A/N: Pop the cork on that champagne bottle, we're celebrating! Woot! We have the EXACT same amount of reviews as our other big-ish hit story…so with this chapter it will surpass them! WOOHOO!!! And yes, we are technically 16 so we can't have alcohol but we shall have it figuratively! Whoopie!!

Chapter 13: The Beaver Smackdown

Mr. Beaver (we're just going to call him that now because we're that cool) led the four children up a small high overlooking his home.

"Ah blimey!" he sighed proudly. "Looks like the old girl has got the kettle on. Nice cup o' Rosy Lee."

"Who's Rosy Lee?" Edmund wondered aloud. Mr. Beaver gave him a look.

"Just some ole Granny we found wandering around. Boiled her up and ate her liver, we did. Tasted like chicken."

"I thought beavers were herbivores…?" Susan said.

"Narnia changes everything. Surely you know that by now? Hell, I'm a beaver and I can bloody talk!"

"True dat, yo," Peter offered. Susan glared daggers at him that pierced his eyeballs. He screamed and writhed a bit and then was given new eyes.

Meanwhile, the others were gazing down upon the small beaver dam in awe.

"It's atrocious!" Lucy commented.

"Oh, it's merely a trifle, you know—" Mr. Beaver started.

"A truffle? As in a chocolate Lindor truffle? Those things I would gladly die for! Melt in your mouth heaven!" Susan exclaimed exuberantly, drooling from her elbows.

"Notice I said 'trifle', one 'i' and one 'f' unless you have serious hearing problems," Mr. Beaver said, deadpan. He would have a giant sweat drop if he was Anime. Seeing as he wasn't, he just looked like a beaver with a dead frying pan on his face.

"Mmmmphffffffffmmmmphh!" he continued. Lucy rolled her eyes as she removed the frying pan off his face so he could speak.

"Anyways, as I was saying, there's still plenty to do. Ain't quite finished it yet," Mr. Beaver finished. They started walking down the hill toward the home. Mr. Beaver spoke as he led them down the rise, "It'll look the business when it is, though."

The five approached the dam as Mrs. Beaver emerged from within. "Beaver, is that you? I've been worried sick! If I find you've been out with Badger again I…" She glanced up and her eyes widened as she beheld the children. "Those aren't badgers!" she gasped.

"No shit," Edmund muttered under his breath. Peter smacked him.

"Oh I never thought I'd live to see this day!" Mrs. Beaver breathed, going up to them. She turned to Mr. Beaver sternly. "Look at my fur? I said LOOK AT IT!! You couldn't give me ten minutes warning?!"

"I would've given you a week if I thought it would've helped," Mr. Beaver chuckled. The humans were about to join him with his laughter when they caught the expression on Mrs. Beaver's face.

"WHAT…DID…YOU…SAY????!!!!" she roared. Mr. Beaver cringed, but it was too little too late.

Mrs. Beaver grabbed up the nearest thing in her possession—the door, as it happened to be—and smashed it over Mr. Beaver's head. She disappeared in the house for a moment and reappeared with a chair, which she then broke over her husband's body. She found a broom stick and began beating him repeatedly. When she grew bored of that, she bent and started stuffing snow into his nose and mouth. She flipped over his body and rubbed his face in the ground, smearing his fur with dirt. She decided to get a little creative and went back into the dam again. This time, she came back out with knitting needles. She commenced poking them in Mr. Beaver's side before she realized that the siblings were staring at her in horror.

Smiling awkwardly, she rose, gave one last kick to her husband's body and wiped her hands on her fur.

"I think he's learned his lesson," she declared. The children nodded quickly, their eyes wide.

"Oh, come inside," she said moments later, "and we'll see if we can't get you some food and some more civilized company."

The four Pevensies glanced at one another, not at all sure if they wanted to go in this crazy beaver's house. But alas, the script said they had to, so they reluctantly did.

As Edmund followed his siblings into the house, he accidentally stepped on Mr. Beaver's twitching body.

"Enjoyin' the scenery, are we?" croaked Mr. Beaver, squinting through a black eye from down below. Edmund shook his head and actually did glance at the staged setting before entering the dam.

A/N: iheartmwpp: Woot! People beating up other people! Teehee, this was fun to write.

A/N: from Raven: Hey, I'M the one that wrote this! Grr…and came up with the brilliant title might I add. Some serious beaver smashing going on around here! This was amazingly fun to write; you have no idea. Go knitting needles too, for I attempt to knit in real life. And yes, I am quite lame with the 'deadpan face' and the mention of Lindor truffles…I am NOT kidding when I say they are heaven in your mouth! GAH I LOVE THEM SO!! "Oh, come inside," she said moments later, "and we'll see if we can't get you some food and some more civilized company." Hahaha!! I LOVE how that line came out in this! Isn't it great?

Oh, and if you like this story, I suggest you check out our other ones on this profile. 'Blarg' especially, since it is just as random if not more than this story. If that can be possible. Go read and review, dahlings!

On a side note, hi Dana from the People to People Student Ambassador Program! Glad you like this fic! If you want to review it, click on that little button down there that says 'Go!' Yayness!