Because Of You
By: TracyCook
Disclaimer: I own nothing. These characters belong to the creator of One Tree Hill.
Couple: Deb/Karen
Authors Note: Writing this for you Migs! :p You are awesome! You keep me writing! I hope that this chapter does not disappoint, and anyone could y'know give me feedback. Either way I am enjoying it. Sooo onward! Oh and if you do not like Kelly Clarkson I am sorry, I am a huge fan and I love all the songs in this. So, please do not judge on that.
Rating: M
Maybe
I'm strong, but I break…
I'm stubborn, and I make plenty of mistakes…
Deb had been staying at Karen's place for the last few weeks, she had been sleeping in Lucas's bed, and it had been a very hard few weeks. Probably the hardest in her lifetime. She had not realized just how addicted to drugs and alcohol she was until she was separated from the substances for such a long period of time. Even in rehab she had not stayed this long before she made that rope out of her blankets and tried to escape the establishment.
"That had been embarrassing." She laughed, but her laughter was quickly interrupted by the storm, lightning coming down and striking right beside her window causing her to let out a yelp.
The blonde hated storms, she always had, ever since a very young age. No, that was not true. She loved snow, and she loved rain she had even played out in the rain on occasion, what she really hated was thunder and lightning. She also hated being in new places, and not being able to drink to calm her nerves which she felt she needed right about now.
Another stroke of lightning caused the mother to scream out and throw the blanket over her head as she did so. It was a little childish, and honestly very embarrassing, luckily no one was there to see the display.
The blonde heard giggling coming from the foot of her bed and quickly threw the blanket from her body to see Karen standing there with a two mugs in her hands and a large dorky grin plastered on her face. She was obviously trying to stifle her laughter; it was too cute for Deb not to laugh as well, despite herself. She wanted to be angry with the brunette for making fun of her childish antics, but she could not.
No longer laughing, Deb raised an eyebrow at her friend who was still laughing. "You can stop laughing at me now."
Karen coughed to clear her throat before heading over to the bed and placing the mugs of what appeared to be hot chocolate on the bedside table. Sitting down on the edge of the bed she smile and said "Sorry, you just looked so cute. I take it you are scared of storms?" Her voice was playful and it made it hard for the blonde to not smile.
"I wouldn't say scared."
"What would you say then, terrified?" She laughed a bit more as she had been doing earlier only earning a glare from dark eyes.
"No."
Another stroke of lightning flashed through the air and Deb cringed, though this time she tried to compose herself and keep the smile she was wearing apparent, not screaming out. It was impressive to the brunette mother how well her friend could compose herself in order to prove a point. It was entertaining. "Seems I was mistaken." She stated if only to humor the other mother.
"Yes you were." The blonde stated in a slightly teasing voice before brown eyes glanced toward the cups beside the bed. "Hot Coco?"
"I thought you could use some." Karen said before smiling gently as she handed one of the cups to her friend and took the other in her hand. After she had it secure in her hand she gently crawled into the bed. Being responsible, she would not normally have drank anything in bed, but Deb had been having a hard time the last few weeks and these nightly gatherings had grown regular. So, she threw caution to the wind and decided it would be alright if she changed the sheets in the morning.
Yeah, I'm hard and life with me is never easy,
To figure out, to love, I'm jaded but oh so lovely...
"Thanks, Karen." Deb said as she sipped on the coco, it was hot on her lips and she pulled away to blow on the liquid in order to cool it down before she again took a sip. She was beyond grateful to have the other mother in her life, it was strange really. Who would have thought she would have fallen in love with her high school rival.
They had spent years fighting for the same man, and she had won, which actually turned out for the worst. Even after all of the years, Karen having to raise her son without a father or the help of anyone, she was still sweet enough to help the blonde through this. It meant the world and more to her. She knew that she had acted crazy in the past, she deserved nothing more than everyone's hatred, even her families, but regardless here her friend was with her. Even making her hot coco.
"For?" The brunette questioned as she sipped at her own coco, smiling a bit as she heard the answer.
"For being a good friend to me, and for giving me a place to stay and spending the nights with me." Pausing Deb licked the coco from her lips and sighed as she leant back against the pillows on the bed. "The nights are the hardest."
Karen reached out to set her mug on the bedside table before moving to position herself closer to the older woman an understand and reassuring smile playing on her lips as she wrapped a comforting arm around the other woman's shoulders and pulled her against her body. "I know. I have heard you in here, are you having nightmares?"
Feeling a heated blush fill her cheeks at the body contact between the two of them, the blonde tried her hardest to suppress and ignore the feelings. They were ridiculous. She needed to treat her friend like a friend, not a lover. "Yes, I haven't slept an hour without having one. I don't know why."
"Well, what are they about?" Pausing Karen added gently, "I mean, if you don't mind sharing, that is."
Taking in a deep breath brown eyes closed as Deb took yet another sip of her hot coco and tried to gain the confidence to talk about them. They would probably come off as ridiculous to her friend, but it may help to actually get them off of her shoulders. "I don't mind." She whispered before handing the cup to her friend. "Can you set this on the table?"
"Of course." The innocent woman stated before taking the cup and placing it on the table beside the bed beside hers, to more than likely be ignored and never drank. It had been used more as a peace offering to provide in order for the brunette to start conversing with the woman she was growing to understand more and more on a daily basis. She was really shocked by the sweet sides of Deb that she had been exposed to rarely, not the funny sides, or devious sides, but the very sweet sides that made her appear innocent.
The older of the two now moved onto her side so that she was able to wrap a strong thin arm around the waist of her friend before smiling and snuggling into the softness of her chest. This was something she had grown to love, simply holding the woman she cared for more than a friend, what she did not know was that Karen had also started to love this. It was growing to be one of her favorite things to do with the blonde.
All you have to do is hold me,
And you'll know, and you'll see just how sweet it can be.
If you'll trust me, love me, let me,
Maybe, Maybe.
Maybe it was selfish of Deb to be enjoying the contact as much as she was, no, she knew that it was selfish. But what was the harm in adding just another selfish act to her long list. Plus she just felt so comfortable and safe in those arms, she would deal with the repercussions this would have on her feelings for the younger mother at a later time.
Smiling into Karen's chest she snuggled against the softness she found there and hummed out in enjoyment. The brunette simply shook her head at her friend's childish behavior a smile on her own face. Oddly enough she enjoyed the contact. It had been a long time since she had had human contact and despite the source it was very nice to feel the contact again, honestly she did not even mind that the source was Deb.
As she gently started to stroke her fingers through blonde locks of hair brown eyes watched her friend's reactions to each stroke. Her body shook and soft smiles played on her facial features, her brown eyes closed in comfort. For a moment Karen worried that the blonde had fallen to sleep.
Someday, when we're at the same place,
When we're on the same road,
When it's okay to hold my hand without feeling lost,
Without all these excuses,
When it's just because you love me, you let me, you need me,
Then maybe, maybe.
Just as the beautiful brunette was about to ask the woman snuggled up to her chest if she were asleep she was answered as Deb started to speak. It was not that she would have minded her being asleep, she was just curious as to what the nightmares were about and she knew that it would probably help for her to talk about them.
"They are about Nathan." The usually strong and stubborn blonde mumbled out in a very weak voice.
Unsure if she should ask what they were about she decided that if she stayed quiet for a moment than the older woman might simply share the information without having to be asked. So, instead of talking, Karen simply continued to run her comforting hands through Deb's hair running them gently over her neck as she did so. Eliciting another shake from her friend. It was kind of cute.
I'm confusing as hell,
I'm north and south.
And I'll probably never have it all figured out,
But what I know is I wasn't meant to walk this world without you…
"In every dream, he is taken away from me…" Pausing Deb tried to force the tears that were threatening her eyes to stay where they were. The last thing that she wanted to do was to cry all over the woman she was in love with. "Violently."
"Violently?" The brunette's large childlike eyes widened at this statement. Being a mother herself and close to her son she could understand how a dream like that could be frightening.
Taking a breath the blonde snuggled even more so into the comforting embrace of her friend who was now running one of her hands up and down her back soothingly as the other was still probing at her hair. It was helping the older woman quite a lot in explaining what happened in her dreams. Normally she would just bottle all of her problems up, she spent so many years of her life married to a man that she hated, but she bottled it up for him and her son's happiness. Her own happiness never mattered.
Still, she felt inclined to explain more to Karen. She knew that she would never judge her or put her down for anything. After all she was still around after every stupid thing that Deb had done, even though everyone else had left.
"Yes, violently. He dies, in every dream he dies." Tears were now freefalling from the strong girls blurry eyes, dripping onto the younger mother's tank top leaving a puddle where they fell. "Sometimes it is implied or just a simple thing like a car accident, other times it is more elaborate, too elaborate. And every time he dies before I can fix myself, before I can get better and show him what a good mother I can be. He dies before I can show him how much he means to me."
Karen stayed silent after her friend's admittance, she could understand why she was scared. The beautiful blonde was scared that she would lose her son before she had a chance to get better.
"After he dies I go into a spiral of depression and start to drink again and do drugs, and I always end up killing myself at the end." Her tears were freefalling by this point in the story. The woman holding her continued to stroke her back and hair as she made shushing noises and tried to encourage her and tell her that everything was going to be alright.
"He will not die Deb, and I promise you will be better in no time. It's already been two weeks and you are getting so much better."
"Am I really Karen? I feel like a wreck, I want alcohol and drugs all the time, I have been getting angry so often, and I feel so broken. I don't feel like I am getting any better."
"You are. Even if you can't see it. I can see it, and I have faith in you." Karen said with a soft and reassuring smile as she looked down at Deb whose beautiful brown eyes were now staring into her own. She felt something there, a passion and love for the girl in her arms, the need to protect her was almost overwhelming.
A large smile spread across the blonde's face, one that the younger woman had not seen in sometime and it caused her own smile to widen as Deb said "Thank you so much Karen." And snuggled back against her body more than likely exhausted from all of the tears she had shed.
And I promise I'll try,
Yeah I'm gonna try to give you every little part of me,
Every single detail you missed with your eyes
Then maybe, yeah maybe…
Now her body was feeling completely exhausted as was her mind as brown eyes closed and she snuggled against the warmth of the beautiful woman she cared more for each and every day. It was so selfish but she never wanted to let go, she wanted Karen to never leave her side, even if it meant being such a wreck it was worth it to be this close to her. Letting out soft sighs of happiness and comfort she felt her mind drifting off. For once, her mind filled with happier thoughts aside from the usual darkness that consumed and possessed it.
I don't want to be tough…
I don't want to be proud…
I don't need to be fixed and I certainly don't need to be found!
I'm not lost!
Karen smiled softly she felt her heart leap as she watched the older blonde hold her close, and she continued her movements with her hands. It was funny how sweet and adorable she looked in that very moment, almost as innocent as a child which the brunette knew as far from who she was.
Yet, somewhere deep inside of her there was a child. Someone who needed to be taken care of, a vulnerable side that rarely got seen by anyone; her fear of thunder and lightning for example. To the brunette these were sides that she wished she could see more of and get to know more of, it was a bit scary to her just how curious she was to know her best friend. She wanted to know what made her laugh, what made her cry, what her dreams consisted of the good and bad, and most importantly she wanted to see her smiling.
I just need to be loved,
I just want to be loved by you and I won't stop because I believe,
That maybe, yeah maybe…
As Deb drifted into a sleep she snored softly and it made the brunette mother giggle as she watched and listened to the cute noises. She knew that she should probably move, it could be inappropriate for her to lie here holding her best friend all night, but she knew that if she moved the blonde would again not receive a good nights sleep. So instead she opted for sliding down into the bed and taking the other mother with her still holding her tightly and protectively.
It only took a few moments for Karen to realize that she herself was also insanely tired, and her large brown eyes closed before reopening as she looked over at the clock. "Oh god." It was three in the morning; she had come in at 11:00 it seemed strange that four hours had passed that quickly. No wonder she was so exhausted the responsible woman had work in the morning and she usually went to sleep far earlier.
Again she closed her eyes snuggling against and enjoying the warmth of her friend before she herself drifted off into a deep and comfortable sleep as well.
I should know better than to touch the fire twice…
But I'm thinking maybe, yeah maybe…
Your mine.
Maybe, love, maybe.
O T H O T H O T H O T H O T H O T H O T H O T H O T H O T H O T H O T H O T H
Authors Note: This will be a multi-chapter fic, and though I know it is not a popular couple it will end up being Karen/Deb romance! Please review if you want to read more! If I get enough reviews I will totally add another chapter very soon!
-Tracy Cook