A/N: What? Two updates within a week? What is this blasphemy? I'm somewhere over Minnesota ATM. Cool huh? Not when you have a sickening fear of flying. One thing that did make it better was the gorgeous chick in front of me at the luggage check, bad part? She was checking her wedding dress. Fuck. My. Life. There's a legit reason for my rambling. This chapter actually happened to me. Like, I wrote this from first hand personal experience. But this has a happier ending than I did because, in the world of fiction, who doesn't love a happy ending? Names have been changed and all that shit.

Kinda sorta totally AU. So Cameron went to high school with Remy so clichés ensue

I've moved a lot during these past two years and every time there'd be someone to catch my eye and it was almost always taboo, but that's what made it so fun. Whether it be my sexy English teacher or the cute, straight head cheerleader they never ended well. So I just learned to roll with the punches and not get too attached to someone. No matter how many times they showed up in my dreams, doing cartwheels and round offs, can't forget the splits. In her tight red sweaters and barely there white skirts just begging me to really see how flexible she really is. Stop it Remy, you're getting sidetracked. Anyways, I knew that my infatuation with little miss Allison Cameron would get me in trouble one day so I decided to stop rolling with the punches and take action.
So this is my guide to how to not get your girl.

Disclaimer: This fails like 99.9% of the time. I guess I just got lucky.

Step 1) Actually tell someone about your "crush"

I told my friends so nonchalantly it almost seemed like I was telling them the weather. When I told Jamie, we were in the bathroom at school. I simply looked in the mirror, adjusted my suspenders and said "Im crazy about someone who isn't exactly a guy, and by not exactly I mean it's not a guy, well she's not a guy." She acted like it was nothing, and that's all I needed for step two

Step 2) This is where things started to get fucked over. I decided to have one of my other friends tell her that "someone really likes you but it's not a guy". So I enlisted the help of my acquaintance David. By the time I realized that this step was a horrible decision David had already passed a note. Well, not a note, the note. And since that moment my whole life changed

Step 3) Avoid the subject of your affection like the black fucking plague.

If she calls your name, run the other damn way, like someone lit your ass on fire. See, David had told her in second period English and I had fourth period gym with her, David and this girl Emma who Allison and I were both friends with. I didn't find out that she knew until I had changed and walked past her like it was any other day. I walked over to David and the first thing he tells me is "I told her". I felt like Cady in Mean Girls when she saw Aaron kissing Regina. Suddenly the way she whispered something to Emma and then looking at me. I have no idea how I made it through that class but I did. But then I had a class where I normally talked to her. I walked in with my head down and sat on the other side of the room

Step 4) Go totally ape shit for absolutely no reason at all and then continue to run away like a little bitch

This is probably the most unfair step. I had Jamie go get Allison and then I yelled something to the affect of "I'm not gay or bi or a lesbian or what ever the hell you think I am, but if I were, there is a plethora of straight girls I'd rather waste my time with because you're frankly just not worth it" I know, total bitch move. What's worse is that I turned back to my friend and kept talking to her like it was nothing.
P. s. I actually used the word plethora when I was yelling at her...plethora

Step 5) Blatantly lie to them

I thought it would just be easier to just lie to her. I told her that I didn't like her anymore, which was total fucking bull shit. I was head over heels for her. But she couldn't know that

Step 6) Apologize to no end

To this day I still apologize. Like at random times to. It makes me sound pathetic, I know, but, I still got the girl so...

Step 7) Don't actually talk to them unless absolutely necessary

I didn't talk to Allison for a solid two months unless I had to. Which included the customary please and thank you. But even when I gave a presentation in the class we had together, I didn't even make eye contact with her, it was just too awkward

Step 8) If you need to explain yourself, use some old school methods of communication that didn't have and immediate response

I began to write her letters. Like 5 page letters about how sorry I was and how amazing she is. They were basically really desperate love letters. And I remember giving them to her. I had kinda sorta figured out her schedule and waited for her. With my arm extended and the note folded up in my hand. She would just take it without any response and go about her day.

Step 9) Fuck logic

I threw my sense for any sort of logic out the window the day I told her I actually did like her and David didn't lie. See that day we had med club together was the same day David told her. Monday. Most of these steps occurred during the time from the last Monday in April to the first Monday in May. I didn't go to med club when she wasn't sure if it was true or not. But the day that I "told" her that it was true I went to med club. I almost passed out because it was only her, me and the club administrator that day. Of course everyone decides to get the flu in May. Who the fuck gets the fucking flu in MAY?

Step 10) Get your Girl

I don't know how but it happened. I got my girl. Who knows, maybe if didn't do one of these stupid steps I wouldn't be living with my dream girl. I don't know how long it'll last but, I don't care. I'll wake up everyday and be content with life because I got my girl. And I know I probably don't deserve her but she tells me everyday that I do and I'll just believe her until I have reason not to

A/N: So there it is. My first anything ever written fully on an iPad and on a plane. It'slalom the only thing I've ever upload on and Ipad so the formatting may be screwed