Disclaimer: We do not own The Chronicles of Narnia, James McAvoy, Harry Potter, the Don't Worry Be Happy song, C. S. Lewis, or Naruto: The Abridged Series.

Chapter 41: Remember To Spay And Neuter Your Friends.

"La lalala la-ti-da-ti-du-ti-do-ti-de-ti…something. If I touch this water, my organs will shrivel and die! Shrivel and die! Oh, I am friends with myself! Friends with myself!" Aslan sang merrily to himself as he desperately side-stepped the waves lapping on the beach.

Raven frowned as she paused in midst of writing. "Wait a second, how can Aslan be allergic to water? He walked through snow and rain before and didn't blow up then," she pointed out.

iheartmwpp rolled her eyes. "He didn't come into the movie until the snow was melted, dumbass!"

"But he got flushed down the toilet and didn't die!"

"Oh…yeah…Well, maybe he's allergic to the salt in the water. It's kind of an ocean, you see."

Raven scoffed. "Yeah, but Susan and Lucy had to pour salt in their eyes on his back. They can't have been perfectly precise to not spill any granules onto his fur!"

iheartmwpp shrugged. "Wait, why are we trying to be logical about this? I mean, it's a freakin' Narnia parody!"

"Good point. BLAHEFIalnKJDHLOVNKERUHnvuiderliudlfnlsidufjlNKCUODENRTOIRGUIILIKEEGGSNVOIDFnlvidrslkincdogijsdojgcookiesnmovifdjlsNOCUISDHGTLMKNVOSIDHnkicsjoiakLEAFOEIAFBAJLEmlakjfoieabnleALKEJI!!"

iheartmwpp agreed.

Meanwhile, Lucy was dangling from the giant cow's nostril. It was the throne of Cow Power after all, so it came with its own lifetime supply of giant cows and moose. Moose are just cool, so that's why they were there.

Suddenly, Tumnus, or rather James McAvoy, dropped beside Lucy. As of yet, no one knows exactly how.

Lucy screamed. "AHH! What are you doing? How did you get there? You're covered in cow mucus…"

"You are too!" James shot back.

"Actually, that's my dress."

"…oh…" He cleared his throat. "So anyways, what's up?"

"I'm hanging from a cow's nostril. I don't know why or how, but I am. And might I just add that I hate the authoresses?" Lucy spat.

"I know how you feel," James sympathized. "They made me a stupid idiot! I'm really not that dumb! Oh, here's your handkerchief by the way." James let go of the cow's nostril to grab the hanky from his pocket only to abruptly plunge to his death.

Lucy stared after him.

"That was bitterly ironic," she thought to herself.

From up above in the cow's ear came Peter's satisfied laughter. "Now I am the sexiest of them all!" he declared haughtily.

Just to mess with Peter, the authoresses decided to use their ultimate powers to bring James back from the dead for no explainable reason. He appeared before them all on a very large rock.

"Hey, have any of you seen my son? Black hair, green eyes, lightning scar on the forehead and an inexplicable desire to save everyone on the entire planet? Hmm?"

"Um…who are you?" Susan asked from her position on the cow's horn.

"I'm a stag of course!"

"Don't you mean 'stud'?"

"Well, yes. Actually, I'm both. I also happen to be James Potter and I'm the coolest person ever so GET OVER IT!"

Susan tried to glomp him.

"Oh, did I mention that I'm a zombie?"

"Yay!" Susan glomped him harder. She often fell for the zombie types.

"And I'm married and we had a son," he added.

Susan pulled away and promptly killed him with her laser vision.

Severus Snape appeared to mutilate the corpse.

The Pevensies stared at him.

"What?" Snape demanded. No one said a word as he activated a time portal and returned to his own fairy-world with James's body in tow.

The real James (McAvoy) appeared and began talking as if nothing had happened. "Anyways, don't worry about Aslan. Don't worry, be happy! Oooooooooooohohooo Oohohohohooooooohohoho!"

"That song won't be written for several decades," Lucy commented.

James huffed. "It's a good song! It'll be written…EVENTUALLY! So about Aslan, one day he'll be here and the next he won't."

"So he'll either be here or Apparate away?"

"STOP THE HARRY POTTER REFERENCES!!" James shrieked.

Lucy blinked at him innocently. "What's Harry Potter?"

James fainted.

"Harry Potter's the best thing in the world!" a random fan burst out as they streaked across the screen. It was later revealed to be iheartmwpp. She was instantly impounded and spayed. How that would prevent her from streaking in the future was unknown.

Lucy's eyebrows flew into the sky and got hit by airplanes which instantly began to frown.

"Why are there airplanes in Narnia?" asked a random male faun. He was immediately neutered.

James revived himself and continued to speak to Lucy. "But you mustn't grill him. Trust me, he tastes like crap. Completely overpowers any flavorings you might want to add. After all, he's not a tame lion." James waggled his eyebrows suggestively at the nine-year-old, cracking a whip with his left hand.

"Are you trying to seduce me, buttface?"

"You used a naughty word! Bad girl! Go to my room!" James scolded. Lucy pouted.

In the distance, Aslan suddenly exploded. Lucy and James began to cry as they disappeared off the set.

Then, there was a SUNSET! AN EVIL SUNSET!! MUKAHAHAHAHAHAH!!!

"Why didn't I say anything in this chapter?" Edmund whined.

"There," said Peter dryly. "You just did. Besides, who said anything about you being a main character?"

"Um, C. S. Lewis? You know, the original author? HELLO??"

"Shut. The hell up. You fuzz bag."

A/N: iheartmwpp: (sniffs) Why? Why did you spay me? Now I can't have babies!

Raven: Well, your babies would've been hideous anyway. I'm just saving them from their inevitable future torment.

iheartmwpp: You're so mean! (gets out hatchet and starts hacking off random limbs; crashes ensue and then comes a thump as a body hits the floor.)

Raven: Wow. Steve just walked in at a really bad time. He had such a bright future, too. Hey Kelly, why did we kill him?

iheartmwpp: (shrugs) The hatchet told me to.

Raven: Oh. Okay. (mutters) Who's the insane one now? (takes out cell phone and calls the asylum)

iheartmwpp: (is impounded and spayed…again) I'm gonna kill you all!

Raven: (is eating Steve) I wonder who I should take to the prom now?

iheartmwpp: He's supposed to be my date! (struggles to escape but is injected with happiness) Dah… (drools)

Raven: Ah, revenge is sweet.