Final Destinations, and it's PLURAL

"SANGO!"

Inuyasha kicked the door open, having dizzily regained his sanity moments ago, and heroically stepped into the cruise room with Kagome passed out in his strong arms. A nonexistent wind sweeps his hair over his shoulders.

However, Sango paid him no heed, as she was busy trying to resuscitate one bloody Miroku. "One, two, three, four, five, c'mon, breathe!" Souta and Shippou, by the way, were pulling out shots of apple cider from the mini-bar.

Inuyasha stared. "Were you guys attacked too?"

Sango turned, and sheepishly smiled. "Actually, he groped my butt and I sort of went WWF on him."

"Oh…"

"And then roundhouse kicked him."

"Uh-huh."

"And then put him in a chokehold."

"OK."

"And then threw a vase at him."

"I get it," Inuyasha growled. "Just revive him so you can help me with—" he looked at Kagome, who was by then blue, "—oh crap."

For some reason Shippou comes out with a "Technical Difficulty" Sign as someone over his shoulder shouts, "CLEAR!" Shippou walks away once Inuyasha cackles, "SHE'S ALIVE! HAHAHAHA!" and Sango smacks him upside the head with a, "Shut up, Igor!"

Kagome dazedly sat up and looked around. She saw Inuyasha's dog ears and squealed. "Puppy!" Just as she was about to lunge on him her fingers brushed his cheeks and electricity sparked…literally, mind you, not romantically.

"AH!" Inuyasha fell on his rear. "WHAT THE HELL?"

Sango stared. "The defibrillator must've temporarily charged her with an abnormal amount of electricity!" Because, folks, most superheroes gain superpowers through bizarre and ridiculous ways, Kagome being no exception.

Kagome looked at her hands in awe. "That means…" she stood up and pumped her fists in the air. "Static shock, baby!" Kagome-the-hammer started getting jiggy to the beat of "Can't Touch This." Just as she did the moonwalk she tripped on a now conscious Miroku, who had just sat up, and accidentally electrocuted Miroku. "ARGHHIYEEEEEEE!"

Kagome jumped away and hugged the wall. "Sorry, sorry, sorry!" Deep-fried Miroku limply fell back as Kagome shouted, however she didn't see that she was standing dangerously close to the electrical sockets.

"Kagome, don't—!" Sango shouted but too late.

From the ocean two dolphins watched as the entire cruise liner short circuited and all the lights flickered on and off until finally the ship completely lost power. The dolphins clicked in amusement and went off to frolic with the mermaids or whatever they did.

"Oh great!" Inuyasha shouted in exasperation. "Now WHAT?"

They all heard something shatter.

"What was that?" Sango asked.

"Nothing, nothing," Kagome hurriedly said. "The lamp fell, that's all." Actually, Kagome had dropped the Jewel, and it had shattered into a million tiny pieces on the floor. She was currently trying to superglue them back together in the dark, with no success.

Then there was the horrible sound of a gargle and a screech.

Inuyasha gasped. "Fell beasts? So early in the story?"

When Sango took out a flashlight from her cleavage and turned it on they found that, no it wasn't a fell beast, it was Souta choking on an oversized honey bun and Shippou having an insulin shock. Miroku, who had just woken up thinking a Swedish supermodel needed CPR, had to do the Heimlich maneuver on Souta and Sango had to use a first-aid kit stolen from Yura on Shippou.

Kagome stared as the two boys were finally revived. "My lord, all those sweets are gonna get you two killed. Or at least unattractively pudgy."

"Nah-uh," Shippou shook his head. "I'm a growing demon boy with low blood pressure. Plus my stylish vest is very slimming."

"Yeah!" Souta said. "And I have super-high metabolism and Grandpa told me I was possessed by an evil honeybee so I need sweets."

Kagome was about to answer but she was interrupted by the sound of another gargle. "Is someone rinsing their mouth?"

Sango turned her flashlight and everyone's eyes bulged as they witnessed Inuyasha hyperventilating, having accidentally eaten what he thought was caramel…but turned out to be a bar of super dark chocolate! He was having an allergic reaction!

Fifteen minutes later…

"OK," Sango said as she sat a catatonic Inuyasha down on the bed beside Kagome. "Everyone sit still and we can avoid another near-death experience."

No one moved. Until the lights came back on.

"TV!" Souta and Shippou shouted in joy and pushed the On button.

Sango's sixth sense tingled. "WAIT—" Too late.

Souta and Shippou watched a Japanese cartoon dance on the screen and not even a second after they saw this did they suddenly become violently responsive to the blue and red lights. They were having seizures!

Kagome slapped her forehead as Sango and Miroku moved to revive them, yet again.

Twelve minutes later…

Kagome, Miroku, and Sango were gently ushering Inuyasha, Souta and Shippou down the hall, the latter three blanketed and completely catatonic from the whole ordeal. Sango shook her head. "It's always the innocent…"

"It's the jewel-bearer!" Someone shouted from the deck.

Sango froze. "Quick, you five need to get into the lifeboat and reach one of the volcanoes in Hawaii! I'll lead them away!" She heroically dashed off to the deck…as heroically as one could wearing a naughty officer's outfit.

Kagome frowned. "Aren't we supposed to go directly to Rivendell, New York?"

Miroku nodded. "Damn she's got one fine…I'm sorry, what did you say?"

Kagome rolled her eyes. "Help me with these three…we need to get to a lifeboat with a propeller." The two teens dragged the three catatonic companions to the railings and found an orange lifeboat. They unceremoniously shoved the three shocked members over the railing. Luckily they all fell into the lifeboat in a heap. "OK Miroku, you start the boat and I'll lower the—ARGH!"

Kagura the dominatrix or whatever sexy person she was supposed to be snapped her leather whip. "Hand over the jewel!"

"Not to a dominatrix!" Kagome shouted back.

"It's a Halloween costume, dammit!"

"Liar!" Kagome pushed the love-struck Miroku over the railing and she herself jumped. Kagome majestically aimed for the lifeboat in a mega slow motion Matrix move…and missed the lifeboat completely by about a good half a mile.

"COLD!" Kagome screeched as she dog-paddled in the water. "JACK SAVE ME!" Kagome froze. "Oh, right, Jack died in Titanic…" She suddenly felt depressed, not realizing she was dangerously close to the cruise's propellers.

"Nah, nah, nah, nah, nah," Miroku sang to himself as he lowered the lifeboat to save Kagome from her demise. "Batman, batman, Miroku-man to the rescue, nah, nah, nah, nah, nah."

Miroku pulled Kagome into the lifeboat and started the propellers. Above them they heard the dominatrix swear like a sailor, appropriate for the situation, and scream after them.

"Under the sea, nah, nah, nah, nah, under the sea," Miroku hummed as the five headed for California.

"Shut up, Sebastian," Kagome growled Inuyasha-like. "By the way, did we miss Hawaii?"

"Oh yeah, we JUST passed it!" He inclined his head over his shoulder.

Kagome pulled out her superglue and secretly began gluing the jewel pieces together. "Oops, oh well. Couldn't have been that important—I'm sure they're PLENTY of volcanoes in the US."

--

AN: Sure…PLENTY of volcanoes…