Attack of the Jewel-Wraiths!

By the time Kagome had taken her shower, and Souta and Shippou had finished their plate of dumplings, it was well past midnight. The three, plus Miroku the drunk, had fallen asleep in Inuyasha's room. He was about to close his eyes for a rest when his dog ears tweaked and he stood up. He stood up so fast he knocked his chair over, which knocked over a randomly placed bowling ball which squashed Souta's jelly-filled donuts, squirting jelly all over Miroku whose snot bubble popped and Miroku consequently jolted awake.

"Those aren't mine!" Miroku blurted and looked around. "Oh. Good. Just a nightmare."

"We gotta move!" Inuyasha hissed. He grabbed Kagome's elbow, threw Shippou over his shoulder, and dragged Souta out of the room. Miroku watched and he shook his head.

"Show-off."

"What'd you say?" Inuyasha poked his head back into the room.

"Nothing handsome!"

Inuyasha and Miroku took the three sleeping bodies to a nearby room and tensely waited. This was around the time Kagome woke up.

"What's—"

"SHHH!" Inuyasha and Miroku slapped their hands over Kagome's face. Kagome fell down, unconscious again.

Just around this time a shadow crept over the cruise corridors. A shadow that smelled suspiciously of liquor and cheap perfume…

Miroku's jaw dropped. "My dream just came true!"

From the end of the hallway the forms of wraiths appeared. But they weren't ordinary wraiths…they were jewel-wraiths. Or rather, lady wraiths of the night.

One of them, dressed like a dominatrix with a feather in her hair, directed the other scantily-clad ladies into the hallway. The second wraith, dressed like a voluptuous nurse, took out a syringe. The third wraith was a naughty officer who had a walkie-talkie in her hand. The fourth was a tall, dark biker-chick with an oversized shotgun. The fifth…

Miroku collapsed in shock.

The fifth one was a cross-dresser.

"Jakotsu, pull up your sexy librarian outfit. You're flashing us all!" The dominatrix demanded, threateningly pulling out her leather whip.

"Oh Kagura honey, I'm just showing what I have. Don't you agree, Yura?"

The nurse backed away, looking pale. "Don't you dare involve me in this."

The magenta-eyed naughty officer pointed to the room Inuyasha and the others had occupied before they switched their room. "They're supposed to be in this room. Let's go."

Kagome woke back up around this time to find Inuyasha spying on the strangely dressed girls. "What's going on?"

"They're trying to ambush us," Inuyasha sneered. "They don't know they're about to get an ugly—"

There was a loud screech and Yura the nurse and the other wraith dressed like a biker-chick came out holding two…life-sized risqué looking female fantasy mannequins.

Kagome blanched and stared at Inuyasha. "You used love-dolls as our replacements?"

"Yup."

Kagome watched the lady wraiths behead the mannequins in rage and, seething, stomped away. All of them except for the naughty officer. The naughty officer looked to where Inuyasha and Kagome was hiding and slowly walked up to them. "Inuyasha, it's clear," she said as normally as one could wearing a sexy officer outfit.

Inuyasha stepped out of their hiding spot and waved. "Hey Sango."

Kagome came to a realization. "Undercover naughty officer!"

Sango gave her a dry look and wryly said, "I didn't pick this outfit. Costumes are mandatory to join Dark Pimp's League of Jewel Wraiths."

"You know you love that getup," Inuyasha smirked, looking her up and down.

Sango would've retorted but at that point Miroku came back from la-la land, stood up and practically tackled her.

"Beloved woman of my dreams, you came!"

"Get off!" Sango screeched.

"You came for me! You've made me such a happy man!"

Kagome and Inuyasha walked away, embarrassed and exasperated. They left Souta and Shippou to feast on the leftover Halloween snacks in the mini-fridge and traveled to the cruise pool to gather info on the Jewel Wraiths.

"So, what's it like being the…Striker?"

"Strider."

"Whatever."

He growled. "You're lucky you're the Jewel-keeper. Otherwise—"

"Can't touch this," Kagome sang. "Nah, nah, nah, nah, can't touch this! Uh-huh, uh-huh!"

"Shut up, I hate that song."

"Don't hate the player, baby, hate the game. Seriously though, what are the benefits to your job?"

"Dental."

"Really?"

He was about to answer when someone began cackling on the cruise speakers. "You two have officially come down with love-sickness! Please, step into the doctor's office!"

Kagome and Inuyasha looked up to see Yura the long-legged nurse holding dozens and dozens of syringes and scalpels at the end of the hallway. She got into a fighter's stance, which nearly ripped her small outfit into pieces, and she threw her scalpels.

"Watch it!" Inuyasha pushed Kagome aside and knocked some of the scalpels aside with a sheathed antique sword, but Kagome took a scalpel to the shoulder.

"ARGH!" Kagome pulled the offending tool out of her on impulse.

"Serves you right," Yura laughed. "Those scalpels were dipped in the venom of a snake-demon. Humans will die in less than a fortnight!"

Inuyasha stared. "Who says fortnight anymore?"

Kagome collapsed on the floor. "A little help here?"

Yura huffed. "You need special attention from the doctor. Have a shot of these!" She threw and flung her syringes and waves upon waves of needles flew towards Inuyasha. He blocked them with his sheath but a couple managed to pierce his elbow and abdomen.

Yura laughed, until Inuyasha pulled them out with ease. She checked the expiration date on her syringes. "Oh…oops. I guess they're non-lethal now. Let me get the refills and I'll be back with you, you sexy man you." She winked and skipped away.

Inuyasha stared in disgust. Then he became a little woozy. "Oh…I feel sick…"

Kagome looked up. "Dude, I'm dying…"

Inuyasha suddenly looked at her with hunger in his eyes. "My delicious cup of ramen noodle, how are you doing?"

"I just told you I'm dy—wait, what did you call me?"

"My sautéed strips of bacon, how I crave your smell, your touch, your taste."

Kagome stared, getting paler by the second. "Huh?"

"Your plump tush," he casually held her bottom like Miroku would, "is like two steamed pork buns!"

Kagome was too deathly ill to slap him, so she said "…I'm…flattered…" Clearly those expired drugs had filled him with sap.

"Your eyes, like pools of chocolate fondue with strawberries on top—"

"Just take me to the doctor's you hungry idiot," Kagome groaned and fainted.

Inuyasha grabbed her bridal style and triumphantly stood up. "I shall do better you beautiful piece of steak, you. I shall take you to the doctor's AND bring us sustenance!"

And with that the Strider heroically raced to save the life of his "beautiful piece of steak."

To be continued…

AN: Inuyasha's so hungry.