Sinking In

"Wow Sessh, a Princess, you and dad don't do things by halves do you? I suppose being a Prince yourself though it's no surprise, not that being a Princess meant a lot to my mama once I arrived. She was all but ostracised wasn't she?"

"I am truly sorry about that now Inuyasha. What happened to you and your mother would not do so again."

"Yeah, I know, but you only get one chance at this life; still it's over now and I know you were only a kid really."

"You give me excuses for my atrocious behaviour?"

"Well having my own kids, they can be a pain but they are only kids, they'll grow out of it. Hell I was only your age when I was born, when I met Kagome…that make any sense to you?"

"Yes Inuyasha, you were in your middle adolescent then and so was she and wasn't it obvious to all? But you were far kinder to that little fox than I was to you."

"Feh! I knew what it was like to grow up with no one caring about you, experience is a great teacher; I didn't want Shippou to know any of that. You had been a spoilt brat like you said, probably never really thought about my existence other than when you wanted to kill me." He paused at the troubled expression on Sesshoumaru's face.

"Oy, its over no need to dwell on all that now, we need to think about what to do to get your kid back."

"He may not wish to know the truth Inuyasha, he is still a pup; it might spoil the relationship we have now."

"I'll bet he already suspects something and would like to know, probably already asked his mother; you could make discreet inquiries if you still know the family. If I was the kid I'd want to know." He didn't notice the shock on Sesshoumaru's face as the Daiyoukai pulled a bell to get a servant to serve refreshments; but he heard the slight tremor in the voice as he replied;

"You would wish to know?"

"Well yeah, who wants to live a lie all their lives, his senses must be confusing him; it won't be long before he finds out himself, I mean if his parents know the truth, he should know as well even if no one else has to. But if he finds out that everyone else knows but him, he'll stop trusting them and you could lose him altogether."

"Sometimes it is not so simple Inuyasha, he would then question why..." He stopped but it was too late and Inuyasha picked him up on it.

"I suppose he would wonder why you didn't mate his mother; why didn't you? Surely even if you were too young you could have been promised and then your son would at least have known you as his father."

"It was offered that I become an integral part of his life, encouraged even, but I was not ready to be a parent and thankfully another option became available. Father and even mother wanted me to carry out my responsibilities to my son and his mother but I was too self obsessed to see the sense of what they were saying. I was not in love with the young woman; I thought her a maid…she did not inform me otherwise."

"So in other words the kid is better off being brought up in a loving family eh Sessh; well I have to agree that you were probably too young to be a dad." He smirked again which annoyed Sesshoumaru into making an unguarded reply yet again.

"And how would you possibly know how mature I was at the time Inuyasha?"

"Are you kidding? Coo, there was one time I remember in particular, I was only a little pup, it had to be about the second time I saw you 'cos I asked if you if you were sure you were really my brother and not my dad. I know I was confused at the time, all the other children I saw had brothers who weren't much older or bigger than they were; the bigger people were their dads. It was an honest mistake; don't you remember?

"You went off absolutely alarming at mama with your, 'just what have you been telling him you indiscreet bitch?' It was almost better than one of my tantrums; I found out just what you thought of me then, I thought you were going to kill us both. It made a great scene for the villagers, me crying and screaming and trying to stop you hurting mama. The villagers smirked and whispered for weeks after that. Not what I call mature."

He sank into silence, remembering and suddenly hearing as if for the first time his brother's remembered sentence; as did Sesshoumaru who was now also waiting for the penny to drop and anticipating Inuyasha's reaction with apprehension. It seemed that the wine had finally got to the hanyou; he sat staring into the fire with no discernable expression that Sesshoumaru could see from the corner of his eye, until he got up and remarked that the time was late and he should turn in. Sesshoumaru merely nodded, knowing that Inuyasha was going to need to think.

However Inuyasha didn't go to his rooms immediately, he went into the gardens to sit in a tree; his mind was trying to convince him of things he didn't want to contemplate and yet would not go away until he had. Soon he became aware of Sesshoumaru approaching slowly and golden eyes met with guarded expressions until Inuyasha spoke quietly;

"Tell me that you made certain that your son was left with loving parents Sesshoumaru; tell me that he grew up wanted and safe in a Palace with his Mama and adopted father, tell me he is happy and contented as your son should be. Please tell me that is true."

"I cannot affirm all those things Pup, but he has known and is loved now; I believe he has known happiness and contentment."

"Sesshoumaru, please, I need to be alone right now…but if I ask you something that might sound ridiculous, would you answer me or get all angry again?"

"You may ask anything without fearing my anger Inuyasha." Once again Sesshoumaru was saddened that Inuyasha thought he would be harmed, but of course he understood the trepidation his pup felt. He waited but there was no question forthcoming from the boy.

"I can't ask right now, it won't sound right. Please…Sessh leave me; I'll perhaps have this sorted out by morning, things look different in daylight." Then he turned his head away from Sesshoumaru and listened as the youkai walked away. Later it was Sesshoumaru who waited, listening for the hanyou to go to bed; only being able to retire when he knew that his son was also finally able to go and rest.

Two hours later though he awakened abruptly, knowing someone was in his private chambers and watching him; scent telling him it was the youngest of Inuyasha's three daughters, Kaede. She was his secret favourite of the pups as she reminded him of Rin when she was a child; serious and sweet, happy and wise for her years and completely unafraid but respectful of him. She was just standing there patiently, knowing that he would immediately sense her and wake without needing to be touched.

"Something ails you Kaede?" He said, noticing the puppy ears on her head were lying flat, a tell tale sign of upset all the pups had inherited from their father.

"I'm alright Uncle, but Papa is crying and calling out for Mama; I know you can look after him."

"Of course I will Kaede, you know he misses your Mama and he is going to be sad sometimes, are the other pups awake too? Shall I send in your nurse?"

"No, it's just me, I didn't wake the others or Papa would be cross; he doesn't think pups should know anything or have any worries. Mama said he was overprotective sometimes but he never changes."

"Very well pup, will you go back to bed and sleep while I go to your Papa?"

"Yes Uncle Sesshoumaru." Kaede said, her reply sounding vaguely familiar to Rin's old 'Yes Lord Sesshoumaru.' making him smile briefly before he walked her to her bed and tucked her back in, then going to Inuyasha's rooms to sort out his own pup. He found Inuyasha outside his room and in the garden just sitting by the pond and staring down into it, in his hands he clutched an old red ball.

Only Inuyasha could see the images in the pool, but Sesshoumaru knew who it was he was envisaging, he remembered the pose from the time of the Un-mother; so Kaede was mistaken, it was not his pups' mama he was upset over but his own. Inuyasha was so inside himself that he didn't notice when Sesshoumaru came to sit by him or that his was no longer the only reflection. It was only when the youkai put his arm around the shoulders of his son that Inuyasha reacted and turned his tearstained face to look blankly into Sesshoumaru's.

"Don't take Father away from me please Sesshoumaru; he died protecting me, he loved me and Mama. If he'd lived he would have visited and cared for us; I wouldn't have taken him away from you and your Mama."

"Of course I won't take Father away from you; he saved you and he loved you, there is and never has been any question of that. He was going to bring you both to the Palace to live once you were born."

"All those times Mama told me stories about him and how beautiful and kind he was, how proud he would have been of me, how much I was wanted…"

"They were all true Inuyasha, all of them."

"But it was not him she described when she spoke of my father, I always thought her tears were because my father had been killed and she missed him, not that he hated her and left her with an half breed brat that estranged her from all she had ever known and loved before. I did at least believe that I was wanted…"

"How can you think otherwise? Your mother would do nothing to harm her pregnancy even when encouraged to do so. She loved and wanted you, I have never doubted that."

"You'd have wanted her to get rid of me wouldn't you? No don't answer that, I know. It was bad enough when I thought my brother wanted me dead, I don't understand; all those things you did to me, said to me, I couldn't do to my kids, hell I find it hard enough to spank them when they need it."

"You are a good father Inuyasha; you are very like Father in the way you love children and see to their needs. My character is different."

"Not so different; you loved Rin and were good with her and Kohaku, you adore my pups. It was only me you couldn't stand and to think that I thought at least I'd been created in love, not as the by blow of some quick illicit tumbles by kids without self control." There was nothing Sesshoumaru could say at the moment to these accusations, he didn't want to anger Inuyasha further, but then the tone changed.

"She loved you, you know; despite all the things you said and did to us, she loved you. Never had a cross word, always tried to show me a better side to you no matter what and I would be punished if I berated you. She explained how sad you were over your father's death and always hoped that one day you would come and care for me when she no longer could."

"Inuyasha, Izayoi didn't love me; how could she? We barely knew each other."

"She was a human girl Sessh; Kagome told me it took her about ten minutes to fall in love with me once I'd stopped trying to kill her. Mama would have taken one look at you and fallen hook, line and sinker; especially if you were making love to her, girls are romantic; she always hoped you would come back to her. I heard her speak of you often enough, telling me how gentle and kind my father could be; only I didn't realise it was you."

Neither did Sesshoumaru, he had been considerate of Izayoi's youth and human frailty when they were together and could admit the girl had beauty or he would not have been enticed; he had not realised that she had feelings for him though, not that it would have changed anything. He did recognise gratefully however that she had obviously made the most of any optimism she had left to try to give her little boy hope, hope that one day he would be acceptable to his father.

Sesshoumaru could now look back with older eyes on the youth he had been and he recognised with horror at how very young Izayoi was to be left with the certain knowledge that she and her pup would never be acceptable to her parents or relatives and that he had left them to face such disdain uncomforted by his presence. Yet despite all, she had been able to give his child a loving first few years before she succumbed to illness and died, leaving the boy at the mercy of people who hated him. Sesshoumaru's Father had been correct, Izayoi was a remarkable girl and far more mature than he had been at the time.

He had never given her a scrap of praise or kindness once, after she refused to let him abort their pup; just the opposite and although he never harmed her physically, his continual professed abhorrence of her and Inuyasha had taken its toll and she had nothing left in reserve once her illness took a hold. And Inuyasha was right, the girl had never condemned him either to his face or behind his back or betrayed the truth of their relationship to any who might at the time tried to have benefited from his disgrace.

When he compared Izayoi to Rin at the same age he could see the similarities, although Izayoi was obviously not quite as correct in her behaviour as his near mate; she had been fun and happy. But she was a child nonetheless that he had ruined and then refused responsibility; they had both taken the chance with their affair but only she carried the burden. If anyone had done the same thing to Rin they would be dead; but Sesshoumaru would never have tossed her and her child away as he had done his own son and his mother.

The Daiyoukai remembered finding out Izayoi had died and was ashamed of the relief he had felt knowing that the girl was finally gone.

FLASHBACK

Sesshoumaru was surprised to come across the despised whelp of his out on his own in the forest. The brat was attempting to make a fire to presumably cook the fish that was gutted and hanging on a green stick. He looked an unkempt mess; his clothes were dirty and his face and hands grimy with evidence of tears still in the trails of dirt on his cheeks. So engrossed in what he was trying to do Inuyasha didn't at first notice the tall silvery figure who usually found some way of making his life miserable.

They were not strangers to each other but Sesshoumaru's visits were never pleasant occasions and this time was no different. The older youkai sneered at his 'brother's' feeble fire and caught up the dishevelled hair which had become matted with leaves and twigs in his claws. Ignoring the yelping of the pup caused from having his hair nearly pulled out by the roots, Sesshoumaru smirked nastily and swiped his other hand across the hair close to the boy's head, cutting through the mass and making the pup fall to the ground.

He tossed the mane onto the fire where it burned and crackled and caused a horrid smell that quite put the hanyou off his fish. He then turned amused eyes on the angry scrap of whelp that was staring in disbelief at the wreck of his hair in a bowl of water.

"Come come, Inuyasha; I have spared you a spanking by disposing of your hair, your mother would not have been pleased to see you in such a mess." Then Sesshoumaru laughed, it was true, Izayoi spent inordinate amounts of time in trying to make sure her pup was always clean and presentable. It was a matter of pride for her that he never appeared neglected and she would sit and brush his hair till it shone. It seemed that both enjoyed such time of pampering and now she would be mortified to see the ragged and short hair.

"What are you doing out here all alone in any case whelp? Some stupid reason for running away and now too scared to go back home and face your mother's wrath, perhaps I should deliver you into her grateful hands; if you had done that to me I would take a stick to your backside." He laughed again and took stock of the small figure in front of him who was standing belligerently with his hands on his hips;

"Yeah well you can't tell her nothing no more, she left me; no one cares what I do now so go away and leave me alone."

"Ridiculous, your mother wouldn't leave you even when she was advised it would be the best thing for her to do she refused. Why would she leave?"

"I dunno, she was just gone; she wouldn't wake up and they took her away and told me to go too."

"So, she is dead and has left you for me to deal with." Sesshoumaru sneered again. "You really are a filthy disgrace Inuyasha, stop those tears, how can father's blood run in your veins; you shame your heritage with your wretched human taint." Sesshoumaru's lip curled in disgust as he glared at the dirty child then he picked him up, stripped him and threw him bodily into a nearby pond and told him to scrub himself clean; the clothes would have to wait.

The water was cold but usable and eventually Inuyasha emerged somewhat cleaner and that is when Sesshoumaru noticed the bruises. He had put more wood on the fire while Inuyasha bathed and now it was warm enough to dry the boy; but it also showed up the fading dark marks on the pale skin. For some reason the signs of ill treatment did not sit well with Sesshoumaru, only he had the right to touch this particular pup; he had already claimed him as his kill when he was older. No one else had the right to encroach on his property.

"Who did this?"

"Villagers."

"Why, what were you doing?"

"I've been getting things from home bit by bit, they throw rocks at me if they see me; they say I'm stealing, but I'm not, they are mama's and my things not anyone else's."

"Some of these are healing; how long have you been living out here?"

"More'n one moon but not two." Was the somewhat cryptic reply but Sesshoumaru understood; the boy would be aware of the moon cycle.

"You will come with me when I leave; but I warn you, I am not as lenient as your mother and will not tolerate disturbance to my life." There was no answer from the pup nor did the youkai require one; as long as his will was done he had no care at all for Inuyasha's feelings on the matter. That night leaving the whelp asleep by the fire, Sesshoumaru went and reaped vengeance on the villagers, obliterating the village and then returned to watch over the pup and take him with him in the morning.

TBC