A/N: iheartmwpp: So it seems that no one really understood what we were trying to say at the end of the last chapter.

Raven: I don't really see how no one could've misunderstood it; we just said to come up with random stuff to include in the next chapter.

iheartmwpp: Yeah, but Eragon Is Mine is the only person who came up with anything. CoriOreo even thought it was completely over!

Raven: Well, maybe people just skimmed the last bit or something.

iheartmwpp: Why would they do that?

Raven: (shrugs) They probably don't like it when we talk nsivnaeorhas;dfh.

iheartmwpp: Well they better pay attention this time around…(licks her lipstick peeler, a malicious glint in her eye)

Disclaimer: We don't own anything from the movie that this entire parody's been about, Naruto, Naruto: The Abridged Series, Charlie the Unicorn, They're Taking the Hobbits to Isengard, the You Are a Pirate song, Avatar: The Abridged Series, Finding Nemo, a bunch of games from Square Enix, Monty Python, or any of the dreams and ideas that came from other people. Those came from other people. Namely Evil Riggs, The Flying Orangutan of DOOM, Schmo and Sushi, Soul Stance, CoriOreo, and Eragon Is Mine.

Chapter 43: Flashback No Jutsu!

Scene:

A vast, flat alkali desert. Heat pulses from the packed white sand in rippling waves. Overhead, the naked sun stares down in baleful judgment. The liquid horizon shimmers like molten glass. A two-lane highway, cracked and pitted with age, splits the desert in twain.

On the highway's shoulder is a single sagging cardboard box. On the box is a single perfect watermelon. On the watermelon are drops and streamers of cool moisture.

Out of the distance, a throaty roar! A thunderous clunk-a-clunk cacophony shudders from the horizon! A shape emerges triumphant from the wavering mirage!

A beat-ass white panel van tears down the broken highway. Its paint is peeling; its windshield is cracked; its tires are bald; its undercarriage is spotted with salt-licked patches of rust. The vehicle screams toward the watermelon and then skids to a howling stop beside it. The chugging engine cuts out with a wheezy mechanical sigh. Along the van's side door are words, spray-painted in red, looping script:

P.O.R.N. S.T.A.N.K.

The side door - and P.O.R.N. S.T.A.N.K. with it - slides open. Out of the darkness hops a gigantic man in faded jeans and a sweat-soaked tank top. His bald head glistens. His shirt bulges uncomfortably against the 'roid rage hilltops of his muscles. His tiny eyes dart to the watermelon.

He smiles.

The man reaches a tree trunk arm back into the van, revealing a shoulder tattoo - MASTIFF. It returns with a heavy machine gun, dangling a glittering belt of sharp ammunition. The big man grins as he levels the weapon at the watermelon.

A moment passes. The air smells of salt and hot ashes.

He pulls the trigger. A cannonade of sound! A brilliant explosion of green and red and black!

"Ah-hahahaha! HAHAHAHAHA!" His laughter roars over the gunfire.

Disintegration! Frappe! The watermelon splatters into mush on mush, coating the blacktop and soaking into the dry hardpan. The big man continues to fire until the ammunition is gone and the highway is littered with casings. His grin twitches, he spins back around, and disappears into the hot dark of the van's belly. P.O.R.N. S.T.A.N.K. slides back into place.

The van speeds off into the distance.

(This is a rough approximation of Evil Riggs's opinion of this story.)

"Wow…" Edmund drooled. "I have no idea what just happened."

"You're telling me!" Peter agreed. "Even the authoresses have no clue what this means."

iheartmwpp scratched her chin, wishing she had a goatee to stroke in thought. "I think that the watermelon symbolizes the story that C. S. Lewis originally came up with, and it's in the desert to show that great works of genius can appear even in the most desolate of places. The guy with the tattoo is probably us, and it shows how we have utterly destroyed this magnificent work of art. The fact that he (or she, the profile doesn't say) never reviewed again or even contacted us after we asked what it meant further proves how much he doesn't like it."

"Yeah…well you failed the analysis of poetry in English class. How can you do it on stories if you can't do it on poetry?" Raven pointed out acidly.

"You know what? I don't know why we even hang out anymore."

"Because you're my bestest friend ever?"

"No."

"Because you have no one else to obsess about Anime with?"

"…yes."

"Ah-ha!" Raven cried out in success. She was immediately silenced by a pumpkin to the eyebrow.

"That's what you get!" iheartmwpp laughed evilly, wondering if the readers were paying attention now so she could throw more pumpkins at them if they weren't. Yes, she was indeed the pumpkin-wielding master. Therefore, pay attention to what you are reading.

"I'm kinda scared," Edmund admitted, trembling.

"You're always scared," Susan commented acidly.

"True. But I'm more scareded than everest!"

"Why can't you speak English?" Peter wondered as he observed a snail on his forehead.

"Isn't Everest a mountain?" Lucy questioned.

Edmund jumped up and down excitedly. "Yes! And it's the bestest mountain in the world!"

"Hey, mountains have feelings, too, you know!" shouted the nearest mountain that was actually iheartmwpp.

Raven raised her eyebrow. "Kelly, I think you've been eating too much holiday food."

"What? It's yummy!"

"Yes, but just look at you! You're a mountain!"

"Stop reminding me of that! I'm really sensitive here! You're making me cry!" iheartmwpp cried as avalanches rolled down her sides.

"How can you be crying? You're a mountain! You don't have any eyes!"

"Just take me home."

"…how can I do that? You're kind of a mountain."

"You are terribly cruel. Fine! I will walk."

"You. Are. A mountain. You don't have—"

"Let's just stop this. On to the next memory!" iheartmwpp interrupted as the scene thankfully ended when a pride of moles ravaged the granary.

"Wait, we have a granary?"

"Oh just get on with it!"

The Pevensies and the Bitch were having a flashback party and Naruto wasn't invited, which pissed him off to no end considering the amount of flashbacks his show has.

Hey, wanna have a flashback of what just happened thirteen seconds ago? Well, the Pevensies and the Bitch were having a flashback party. Are you paying attention now? How about now? Well, it all started a long time ago in a galaxy far, far away…

"FLASHBACK NO JUTSU!" shouted Edmund, making hand signs with his hands. Hence them being called hand signs.

"Ed, stop flicking the readers off!" scolded Peter.

"Stop interrupting my flashback!" retorted Edmund.

Edmund was sleeping in the doghouse after his bed disappeared. He was curled up in a little ball sucking his thumb and dreaming of Richard Hampton teaching geometry. His peaceful little bubble was abruptly shattered by a monsoon. The water built up so much that the entire doghouse was lifted off the ground and carried downstream.

Edmund shook himself awake. Frowning, he glanced out of his little home to see that he was floating away on a mad torrent of water.

"Hmm. That's different," he mused aloud as he grabbed his trusty bag of Doritos and began to munch on them contentedly.

All of a sudden, a herd of moles swam up before him, bearing on their backs his brother, Peter, in a coconut bra and a grass skirt.

"Hmm. That's not very different," Edmund said to himself.

That's when he heard the cry of what could only be a pterodactyl swooping low about to devour him. "Oh crap!" he yelled as he fished in his pockets for a pterodactyl's only weakness: Fish sticks. Wielding a crispy stick in his hand, Edmund successfully warded away the extinct carnivore, which instead directed its attention to Peter and ate him in one gulp.

"Hmm. That's interesting."

Edmund then decided to think about his future without his annoying older brother. You aren't paying any attention to this story at all, are you? He could see himself being the man of the family. This meant that he could finally do what he wanted: Have a lava fight! Of course, that was slightly impossible due to the excessive flooding, but he could wait.

He opened his eyes and sat up so fast he hit his head on the doghouse roof.

"Ow!" he cried in pain as he squinted in the darkness. "Only a dream…" he murmured sadly.

That was when he noticed the gaggle of moles sewing together a quilt in the backyard.

He cocked his head.

"Huh. Quilting."

It was at that point in his life that Edmund lost all connection to reality. Well, even more so than before.

"When the hell did that happen?" cried Susan incredulously.

Her brother shrugged.

"My turn!" Lucy squeed. "FLASHBACK NO JUTSU!" she shouted, making hand signs with her toenails.

Lucy continued walking backwards, until 74 hours later she felt a snow-covered branch. She turned around…and found herself in a forest in the middle of winter.

"Wow, it's like a giant wedding cake except not at all," she observed, walking even further into the woods and looking back on occasion to make sure that she could still smell the wardrobe.

She stopped to munch on a cracker she found in her sock and immediately choked upon it, as she hadn't realized that she couldn't eat whilst chewing. Stop skimming, gosh darn it farfignoogen! As she choked, she thought she saw a bright light at the end of a long tunnel, but it turned out to be what looked like a giant flashlight. Though she didn't know it, all of the cats in Narnia, including Aslan, sweatdropped. Who knew that newborn kittens or God could sweatdrop?

"And that was how I killed Mr. Tumnus with a banana," concluded Lucy.

"I was wondering where he went," commented Susan.

"OOO! OOO! Me next!" said Peter excitedly.

"Sigh," sighed his siblings. "Fine."

"Yays! FLASHBACK NO JUTSU!" he bellowed, making several hand signs with his armpit hairs.

After he had been dubbed Sir Peter Octopus-Bane, Peter decided to find a nice spot to rest. He was extremely tired from hitting all those frogs back into Maugrim's mouth, after all.

What he hadn't counted on, however, was Aslan and Oreius coming to interrupt his nap.

"Heeeeey, Peteeer, hey Peter, wake up," said Oreius.

"Yeah, Peter, you silly sleepyhead, wake uuuuup," added Aslan.

Peter groaned as he awoke. "Oh God, you guys," he muttered drowsily. "This better be pretty freakin' important. Did Susan sell her soul to Satan again?"

"Nooo, Peteer. We found a map to Candy Mountain," answered Oreius. "Candy Mountain, Peter."

"Yeah, Peter," said Aslan. "We're going to Candy Mountaaaaiiiiin. Come with us, Peteeer."

"Yeah, Peteeer. It'll be an adventuuuuure. We're going on an adventuuuure, Peteer."

Peter stared blankly at them, wondering why they sounded so stoned. (They had been snorting mushrooms.)

"Yeah, Candy Mountain, right," mumbled Peter. "I'm just gonna, you know, go back to sleep now."

"Nooooo, Peter," said Oreius, doing a flip and jumping up and down repeatedly on Peter's back. "You have to come with us to Candy Mountaaiin."

"Yeah, Peter," said Aslan. "Candy Mountaaaaiiiinnnn. It's a land of sweets and joy and joyness—"

"Please stop bouncing on me," said Peter in a muffled voice, his spine snapped in sixteen different places.

"Candy Mountainnn, Peetteerr!" cried Oreius giddily.

"Yeah, Candy Mounnttaaiinn!" continued Aslan.

"All right, fine, I'll go with you to Candy Mountain!" shouted Peter, getting up slowly and brushing his intestines off his shirt.

"The hobbits the hobbits the hobbits the hobbits to Isengard! To Isengard! The hobbits the hobbits the hobbits the hobbits to Isengard! To Isengard! The hobbits the hobbits the hobbits the hobbits to Isengard! To Isengard! They're taking the hobbits to Isengard! Gard, ga-ga-ga-gard," sang Oreius and Aslan together as they led Peter through the forest.

"Enough with the singing already!" yelled Peter, annoyed.

Oreius turned back to him, saying, "Our first stop is over there, Peteer."

"Oh God, what is that?" Peter asked, stopping with the other two and staring at the sight before him.

"It's a liopleurodon, Peter," replied Oreius.

"A magical liopleurodon," confirmed Aslan.

"It's gonna guide our way to Candy Mountain."

"All right, guys, you do know that there's no actual Candy Mountain, right?" asked Peter hesitantly, hoping that the morons he had been following at least knew that much.

"Shun the non-believer," replied Oreius matter-of-factly. "Shuuun."

"Shuuuuuuuun," added Aslan.

"Shuuuuuuuuuuuuunnnnnnnnaaa."

"…yeah," said Peter, slapping himself.

Later…

"It's just across this bridge, Peter," said Oreius.

"This magical bridge, of hope and wonder," said Aslan.

"Is anyone else, like, getting covered in splinters?" questioned Peter, despite the fact that he was wearing armored shoes. "Seriously, guys, we shouldn't be on this thing."

"Peeeettteeerrr," said Oreius, "Peeeettteeerrr, Peeeettteeerrr, Pee—"

"I'm right here, what do you want?!"

"We're on a bridge, Peter!"

Peter cut off his arm again.

"We're heeeerrre," said Aslan, some time later.

"Well, what do you know, there actually is a Candy Mountain," said Peter, staring.

"Go inside the Candy Mountain Cave, Peteer," ordered Aslan.

"Yeah, Peter, go inside the cave," said Oreius. "Magical wonders are to behold when you enter."

"Yeah, uh, thanks but no thanks," said Peter, backing away, "I'm gonna stay out here."

"But you have to enter the Candy Mountain Candy Cave, Peeter!"

Suddenly, a bunch of pirates came flying out of the cave.

"Do what you want cuz a pirate is free, you are a pirate!" the pirates sang. "Yar har, fiddle dee dee, being a pirate is alright to me! Do what you want cuz a pirate is free, you are a pirate! Yar har, fiddle dee dee, being a pirate is alright to me! Do what you want cuz a pirate is free, you are a pirate!" Lol Limewire!

"All right, fine!" yelled Peter, fed up with the song. "I'll go into the frickin' Candy Cave. This had better be good," he added as an afterthought as he went into the cave.

Aslan and Oreius laughed.

"Good-bye, Peter," said Oreius.

"Yeah, good-bye, Peter," said Aslan.

"Good-bye?" repeated Peter, puzzled as a stone suddenly sealed the cave shut. "What the—" He was then knocked unconscious.

"And when I came to, I realized that they took my freakin' gall bladder."

"My God!" cried his two youngest siblings.

"It's okay, I grew another one," Peter reassured them.

"Not you!" shouted Lucy, chucking a bookcase at Peter's abdomen. "Susan's manipulating the story in her Flashback No Jutsu."

"I didn't even know we could do that," exclaimed Edmund.

"Meh, she probably only can because she's sold her soul so many times."

"Good point."

Meanwhile…

Susan/Satan promptly kicked him in his happy place.

Peter sank to the ground, in terrible agony.

"I need those to make babies!" he croaked weakly.

Susan/Satan smiled at him patiently. "No you don't. You're asexual, remember?"

Brightening immediately, Peter sat up.

"Oh yeah!" he exclaimed, before beginning to multiply and sending little micro-Peters scurrying across the battlefield, giggling madly.

"MUAUAUAUAHAHAHAHUAUAUAUAHAHAHAHA!" Susan laughed maniacally.

"Hey, what are you laughing at? Dally's dead!" Edmund cried, abruptly recalling the sock that had died in the first chapter.

"Wow, Ed. It only took you, what, P. Sherman 42 Wallaby Way, Sydney to remember Dally existed?" Lucy brought up snidely.

"Wait, who are you again?" Edmund wondered aloud. Then, he shrugged. "Oh well. It doesn't matter anymore. I have a new friend! Hello Mr. Potato!"

"Ed, that's a rock," Peter pointed out.

"Shut up! You're just jealous that I have a new friend and we're going to have the bestest time together!" Ed retorted as he skipped away, his friend Mr. Potato in hand.

"Let's play video games!" he declared. He then proceeded to jump over fallen logs, punch random enemies and collect coins. "Hey, where are my experience points?" he yelled after defeating a giant inchworm in Battoujutsu and not leveling up. "Where did they go?"

"Edmund, we're not actually in a video game," said Peter, eyeing his brother strangely.

"Must…collect…all…the…COINZ!!" Edmund cried, ignoring his brother as he rammed into random objects in search of his precious money. "I need those to buy THINGIES!!"

Suddenly, victory music was sounded. "Congratulations. You win 40 bazillion points," came an announcer's voice. Edmund looked in horror as Mr. Potato grew to level 720,472,510,563,837,403,710,347,450,473,037,847,889,798,719,837,490,128,364 really REALLY big number.

"Wow," Edmund mouthed.

"That is one mighty spud," Lucy commented.

Mr. Potato suddenly grew into a forty-story building. Glaring down on the Pevensies, he drew to his full height.

"Now worship me! Bow to me!" he demanded.

"Why would we bow to a potato?" Susan asked aloud.

"When Aslan was a potato, you listened to him!" Mr. Potato whined.

"Yes, but we knew he was Aslan."

"So if I changed my name to Aslan, you would adore me as your god?"

"Um…no."

"But why not?"

"Because potatoes are bad for growing onions. I once planted a potato, and it grew into a potato, but I wanted an onion."

"Then why didn't you just plant an onion?"

"I don't like onions."

"You don't make any sense!" Mr. Potato yelled in utter perplexity. In his rage, he suddenly sent a fireball out of his eye and killed a passing flock of moles in his spud-like spudness spudidity.

"NOOO!" Edmund screamed as he whipped out a PS2 controller. "Heal! Heal! Heal!" he said, his pleas punctuated with his mashing of the buttons. When he finally gave up, he looked to his siblings for help. "Anyone got an Ether? A Phoenix Down? A high potion? ANYTHING??"

"I have apple juice!" Lucy stated proudly. Her face fell. "But I drank it all…"

Peter spoke up. "And I have Pepto-Bismol!" He held up a bottle. "Yay Pepto-Bismol!"

"Wait, wait, wait! If you're going to do it right, then start from the beginning," Susan reprimanded them.

The Pevensies and Mr. Potato formed a line and did the lovely dance.

"Heartburn, nausea, indigestion, upset stomach, diarrhea!" they sang as they interpreted the lyrics with odd movements. The chapter then decided to end on account of overwhelming stupidity. More brain cells were killed than necessary but this didn't apply to the readers who STOPPED READING!!! Of course, they wouldn't be called readers anymore because they stopped reading…let's just call them platypusbears.

A/N: iheartmwpp: Wow. We have issues.

Raven: I agree completely. 4, 8, 15, 16, 23, 42!! BEWARE THE NUMBERS!!!

iheartmwpp: (quoting Helena Bonham Carter in two different movies) Nothing's gonna harm you…not while I'm around…I killed Sirius Black!

Raven: I like potatoes.

iheartmwpp: We use potatoes far too much as jokes in this story.

Raven: Hey? Guess what?

iheartmwpp: What?

Raven: Potato!

iheartmwpp: Haha…that was a good one. Original yet classic.

Raven: My cabbages!

iheartmwpp: This author's note has no coherent train of thought!

Raven: Burma!

iheartmwpp: What'd you say Burma for?

Raven: I panicked.

iheartmwpp: Oh, intercourse the penguin!

Raven: Exactly.