Note: Minor spoilers from Book 7, read onward if you dare… (though, I suppose most people have gotten around to reading the seventh book by now, thought I'd give everyone fair warning.

40 Nicknames for Tom Marvolo Riddle/Lord Voldemort:

So, our dear friend has banned his name from usage in order to 'rat out' traitors, conspirators and cocky bastards that would dare speak his name. So after this point I will no longer type the forbidden word 'Voldemort.'

Look above, that is the last time you will see this name. You may be asking yourself then, what do I call him? I, out of the kindness of my heart (and extensive boredom) have compiled a list of nicknames to which you may refer to if the need arises.

Pre-Forbidden Word Nicknames:

1. Tom Marvolo Riddle/ TMR

2. Tom Riddle Junior

3. 'Junior'

4. 'Riddle'

5. Tom

6. Tommy

7. Tommy-Boy

8. T-Bone

Pretentious Nicknames:

9. The Heir of Slytherin

10. 'Head Boy'

11. Lord/ My Lord

12. The Dark Lord

13. 'Master'

14. The All-Powerful Darkly Supreme Evil Lord Wrongdoer Pope-King

Hyphen Nicknames:

15. He-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named

16. You-Know-Who

17. The-Man-Who-Let-The-Boy-Live

18. He-Whose-Name-Must-Be-Hyphenated

Forbidden Word Nicknames:

19. Lord V.

20. V.

21. V-Dawg

22. V-Man

23. Voldy/Voldie

24. Voldy-kins/Voldie-kins

25. Ickle Voldy-kins/Voldie-kins

26. Voldums

27. Schmoldemort

28. Cuddlemort

Descriptive Nicknames:

29. Snake Face

30. Ol' No Nose

Casual Nicknames:

31. Merope's kid

32. Evil Guy

33. That dude

34. Buddy/Pal/Chief

Put Down Names:

35. Lord Moldy Shorts

36. Baldy

37. Incompetent Fool

38. Halfie (In reference of course, to his half-blood heritage)

39. The Seventy Something Year Old Virgin

40. Stanley

If for some reason this 'Forbidden Named' man takes offense to any of these titles, might I suggest handing him this shortened list from 'The Evil Overlord Devises a Plot' paper, found via the magic of Google and perhaps he will spare you for your ingenuity and insight… or perhaps not.

'The Evil Overlord Devises a Plot':

4. Shooting is not too good for my enemies.

5. The artifact which is the source of my power will not be kept on the Mountain of Despair beyond the River of Fire guarded by the Dragons of Eternity. It will be in my safe-deposit box. The same applies to the object which is my one weakness.

6. I will not gloat over my enemies' predicament before killing them.

7. When I've captured my adversary and he says, "Look, before you kill me, will you at least tell me what this is about?" I'll say, "No." and shoot him. No, on second thought I'll shoot him then say "No.".

10. I will not interrogate my enemies in the inner sanctum -- a small hotel well outside my borders will work just as well.

11. I will be secure in my superiority. Therefore, I will feel no need to prove it by leaving clues in the form of riddles or leaving my weaker enemies alive to show they pose no threat.

12. One of my advisors will be an average five-year-old child. Any flaws in my plan that he is able to spot will be corrected before implementation.

13. All slain enemies will be cremated, or at least have several rounds of ammunition emptied into them, not left for dead at the bottom of the cliff. The announcement of their deaths, as well as any accompanying celebration, will be deferred until after the aforementioned disposal.

14. The hero is not entitled to a last kiss, a last cigarette, or any other form of last request.

16. I will never utter the sentence "But before I kill you, there's just one thing I want to know."

17. When I employ people as advisors, I will occasionally listen to their advice.

20. Despite its proven stress-relieving effect, I will not indulge in maniacal laughter. When so occupied, it's too easy to miss unexpected developments that a more attentive individual could adjust to accordingly.

23. I will keep a special cache of low-tech weapons and train my troops in their use. That way -- even if the heroes manage to neutralize my power generator and/or render the standard-issue energy weapons useless -- my troops will not be overrun by a handful of savages armed with spears and rocks.

24. I will maintain a realistic assessment of my strengths and weaknesses. Even though this takes some of the fun out of the job, at least I will never utter the line "No, this cannot be! I AM INVINCIBLE!!!" (After that, death is usually instantaneous.)

27. I will never build only one of anything important. All important systems will have redundant control panels and power supplies. For the same reason I will always carry at least two fully loaded weapons at all times. (Or two wands…)

29. I will dress in bright and cheery colors, and so throw my enemies into confusion.

30. All bumbling conjurers, clumsy squires, no-talent bards, and cowardly thieves in the land will be preemptively put to death. My foes will surely give up and abandon their quest if they have no source of comic relief.

32. I will not fly into a rage and kill a messenger who brings me bad news just to illustrate how evil I really am. Good messengers are hard to come by.

34. I will not turn into a snake. It never helps.

36. I will not imprison members of the same party in the same cell block (or basement), let alone the same cell. If they are important prisoners, I will keep the only key to the cell door on my person instead of handing out copies to every bottom-rung guard in the prison.

37. Once my power is secure, I will destroy all those pesky time-travel devices.

38. If an enemy I have just killed has any offspring or younger siblings, I will find them and have them killed immediately, instead of letting them to grow up harboring feelings of vengeance towards me in my old age. (Ring any bells.)

42. When I capture the hero, I will make sure I also get his dog, monkey, ferret, or whatever sickeningly cute little animal capable of untying ropes and filching keys happens to follow him around. (Dobby)

46. If an advisor says to me "My liege, he is but one man. What can one man possibly do?", I will reply "This." and kill the advisor.

47. If I learn that a callow youth has begun a quest to destroy me, I will slay him while he is still a callow youth instead of waiting for him to mature. (Again, sounds familiar)

49. If I learn the whereabouts of the one artifact which can destroy me, I will not send all my troops out to seize it. Instead I will send them out to seize something else and quietly put a Want-Ad in the local paper.

56. My Legions of Terror will be trained in basic marksmanship. Any who cannot learn to hit a man-sized target at 10 meters will be used for target practice.

58. If it becomes necessary to escape, I will never stop to pose dramatically and toss off a one-liner.

60. My five-year-old advisor (see above) will also be asked to decipher any code I am thinking of using. If he breaks the code in less than 30 seconds, it will not be used. Note: this also applies to passwords.

61. If my advisors ask "Why are you risking everything on such a mad scheme?", I will not proceed until I have a response that satisfies them.

64. I will see a competent psychiatrist and get cured of all extremely unusual phobias and bizarre compulsive habits which could prove to be a disadvantage.

68. I will spare someone who saved my life in the past. This is only reasonable, as it encourages others to do so. However, it's a one-time offer. If they want me to spare them again, they'd better save my life again.

70. When my guards split up to search for intruders, they will always travel in groups of at least two. They will be trained so that if one of them disappears mysteriously while on patrol, the other will immediately initiate an alert and call for backup, instead of quizzically peering around a corner.

73. I will not agree to let the heroes go free if they win a rigged contest, even though my advisors assure me it is impossible for them to win. (Thinking back to the graveyard.)

78. I will not tell my Legions of Terror "And he must be taken alive!" The command will be "And try to take him alive if it is reasonably practical."

88. If a group of henchmen fail miserably at a task, I will not berate them for incompetence, then send the same group out to try the task again. (The Malfoys)

97. My dungeon cells will not be furnished with objects that contain reflective surfaces or anything that can be unraveled. (The mirror in the basement…)

103. I will make it clear that I do know the meaning of the word "mercy"; I simply choose not show them any.

104. My undercover agents will not have tattoos identifying them as members of my organization, nor will they be required to wear military boots or adhere to any other dress codes. (Yeah, you really should rethink those tattoos…)

105. I will not employ devious schemes that involve the hero's party getting into my inner sanctum before the trap is sprung. (Again, the graveyard.)

112. I will not rely on "totally reliable" spells that can be neutralized by relatively inconspicuous talismans. (Or human sacrifice.)

115. I will not engage an enemy single-handedly unless all my soldiers are dead.

117. No matter how much I want revenge, I will never order an underling "Leave him. He's mine!"

121. If I come into possession of an artifact which can only be used by the pure of heart, I will not attempt to use it regardless. (The Sorcerer's Stone)

155. If I know of any heroes in the land, I will not under any circumstance kill their mentors, teachers, and/or best friends. (Sirius)

170. I will be an equal-opportunity despot and make sure that terror and oppression is distributed fairly, not just against one particular group that will form the core of a rebellion. (Muggleborns)

203. I will not employ an evil wizard if he has a sleazy mustache. (Karkaroff)

208. Members of my Legion of Terror will attend seminars on Sensitivity Training. It's good PR for them to be kind and courteous to the general population when not actively engaged in sowing chaos and destruction. (Pretty much all the Death Eaters)

220. If I have a single vulnerability, I will fake a different one -- for example, ordering all mirrors removed from the palace, screaming and flinching whenever someone accidentally holds up a mirror, etc. In the climax when the hero whips out a mirror and

86. If I must fight hand to hand, no matter how I outclass my opponent in skill and finesse, I will fight dirty and get the job done as quickly as possible.

94. If reputable prophecy dictates that I will be defeated or killed by a certain person or event, I will not waste time trying to eliminate him or prevent it. I will enjoy my power for all it's worth, as long as I can, and meanwhile devote reasonable energy to a search for new prophecy that will get me out of the first one.

Disclaimer: I own no rights to 'The Evil Overlord Devises a Plot', I just found it to be hilarious.