Author: therubyone

Disclaimer: Don't own 'em – although wish I did, even if only for one day! I'm only playing in the neighborhood for entertainment purposes, with no profit motive. Please don't kill me.

Rating: T for Teen, to be safe

Warning: Frank and open discussions here-in of adult relationships, both het and slash (m/m).

Triangle – Chapter 8. – In it to win it

Josh woke up mid-morning. He was sleeping so much! Was it an after-effect, or could he be coming down with something? He picked up and opened the folded note which had been propped against the alarm clock. In Drake's careful, looping penmanship, Josh read, "Tried to wake you. We'll be meeting with someone from Dr. Stein's practice group. I'm there now. She wants to meet with us seperatly to start. You're up tomorrow a.m. Check with Mindy about her schedule – 2 openings later in the week. Have her call. See u when I get back?"

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Drake was dressed to impress. He was wearing a form-fitting dark gray business suit that made him feel serious and substantial. The woman who greeted him was older, but he wasn't good at guessing ages. He just hoped this would work in his favor. Women seemed to either love him or hate him, with no in-between.

The woman smiled and rose to greet him, extending her hand. "Hello, Mr. Parker, I'm Jean Horvalu. Dr. Stein felt it would be better if someone who didn't have any experience with any of you took this case. As you know, he's busy now with those daily call-in shows on the radio. I hope you aren't too disappointed."

Drake shook hands, and then sat down opposite the woman. He noted she wasn't sitting behind the desk, the way the detested Dr. Stein always did. Also, there was no place to lie down in this office. Another plus in the not-like-Dr.-Stein category.

Drake responded, "That's okay. All that stuff from before, with Dr. Stein, is ancient history. I just didn't know who else to call. I scheduled myself first because I wanted to get in here and let you know how things are."

"Oh?"

"In the first place, I'm not a great believer in therapy. But I think it can be useful for some people. We have a situation here. I need you to fix Josh or help him fix himself or however it's done."

Dr. Horvalu quickly scanned a green intake sheet that was stapled to the front of a manila folder.

"Well, what do you think Josh's problem is?"

"I don't know! That's where you come in! He's had a writer's block for over four months. And then Saturday night at this wedding, he swallowed a roofie drink that was intended for someone else and he acted . . . strange, different. He expressed thoughts of despair and about ending his life and talked about being discontented with our, um, triangle – that is, with me and with Mindy. I couldn't make head nor tails of it. His distress, however, was real. And he has been tense, for a long time. He exercises excessively and is overly strict about what he eats. He doesn't sleep well. It's all adding up to something big and I don't like it."

"Does he know what's happened?"

"He knows about the drug." Drake twisted his fingers in his lap. "But he doesn't know about what he told us on the beach."

"Has he expressed any desire to harm himself since then, or has he seemed extremely depressed?"

"No. Actually, he's been relaxed and happy. He's eating and sleeping better. He doesn't even know he scared the crap out of me and Mindy and that we sat up talking all night because of it, while he caught some much-needed zzzzzz's. Mindy and I discovered we had a few things in common, centering around Josh, that is. It's the first time we've really EVER talked without fighting. Bottom line: I came up with this scheme about relationship counseling and we both agreed to cooperate in order to get help for Josh. Now all Josh knows is that he wakes up and sees the two of us getting along, instead of getting on each other's nerves, and he's all happy dancey. However, let me make this clear, I'm in it to win it."

"Explain?"

"Whatever's keeping Josh from staying with ME, and not Mindy, I want that all sorted out. I love Josh and I know he loves me and we need to be together. Mindy's still young enough not to be worrying about her biological clock, but if she does want children in her future, she needs to get on with her life. That's only fair."

Drake reached over to a voice recorder on the desk. He switched it off. He opened it and took out the mini-cassette and slid it into the pocket inside his jacket. No way was some transcriber going to get hold of this! He added, crisply, "I don't expect to read about any of this in the tabloids, either."

Dr. Horvalu replied blandly, "Taping is standard procedure, Mr. Parker. But if you are uncomfortable with it, then you must allow me to take some notes. Please know that your complete confidentiality is assured. You can rest easy on that. Let me get in a word here. I appreciate that you're being up front with me. You're telling me that your primary concern is with Josh's mental and emotional state because you care about him. If arriving at a stabilized place for Josh would include working out some kind of arrangement, the way you outlined in your initial phone call, are you open-minded to that at all? I don't want to begin treatment on a false or deceptive basis with any of you."

Drake swallowed. He remembered his promise to Josh. "Let me state for the record that I would prefer to have an exclusive arrangement with Josh. I think Mindy feels the same way. But. I am willing to keep an open mind here. I'll cooperate." He tried to read Dr. Horvalu's eyes for any kind of response, but her eyes were dark, like his own, and gave nothing away.

Dr. Horvalu was wearing a gray business suit, too. Her brown hair was pinned up in a French twist behind her head. She smoothed her skirt with one hand. She continued, "Good. I need you to know that I'm not taking sides here. I'm only here to try and help you look at the situation, to see yourselves in new ways. I will respect each of you and hold up achieving your highest good as my goal. You can tell me anything you want to. I'm not here to judge you. I'm only here to help. Now, the way I intend to approach this…I need to learn some things about you individually before I can see how you fit together. I'm not putting a time limit on that. So we'll keep meeting separately for a while."

The doctor got up and went to a file cabinet. She pulled a tablet of lined paper out of the top drawer and returned to her seat with it, ready to take notes. Looking back up at Drake, with a smile, she said, "To start with, you could tell me about your own past and about the history of your relationship with Josh. If you'll think about that for a minute, it will give me a chance to jot down what we've talked about up until now."

She scribbled quickly, using her own version of shorthand, while Drake waited for her to catch up, tapping his feet, drumming on the arms of the chair with his fingers.

The doctor looked up again and said, "Alright. First, let me ask, how long have the two of you been OUT?"

"We're not 'out.'" Drake made the air quotes with his fingers. "I've got my professional reputation to think about. We don't want to upset the family. Mostly, though, we don't even think of ourselves in gay terms. We're bisexual, since you didn't get the memo. Oh, we went to a gay bar one time, as a couple, to see what it was like, and it weirded us out - bigtime. We don't relate much to the prevailing gay subculture. Not that there's anything wrong with it. I mean, we have relatives and friends who are openly gay and we're okay with that." He chewed on what was left of the fingernails of his right hand. "It's hard to explain, about us."

Again looking at the green sheet of paper, Horvalu prompted, "In your initial call, on the day of the crisis, you said you all three went to a gay wedding, a wedding between two men."

"That's right. Friends of ours from high school. Although it was a public event, it was one where we could let down our hair, so to speak. People were there who've known us for years, who've seen how physically affectionate we are, that is, Josh and me. They've seen us dance together and know that we were once practically joined at the hip, because we're stepbrothers. I might not have mentioned that, because I knew Dr. Stein was already aware of it. But the crowd at the wedding, they also knew that Josh dated Mindy way back when, so that wouldn't raise any eyebrows either. No reason the three of us shouldn't be there as a . . . unit. Just old home week and good times."

"But that's not how it played out?"

"Mindy and I quarreled – practically nonstop. She ended up getting plastered. Maybe things got a tad out of hand, loud voices and gestures. One of the musicians who was in my first band was at our table and he called us on it. I think he may have guessed the real score." Drake looked out the window, his eyes not seeing the clouds in the sky, but reviewing the events from Saturday in his mind.

"Then during the night you and Mindy started communicating, instead of arguing?"

"That's right. While Josh was passed out." Drake twisted in the chair. "That Ruhippus is a sleep aid, yes? Won't harm him?"

"Correct. Let's come back to you for now. You say you're bisexual. Were you active sexually with Mindy, too, before the two of you started competing for Josh?"

"Oh, God, no! Plenty of other females. Anyone but her. She's got a nice little figure, and pretty hair, but our personalities do NOT mix. I think she's got a sneaky look about her eyes and her voice is like fingernails on a blackboard to me. I'm a musician. When I'm on tour, that's where I get my share from the ladies. Girls, to be more accurate."

"Don't you worry about STD's?"

"I've never had an STD. I use condoms when penetration's involved. I don't want the scandal of a pregnancy. Most of the girls I'm with are young virgins, so no disease there. The ones who aren't as fresh, a little older, then I let them give me oral." Drake smirked as the therapist continued to write. "Is that enough information for you, doc?"

"Why don't you just call me Jean?" She jotted a few more notes. "So you're getting all this action. How does Josh feel about that? And why does it bother you so much that Josh has a woman, presumably only one woman, when you, as you say, get your fill?"

"Because I'm only having fun out on the road. Josh is fully aware of that. He knows I'm not going to stop, so he keeps his opinion to himself. I'm not going around falling in love with any of those one-night stands. They're using me and I'm using them right back. Josh thinks - says - he's in love with Mindy. That's what's different. She's all wrong for him. You'll see for yourself once you get her in here."

"Let's talk about you and Josh some more."

"Back to the beginning." Drake rubbed his hands together, briskly, relieved that the conversation was getting away from the difficult areas. "Our lives collided when our parents – his dad and my mom - got married. We were from opposite ends of the social spectrum. I didn't like him when I didn't know him and I was less than thrilled about him moving into my bedroom. I don't mind telling you, I had my work cut out for me in those days. Josh was a total goob. He'd been raised mostly by his grandmother and he was fat, sorta goofy, and practically on the lowest rungs of the social ladder. You might even have thought he was a loser. I know I thought it at the time, before I knew him as a person. But he was nice, from day one. Easy to talk to, friendly, helpful, always smiling, making me laugh, in spite of myself. I had to coach him on everything: how to dress, how to talk with girls, and all the time telling him what not to do – like magic tricks at school, you know, all the stuff that's uncool. Jesus, I even had to teach the guy how to lie! He didn't have any survival skills."

"What did you get out of it, out of taking him under your wing?"

"I used to trick him into doing my homework and most of the chores. I must admit I wasn't the greatest brother around. He was always respectful, but I wasn't. I took his money. I sold his things on eBay. I conned him into playing pool with me and he didn't know I was hustling folks for money. I mocked his interests. I joined in with my little sister to pull some awful pranks on him. I ditched him for girls all the time. If I thought he was going to ruin something for me socially, or embarrass me, I usually ditched him, nearly every time. Self-preservation. I'm not proud of it, but there it is."

"It's hard to tell about something we've done that makes us ashamed. But you got it out into the open. Let's move along past that. Tell me, what changed? How and why did it change?"

"I changed. Because being around him changed me. He wore me down like water wears away a stone. He taught me so much, and not just about school subjects, like the five noble gases. He was patient. He believed in me. He loved me for myself, who I am inside, not the way I look. And I never got that from anybody else. That's what I got from him - more than I ever bargained for. I got a brother and a best friend." It was as though Drake was sitting there next to Barbara Walters, with tell-tale moisture filling up his eyes, and him feeling the fool for falling into the trap.

Seeing Drake fumbling for the box of tissues on the desk, the doctor stood up. "Forgive my manners, Mr. Parker. You arrived a bit early and I usually have drinks waiting in here. People get parched when they have to talk at length. Let me get you something." The doctor left the room, giving Drake the necessary time to collect himself, and returned with a tray that had a selection of drinks, snacks and what smelled like a carafe of coffee.

"I am kinda dry." Drake selected a chilled can of Mocha Cola, after pocketing the crumpled tissue that he had dabbed at his eyes with. "Where were we?"

"You were telling me about high school, about being roommates, and how you and Josh came to know each other."

"Yes. Josh told me that he changed from being around me. He told me that I helped to give him the courage and confidence to do and try different things. He changed his lifestyle and got all healthy and slender. In just 4 years, we grew very close. He got me my big break at the beginning of my musical career, by arranging an appearance on this national TV show called TRL. He was my manager for a while."

Jean made a note in the margin; she had never before heard of Drake Parker. She had read Josh's book, however. So that explained the remark about the tabloids . . . Most tabloids wouldn't be interested in an author that much.

"When did Mindy come into it?"

"I wish you could know how much it irritates me to tell you that Mindy got to him - in bed - first. Although Josh and I were definitely heading that way by then. I was falling for him, practically from the start, without being able to admit it to myself. In fact, it was shortly after Mindy broke up with Josh that we began a more, um, physical relationship."

Drake sipped at his soda, lost in a memory. "But the parade of girls never stopped. Josh never expected, never asked me to give them up. And I certainly didn't want him to stop seeing girls, either. I knew how much that meant to him. We kept the physical intimacy between us a secret. It was us, just EXTRA. 'Bros before 'ho's' - right?"

The doctor could write surprisingly fast. Drake wished he could read backwards and upside down, so he could see what was in her notes. Her expression never changed. She was open and impartial, friendly but not overly sympathetic.

"Did you have strong feelings against Mindy in those days?"

"Damn straight! She tried to get me expelled from school for a prank that she pulled. She framed me. She could've picked anyone, but I was the target. When her terrible plot was revealed, thanks to Josh and my little sister Megan, Mindy got suspended and spent the rest of that school year in the booby hatch. She and Josh didn't get together until the following year. She just kind of swooped in and MADE him be her boyfriend."

Drake saw that an assortment of cookies had appeared on the tray while he was talking and looking out the window. He helped himself and spoke between nibbles. "I thought I could handle it at the time, because I knew how much Josh wanted a girlfriend. But I was wrong. I disliked Mindy, because of the incident with Mrs. Hayfer's car, but as time went on, I realized I was jealous of her. So Josh got an early start on being in the middle. Mindy dumped Josh when they started to get too serious, too soon. I was ready to sing the Hallelujah Chorus!"

Drake decided to eat the rest of the cookies. It wouldn't be polite to leave them there, getting stale. "Then Josh and I had nearly a year of just the two of us, and our different girls, of course. That was an exciting time for Josh, not being tied down to Mindy. Even though she and Josh still socialized sometimes while they were apart, I didn't want her hurting him, like him seeing her dating other guys."

"Since you and Josh were, well, lovers, on a regular basis by this time, why didn't you say something about how you felt about him and Mindy?"

"High school was nearly over. We were getting ready to go our separate ways. I was wrapped up in my music. Mindy managed to get herself a job where Josh worked, so she could be near him again. It's ironic that we were at a wedding then, when they got back together. Now you can see that the three of us and weddings DO NOT MIX!"

Drake poured himself a cup of coffee. All this yapping, it made him feel lethargic, like he was watching a movie instead of talking about his own past. It was almost like a hole was opening up inside him, somehow. The caffeine was a welcome antidote.

"The two of them reuniting didn't stop Josh and me from carrying on, when we could. We were in too deep. It made me happy that I got to spend more time with him than she did. We were all so busy senior year. It was tough working her back into the schedule. Ha. I never thought it would last, but since I was looking ahead to my first tour, I thought if I let him have her, it would keep Josh from missing me."

Drake paused as he rummaged through his memories. He rubbed his chin and said, "Let's see, they got back together that January but then she dumped him – AGAIN - during Senior Week. Some BS about needing to focus exclusively on college or getting ready for college. Blah blah blah. At that point, I thought she was out of his life forever and good riddance. The funny thing was that I hadn't even gone on tour yet."

Drake had finished the assorted cookies. He contemplated taking the banana, too, but it was too green, and set it down again. "So Josh and I still had a couple months to ourselves. He had a few regular girls that he went with. We double-dated – girls! I hope you're getting this down. It was during the summer after graduation when our own sexy-times ended, by our mutual agreement."

Jean glanced at her watch. "Mr. Parker, our session has come to an end for today. I have a lot more questions for you, so I'll need you to set up another appointment on your way out. I'm glad you were candid with me. The clearer the picture I can get of how things are with each one of you, then the better I'll be able to formulate a strategy to assist you. I have a questionnaire for you to complete, just bring it back with you next time."

"There's homework?!" sputtered Drake.

"It won't be hard and there's no grade," Jean answered, trying to be encouraging, as she handed him a couple of blue sheets that contained typed questions, escorting him to the door.

After Drake's departure, Jean swiftly ordered her notes and fastened them into the folder. Pressing a button on her phone, she said, "Sandy, please have Drake Parker's old files pulled from the off-site archival storage. . . . Yes, he used to meet with Dr. Stein. . . . I've already looked here and haven't found them. . . . Thanks."

Continued in Chapter 9