Understanding

Izamai brought her findings over to the fire and the other pups, who then carefully examined the objects. All could tell that at some time in the past these had belonged to their father and the obvious conclusion was that he had been the Little Hanyou. This was a surprise to Shinmaru who had thought that Grandfather's stories were just that, some form of allegory. They stayed for a long time discussing the implications of their father being the neglected and abused child in whose footsteps they had been following.

Shinmaru especially felt bad about the nasty trick he had played on Inuyasha now that he knew the older hanyou's past; how could he have judged his father without knowing or finding out all the facts? It was not long before Sesshoumaru came in to the cave to find what was causing them to be late in coming out; he could tell that they had been awake for some time. As he drew near to the fire, Izamai silently held out the plate and cup wrapped in the blanket; Sesshoumaru nodded confirming her unasked question.

"Now you know some of your father's history, and your experiences this week have shown you how he lived somewhat for well over one hundred years."

"You didn't tell us everything though Grandfather, did you?" Izamai spoke softly, but Sesshoumaru heard the hard tone in the way she used the more formal grandfather rather than the familiar grandpapa loud and clear.

"Not by a long way, neither your father nor I feel you need to know all the details as of yet; besides they are for him to tell you if he so desires. Now are you ready to come out and prepare to return home?"

"Do you mean the village Grandfather?"

"No, I meant the Palace Izamai; why would you think otherwise?"

"Just wondering, but yes we are all hungry, is there any food?" Izamai wouldn't quite meet her Grandfather's eyes, but called the other pups and left the cave taking with her the items she'd found. At first the pups were shy to approach their father as he turned to face them with a smile but when he opened his arms they crowded him.

Soon Inuyasha understood that his identity had been discovered and the boys were profuse with their sincere apologies. He took the blanket, cup and plate from his eldest daughter's outstretched hands as she stood in front of him, offering up his old belongings; then he had to put them down rapidly as she burst into tears and flung herself at him. The others were shocked at their sister, she had been so brave during the week, but it only took her to start before the other girls joined in.

Sesshoumaru stood and watched silently; he was not sure how this was going to play out, he'd seen the wary behaviour around him that Izamai was displaying and it wasn't difficult for him to know the reasons why. Her faith in his benevolence had been seriously shaken and she was a mixture of her parents' large hearts and tempers, but her grandfather's ability to slow, cold anger.

"Feh, come on girls stop all this wailing willya? Your Little Hanyou didn't cry all the time; if you were out here for real and on your own you'd stop pretty soon, don't want to give away your hiding places now do you?" Inuyasha looked at Sesshoumaru for help but he just glanced at the blanket his son had left on the ground and took an obvious sniff, making the hanyou blush; even his less sensitive nose could pick up the traces of the salty scent still left in its fibres.

"Comfort your whelps Inuyasha; pups shouldn't be left to cry alone." With that Sesshoumaru walked away and stood apart from the rest of the family and looked over towards the mountains remembering when his son had been cast away. In his mind's eye he could see the tiny red clad figure scrambling over the rocks and scree making his way to the summit, to stand with his hair blowing and his arms raised almost in supplication.

The small one had never known just how many times Sesshoumaru had saved his life from youkai who had seen him as an all too easy meal as he climbed conspicuously and slowly up the mountain; or from the huge birds that would because of him, no longer venture closely to the child, even though Inuyasha called to them. Sesshoumaru had always been scared in his heart that the child would get blown over in the strong gusts that would swirl around, but never would he admit it; nor would he admit his concern when the little boy would shiver in the cold winds.

While he was reminiscing, Inuyasha had finally been able to distract his offspring from their distress by sharing out the food for breakfast and just as it did for him, the meat took precedence over almost anything else for the time. He then made his way over to his father and taking note of the sombre expression he tried to lighten it.

"I used to climb right to the top of that ridge; I could see for miles… it was like being free."

"I recall, I have seen you up there many times calling to the eagles; you didn't realise how dangerous the birds were? You were small enough to be carried away."

"So it was you who I felt, I didn't know at the time it was youki I could feel, only that I should hide from it. You watched me?"

"You know now that I had some oversight of you Inuyasha. But you haven't answered my question." For what seemed a long time Inuyasha didn't reply and Sesshoumaru thought that perhaps he wouldn't, but then;

"I didn't know they were birds… not for a long time, they were so big and they soared rather than flapped like the other types. They had such grace and they were so far away; I thought them to be spirits and if I called to them they would take me away with them. But of course they never did, and I thought at the time that even the heavens didn't want a hanyou. I'd convinced myself that they could take me to Mama, perhaps she was one of them, soaring high above the petty miseries of the life I led, and I missed her so much in the early days."

"You thought all of that."

"Well not in so many words perhaps but it was what I meant; I used to just call out to Mama to take me with her… sometimes I was so lonely or hurt." His voice tailed off as he turned to look in surprise at his father in time to see a drop of water spill down the porcelain cheek from the wells in his glistening eyes. The hanyou was so surprised that he couldn't take his eyes off the silvery trail until he heard a choked whimper; it was enough to motivate him and he immediately pushed his head beneath Sesshoumaru's chin and put his arms round his father's waist to hold him.

Growling softly, Inuyasha offered his father comfort and soon Sesshoumaru responded by returning the embrace and wiping his face with his hand.

"To express the depth of one's sorrow when one only has words is woefully inadequate Inuyasha. How can just voicing regret and apologising ever make appropriate amends? Yet the pain I feel when you speak thus is lacerating my heart and I find it hard to draw breath." Sesshoumaru placed his hand over his chest and lowered his head as he spoke. Inuyasha pulled away slightly to look up at his father's face;

"You are weeping for me? You have never…for others sometimes, but never me…"

"You are mistaken Inuyasha, I have shed tears for you before; but I have never admitted it, not even to myself. I have sometimes despaired of my treatment of you, yet putting an end to such behaviour failed and I punished you for my own lack of strength. How can you possibly forgive me all of this?"

"Papa, this is old ground now; I don't want either of us to hurt anymore by digging up the past, as long as it doesn't get repeated, it is gone. I love you Papa, I always have; you know this, so let's just forget it shall we?" Sesshoumaru put his head down on Inuyasha's shoulder holding him tightly and Inuyasha, with greater understanding now that he was a father, refrained from commenting further and comforted the Daiyoukai.

Over at the fire Izamai had stood to go over to the adults; she felt compelled to keep a watchful eye on her father, especially near Sesshoumaru now, but Kizume put out her hand and made her stay;

"Papa is fine Izamai; they don't need us at the moment, scent the air." The older girl did so and realising what her sister meant she sat down again in confusion… everything was confusing at the moment. She turned in surprise at the giggle that came from Kizume, not finding anything remotely humorous in the situation until her sister explained;

"I see what Grandpapa means by Papa being a pup still; when I've known father cry he is still like one of the twins, he's noisy, but Grandpapa is silent."

"Kizume, how can you laugh, this is alarming; Grandpapa shouldn't cry, he has no right after all he has done to Papa in the past."

"Oh sister, don't be so harsh, anyone can cry; especially if they are sorry."

"Well, I don't trust him yet, Mama said that Papa was too vulnerable to being hurt; now I know what she meant." Kizume had no answer for her sister over that, she too realised that the Little Hanyou had been through more than they knew and a lot of abuse both physical and verbal had come from his own father. However loving Sesshoumaru was now, it was not all that long ago for Inuyasha; and all the girls at least had heard some of his nightmares and could put two and two together.

Inuyasha and Sesshoumaru were soon ready to come over to eat as well; the boys and Kaede had already gone to wash up by the small river and were going to collect some fruit to finish their meal. Sesshoumaru was very conscious of the two pairs of serious golden eyes fearlessly assessing him; they were definitely Kagome's daughters, Inuyasha had never been so bold in his appraisal of his brother or father unless he was hurling insults and ready to fight. But perhaps that is what the girls were doing after all, letting him know they were ready to fight and protect their father; just as Inuyasha had always been ready to defend their mother.

It was Inuyasha who broke the tension by growling low at the girls; mildly angry at their discourtesy of staring at Sesshoumaru, once it was obvious the Daiyoukai had been in distress. They should have turned away to give him his privacy until he was completely composed and all trace of his upset was gone. Accepting the rebuke, both girls got up to find their siblings and to pack up the rest of the camp that wasn't being used by the adults who were eating their first meal.

Sesshoumaru was slightly amused at the byplay, it had been his decision to come back to the camp rather than go off on his own until his equilibrium had been restored. But he wanted the pups to know that he felt grief and guilt over the past; he wanted them to know that they and their father would always be safe with him and that they were his proper family. But he could understand the coldness he saw in Izamai's eyes very well and it saddened him even if it didn't surprise him.

Over the next few weeks however the child's hovering attention began to annoy Sesshoumaru; he never seemed to be able to have time alone with his son without the girl interrupting them, even the lessons he was giving Inuyasha were no longer off limits to her. Yet she had turned cold towards him; she called him Grandfather with the utmost respect but with no warmth, she shied away from his touch and seemed suspicious of his words, looking for hidden meanings all of the time.

The boys were unaffected by all that had happened bar a definite change in respect for their father; they always wanted to know more about life on his own and how Inuyasha had fought off youkai; they were still very young and bloodthirsty brats as their father called them. But Kizume too was always around her father now; she usually had a treat for him that she had baked, or something she had made. She was trying to show her love for him in these little ways, as if she could make up for all of the things that the Little Hanyou had gone without in his days of want.

He had noticed though whenever the pups referred to Inuyasha's extreme youth they used the term Little Hanyou still; what did the Little Hanyou do, or think, or say? It was as if it were easier for them to slightly de-personalise the tales rather than link them directly to their father. Inuyasha too was quite happy for them to do so, although none of them truly forgot. Sesshoumaru though felt lonely, his son's family seemed to be pulling away from him; how long would it be before Inuyasha felt that the pups were unhappy around him and moved them back to the village?

If that were to happen Sesshoumaru was going to start to build the defences around his heart again; he would never be a danger to them, but neither was he going to show the world that he missed them. It was Kaede who first noticed the preoccupied air of her Grandpapa and the kind little girl could feel that he had sadness lingering around him. She came to sit with him in the garden one day; much to Sesshoumaru's astonishment.

"You do not feel disgusted by This Sesshoumaru Kaede? I feel that I am not the most welcome of beings at the moment."

"No Grandpapa, don't be silly; we all love you."

"Not any longer I'm afraid; I understand, I have done great harm to Inuyasha and even though it was long ago, it is now fresh for all of you and you do not trust me any more."

"Grandpapa, you are speaking of Izamai only; she is finding it hard but only because she feels responsible for Papa for Mama's sake. Mama was always afraid that when Papa was left alone he would start to feel nobody cared about him again; she said he had not got a lot of self esteem and that she was the only one he had fully trusted. Izamai won't let Mama's fears come true, which means she will look after Papa for her and she can be very serious."

"You are a very observant child Kaede, thank you for your words; I will not ever let your Papa down, I give you my word."

"I know Grandpapa; you love Papa or you would never have risked us finding out about him. You wanted us to know how strong and brave Papa was and why he still needed to learn."

"How did you know all of that pup?"

"I understand many things Grandpapa." She said cryptically and gave him a hug and a kiss which went a long way to making Sesshoumaru feel better.

At about the same time Inuyasha had also decided to talk to his eldest child, having noticed her by now obvious reticence with Sesshoumaru. He had pulled the pup to him in a close embrace and stared into her unusually serious eyes. At first he asked her why she was now so distant from her Grandpapa and she was candid in her condemnation about the treatment of the Little Hanyou. What was to prove that he had really changed and wouldn't try to hurt Inuyasha again?

Inuyasha sighed, his little girl meant well and he could see her genuine concern; but her fears were not for herself or the other pups, which meant she was not being led by her instincts. She was judging her grandfather solely on the past and she was not qualified to do this. It meant that he would have to be firm with her and seeing the set of her stubborn little chin, so like Kagome's when she was being assertive, he had to smother a smile.

"Izamai, I need you to stop being so protective of me; you must stop interrupting my lessons or talks with your Grandpapa unless it is an emergency. Your mother and I brought you up better and that you were to wait if adults were talking; it's not as if you are always ignored is it?"

"No Papa, but Grandfather is…"

"Grandpapa is what Izamai?"

"He is dangerous Papa." Izamai almost wailed and Inuyasha once again had to suppress a smile, had the child only just worked that out? Of course she had, she'd never seen the Daiyoukai in action, never quailed at the hint of his smile thankfully.

"He is very dangerous my little one, the most dangerous youkai after my grandfather. It is that very danger that keeps us safe; but I want to know why you are being mean to him."

"I don't trust him anymore Papa, he was so horrid to the Little Hanyou and I have to look after you; Mama said you couldn't look after yourself." Inuyasha raised his eyes at that statement but recognised Kagome's concerns for what they were; but to help his daughter was going to be tricky.

"I am grateful for you looking out for me Izamai, but I trust Grandpapa and so did Mama."

"She didn't know about him though did she?"

"Of course she did; we travelled looking for the jewel shards long before my brother Sesshoumaru and I were reconciled. Mama also knew that he had even tried to kill her." Inuyasha was taking a gamble here and the huge eyes that stared back at him were horrified. "But people change Izamai and they should be given the chance, even when Sesshoumaru thought he hated the Little Hanyou and hurt him he still gave him protection."

"I know but…"

"No buts, Izamai; Grandpapa has made mistakes which is something we all do, but he loves me and he loves you very much. Do you honestly think I would allow you pups to be in any danger from him? I am your parent, not the other way round and I have survived many dangers in my life, not the least from Sesshoumaru. Your Mama too trusted your Grandpapa and Grandmamma Rin to look after you while you played many times; would she have done so if there was any risk to you? Don't be foolish."

"I never thought…"

"No you didn't think; you have rejected your Grandpapa's love and hurt his feelings because you assumed you knew better than your father, you imagine I am to be fooled by sweet words after a lifetime of hurtful ones? I am not so foolish pup; I have always wanted Sesshoumaru's love all of my life, and I know of all the ways he used to hurt me mentally and physically. I can scent deceit and lies but we have talked over the years and you are not privy to all that my father has said to me. You haven't the right to judge him on my past; only I can do that, and I choose not to."

"I understand Papa." She replied mournfully.

"Do you; do you know the pain of rejection Izamai? You do not, but it is agony to want someone to care only to find they discard you. Don't do that to your Grandpapa, he doesn't deserve it from any of you. Now go and find him to apologise quickly." Izamai turned to do just that and didn't have far to go, Sesshoumaru was listening to them and he caught the child as she jumped into his arms whispering her sorry.

With a much lighter heart, Sesshoumaru accepted and kissed her head before putting her back down and going to his own son wrapping his arms around his pup.

"You humble me Inuyasha and I am so grateful that you love me despite…"

"No more Papa, remember; no more sadness for any of us please."

"You have my word Inuyasha; I will not let my treasures go again."

TBC