A/N: Hey, iheartmwpp here! Yeah, sorry for the wait, we had midterms and stuff…and stuff…and stuff…Once again, big thanks to Kelly for half the ideas. Everyone say "Thank you Raven!"

Disclaimer: I own nothing from The Chronicles of Narnia, still…damn it…

Chapter 8: Back to that other…place…thing…yeah…that's more real than this other kind of…place…purple hairy monkeys

Lucy woke up much later in Tumnus's house/washing machine. "Oh, I should go."

"It's too late for that now." Tumnus was sitting on the other side of the washing machine. "I'm such a terrible faun. You should tie me up, whip me, and spank my buttocks!"

Lucy got up and walked over to him. "I would, but you'd like that."

"True."

"But you're the worst faun I've ever met," protested Lucy.

"Then I'm afraid you've eaten a very poor sapling."

"Not recently." She got out a handkerchief and gave it to him; it was clear that he had a nosebleed. "You can't have done anything that bad."

Tumnus dabbed at his face. "It's not what I have done, Lucy Pevensie. It's something that I am doing."

"What are you doing?"

Tumnus began to cry harder. "I'm thinking obscene thoughts."

Lucy gasped.

"It was the White Witch. She's the one who makes it always winter, always cold. She gave orders! If any of us were to think obscene thoughts w-w-w-w- w-w-w-w- w-w-w-w- w-w-w-w- w-w-w-w- w-w-w-w- w-w-w-w- w-w-w-w- w-w-w-w- w-w-w-w- w-w-w-w- w-w-w-w- w-w-w-w- w-w-w-w- w-w-w-w- w-w-w-w- w-w-w-w- w-w-w-w- w-w-w-w-we're supposed to have a human document it and send it over to her."

"I thought you were my friend," said Lucy sadly, saddened by the very sad stuttering of sadness.

Tumnus looked up and the scene miraculously changed so they were racing through the forest.

"Now," said Tumnus, dragging Lucy through the snow behind him as he ran, "she may already know you're here. The woods are full of her spies." They slid down a hill to go faster. "Even some of the fake snow is on her side!" Lucy glanced fearfully at the ground. They ran quickly to the flashlight. "Can you find your way back from here?"

"I think so."

"All right." Tumnus looked at Lucy.

"Will you be all right?" asked Lucy. Tumnus started crying again. "Hey, hey, hey, careful or your prosthetic nose'll come off again."

"I'm sorry. I'm so sorry. Here," he said, pressing the handkerchief into her hands.

"Keep it. It's got your blood all over it."

Tumnus smiled. "No matter what happens, Lucy Pevensie, I am glad to have met you. You've made me hotter than I've felt in 192,721,652,769,843 years, if you know what I mean." Lucy backed away slowly, and then ran for the wardrobe.

She came bursting through the door with shouts of: "It's all right! I'm back! I'm back with a knife!"

Edmund peeked out from behind the curtain. "Shut up. He's coming!"

Sure enough, Peter came from around the corner, seeing his two youngest siblings in plain sight. "You know, I don't think you two have quite got the idea of this game."

Lucy looked confused. "Weren't you wondering where I was?"

Edmund looked at her, exasperated. "That's the point. That's why he was seeking you."

"With a knife?"

"WHAT'S WITH THE KNIFE?!"

"They're smooth and shiny."

Susan then came running up to the other three. "Does this mean I win?"

Peter glanced at her. "I don't think Lucy wants to play anymore."

"I've been thinking obscene thoughts about fauns for hours," stated Lucy, as if it were the most obvious thing in the world. The other three looked at her strangely.

Susan pulled back the fur coats while Edmund kicked the back of the wardrobe repeatedly. She then turned to face her sister. "Lucy, the only wood in here is inside this popsicle stick," she informed Lucy, holding up a half-eaten cherry popsicle.

"One dessert at a time, Lu," piped up Peter. "We don't all have your appetite."

"That's my popsicle!" cried Edmund, grabbing it from Susan and shoving it down his throat. They started to walk away.

Lucy called them back. "But I wasn't imagining!"

Susan turned around. "Shut your festering gob, Lucy."

"I wouldn't lie about this!"

"Well, I believe you," said Edmund, stepping forward.

Luck stared disbelievingly at him. "You do?"

"Yeah, of course." Edmund looked at the others. "Didn't I tell you about the naked women in the bathroom cupboard?"

Peter looked at him strangely. "No…but I wish you had…"

Edmund laughed. "Actually, I made that up."

Peter frowned. "Oh, sure. You just have to make everything worse, don't you?"

"It was just a joke!"

"When are you gonna learn to grow up?"

"Shut up!" said Edmund, going up and spitting in Peter's face. "You think you're a dancing walrus, but you're not!" He ran out of the room.

Peter had a surprised expression on his face. "Uh…okay…"

Susan looked over at him. "Well that was nicely handled," she muttered sarcastically before walking out after her younger brother.

Lucy spoke up again. "But…it really was there." She protested feebly.

Peter turned to her. "Susan's right, Lucy. Shut your festering gob."

Lucy, screamed as loud as she could before flinging herself on the floor and pounding it with her fists, still screaming again and again and crying her eyes out.

"Use your words, not your grunts," advised Peter before following his other siblings out of the room.

After continuing her temper tantrum for another four hours, Lucy finally got up and closed the wardrobe before skipping merrily out of the spare room.

A/N: Wow, I just thought of a million ideas for later in the movie, hopefully you people will like them when they finally come up. I've also got MUCH later scenes already written, and at least I think they're funny even if no one else does. But that's what matters most, right?

A/N 2: It's me, Raven/other Kelly! Woot! Wow, I just realized how perverted we are! I mean, Lucy the youngest and well…you know what she's been saying! We both are very sick, but hilarious people, aren't we? Lol we even make ourselves laugh. Oh, and I TOTALLY inserted the line "Shut your festering gob!" I love that line! Go Monty Python for inspiring such craziness!