WARNING: Pokémon eating other creatures, comedic and not described, but if that kind of thing makes you ill…steer clear.

Pairing: Groudon/Kyogre

"Go. Kill. Yourself." Groudon told the female, standing tall with pride. Water swirled with untamed fury on the hard lava stone, the cool spray hitting everywhere but the massive Legendary, whose very heat caused it to evaporate before it could touch his skin. Though, any human passerby would hear nothing but roars and grumbles from him, and strange, squealing noises from the water Legendary below. "What is your purpose? Nobody fricken cares about you! You make water! There's no one who needs more water! Humans always need more land. You know what that means? You existence is pointless. I'm better than you!"

She stared at him for a moment, eyes cold and body motionless. She could sit in the water, while it whipped violently, and remain without drifting in the waves. A talent she was proud of, as if made for very good staring contests. "I hate you, and you are not better than me." She replied. Her body lowered in the water, ducking under to moisten the top (which she could never leave to dry for long) and the rabid fire type continued his rant. She was not particularly vocal, always loving to keep her words short and sweet and irredundant as possible, and what took him three hours to say took her a few seconds.

"What do you say to that, huh? Whaddya say, whaddya say? You can't respond, can you! Oh no! You've been burned! Hell yeah! You've been burned like an overdone meatloaf! What are you going to say about that? What do you say?" He would have danced, if he was light enough, agile enough and far enough from the water. Unfortunately, he was heavy, clumsy, and falling into the water would turn him as much stone as the rocks he wished to dance on.

"I say, I hate you," She returned, floating calmly. "Must we continue to argue? Honestly, I don't see the point unless you're creating land in the process. You know what else? I'm hungry. So if you've got nothing else to say, I feel like dolphin."

"Wait! No!" He shouted as she turned to leave. His voice boomed long and far over the almost soundless seas, and as she turned to him, only the endless tide could be heard. "You could, uh, stay here. You know, if you wanted to. We could find something else to talk about. Would could talk about…weather?"

"…You're kidding me, right?" She asked. "Last time I checked, we partially controlled the weather."

"Do you want to talk about how we control the weather?" He asked hopefully. He brought his claws to his head and slammed his head with a moan. He shook the mass of flesh with loud moans, something that would have surely scared any creature that had been eavesdropping on the conversation (and, indeed it did. Magic the Pichu had a wonderful story to tell his friends that night, too bad no one believed a word he said) "No! That's stupid, I'm stupid. What's wrong with me? What do you want to talk about? You like water, right?"

She stare at him, face scrunched with confusion. "Yes, I suppose I enjoy water as you enjoy land, because I live in it. I'm also quite good at controlling water, I suppose. What, exactly, do you want to say about water?"

"It sure is…wet," He tried awkwardly.

"Yes, I've notice that water is generally wet," Kyogre agreed. "I doubt there will ever be an exception, either. It's also blue, typically, and has creatures living in it. Imagine that."

"You don't have to be so mean about it!" Groudon mumbled. "I'm just trying to make conversation. You don't have to shoot me down every two minutes. You know what you are? You're mean! Why can't you be nice to me for once? I can be a nice creature! Nobody will ever like you, you mean…you mean water thing."

"Oh, the horror. I'll never comeback from that suffering blow. If you continue to insult me in such a way, I might very well go dolphin hunting. I may bring you one back, if you'll bring me back a togepi. Those little things are soooo tasty and salty." She licked her lips and turned to leave once more.

"Don't go! …But when you do, I would like a dolphin. But no, don't go! I really want to talk to you! I get lonely! Lonely is worse the hungry! Please don't go! We can talk about other things, anything you want! I'll try not to be so stupid anymore!" He would've got to his knees, but he was sure he would go off balance, fall into the water, and die a miserable death if he did. "Please! I have no friends!"

"What about that ponyta you were hanging out with?"

He stopped whining to sigh. "He was such a good friend…and then I ate him. He was an awfully spicy little beast. Gave me heartburn."

"Did he make you mad again?" Kyogre asked calmly, hearing this story many times before. "I know how you get when you're cranky with a friend."

"No, I was really hungry. He was sleeping…so easy to catch…I hope he died painlessly. I mean, his eyes did open and he didn't make a sound."

"Well, that's always a good thing. Now, what was all this business about you being lonely?"

"Oh! I'm so lonely! There's never anyone to talk to, and when there is someone, I eat them! Is it my fault they're all so delicious? If they didn't want to be eaten, they shouldn't make themselves taste so damn good! I'm so lonely…" He began to wail, tears of lava running down his face. "And now I'm hungry! Life is nothing but misery! Why oh why is the world so full of untold horrors?"

"You're so dramatic. So you're a little lonely, whoop-de-doo. You're not the only one. Legendaries are typically alone because we're solitary creatures! I don't know what you are after me for. How do you expect me to help? I can't make you stop eating your friends, only you can do that."

"But you could be my very best friend! I even made you a friendship bracelet!" He held out a piece of rope, frayed from his claws, and dyed (or 'died' if you are into puns) a coppery red. "I bet it could fit around your head!"

"Thank you, but I'd rather not put a bloody piece of rope around my neck. It was a very kind gesture, however, and I thank you for it. It's a very pretty necklace I just…" She struggled for an excuse so she would not have to drag a bloody thing around with her. "The water would take all the color out of it. I'd hate to ruin it."

"Alright!" He chirped, tossing it behind him. "So, will you, uh, maybe sometimes…" He went shy and looked away. "Could you stop by more often? I won't call you pointless anymore. I'll try not to argue. It's mean a lot if you would."

"But, why me? Surely you'd have better luck with another fire type," Kyogre inquired.

"Well, none of the other types are as nice to look at as you. Well, Cresselia is, but she's mean. Well…uh…well…" He scratched the back out his neck and sighed, unsure of what else to say to convince her. He was positive she would leave him now, and he would not have anymore friends. If she did, he was sure he had seen a pichu race off somewhere; he could still smell it. Yes, if she left him, he would go after the pichu and have it as a friend until he got hungry…

She sighed, "Stop saying 'well' and wait here. I'll grab two dolphins as fast as I can. We can each have one and talk over dinner. Will you feel less lonely and hungry if I do that?" She swam up to rest herself on the rocks.

He, moving as carefully as possible, got to his knees to grin at her. "That sounds great! Can you do it every day? Not just every once in a while! Maybe every meal! Oh, that would be awesome! I wouldn't be lonely at all then! Ph, please of pleas, Ky! I'd love you forever if you did!" He moved as if to hug her, and she dove beneath the tumbling waves.

She surfaced, furious at his stupidity. "Dunce! You'll burn me!"

"Forgot," He said dejectedly.

She shook her head, a hard task for someone with no neck bones, and glared. "This friendship is going to be difficult. Are you sure you can't just get new friends?"

He sighed and fell back into a strange sitting position. "No, they're all too afraid I'll eat them."

"Fantastic."

"I won't eat you!"

"Even better…"

(Page Break)

Future Pairings:
Grovyle x Shiny Celebi (Pokemon Mystery Dungeon: Explorers of Darkness (PMDED))
Meowth x Pikachu (Yup, from the show)
Totodile x Bulbasaur (PMDED)

And if any of my reviewers could give me a bunch of other pairings, I would love to write about them!