Sorry about the wait I had band camp and then family stuff and well, just my life to deal with. Thank for all the reviews. I love them. Thank you for the alerts and favorites. They are my world. Anyway this is the last chapter for this story. You will hate for the ending, but don't worry I have a sequel in the works. Just trust me on this. I won't say anything more about it. Oh, and I am still looking for a beta for the next story. Please, I would really like to have just one offer. Since school is starting I hope to have a more regular schedule for updating. Also I'm going to try and write some of my own, original work. Thank you for reading. If you see any mistakes let me know. I love improving. Anyway, review. Please. Flames are welcome. Check out my page for the playlist I used for this story. I hope you guys keep following me. Sorry for the long A/N. There will no A/N at the bottom. Thank you for reading. :)
Unsteadily, Alec got to his feet. The thought of alcohol consumed him. To even think of accessing a knife was absurd. Magnus would never let him near a sharp object again. Plus, his goal was to numb the pain, not make it worse.
The drinks made him numb. Sometimes he felt too numb, he then would cut. To release the emotions; to make sure he was still alive; to punish himself. He would cut to feel the pain. It was a vicious cycle he couldn't get out of.
He threw open the first cabinet he came. Then another and another. "Where is it?" he muttered to himself. "Where is the damn liquor?"
What was Alec saying and what was he looking for, thought Magnus. He was about to dismantle the entire kitchen. "Alec!" he said with more force than necessary.
The shadow hunter evidently heard him because he whirled around. Leaning heavily on the island, he said to Magnus, "Where is it?"
"What? Where is what?" Magnus had no idea what could possibly make Alec so agitated. Then it clicked. The nightmare; the liquor he'd tasted earlier; the man's shaking hands. He was searching for whiskey.
"Don't mess with me, Magnus. Please, I need this. The liquor."
"The hell you do." But it didn't sound convincing to his own ears. He knew what it was like to keep an alcoholic away from his alcohol. He didn't want to be that guy, the one who wouldn't give him what he needed, but he couldn't very well feed Alec's addiction.
Alec couldn't figure out why Magnus wouldn't give in. It was just one simple drink. One drink would make everything better. The throbbing in his head would subside and his hands would stop shaking. Why was he so god-damn weak? Reliant on some liquid to keep him stable, to keep him alive.
Magnus couldn't bear to see Alec like that, completely dependent on some substance for sanity. He relented, telling Alec what he was looking for was two cabinets left of the stove.
Gratefully, the shadow hunter brought out the poison, got a glass, and poured out the brown liquid. A screech broke the silence as he pulled out a chair to sit in. Standing was too much work, and it made him dizzy.
Magnus wanted so badly to join him, but it would set a bad example. The warlock did not want Alec to think that alcoholism was okay. Instead of making a movement toward the whiskey he asked, "When was the last time you had a drink?"
"Around two yesterday morning," Alec replied.
"What'd you afterward?"
"Slept it off." His slid his eyes away from his boyfriend's. His heart sped up. Why was Magnus interrogating him? It wasn't like he knew about the newly formed scabs on his thighs. He had not slept since... since when? He couldn't remember. All he knew was that he had spent all of yesterday trying to bring back the pain he had tried so hard to get rid of.
Subconsciously, Alec brought his hand to the cuts, rubbing at them.
The movement did not go unnoticed by Magnus. He would worry about that later. Right now he had to get Alec away from the liquor.
After at least four glasses of the liquid, Magnus decided Alec had enough. "I think you should ease up, babe. You've had enough."
"Just one more glass," his tone was pleading.
"Fine."
Magnus walked over to him as he poured the next and final glass. Alec downed it in three gulps, enjoying the familiar burn, knowing it would his last for a while.
The warlock gingerly made his way between the shadow hunter's legs. He sat down on his lap. Magnus trailed his hand over the Alec's chest. He could feel the ribs beneath the scarred skin. "You can't keep doing this to yourself." The words were out of his mouth before he had a chance to think. It was true; Alec would die if he did, but the withdrawal might damn near kill him too.
"Yes. I can."
"You're tired. I'm tired. We both need sleep. Come and lay down with me." The request seemed abrupt, but he knew Alec would agree. It was the quickest way to him away from the alcohol.
Alec looked at him. He thought Magnus was crazy. He wanted him to sleep after all this. Max's face still haunted him from the nightmare. There was no way in hell he was going to let himself be that vulnerable again. "You want me to sleep after all of this." Exasperation colored his voice.
Empty eyes. Matted hair. Dark corridors. Cold fingers. Tears, so many tears.
"Yes, I do. For me." He stood, taking Alec's hand.
Wordlessly, the shadow hunter rose too. He let Magnus lead him to the bedroom.
It was colder in here than it had been in the living room. Alec stood there shivering, seeing as he still had his shirt off, while Magnus made the bed.
When Magnus was done, he motioned Alec to get in. Sliding off his pants, he obliged. As he stepped over the discarded jeans, Magnus said, "Wait. Stop for a second." He made his way over his boyfriend.
Apprehension filled Alec's mind. What had Magnus seen? He was sure his boxers covered all of the scabs. Magnus knelt in front of him. He watched, motionless, as the warlock's fingers brushed his skin.
Magnus brought his back and looked at the blood covering them. He glanced up at Alec. The boy was pale and his hands were balled into fists.
He wondered where the blood had come from; although he had a sinking feeling the source of the blood was not accidental. Gently, he raised the leg of the boxer up to expose more skin. Cuts were etched into it.
Some were missing scabs; Alec rubbed them off earlier, causing the wounds to bleed. Some were deep, while others just grazed the skin. Most of the cuts were just crude gashes, the few that weren't looked narrow and straight. All were new.
"Oh, Alec," breathed Magnus.
The other leg wielded similar results.
Magnus rose. "I'm going to go get the first aid kit, don't move."
Magnus left. How could he have not checked Alec's legs to make sure he hadn't done this? Why did he feel so helpless? Numbly, he returned with the kit. "Sit," he ordered, pointing at the bed.
Alec did as he was told. He stared as Magnus' nimble fingers cleaned the wounds. He grimaced as stinging antiseptic sterilized the gashes.
Finally, both of his thighs were wrapped in gauze. Specks of read peppered the white material where blood had soaked through.
When Magnus gave the okay to move, Alec slid up the bed and crawled under the sheets. He lay there while Magnus undressed and slid in beside him.
He felt two strong arms wrap around his slight frame. The shadow hunter turned to face the other man. The expression on his face was coded; nothing he could read easily. "Are you mad at me?" His voice sounded small.
"Yes, but not for the reasons you think. I'm angry because you didn't come to me. I could've helped you."
Alec's eyes drifted away. He didn't want to have this conversation—about prevention. Magnus still didn't understand his motives. "Alexander, look at me," he continued. "Promise me he you'll call me if you try to do something like this again. Please, for me."
"If I try to do what?"
"Drink or cut."
"Why? So you can watch me wallow in misery." He wanted to lash out at Magnus. It was easier than dealing with himself. Anger is a powerful emotion.
"You know why I want to help you, but I can't if you won't let me. I love you. I don't want to see you hurt."
"You don't understand—"
"But I'm trying—"
"But you don't understand that I want to be like this. I don't deserve to be happy. I blew my chance."
"You have a second chance. You can be happy."
"Just let me sleep. We'll talk in the morning." With that Alec turned over to sleep.
Magnus wrapped his arms tighter around the broken boy. He knew they would never talk in the morning. Alec didn't want to be saved. A solitary tear fell down his face. He had lost the one thing he had tried so hard to hold onto.