Towards the West

Myouga greeted Inuyasha the next day;

"You are indeed great in heart Master Inuyasha and would have done the General proud, just as if you were his son. It would have torn him up inside to know what had happened between his mate and son and I think you have cleared that up. I must admit even I hadn't seen it from the same perspective as you and yet as an old man I should have done."

"Feh, Myouga; it's not got anything to do with your age; it's because you haven't got kids."

"I concede your point Lord Inuyasha." The old flea chuckled. But it was true; his respect for his young master had grown in the light of the way he had stood up for his father yesterday, even if Myouga didn't whole heartedly approve of the way Inuyasha spoke to his former master's mate.

After bathing in a nearby natural hot spring pool he had built for Kagome and breakfasting on fish and fruit, Inuyasha felt refreshed and for the first time in a long while he felt the joy of the morning. He no longer felt the need to grieve for his lost mate so painfully; his memories were alive and fresh but happy and the sharp agony had eased. He had needed to be alone for a while but he now thought he could return to the Western Lands earlier than he had anticipated; besides he missed his pups badly.

No matter what decision he came to for himself, he would not deny the pups their family and like it or not Sesshoumaru was their Grandfather and it was obvious that he did love them. Children had always been drawn to the Daiyoukai and he was accepting of them all, even if he wasn't open about it; all that is except for his own, Inuyasha's pained inner voice added. But that was not helpful even if his heart still burned after all these years knowing that Sesshoumaru had shed tears for the child and woman Rin, and yet had never done so for him.

Enough was enough he decided; all his arguments were circular and always came back to irrefutable facts that couldn't be changed, no matter how much he might wish for them to. Sessh was his father not his brother; he had been cruel in the past to him and had never wanted him, although now apparently he did, and as the past couldn't be erased it was time for him to move on or leave Sesshoumaru forever.

On his way back to the West and after saying farewell to Kagome he stopped at his mother's little grave stone. He had brought fresh flowers as always, but refrained from making the place look to tidy; there would always be people who delighted in spoiling tidy graves and it would bring undue attention to his mother's resting site. He did check however that the name was still legible; a long time ago he had re-written the name, as the childish scratches he had made when he buried her had long since faded; although he could still just about make them out beneath the stronger marks from his more adult claws.

He sat in the warm grass thinking mainly about what could have been and regretting that he couldn't call Sesshoumaru 'father' with anywhere near the same amount of love that his father had for his grandfather. Things should have been so different, but then that was his life; so many lost chances.

"Oh Mama, I know what you would want me to do, the same as Kagome; you would want our reconciliation, it was what you had always hoped for. Now I know the true reason why…and I thought my life was complicated enough." He lay back in the sweet grass and dozed, his thoughts taking him far away back in time and he mused aloud;

"What did you see Mama when you met Sesshoumaru all that time ago, before all his hatred for me set in? Was he different, did he smile at you, did he laugh? He must have shown you kindness, care even; you were so gentle and I know you died loving the boy he had been with you. I have never seen that side of him, I wish I had but he is so manipulative; how can I trust that he will treat me and mine properly? He wants me now, but how deep does that go; will it be long before he starts to hurt me again?"

Inuyasha bolted upright and was ready in scant seconds to defend himself, when he felt a strong youkai in the area; he recognised the aura and saw Sesshoumaru at the same time. He no longer was wary of his brother as such, but he was not expecting to see him. Relaxing his stance he showed he was willing for his father to approach him and as Sesshoumaru did so, he too looked down on the memorial stone.

He also noticed the slight scratches beneath the clear name and knew what they meant, he had seen them when they were the only marks and remembered how tiny Inuyasha's claws had been. Deep sadness filled him although it did not show on his face, and regret for the young hanyou forced him to speak.

"I promise you that no harm will ever come to you or yours again from me Inuyasha; you need have no concerns about living at the Palace."

"Have you been there long…?"

"Don't be concerned Inuyasha. Izayoi was a remarkable young woman Inuyasha; you do well to honour her."

"She was my mother; of course I honour her, no one else will. And what do you mean by remarkable? What would you know of her? You hated her and had precious little to do with her once I was born, except to cause her fear."

"Did you know of that fear when you were a small whelp Inuyasha? No, you did not; she kept her unease to herself. She always tried to bring you to my attention in a positive way, you were always clean and well groomed and yet she had precious little to spare; I brought her rabbits on several occasions, usually when the humans were away and had not provided for you both.

"She was not much more than a child and had been just as pampered as I, and yet she gave up all that to give you life; refusing to eat or drink sustenance unless she had prepared it herself, out of concern that someone might try to cause harm to her pregnancy. She fought for her right to birth and keep you when she only had opposition from her family and from the father of her child. She kept hopeful that we would be reconciled if not as a whole family at least father and son. Yes I call that remarkable; even I can see that in a human."

There was no answer from Inuyasha he was still staring at the grave remembering the young mother in her silk kimono that served her as clothing for the rest of her life and recalling the hard work she did to keep it clean and in good repair. Yet despite all the hardships she suffered, she still always had time for him, in play and teaching. Inuyasha didn't have much in the way of education but all he did have was due to his mother.

"I would like you to know as well that I never hurt your mother, neither was she forced or coerced into our relationship. She was beautiful and we both…Sesshoumaru tailed off and actually blushed remembering just to whom he was speaking.

"I know…she still loved you after all." Inuyasha was surprised to hear Sesshoumaru's sincere words about Izayoi and wasn't sure how to take his father's confession. Although, Inuyasha did realise that Sesshoumaru had answered all of his questions from earlier; which meant that the Daiyoukai had overheard him.

"I regret not being able to return her affection Inuyasha; I had no idea that she felt so strongly for me, but I am grateful that she kept her love alive enough to influence you to not feel hate for me."

"No, you did your best to do that for yourself; you all but succeeded and there were times I thought you had."

"I know." Silence fell over the former brothers, now father and son; but it was not a brooding one and soon Sesshoumaru spoke again;

"I do not know how to say this without offending you or giving you the wrong impression…"

"Just spit it out…I've always found that the best way."

"So I've noticed." Sesshoumaru said dryly. "Very well, I wanted you to know that if you come back to live at the Palace you could also bring Izayoi's remains and I will have them interred in a special garden I will have made. This is not meant to be a bribe however it may sound; if you wish her to stay here that is entirely up to you and I offer this not to appease you but from the honour deserved by the mother of my son. I offer this regardless of your decision to stay; should you only choose to visit, my offer stands."

"Thank you, I will consider it; I know what it costs you to say this."

"No, Inuyasha; you do not, I do not say this just to try and please you. I no longer hold any animosity towards your mother; when I learned what it was to want you as my son, I realised how she felt and I am grateful to her for her strength and bravery in keeping you."

"You no longer hate Mama?"

"I do not; I have grown Inuyasha, when I first met you and subsequently had you in my keeping, my animosity I know is difficult to forgive. The reasons for it were things I began to question when I saw you again after you had been freed from the enchantment. I was young, but that was not the excuse…; I saw your existence as the source of all my woes instead of admitting they were my own.

"Since I came to that correct conclusion, I felt the truer feelings in admitting you were my son and I wanted you, needed you as such." Sesshoumaru knew that he was taking a great risk in having that 'needed' thrown back at him viciously; but he felt he had to show trust and honesty first, Inuyasha deserved it. All he got though was a blank stare back but Inuyasha had noted the word and Sesshoumaru concluded; "This was some few years ago now, just before we destroyed Naraku."

"It has taken you long enough to talk to me then."

"I did not know how to tell you; we were barely civilised with one another and I thought you might react badly to the news, perhaps reject it out of hand. I thought to wait until we had built a better rapport."

It was slight but Inuyasha heard it loud and clear, the tiny hesitancy in his father's voice; it spoke volumes to the son, Sesshoumaru feared rejection not just of the idea but of him. Inuyasha knew then that he had the power to cut Sesshoumaru's feet from under him by now turning his back, but what would that prove? Inuyasha did want his father in his life and for the Youkai Lord to be proper family to himself and his pups, therefore someone had to bend; Sesshoumaru had already admitted a weakness to his son, it was time to accept his roundabout apology.

"How are my pups; missing me, or so busy playing with all the things you've given them they don't know I've gone?

"Of course they have missed you; in the same way I always missed Father if he was away."

"You still miss him badly don't you?"

"I always shall, he was everything a father should be; I miss his advice too, he would have known how to…settle our differences. I shall always regret not having gone too."

"It would have changed nothing."

"So my mother says now; she is at the Palace and told me of your meeting and 'discussion', I understand you would have handled things differently."

"Too right, you wouldn't have sat for a month if I'd been your father, having to listen to all your petulant nonsense; although, I understand it would have worked out his way as well had he had the chance to bring it about." Inuyasha said, far too enthusiastically for Sesshoumaru's taste. Inuyasha noticed the faint blush but refrained from teasing comment.

"Whatever, I am indebted to you for your frank discussion; it has led to somewhat more of a reconciliation between my mother and me." He paused before adding seriously; "Inuyasha you are a good father, you would do well to remember your own words should any of your pups do wrong when they are older; perhaps you can stop them in time, from disgracing you."

The blush was deeper now, but Inuyasha was still not going to profit from his father's discomfort; Sesshoumaru had carried the guilt for years, some of it wrongly, and it had coloured his life up to now with a heavy drabness that caused him to feel that his beloved Father was shamed by him. Pain that the boy had covered with his overly stoic attitude, had found relief in tormenting his own child as he got older.

Inuyasha could feel that the pain was still there deep inside his father and it saddened him, making him instinctively nuzzle under Sesshoumaru's chin, and whining in an age old need for affection and recognition. Sesshoumaru's eyes widened in surprise, but he responded as he should with a low growl of his own and by bringing his hand up to pet his son's head. For once it was very natural for them, neither worrying about being rejected and although Inuyasha hadn't spoken Sesshoumaru's name or called him father yet, it was almost implied in the comfort offered and accepted.

"Grandfather would not feel disgraced by you; he might have been upset but I'm certain he would have understood, even with your actions to me after. He would only be shamed if you had not changed and were still acting like a selfish pup when you are adult. All caring fathers know when their pups are scared or hurt, and you lost him and your mother before they had time to finish your upbringing."

"How I would like to accept your explanation Inuyasha; but you were in a worse situation than I for far longer and you did none of the things I did to you, to your kitsune. Father certainly would be ashamed of me for that."

"He would not be now; you have changed, besides, I was not being blamed for either of my parents' deaths."

"Yes, my mother is honest and she told me what you said to her about that; she has said she was wrong to do so, but it mattered not, I had already blamed myself."

"It mattered; to have a thought like that confirmed by a parent whose censure carries a lot of weight is disastrous. You were both wrong, your father knew he was mortally wounded; had you been there you could not have saved his life."

"But he would have known I was there and that I cared about him. He died believing me indifferent to him, I scorned him when he asked if I had anything to protect; they were my last words to him. He thought I hated him for saving you."

"No, he knew you loved him; he was no fool and he knew that you didn't realise how seriously he was wounded. A few words of childish anger do not wipe out years of love and obedience; my sons usually screech out that they hate me when they have just been disciplined. Of course it hurts to hear, but I know they do not mean it and they will come round and back to my arms; you just didn't have the opportunity to do that, but Grandfather wouldn't doubt that eventually you would."

"How do you know all this Inuyasha, you are still a pup in youkai age?"

"When I thought the general was my father I asked about him over the years; I came to know how he was thought of and most said loving and wise, apart from being an extremely able commander and ruler. The rest, well life on my own taught me far more than living my years as you did, pampered darling; I have seen all sorts of parental relationships in all walks of life, some I envied, others made me glad to be alone.

"I also have five pups of my own and they are all different and need me to know what to do for each. I think I can safely say I have more experience than you in this and am qualified to say these things. Search your heart, you know really that your father loved you and still would; you have redeemed yourself in many ways now. Remember after So'unga?"

Sesshoumaru nodded and they carried on walking in easy silence. It had been perhaps the longest conversation they had had together without fighting, sneering or being awkward in any way and it made for a pleasant change, besides giving both a lot to think on.

The journey back to the west gave them both the time needed to form an easier relationship with each other; nothing more serious was spoken although both knew that was just postponed, but the non-verbal communication was progressing at a more normal pace. Inuyasha welcomed the petting to his ears and laid his head in his father's lap as he went to sleep; he found it very welcome to have some of the responsibilities taken from him when Sesshoumaru was alert and on guard.

TBC