a mistake?"
"Every single moment of it. I knew you would bring Johanna to my shop that day, but I was too caught up in my thoughts of murder to think that I might see her again. So much so I had almost killed her. I would indeed have done so if it were not for the fact she screamed your name."
Anthony gasped out loud, a shuddering sob echoing through the grounds.
"And so, I would have killed myself, and none of this would have happened. You would be somewhere, grieving for her, or possible even marrying another. Or, if my predictions were wrong, you may have married her anyway, and have your children beside you now. Toby would never have come back into our lives, and Mrs Lovett would have retreated back to her life of pie making."
"Bu why would you admit to all this?" he asked me. "You could just have easily have taken my children from me, to run away."
I smiled weakly.
"The ghosts never go away, Anthony."
"That's exactly what Johanna had told me."
"She had learnt a lot," I said grimly. "In fifteen years, she seemed to have been taught the same lessons as me. Sad that a girl of her age should be so learned."
"Sadder yet it should be thought of so lightly."
I shook my head, still in disbelief of it all.
"Never lightly. Never once thought upon so lightly. But, I forget. You have your children to tend to."
"They are your own flesh and blood as well," he reminded me.
"They may never be my flesh and blood. I have not earned the right to it, and I daresay they would not enjoy knowing that their ancestry was ever the likes of me."
"Will they find out?"
Again, I shook my head. The question was very clear. Would Anthony ever be able to tell them the tale of their grandfather?
"I would rather they did not. The world is cruel, but I would rather it was not forced upon them in such a way that it was forced upon me or their mother."
Without another word, I departed from Anthony, knowing very well that I was not destined to see him again. I sat alone through the night, not in anyone's company, nor thinking of anyone but Johanna. It would be her I thought of when I died, and her alone.