Ch 11 New Restraint
Totousai returned within the month with the modified kotodama necklace. It looked no different than usual; the smith didn't want to tamper with something that was so precious to Inuyasha in his remembrance of Kagome, but all the white beads were now blended with Sesshoumaru's fang.
"A word of caution before you replace it Inuyasha, you will be more aware of your father's youkai restraining your own and it might seem a bit oppressive. It won't last, you are too much of a fighter and both youkai's will settle down, but at first…just be aware. Sesshoumaru you too must be patient with him."
Inuyasha was a little unnerved by this news but Sesshoumaru was not surprised; he was always more aware of his father whenever he had drawn Tenseiga and his father was not in the land of the living. But Totousai was correct to warn them, how much stronger the awareness would be for a hanyou with a need for the restraint of a father who was very much alive.
"Should you need to call Inuyasha back from a rampage induced by his youkai being out of his control, you will have failed him Sesshoumaru; but it can be done by touching the necklace directly and pulling his youki from him. Being his father you will be able to subdue it completely for a time, even to the point of leaving him human; it is something you should try once the necklace is in place."
A wave of despair rolled off Inuyasha and he turned his head away from both youkai; the idea that he could become stronger as he aged and maybe even less predictable was both frightening and humiliating for him. Sesshoumaru moved towards him but before he could speak Totousai grabbed Inuyasha by the arm and spun the boy round to face him.
"You are what you are Pup, no sense in being silly about it; can't change the facts, but I hadn't finished what I was going to say." He paused, staring into the fire while Inuyasha dragged his sleeve across his eyes; then the smith had to be prompted for the rest of his remark as he looked like he had gone to sleep.
"What? Oh yes, the necklace. Right; when it is attuned to you both, which will be as soon as you are wearing it Inuyasha, your youkai should always be sound in mind when you transform. You will have far more control over him too because you will be linked to his alpha and will be drawing on your father's strength. The only way to convince you is for you to practice and this I insist on while I am here just in case I need to re-adjust the fang in any way.
Inuyasha took the necklace from Totousai and stared at it feeling that he had just changed one form of control for another. True he trusted both Kagome and Sesshoumaru; but it just highlighted the fact that he could not have ultimate control over himself and there was a certain bitterness welling inside him, but Totousai was right, no amount of wishing would make it any different. If it were one of his pups, he would just tell them to hurry up and get on with it and stop fussing.
"Inuyasha, there is no need to fuss; hurry up and put the necklace on and we'll see if it works properly." Sesshoumaru's words cut across his son's own thoughts so exactly, that Inuyasha looked up astonished; suddenly it didn't seem so bad, Sesshoumaru was his papa in just the same way that he was papa to his pups and Inuyasha swallowed hard, shut his eyes and put on the Kotodama once again.
At first it felt like incredibly strong ice chains had instantly wrapped themselves around every part of his mind and body almost to the point of suffocation and Inuyasha started to panic, but got more agitated if Sesshoumaru went near to him. The close proximity of the Youkai Lord was making the boy nervous too, and Sesshoumaru looked to Totousai to check that everything was normal. The smith just rolled his eyes at them both.
"I told you what would happen you stupid pup; calm down or you'll make it worse." Totousai's words reached Inuyasha and he did try to calm and suddenly the icy chains felt like cool water; they were no longer restricting, but rather more soothing. But Inuyasha was still very aware of Sesshoumaru's influence on his youkai and it made him bristle; he didn't want to give up his own self control.
Sesshoumaru's own concern for Inuyasha translated unfortunately into an angry response, even as he understood the very real worry that the hanyou had of anyone influencing him; something Sesshoumaru would also baulk against most strongly. His son though couldn't take the risk of ignoring his growing youkai; it would still be immature when his more balancing human side would have reached its peak, that would be the most dangerous time for him until he was old enough to balance again, which could take centuries.
"Inuyasha, stop fighting this; accept it as inevitable."
"Why should I? If you train me properly I'll be O.K. I accept you are my father and alpha already so why do I need your youkai in me?"
"It is not inside you, foolish boy; the beads are just influencing your youkai, stop fighting it."
"I can't; I don't want it."
"Then take it off and if you run amok and kill your pups, who will be to blame but yourself?" Sesshoumaru hissed loudly in an unguarded turn of phrase; stunned silence greeted this uncharacteristic outburst, and the youkai turned ready to defend as he felt the spike in real anger from his son. But the anger dropped as quickly as it had risen; but it was followed by the scent of Inuyasha's shame and tears with the hanyou's ears plastered to his head.
"I apologise Inuyasha; that was a cruel thing to say."
"No, I'm a danger to my pups."
"That is not what I said."
"Yes it is. Get on with it, whatever it is you want me to do." Inuyasha's voice was husky as he swallowed his emotion and Sesshoumaru decided to take advantage of his quiescence. Totousai asked Inuyasha to release his youkai slowly but the hanyou didn't know how to do that under control, so Sesshoumaru called to it using his authority as Alpha. To Inuyasha's surprise he seemed to know what to do as he responded to his father's voice and soon he was standing before them as his transformed self.
But he could feel the difference, his mind was far clearer and he could tell that this time he would remember all that transpired; his father's fang dampening the devastating effects that his strong blood could produce in him. But the feel was different to that of Tessaiga; the harmony was different and did seem to tie in to all of his youkai better.
This was the first time Sesshoumaru had seen this aspect of his son properly and certainly never in such a placid state, although he could feel the youki swirling about and knew that this side of Inuyasha was still far less predictable. He could also feel the connection between him and Inuyasha; even though it was slight and very subtle, unless of course he needed to use it when it would become far more pronounced.
Thinking swiftly, he now asked Inuyasha if he knew what they were going to now and on getting a deep voiced yet still subdued yes, Sesshoumaru proceeded to touch the beads and to pull the youkai from his son. It came easily and quickly and soon a human Inuyasha stood where the youkai one had been; there was no pain because this was not purification but the human was obviously uncomfortable, Inuyasha hated being human and weak.
The beads were a success; Sesshoumaru knew that even if Inuyasha was lost to his youkai and not just participating as he had done now, he would be able to reduce the boy's youkai to safe levels and bring him out of a mindless state. At this point Totousai retired to the kitchens claiming he was hungry; Sesshoumaru just nodded, he was pleased with the way the beads worked knowing he could keep his son safe at all times but now he had a human boy to deal with, one who was asking him in no uncertain terms to change him back.
"I cannot do that Inuyasha; it would overtax your body to feed you youkai so soon after two transformations unless it was an emergency."
"Hell no…You mean I gotta stay like this until my own youkai comes back?" Inuyasha's heart rate started to rocket as his instincts kicked in heavily. Sesshoumaru was quick to soothe;
"I'm afraid so, but I promise I shall never do that unless it is absolutely necessary Inuyasha; I shall never use it to punish or intimidate you. It is purely to keep you safe; soon you will not even notice the necklace is there, anymore than you did before."
"Feh! How long before my youkai comes back anyway?"
"By tomorrow morning Inuyasha; but do not worry you are perfectly safe."
"I can't be like this for the rest of the day; my pups have never seen me like this."
"Then perhaps it's about time that they did; I shall call them in and explain."
"No, you can't do that; they don't need to know about me being human at all."
"Ridiculous Inuyasha, they know about their own humanity and are completely unconcerned, just as they should be."
"I don't care; change me back please."
"No, certainly not; I will not risk your health. Stop being so petulant." Sesshoumaru went to the door and called for the pups. "They will see you at dinner time if not before and they are owed an explanation before then."
"I said no."
"Ridiculous, Inuyasha." Sesshoumaru ignored all the warning signs until he was screeched at.
"I said no; they are my pups, not yours." Inuyasha was fuming and Sesshoumaru got a strange sense of déjà vu as he stared at his son. Inuyasha was upset and holding himself rigid with his fists clenched at his sides and looking like he might stamp his foot in anger any second. Sesshoumaru remembered the pose from a time in the pup's past, when the youkai's careless foot obliterated some of his carefully made little toys.
Inuyasha had been human then too and had told him off in just the same way; the memory didn't make him smile, he had knocked the tiny boy to the floor for his rudeness in the past and Inuyasha didn't look much older now, in fact his expression was exactly the same. Then Inuyasha turned on his heel and started to leave, but he was almost bowled over by his pups entering the room. They all stared at him, instantly knowing their father despite his unfamiliar look.
In answer to their barrage of questions, Inuyasha briefly explained it was something Sesshoumaru had done and that it was only until the morning, and they weren't to fuss their grandfather while Inuyasha went to bed as he felt tired and was not hungry for dinner.
"Inuyasha you may go and rest but you will join us for dinner and not keep acting like a sulking pup; we have a guest." Sesshoumaru whispered in his son's ear and gave him a firm swat to his rear. Inuyasha though ignored him and went out, quickly leaving his astonished pups to wonder about him. Sesshoumaru gave an impatient snort and told the pups to go and play in their room until it was time to bathe before their dinner.
A tiny hand slipped into his and he looked down into the concerned golden eyes of his eldest Granddaughter Izamai, who had been named after both her Grandmothers.
"Don't be cross with Papa, please Grandpapa; he always hates to be human, Mama always said she needed her most patience with him then."
"You surprise me Izamai, I didn't realise you knew that your Papa had a human night. He does not know you know this."
"No, he doesn't; but we have known for a long time, we may be pups but we aren't stupid. Papa is hanyou like us but he had a harder time than we have when he was a little pup and he just always wants to protect us. That's why he never wanted us to know that he changes; it scares him still like when he was small."
"How would you know all of this pup?"
"I asked Mama; one night she had come to make Papa a drink and I was up as well, I saw him in their room and he sounded different, like we do when our night happens. I asked if Papa changed like us and that's when she said he did, and told us that Papa didn't like it and didn't want us to know or talk about it."
"Do you all you pups know now?"
"Not the boys yet, but we have no secrets between us normally; Papa says we have to look after each other 'cos even if everyone else leaves us then we have each other. He says that's the most important thing ever to remember, look after, love and be there for each other and we will never be alone."
"It would be important to your Papa, very important; do you know about your Papa's life Izamai?"
"A little bit; Papa has had nightmares many times, sometimes Mama didn't hear him when she got older but we girls did, Kaede would wake him up and Kizume and me would make him a drink like Mama did when he was sad. I know he doesn't think we are old enough to understand but…"
"I understand Pup, I remember how much my Rin seemed to understand when she was a child; but your Papa only wishes to protect you from knowing the ways of the world too soon and giving you a childhood such as he was denied."
"I know…I'm glad you are looking after Papa now Grandpapa; Mama was very worried about who would take care of him after she died. She said he needed someone to love him, because he wasn't good at loving himself."
"Kagome told you that?" Sesshoumaru was a bit concerned about just how much these pups knew or understood; they were still far too young to be bothered with all the adult's issues. But Izamai shook her head sadly;
"Sometimes Mama was sad and she would cry, so would Papa when she was ill; they forgot how good we can hear and anyway Mama didn't hear well herself later…she said lots of things to Papa about what he was going to do when she was gone. I didn't mean to listen Grandpapa, but sometimes they were so upset…" Izamai started to cry and Sesshoumaru picked her up and took her into the gardens to distract her.
It worked, but soon the Lady came out to find them; the other pups were going for their baths and Inuyasha was still in his room presumably asleep. The heavy hint in her words was not lost on her son, who in any case had been going to check up on his son as soon as Izamai was taken care of; Sesshoumaru knew that Inuyasha would not be sleeping while he was human unless he was ill or with his father.
He went and knocked on Inuyasha's door and didn't wait for an answer to walk in but he walked straight to the bed and picked the boy up and plonked him in his lap. Inuyasha didn't resist but he didn't snuggle either; he just stayed put until Sesshoumaru stroked his hair.
"I'm sorry Pup; I didn't mean to seem as if I was taking over…"
"I didn't want them to know that their father is weak sometimes and can't protect them; they shouldn't have any worries, they are little pups, they should always feel safe and free."
"Inuyasha, silly pup; they know you turn human once a month already and they aren't afraid. They have wonderful childhoods; they are happy and contented, anyone can see that and there is nothing to hurt them under the protection they have here."
"Except me; I could hurt them, that's what you said, I could kill them."
"Stop being so very melodramatic my Pup; I know you are angry with me but sometimes you will have to do the right thing without liking it, you are a father you know this to be true. You are not going to harm your pups and you know why I said that, so no more sulking."
"Wait, you said my pups knew I become human; who told you that?"
"Izamai; the children know quite a bit Inuyasha, it was impossible for you and Kagome to keep many secrets with five growing pups. I know why you wished to shelter them, but it is for the best that they know; sometimes the knowledge doesn't cause as much fear as the not knowing."
"I know, but I didn't want them ever to be afraid… I hated being afraid all the time; I didn't want it for them."
"Your pups love and care about you very much Inuyasha; the only time they will be afraid is if they feel you don't trust them, the girls are all very sensible and old enough for some of your confidences."
"Feh!" Inuyasha hated his human times they made him weak and emotional and he pushed away from Sesshoumaru. The day had been stressful enough with the new changes to his Kotodama necklace, and now to find that his pups already knew about his human side made him feel a failure, and he dashed off the rebellious drops that fell from his eyes in impatience.
Sesshoumaru decided to ignore the slight misery this time recognising the self pity that was causing it and told Inuyasha to get ready for dinner so they could thank Totousai together and after dinner they had other things to discuss.
TBC