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"How could you not know?Magnus asked. Over his conflicting emotions curiosity won out.

"It's not as simple as you think. I didn't just run a blade down my arm. This," he gestured to his scars, "is a way to show everything."

Magnus was confused. He could not understand how a razor blade explained everything, as Alec put it. Gently he let go of his wrist. "Those scars don't explain anything to me. All I see is that you're hurt and you need help."

"What am I suppose to do? Walk into a shrink's office and tell them my boyfriend's a warlock; my brother was killed by a demented demon experiment, and I thought I was in love with a boy who doesn't even know I'm gay. Yeah, they'll completely understand. You think I need help because you don't understand. You're not..." he trailed off.

"A cutter," Magnus supplied softly. "No, I'm not. I want to understand, though. Alec, please, tell me; explain to me what you are thinking."

"I don't think. If I think then I start to feel, and that can't happen. There's no pain and no guilt this way. I want to be empty." A partially hysterical laugh escaped his lips. Life was laughing at him, he might as well laugh along.

"You still love. You love Jace."

"No, I don't. I thought I did, but I don't. I tricked myself into that. Those were nothing but falsified feelings. He doesn't love me, anyway."

Magnus rose. "Bull. That's bull-shit and you know it. Don't lie to me, Alexander," he said in a dangerously low tone. "You still love him."

"No I don't. I love you." Des[eration clung to every word. "Please, believe me, Magnus."

Magnus wanted to believe Alec, but he had seen the way he looked at his blood brother. He ran a hand over his tired face. If he could understand Alec, then he could help him. "I believe you, it's just..."

What could he say: I don't trust you. I don't want to believe you.

"It's just you can't love what I've become," he spat out with venom. Alec looked away.

"No. I love you, but you're so..." he struggled to find the right word, "broken, and sometimes broken things are hard to fix; sometimes they are never the same."

"I'm not broken." He may be cut, cracked, and scarred, but not broken.

"Hear me out, damn it! I'm only trying to tell you what I see. To me, you look scared and small. I see someone who has been hurt to many times to count; who is in love with someone you can't have. Alec, you're someone who can't express feelings well. That's where the bottle came into play. Instead of processing the overwhelming feelings, you tried to drown them. It didn't work."

Magnus described Alec perfectly. It was all true. It was as if the warlock crawled into his head and put his thoughts into words. He was in love with someone he couldn't have, but the person wasn't Jace. There would always be a place in his heart for him, but Alec loved Magnus.

It wasn't possible for Alec to have Magnus. They could never be together; actually be together. Mortality separated them. Magnus would live and watch Alec whither away and die. It was a barrier that couldn't be breached. They would never really understand each other, or so Alec thought.

Magnus took Alec's silence in stride. He assumed he portrayed the shadow hunter accurately. When the days stretched out before him, he got drunk. The liquor didn't help, so he would take another drink. Same as Alec.

Alec didn't exactly want to admit to Magnus that he was right; that he was all those things and more. Someone finally understood him. His foggy mind couldn't quite comprehend whether this was good or bad. At least Magnus was on his side. Maybe he could get better.

The warlock had enough truths for one night and he was so damn tired. His eyes wondered toward the clock. The bright red letters flashed 1:22 AM. How had it gotten so late?

Alec laid his head back, thinking about what Magnus had said. Soon his thoughts became unrelated. Darkness beckoned him. He dropped off into sleep.

Magnus and back down on the sofa and watched as the boy's head lolled back. He looked so much more relaxed... and vulnerable. He took in the white scars that covered the his upper half. Those scars made him one of the Nephilim. The scars on his wrist were different. They were pink. No iratze had knitted those wounds back together. Those scars made him an outcast.

Something was nagging at Magnus. Alec had said he loved him, not Jace, but he also said that he didn't put that noose around his neck because of Jace, not him. Exhaustion threatened to overcome him, but he knew sleep was a long way off.

An hour- or was it two?- passed before Alec began to call out and whimper in his sleep, which pulled Magnus out of his daze.

"Max... Don't, please!"

Then only strangled cries sounded from his mouth. Alec's hands frantically pawed at the air. "Sebastian!" he shouted.

A moment passed before Magnus realized the shadow hunter was having a nightmare. He contemplated whether or not he should wake Alec up. Maybe he could learn something this way. It would be cruel not to wake him, though.

Having come to his decision, he heaved himself off of the sofa and made his way to Alec. "Wake up! Alec, it's a dream!"

His voice was drown out by Alec's pleas. Firmly, Magnus grasped his hands and forced them by his sides. "Alec," he tried again, "Wake up. It's just a dream."

Incoherent mumbles still escaped the sleeping man's lips. Magnus removed his hands and caressed Alec's face. Finally he opened his eyes. The blue orbs burned with flames of panic. He hadn't yet realized where he was. "Max. Where's Max?" he questioned.

"Baby, Max is dead." He hated to break the news to Alec again, but he couldn't stay in the depths of the nightmare. Someone had to pull him out.

Reality came crashing back down on Alec. Max was dead. Although those realizations did nothing to quiet the vivid flashes of torture inside his head.

Cold, caculating eyes. A blood stained hammer. Malicious laughter. Dead bodies. Blood splattered floors.

Through the haze he saw Magnus peering down at him. For now he managed to block out the brutal images. "Why'd you wake me?" Alec asked gruffly, even though he knew the answer.

"You were calling out. I supposed you were having a nightmare, so naturally I awoke you." He had no intention of telling the Nephilim what he had been shouting.

Alec knew what information he had divulged about his dream. The same horror had been haunting him since that fateful night.

Once he had screamed so loud Izzy came to see what had happened. She barged into the room shouting,"What the hell happened? Are you alright?

The glamorous shadow hunter found her brother in tears on the floor of his bedroom.

Isabelle crooned and comforted him until he fell asleep again.

Thankfully, Alec had hidden the empty whiskey bottles that night or she would have found him out. Of course, she knew something was wrong, but she gave Alec his space.

Now Alec's hands were shaking and there was a bitter taste in his mouth. God, he wanted- no, needed- a drink.

Where exactly did Magnus keep his stash...

Review? Please? Ok so, I'm looking for a beta for this story. Let me know if you are interested. Say so in your review or PM me. I need you people to tell me some ideas for this story. Let me know what you like and don't like. I try to keep it interesting, but I do need feedback just like any other writer. Thank you for reading. I love you all, once again.