A/N: iheartmwpp: Oh wow, we finally got to the first chapter that I actually wrote! Score! I mean, the second half of this chapter where Aslan actually starts talking to the three children has been on paper for about a year now, if you can believe that. I suppose that this is the chapter that started it all…

Disclaimer: We own nothing from The Lion, the Witch, and the Wardrobe.

Chapter 23: The Chapter That Started It All...Dun dun DUN!!!

The centaur blew his horn as the three Pevensies walked towards Aslan's camp. Lucy, glancing behind her, noticed a clump of bees flying together into a giant fist. She smiled and waved happily at them as they charged straight for her. She suddenly realized their awful intent and pulled out a nifty butterfly net she kept safe for such occasions. The bees however were much more intelligent than she was, and avoided the pathetic net she swung at them desperately. There was a terrible yell and then silence. Susan nor Peter seemed to care that much, and after magically healing all of her stings, Lucy was quick to catch up to them.

Peter, Susan, and Lucy all exchanged glances as they entered the camp. All around them were groups of fawns, centaurs, and animals of all kinds, all of which weren't real, but no one told the children that so they were convinced that they had just walked into some weird-ass Narnian zoo. As they walked further in, the Pevensies noticed that the animals were getting ready for a huge Lord of the Rings party, as they were all getting their armor and weapons adjusted. It was as if they were actually getting ready for a battle, but that was ridiculous, seeing as the director had convinced the children that the battle had been cut out so they would stay on the film. Of course, he had also promised the children candy, and they hadn't seen any of that yet.

Susan noticed that all of the make-believe animals were staring at the children. "Why are they all staring at us?" she wondered aloud.

Lucy giggled. "Maybe they think you look funny."

Susan momentarily panicked. "Oh my God, you're kidding me, right? I mean, I can't look that bad, I knew that I shouldn't have eaten that guacamole and chocolate sauce over at the beavers' three days ago, but I haven't eaten anything since then, do you think that'll be all right?"

Lucy and Peter just realized that they hadn't eaten in several days either, and nearly passed out from a sudden rush of hunger.

Meanwhile, Susan was still talking. "And I haven't used any make-up at all since we got to Narnia, and I just know that I have a miniscule zit underneath my eyebrow hair where no one could possibly see it, oh, everyone's going to notice and think I'm ugly, and we're all still covered in Jello…"

"Well that explains the monkeys coming up and sucking on our shirts," muttered Peter, trying to get one of the orangutans off him and failing miserably. Lucy was having similar trouble with a couple of chimpanzees, while Susan was completely oblivious to the lemurs running all over her in her rant.

In the meantime, Mrs. Beaver was trying to brush her fur down to make herself more presentable. "Oi," said Mr. Beaver, "stop your fussing. You look appalling." Mrs. Beaver beat up her husband for a bit before dragging him behind her after the humans.

As they neared the far end of the camp, they noticed a very sexy centaur standing beside a tent covered with pictures of Tinker Bell. Peter stared at this centaur. Could it be possible that they had hired an actor that was sexier than he was? (He hadn't met Mr. Tumnus at this point.) He unsheathed his sword in warning to the centaur, as if daring him to try anything, but covering it by saying, "We have come to see Aslan."

The centaur turned to the tent and bowed. The children glanced behind them and saw that everyone else in the camp was bowing as well. They turned back to the tent just in time to see a magnificent lion stepping out of it. The children bowed as well.

"Welcome Peter, Son of Adam," said Aslan to Peter. "Welcome Susan and Lucy, Daughters of Eve," he added, this time at the two sisters. He then addressed the beavers. "And welcome to you, Beavers." The beavers looked at each other and smiled, Mrs. Beaver punching Mr. Beaver in the face before turning back to Aslan.

Aslan looked back at the humans and smiled. He continued smiling for several hours. Everyone in the camp was starting to get serious neck cramps. Suddenly, Aslan's smile faded. "Wait a moment, where the bloody hell's the fourth?!"

Peter, a little taken aback, stood up, along with his sisters. "Well, that's kind of why we're here, sir," he said. "We need your help."

"What do I look like to you, a bloody miracle worker?" Aslan yelled. "Do you expect me to just solve all your problems for you just like that or something?"

"Well, yes, actually," stammered Peter.

Aslan glared at him. "And why exactly am I supposed to help you?"

Susan spoke up. "We had a little trouble along the way."

Peter nodded. "Our brother's been taken by the White Bitch."

Aslan stared at Peter, then down at the ground. "Oh." There was a pause. The crickets began to feast on the monkeys. Then—"Bugger." He looked back up at the children. "How did that come about?"

"He betrayed them, Your Majesty," said Mr. Beaver. The camp broke out into mutterings behind them.

The centaur, Oreius, was beside himself. He threw his clone over to the other side of the camp before shouting, "Then he has betrayed us all!"

"No shit, Sherlock, did you figure that out all by yourself?" muttered Aslan darkly.

"Yep," stated Oreius proudly.

Aslan rolled his eyes and turned back to the humans. "Is there any particular reason that he betrayed you?"

Now it was Peter's turn to stare at the ground. "It's my fault, really. I was too hard on him."

Susan put a comforting hand on her brother's shoulder and looked back at Aslan. "We all were."

Lucy then spoke up for the second time that chapter. We never should've beaten him on the arse with all of those cricket bats, or repeatedly pulled his trousers down in public, or stolen all of his Care Bears, or—"

"All right, all right, I get the picture," interrupted Aslan, sighing.

"Sir, he's our brother," Lucy continued.

Aslan looked aghast at the youngest child. "Well why in hell did you do all of that stuff to him, then?"

"It was raining and we were bored," said the Pevensies in unison.

"Ah."

A/N: Raven Wolfmoon: Hahah…iheartmwpp did a good job, didn't she? Let's clap for her, eh? (I'm clapping but you can't see it!) Anyways, this really was the beginning of it all. Ah, good times. I'm pretty sure we're about halfway through the movie now. Stick with us to the end! Muahahahaahaah!!!