Thanks for all of the story alerts. I would like you guys to review and tell me what I can improve on or what you like. Now that this is posted I will be furiously working on Chapter 3. Thanks for reading.

WARNINGS: Self abuse, drinking, and malexmale kissing, and cussing. Don't like, don't read.

"Women were different, no doubt about it. Men broke so much more quickly. Grief didn't break women. Instead it wore them down; it hollowed them out very slowly."

~Cornelia Funke, The Inkheart Trilogy

Now it was apparent to Magnus that Alec didn't come here just to talk about his past, he came because he needed help.

Alec rush to the door had taken its toll on him and he relied completely upon Magnus to take him back to the couch. Alec knew he had not been taking care of himself; it was obvious Magnus knew too.

Gently Magnus set Alec on the couch. He laid his head against the cushion looking thoroughly exhausted. Magnus wondered how was going to get Alec to open up. Before he did any probing though, Alec had to eat. Magnus snapped his fingers and a grilled cheese with tomato soup appeared on the coffee table. That was the last of his magic. The client he had today sapped him. It was all he could do to make the sandwich and soup. "Alec, wake up," said Magnus.

Alec opened his eyes and sat up. "What?' he asked gruffly.

"You need to eat."

"Magnus, I'm fine."

"You're going to eat."

Alec could see he wasn't going to get out of this. He picked up the sandwich and began to eat. Satisfied, Magnus sat down beside him. Alec knew it was too much for him even before he began, but he wanted to please Magnus. He should at least be happy.

By the time both, the sandwich and the soup, were gone, Alec had sweat dripping down his back and a nauseous stomach.

He couldn't wait. Leaning on the wall, Alec lurched to bathroom. He was already on his knees by the time Magnus showed up.

The vomit burned his throat as it came spewing out. Magnus made soothing noises as he held Alec's hair back. Fifteen minutes passed before Alec quieted. Rough coughing overtook his body while Magnus leaned him up against the cabinets.

The problem was he hadn't eaten that much in a long while. It was too much for his system, so naturally his body rejected it.

Magnus watched as Alec crumbled before his eyes. Tenderly, as if he was scared to break him even more, Magnus took Alec's jacket and sweater off exposing his bare chest. The bright red scratches down his side stood out. Magnus also noticed that there were scars on both of Alec's wrists. Some were fairly new, while others looked older. The warlock knew how they got there, but he wasn't foolish enough to ask where he got them. God, he was so thin. Magnus needed to know what was going on inside. "What happened?" Magnus asked.

Alec managed a weak smile and whispered, "You did it, earlier," the smile vanished, "when I tried to run." His face flushed at the thought of the past events.

"I would heal you, but my client drained me today."

"S'ok," Alec replied. Magnus went to get a damp cloth, leaving Alec alone for a few moments.

He returned and tenderly wiped off Alec's face along with the scratches. The boy winced when the cool cloth touched the open wound.

Once Alec was clean, they went back out to the living area. Silence hung over them like fog in early wintertime. Magnus had Alec his grasp and was not letting go. "You are not leaving until you tell me everything."

Alec knew it would come to this; he would spill his guts or it was over. He couldn't lose Magnus too, but he didn't trust Magnus enough for the whole truth, plus he was ashamed. The elaborate lies he told his family couldn't save him now. He wasn't even sure the partial truth could. "Don't think less of me if I tell you."

Alec had never struck Magnus as a prideful person, maybe he wasn't, maybe it was just because they were so close. "No, of course not." Magnus' tone was sincere, but there was no emotion in it. A thrill went through him. He was finally getting Alec to talk.

"At first it was different, my whole family was grieving. Then dad left. Everything got worse. Izzy blamed herself and left for days at a time. Jace was busy with Sebastian. I was left alone." Alec left out certain parts, like what he did most nights and how the scars on his wrists got there.

As Magnus listened, he wanted to reach out to Alec, to comfort him. He was not alone. The warlock was always there for him. Magnus gazed at Alec and wondered how come he never came to him until now, and even then he had tried to cover it up by talking about Magnus' past.

Abruptly Alec stood, rage washing over him. He forgot what had happened in the past hours; he forgot how tired he was; he forgot that Magnus was there. Alec began pacing back and forth behind the couch practically yelling at himself, "If I had just been there…It's all my fault… He shouldn't be..."

Alec couldn't bring himself to finish any of the statements. He couldn't say, out loud, that Max was gone, dead.

Magnus rose up off of his seat to face Alec. The shadow hunter was still pacing. Magnus walked over to him. He didn't even give Magnus a second glance. The warlock placed his hands on Alec's shoulders. He knew he had to get Alec to calm down. The only thing he could think to do was to pull him close.

Alec didn't resist, but his muscles were tense and the embrace stiff. Finally he closed eyes and buried his head in the crook of Magnus' neck. With his eyes closed, Alec could see Max clearly.

The young boy was smiling like nothing was wrong. A comic book was in his hand. Max's dark hair was messy. Alec wanted to call out, to warn him of what he now knew. He tried to tell himself that this was a vision. Max was dead. He tried to bring himself back to reality, only then did he notice Magnus was speaking to him. "You can't keep running, Alec. Say it. Say Max's name. It won't—"

"Don't," Alec interrupted him. "Don't you say his name." He tried to pull away from Magnus, and almost broke free, but Magnus caught his wrist.

"Say it. It won't change anything. Say something about your brother, damn it! You have to face this!"

"Max." Alec's voice was throaty. The name left his lips with a sense of finality. The look in his eye seemed to say, are you happy now, now that you made me miserable? He hadn't acknowledged his brother's death since the funeral. All he ever thought of, though, was Max. Besides it was extremely difficult for him to say anything relating to Max, so he didn't.

Magnus brought the shadow hunter close. He could feel the heat radiating off Alec's skin. The man looked irresistible. No, this is not the time to be thinking about kissing Alec, thought Magnus. The warlock couldn't help himself; he brought his lips crashing down on Alec's.

This kiss was different; it was sensual. Earlier Magnus had not been aware of anything. This time it was as if his senses were heightened. He was totally conscious of Alec. This time there was no rush, no heat, and no lust.

As the kiss deepened, Alec realized Magnus was being hesitant and not letting him in. Had he realized what was on his breath? Did the warlock know?

Alec's fears were confirmed when he broke the kiss and saw the recognition in his boyfriend's eyes. "You've been drinking." It was not a question. How did Magnus not notice this earlier when he had his lips locked on Alec's? It was true; he hadn't been interested in the shadow hunter's lips. Magnus had wanted something lower on Alec's body, but still how could the unmistakable taste of liquor get by him? Magnus now knew that Alec hadn't told him everything. The man didn't trust him anymore; maybe he never had.

Alec couldn't deny the accusation. They both knew it was true. He didn't want Magnus to know. That was one of reasons he had stayed away.

Magnus thought he had a right to be angry. Alec was off getting drunk every night, not even bothering to call or show up. Not only that, but he no longer trusted him and it was obvious that he had cut himself. It was possible he still was. Roughly he pushed the boy away. "Damn it, Alec! Why, by the angel, would you start drinking? Do you even know what alcohol can do to you?" He didn't dare confront Alec's other issues right now.

The shove Alec received almost sent him sprawling, but he caught himself. Embarrassment and shame burned his face. Magnus didn't understand him, although he had never tried to explain himself. How was he to explain? The liquor was better than getting mixed up in demon drugs, wasn't it?

Intoxication gave Alec a way to forget, to be blissfully unaware of the hell he was living in. He hated himself more every time he took a drink of that poison. It was addictive. He couldn't break this addiction. If he did, he would die, mentally and possibly physically. A fresh wave of anger overcame him. "How in the hell do you know what it's like? Every day I see the grief on my mother's face and know it's my fault." Alec's voice got choked up.

The shadow hunter was right. He didn't know what it was like to lose your brother. If that wasn't bad enough, Alec also thought he was responsible for his brother's death. Magnus knew Alec drank to get away because there was a time when he had done the same thing.

Magnus was lost in his own thoughts and didn't notice Alec walk to the kitchen and pull out a knife. His shouting brought Magnus back around. "Is this what you want? Is this better than the liquor?"

The warlock looked over at Alec, his arm stretched toward the other man. Blood ran down his arm and dripped onto the granite counter top. At least he admitted to him that he cut himself, thought Magnus bitterly. "It's either this or the whiskey." Angry tears fell from his face, although he didn't seem to notice.

God, Magnus thought, when did we both get so broken?