Author: therubyone

Disclaimer: I am not the owner or originator of these characters – merely borrowing them for fanficcage purposes, with no disrespect or copyright violation intended. I do not make nor seek a profit. Please forgive me?

Rating: T for Teen, to be safe

Warning: Frank and open discussions here-in of adult relationships, both het and slash (m/m).

Triangle – Chapter 9. – No Gettin' Off This Bus

Dr. Horvalu met Josh in the reception area. "Hello, Mr. Nichols! Please come with me and have a seat."

Josh acknowledged the doctor's greeting with a wan smile and followed her into a pleasant, but nondescript office. He noted the live plants and the serene New Age music playing quietly in the background.

Once Josh sat down, the doctor picked up her tablet and pen, saying, "Mr. Parker expressed concern about having an audio record of our meetings, so I hope you won't mind me making some notes as we speak."

"That's fine. You can call me Josh."

"Then I hope you will call me Jean."

Josh leaned forward and asked, "Jean, Drake didn't try to bribe you with cash, did he?"

"What?"

"Oh, I saw him when he came back yesterday, all dressed up with nowhere to go. It made me chuckle. That's his way. You know, the best defense being a strong offense? I'll bet he either tried to charm the pants off you, or acted like little Mr. 'Oceans Eleven,' coming in here tossing twenties around and wanting to set everything up his way. I tell you, he watched way too many of those movies at an impressionable age. Don't you worry, though; he promised me he'd be honest if we went through with this. He knows I can tell when he's fibbing."

The doctor allowed herself to laugh. "Well, he seemed to be expressing himself in a frank and open manner! However I'm not at liberty at this time to say what we talked about."

"That's understood. Anyway, I'm glad he behaved. He knows I'm not very much in favor of this, so he's got to bring it if he wants me to continue."

"So you have reservations?"

Josh folded his hands in his lap. "I have to wonder if there's something behind all this. I can't even recall going to sleep, but off I went to dreamland, and when I woke up everything had changed. Suddenly the two people closest to me went from being at each other's throats to dancing around the dining room. People do get the warm fuzzies at weddings! But then, I find out I'd been given a drug, by accident, one that is notorious for lowering inhibitions, and I have no memory of it. You'd be suspicious, too, wouldn't you?"

Jean didn't answer. Josh held the doctor's gaze. With a lopsided smile he explained, "Basically I'm a loner, a hermit. Despite my sunny exterior, I'm slow to open up to people. Particularly about private matters. "

"You seem to like talking about Drake. Do you want to start there, tell me about your relationship? That might make it easier. Tell me how you met, what brought you together."

"Sure. Drake and I became instant roommates when our parents got married. My father married his mother. Drake and I were both 14, and in the first quarter of our freshman year of high school. We'd seen each other around school in earlier grades but were never enemies but not quite friends, either."

Josh tapped the heels of his feet up and down nervously. "I'll have you know it was extremely difficult for me, going into new territory, knowing that I was invading someone's room, someone who'd be hostile to me because of it, right from the start. All I had was my suitcase, my backpack and some licorice. Then, too, Drake and Megan had each other, had grown up together. I suffered the additional burden of being an only child. I knew I had to grit my teeth and get on with it, though, for my father's sake. My Grammy told me to be myself, stay optimistic, and that's the face I showed the world. I just tried to keep my eyes on the goal: that we were becoming a blended family. It was a hard road to walk. I didn't even have a bed to call my own for the longest time! I had to sleep on a futon. It wasn't good for my back."

"So Drake didn't welcome you with open arms?"

"Hell, no! That first year was the worst. Every day brought a fresh set of challenges and new humiliations. I doubt that it was very easy for him or on him, either. I mean, that adolescent period is awkward enough, without the adjustment of new family arrangements. Drake and I were never any good about setting up and keeping boundaries. The bright spot was that I bonded right away with my stepmother."

The doctor was writing, so Josh spoke more, warming up to the topic. "But I had to go slowly with my new little sister. She wanted to show how clever she was, by pranking me – and Drake - all the time. That was her way of making me into her brother, I think. A lot of times I got so angry I wanted to commit bodily harm, but the end result, the gift from all her joking, that was what made Drake start letting his guard down with me. He told me that Megan had been doing things to him for years and the fact that he could never prove it was extremely upsetting. I guess he was glad to have someone else be the target for a change. You can look that up in his files here, if you want corroboration. He told me that because Dr. Stein didn't believe him, either, about Megan's shenanigans, that he just started making up stuff, to amuse himself and pass the time." Josh was running his hands up and down his bare arms. He was wearing black denim and a black polo shirt, the band of the lower edges of the sleeves tight around his biceps.

The doctor nodded in a way that indicated she was keeping up with him, so Josh continued. "We started sharing other secrets and built on things from there. We fought sometimes, like any brothers would. We were competitive in some areas. We got on each other's nerves, since we were forced to be together so much. But I had a lot of my own issues to work on. I was so naïve, I didn't even realize at first that he was ashamed to be seen with me. Let's just say I was not very astute socially. Maybe that's good. I'm sure it would have been devastating to realize just what a dork I was, looking at myself through someone else's eyes." A shadow passed over Josh's features as he recalled past hurts.

Looking up, grasping the arms of the chair, Josh continued. "Drake didn't really go through puberty. He lost his virginity at age 13. I think the fact that he was having regular sex allowed him to skip a lot of the usual growing pains. I mean, his hormones weren't backed up, like most boys at that age. No acne to speak of. He just emerged, as this perfectly-formed man, the way a butterfly comes out of a cocoon. And it drove the girls crazy. They were always around him, throwing themselves at him. To tell the truth, it made me sick, it was all just so damned effortless for him. And I could look, look, look all I wanted, I just couldn't touch those fluffy bunnies!"

Josh got up and started to pace casually around the office, examining the artwork and the diplomas on the wall. "Drake had a steady stream of girlfriends, but his relationships never lasted very long. His natural gift with the female population just made me all the more aware of my own deficiencies and insecurities. He did try to help me. He'd set me up with girls, coach me on what to say and do, how to dress, all that. But mostly they didn't even see me - in their stampede to get to him. I think it skewed his view of women permanently. I mean, it made it harder for him to bond with any one of them. I don't want you to think that I share his opinions on women. I'm just saying I understand where he's coming from, not that I approve or anything."

"That sounds like it was quite difficult for you, those growing years. Do you think maybe it influenced the way you see yourself?"

Josh took a bottle of water from a side table. He uncapped it and drank as he looked out the window. "I'm starting to feel uncomfortable."

"We've been talking about you and Drake. Is there anything else you'd like to add, that wouldn't make you uncomfortable?"

Josh stayed at the window, sipping the water, his back to Jean. "As the two of us grew closer, and even before that, Drake was always touching me. I've concluded that he's just one of those touchy-feely people, in general. Regarding sex, my opinion is that he's pan-sexual. Sex is like breathing for him. It's like his music, he can't live without it. Anyway, for whatever reason, he developed an attraction towards me. Probably from the affection between us, as we improved our relationship, both as brothers and friends. I didn't know what to do with it, wasn't sure if it was only my own heated imagination, you know?"

Still standing, Josh turned and talked directly to Jean. "Unlike Drake, I had a LOT of backed-up hormones! Everything got all tangled up. He'd hug me and kiss me and was always pressing up against me, patting me, running his hand down my arm, breathing in my ear, putting an arm around my shoulders, sitting next to me with his leg touching mine. But then if I did anything back, sometimes he was down with it, but other times, definitely not. Mixed signals. Confusing."

"Are you able to go on?"

Josh, breathing fast, returned to his chair, opposite Jean. "When Mindy told me we should be boyfriend and girlfriend, I was ripe for that. I was inexperienced, had gone on a few dates, stolen a few kisses. Drake was always kind of around for it, involved in it. Did Drake tell you about how Mindy tried to get him in trouble at school?"

"Why, yes, he did," Dr. Horvalu replied.

"As you can imagine, Drake had an antipathy towards Mindy, a natural fear and dislike, because of what happened. He couldn't help it that Mindy had come unhinged. He was an innocent bystander. She was suspended from school. She went away and . . . got the guidance she needed, then came back the next year. She trounced me at the Science Fair, per usual, so I tried hard to avoid her. We were assigned to work on a school assignment together. It was a nightmare until she finally admitted that she liked me. The next thing I knew, we were an item. It kind of happened overnight. Anyway, I was not at all eager to tell Drake the news. She kept urging me. I even had a dream that Drake's head exploded when I told him."

Josh saw that Jean was looking down, writing and writing. He waited. Leaning over, almost conspiratorially, when she lifted her head at his silence, he asked, "That symbolism is probably pretty important, don't you think?" He raised an eyebrow and winked.

Picking up his story, Josh told the doctor, "I kept putting it off. I even lied to Mindy and told her I'd gone to Drake. So Mindy decided to end our relationship. It hurt the poor girl's feelings when she thought I was ashamed of our relationship. THEN I had the courage to tell Drake, because I felt badly. Drake told me the oddest thing then, Jean - that he didn't like most of the girls he went out with, so it didn't matter whether or not he liked Mindy, that it shouldn't stop me from going out with her. It was Drake himself who urged me to pursue her, in fact. He went with me to her house that same night. I stood on his shoulders, so I could talk to Mindy at her bedroom window. Sort of like a twisted scene right out of Romeo and Juliet. I mean, he was right there when we had our first kiss." Josh inched his chair a little closer to Jean's.

"See what I'm saying? Tangled." Josh ran his hand through his hair. "Even though Drake couldn't stand Mindy, he encouraged me to be with her, not take 'no' for an answer. My emerging sex drive, taboo feelings for my stepbrother, all the teenage angst, the pent-up lust, Mindy suddenly turning into a girlfriend instead of an enemy, all of it was rolled right up together."

"You and Mindy decided to keep going out then, since Drake told you it was okay and helped you to woo her?"

"Yes! I needed that experience. I'd wanted it for so long. Drake understood that intuitively, and he tried to keep himself out of it. But she and I were together at the house so much. We didn't like to spend much time at Casa Crenshaw; the atmosphere was too frosty. But one weekend the Crenshaws were away, so we bribed Mindy's younger brother to leave us alone and keep his mouth shut. We lost our virginity together in Mindy's pretty bedroom, in her four-poster bed. We were both so nervous and excited! We were equals on that playing field. That's a milestone and a precious memory you never forget. I could barely look at the Crenshaws without feeling guilty after that. We continued our, um, exploration, whenever we got the chance. So Drake was around us, at school and at home, because of our family situation, and after a while, he couldn't bite his tongue any longer. Thus began the insults and sniping. And Mindy gave it right back, too. Anyway, because of our intimacy, Mindy thought she might be in love with me, but we hadn't dated anyone else, to compare, so Mindy broke up with me, again. Jean, the two of them – Drake and Mindy – they are both stubborn as mules, to this day!"

Josh grinned and added, "I like to kid myself, that I've got them in harness." He pretended to crack an imaginary whip.

"How do you manage it?" the curious doctor inquired.

Josh grinned again, even bigger. "Why, S-E-X, of course! I've got to keep them coming back for more. You see this planner?" He picked up a black, leather-bound daytimer that he had set on the desk with his keys when he had arrived. "Mindy gave it to me last Christmas. I get a new one every year. It's got a combination lock. I keep a tally in here. I make sure I treat Drake and Mindy the same. Even stevens. If I give one a gift, then the other one gets one, too. If I make love to one, well, then the other has a turn. They both get the same number of days and nights, even if they don't know it. In my madness, I try to be scrupulous. It gets really tricky around birthdays and holidays. Now you're not going to tell on me, are you?" Josh's eyes danced and he looked at the doctor, bemused, while she dutifully made her notes.

"No! Certainly not. But, Josh, it sounds like this takes a lot of time and energy on your part."

"Oh, it does. But I can't stop. There's no gettin' off this bus – unless I throw myself under the wheels. I have to keep in shape, healthy, alert, ahead of the pack. Mindy and I are working our way through the Kama Sutra. And I defy any one of those fangirls to satisfy Drake the way that I do. I've made a study of him. Of them both. I know what they like and I try to give them what they need. I'm very inventive. Especially with Drake, I have to keep him surprised, off-balance. That's why I'm not a very good person, Jean. I've morphed myself into what passes for the perfect boyfriend, because if I don't want to do something, well, I can always use the other one as an excuse. If it looks like trouble's brewing, I take myself out of the picture. As long as they each think the other one might be getting the upper hand, then it makes them a lot more amenable, maybe more eager to please me, instead of just trying to be bossy all the time. Mindy and Drake are both strong personalities. Confident. Liking to be in control, or at least thinking they are in control. I have to be on my toes, watch what I say and do. Like my sister Megan once told me, you've got to stay 'one step ahead.' That's why this whole idea, of working out a better arrangement, frightens the life out of me."

The counselor was writing as fast as the words left Josh's mouth. "Can't you see any benefits that might come of it? Any benefits that you yourself might WANT from it? Better communication might actually take some of this self-imposed pressure off of you. If you could relax and feel that they were both equally committed to you and willing to compromise - "

Josh interrupted and said urgently, "If Drake and Mindy team up against me, I am SO dead meat. I do not like to argue. I don't mind a discussion here and there. Some people like to fight, but not me. I mean, it's important to stand your ground, for what you believe in, but I don't like shouting, saying and hearing hurtful, angry things. Let me give you an example. Back in the day, when I grew my first moustache, I was really proud of it. Mindy didn't like it. Drake didn't like it. Mindy tried to give me a few gentle hints at first, that she wanted me to shave it off. When that didn't work, she told me flat out that she wouldn't kiss me until I did. I didn't want her to think she could tell me what to do, so I refused. She teased me, Jean, tried to tempt me with apricot lip gloss. Well, once Drake got wind of it, then he decided to make his opinion known: HE thought I should shave it off, too! They ganged up on me. It was only recently that I learned that Mindy paid my little sister Megan to use my dad's electric razor and shave it while I was asleep. You see what I'm dealing with? If I don't have any more bargaining chips up my sleeve, I might as well be a rug, so they can walk all over me. It would just be me in the middle and the two of them staring at me down a gun barrel. I wouldn't stand a chance." Josh was really fidgeting now.

"Do you think you can tell me what your greatest concern would be? What outcome do you fear the most?"

Josh gulped a few mouthfuls of air. "The first one that comes to mind, even though it's irrational, would be that Mindy would fall in love with Drake and he would steal her away from me, so I'd lose them both at the same time."

In a soothing tone the doctor replied, "Based on what you've told me, that would seem highly unlikely."

"Well, you know that love and hate are at opposite ends of the same spectrum of feeling, so there's a remote possibility at any rate." Josh reached in his pocket and pulled out some Tums and popped several into his mouth. Then he locked his fingers together in an effort to keep his hands still.

Jean could clearly see he was upset, so she prompted, "Josh, we're reaching our time limit for today's meeting. I don't want to end it this way. I want you to do a few things for me. First, go to your doctor and get a complete physical. Next, I have some sheets of questions I want you to answer. Don't think about them at any length, just write the first answer that comes to mind. I'm going to let you take these with you and bring them back next time. But I want to stop this session with something less stressful for you. Can you quickly tell me of some happy memories with either Drake or Mindy or each of them that you can hold in your mind when you leave here?"

"Sure. There are plenty of those. I'm so proud of both of them, Jean, so lucky that either of them would have me. Mindy's a scientist, and an engineer. I'm sure she's a genius. She's involved in that international superconductor project in Switzerland, part of the U.S. team. Locally, she works for a company that makes buildings safer from earthquakes. Anyway, Mindy was due to receive an award for her research work in physics. She picked me to accompany her to the banquet. When she accepted her trophy, in her speech, she named me and thanked me and said what an inspiration and support I am for her. She had tears in her eyes. What a thrill to know that someone who's making the world a better place finds 'inspiration and support' in your arms!" Telling that did seem to make Josh start to relax.

"Okay. Now Drake. I guess you know he's a musician: six albums and working on the next one. He plays the piano, the guitar, the banjo, even the drums a little. He's been writing songs ever since I've known him and that's his gift to the world: making music. He's so talented and he works very hard at it. People think he's cocky and sarcastic. But he can be sweet and funny, too – you probably haven't seen that side of him yet. Last Christmas Eve, he had himself delivered in a giant gift box. I wasn't expecting him to make it home from his tour and I was heading out the door to the relatives, so it was an incredible surprise. When I took the top off, he popped out wearing Rudolph antlers, a red nose, and two big, sparkly bows stuck to his shirt."

Josh used his hands on his own chest to show that the bows covered the nipples, "He sang for me - 'All I Want for Christmas is You' - while prancing in front of the Christmas tree, holding his hands up like little hooves." Josh demonstrated. "He knows I'm a sucker for that kind of thing." Josh was definitely beaming. "We redefined 'reindeer games' that night!"

Dr. Horvalu said nothing but, warmly smiling in response, she squeezed Josh's arm, and escorted him to the door after he'd collected his planner and his keys. She handed Josh two sets of the blue papers. Josh nodded his acknowledgment and left, heading towards the receptionist's desk.

Jean shut the door after him. She buzzed Sandy. "I've got about 20 minutes until my next session. I'm going to stay in here and do some research on the internet, so I'd appreciate it if you could field my calls!"

The psychotherapist turned to her computer screen and entered "Drake Parker" in the search box. While the response page was loading, she opened a second tab on Google and typed in "Mindy Crenshaw."

Continued in Chapter 10