Because Of You
By: TracyCook
Disclaimer: I own nothing. These characters belong to the creator of One Tree Hill.
Couple: Deb/Karen
Authors Note: Decided to make a songfic multi-chapter for this couple, which considering it is one tree hill this is suitable. The songs will all be Kelly Clarkson.
Rating: M
If No One Will Listen
Karen had been at the hospital all day and night for the last two days, visiting her friend who had tried to kill herself, she had at first been terrified and now she was actually growing angry with her selfish decision. How could Deb just try and kill herself like that? Without a care for her son, or her friends, or their business partnership, or even Dan? Okay, not Dan, at this point she could care less about him.
"Why would you do this?" She asked the blonde, knowing that she would not answer. Ever since they had pumped her stomach the other woman had been resting and recovering. As expected the question fell on deaf ears and did nothing to cure her curiosity.
She knew that life had been hard for her friend, but life had been hard for both of them, hell life seemed to have a way of being hard on everyone in Tree Hill, but to try and end things? What could have been going through Deb's head to have made her do something so drastic to make the pain go away? Karen could remember when Nathan tried to kill himself after Haley left; perhaps he got this point of view from seeing his mother's destructive ways.
Regardless of why she had done it all the brunette knew was that she was going to try and help her friend through this, get her help for her drug and alcohol abuse, and protect her. She loved Deb.
Stroking her fingernails gently over the soft skin of the unconscious woman's hand she smiled softly as a salty tear ran down her cheek. Closing brown eyes she tried to hold back the tears unsuccesfuly as they rolled one by one down her cheeks in single file. She had cried numerous times since the incident. Remembering all the times that the two of them shared, silly times, dramatic times, and of course fun times.
Some of these being when they had snuck onto the billboard to ruin Dan's campaign and of course the dramatic times being when Deb was acting ridiculous and brought that gun to work and almost killed everyone. She really did not know what she would have done if the blonde had not lived to see another day.
Maybe no one told you,
There is strength in your tears.
And so you fight to keep from pouring out…
Brown eyes opened slowly and all that she could hear was the sound of the hospital machine to her side, beeping loudly signaling that she was still alive. 'Why am I still alive?' She thought to herself before remembering the last few days. It had all been so foggy and seemed like it were just a dream but now it was coming back.
She had been wheeled away to the hospital on a gurney, the lights on the ceiling rolling by as they sped her through the hallway, someone was at her side talking to her and telling her to stay awake and that she was not going anywhere. That voice belonged to none other than Karen, her best friend and the woman that she had harbored feelings for, for the longest time. She had been the one to save her and now the blonde could feel the weight of her guilt.
How could Deb be so selfish again? Trying to take an easy way to get out, her son was probably completely ashamed of her again, as with her ex-husband and the woman she loved. More than likely after she knew that she was going to live Karen had escaped from the insanity. How could she keep pushing her problems on the people she loved?
Suddenly the blonde mother realized that there was something latched onto her hand, someone was holding her hand, and stroking gentle fingers against her skin. She wondered who it could be, who would stick around after she did something so stupid?
As Karen realized that brown eyes were slit open and now glancing down to stare in her direction a large smile crossed her features and relief filled her as she took in a breath of relief. "Oh thank god you are okay!"
"Karen?" Deb asked in a strangled voice as she tried to focus on the beautiful brunette.
"Yes, it is me sweetie." Still smiling like she had just received the most amazing news in the world the innocent mother stood to her feet and looked down at her friend. As she did so the blonde moved to sit up before growing dizzy and falling back. Worried child-like brown eyes widened as Karen started to run her free hand against the older woman's cheek. "Don't stress yourself, you need to rest until the doctor says otherwise."
"Doctor? I hate hospitals, I'm fine really, can't we just get out of here?"
The brunette shook her head and sighed at the blonde's eagerness to escape the establishment. It made sense, after the many times Nathan ended up here, and Dan's heart attack, as well as uncle cooper, it was probably not the most positive feelings she had at the moment. "We have to wait until the doctors say you're system is clean."
As if on que the doctor made his way into the room and smiled softly. "The drugs and alcohol have successfully passed through your system, and obviously you are feeling better, which is good."
Deb did not smile back at him she simply shrugged her shoulders. Perhaps her body was starting to feel better, and she was starting to feel a bit more sober, but she would not say she was emotionally feeling better. "I guess, can I leave?"
"Yes, you can leave, we will bring up your wheelchair."
"Wheelchair?" Deb asked before laughing. "That is unncecisary, I can walk." The blonde sat up and swung her legs over the side of the hospital bed. Despite the dizziness she felt she forced herself to keep her composure and smile up at him.
"If you insist." He said hesitantly.
"I do."
"I will be back with your release papers then."
But what if you unlock the gate that keeps your secret soul?
Do you think that there's enough that you would drown?
"I really think you should let them get the wheelchair, I don't think you should be walking." Karen stated seriously to her best friend, worry evident in her brown eyes. It was almost enough to cause the other mother to reconsider, but she did not like the thought of it.
She was strong and she could handle walking after something like this, she did not deserve to have someone help her after being so selfish. She had almost taken away her sons mother and her grandson's grandmother, how could she be so stupid? "Karen, I will be fine. Trust me."
Sighing the brunette shook her head and dropped her hand. Glancing up with questioning eyes Deb asked "What?"
"You know, one day you are going to need to let people help you out!"
"I tried that once Karen! All you guys did was lock me up in rehab and tell me I better fix myself or you would disown me! That isn't the kind of help I want or need!" The blonde yelled out through a cracking voice as tears welled up in brown eyes.
The brunette had not realized previously that this was how her business-partner had felt about the rehabilitation; she had assumed that it would help her, that was where she was wrong. Perhaps she was happy in her relationship at the time and had been selfish. Apparently Deb had needed friends to be close to her. "Then we won't send you back to rehab. I will help you through this."
"How Karen? How are you going to help me?" Deb asked tears now streaming down her face.
"Well first we are going to get you out of this hospital, in a wheelchair." This earned her a glare from her friend; she ignored it and smiled gently. "Then you are going to move in with me, and I am going to help you get passed this." That glare that the older woman had been wearing was replaced with shock and the softest of smiles at this news.
"Really?"
"Yes, really. But only if you get your butt in that wheelchair." Karen said giggling as she said it, which earned her an even brighter smile. She loved when Deb smiled; the blonde had a beautiful smile.
If no one will listen
If you decide to speak
If no one is left standing after the bombs explode
"Did Nathan come and see me?" Deb asked despite not really prepared to hear the answer, she knew that the last time she had done something this stupid her son told her she was selfish and he would not be around any longer. Why would he come and see his mother than he hated.
When the brunette did not answer immediately she knew the answer to the question and let out a soft sigh of disappointment as sorrow flashed across brown eyes. Karen could tell that the older woman missed her son, she could not blame her, she would miss Lucas so much if the same thing had occurred. Not that it would have, Karen was far too responsible, but she still did understand the pain as she pushed the girl to the car. "He did not answer his phone when I called."
"Just say no, Karen, its fine. I didn't expect him to show up. God how could I be so damn stupid, he probably hates me."
"No he doesn't. He just doesn't understand what you are going through Deb." The sweet woman said with a soft voice as they reached the car and she helped the blonde into the front seat despite her dismissal of needing any help.
Rolling her brown eyes the blonde watched her friend, and the woman she loved climb into the other side of the car and start it up. Honestly she did not even understand what she was going through. The other night it had been so hard to think of the beautiful girl sitting beside her out with that evil man, she had felt so empty and alone. Like no one cared about her and like she lost the only things that gave her hope. "I don't even understand it Karen."
"I'm going to help you figure it out." Said the brunette wearing an innocent smile as she reached over and held onto the blonde's hand.
Deb shivered at the contact and blushed just a bit at her own reaction to the touch, it was as if she had felt a shock go throughout her body. It was ridiculous all of these feelings toward her friend, but she could not seem to suppress it. "Are you okay?" Karen questioned with worried brown eyes.
Blushing even more the blonde shrugged "Yeah, fine as I'll ever be."
"No, we are going to get you better, you need to be happy."
"How can I be happy without my son?" Her voice quavered as the tears threatened her eyes.
"Once you are better, he will come back around. He doesn't hate you; he just cannot see the woman you once were anymore." Pausing Karen kept her eyes on the road as she ran her thumb gently against that soft hand before adding "But, I see her in there still and you will be happy again."
If no one wants to look at you
For what you really are
I will be here still…
The car ride seemed too silent, yet neither woman knew exactly what to say, both lost in their own thoughts. Karen was worried about her friend and feeling guilty that she had not realized how selfish she had been. She had not noticed how bad the blonde needed her in her life while preoccupied with things with Andy, she should have helped her friend through things and not just thrown her in rehab.
She had simply been angry with her for bringing that gun to the café and risking so many people's lives, not to mention that she had not been listening to reason. Still, she should have tried a bit harder.
Deb was thinking about her obscene crush on the girl beside her, her reasoning behind trying to kill herself, and her son and if he would really forgive her. She was hopeful because Karen had sounded so sure of her, it made her sure of herself. She would get him back in her life, and get her life together, she would be a good mom again. No matter what threats that Dan had made toward her in the past he was not part of her future and things had not been her fault. She knew that she could pick herself up as long as she had Karen.
Smiling she looked over to her friend and whispered. "Thank you."
An equally bright smile spread across the brunette's features as she turned to the blonde and said softly. "Of course, I will always be there for you sweetie."
The older of the two felt her heart swell at both the comment and the usage of the pet name that her best friend had given her, it meant a lot more to her than it probably should. She needed it though to start healing.
No one can tell you where you alone must go,
There's no telling what you will find there.
And, God, I know the fear that eats away at your bones,
Screaming every step. "Just stay here."
As they pulled into the driveway the brunette got out of the car before quickly rushing around the vehicle to help her friend out, before she could get out on her own that was. Deb could be so stubborn; it was actually one of her endearing qualities. At least to Karen, she always mistook that stubbornness for strength, at times she wished she could be as strong and confident as her. Not so naïve to the darkness of the world.
"You need to let me help you Deb, if you can't even let me in enough to help you into the house, then how are you ever going to let me help you get passed these vices?"
The blonde thought it over for a moment before nodding her head begrudgingly and allowed the other mother to help her out of the car and escort her to her house.
If you find your fists are raw and red from beating yourself down…
If your legs have given out under the weight…
If you find you've been settling for a world of gray…
So you wouldn't have to face down your own hate…
I will be here still…
O T H O T H O T H O T H O T H O T H O T H O T H O T H O T H O T H O T H O T H
Authors Note: This will be a multi-chapter fic, and though I know it is not a popular couple it will end up being Karen/Deb romance! Please review if you want to read more! If I get enough reviews I will totally add another chapter very soon!
-Tracy Cook